Desperate to be a Eunuch

[Danya]

Dear Tugon,

My thoughts are with you as you move through this next stage of your life. It sounds like you have the right attitude and I'm glad you are taking time to take care of yourself.

Hugs,
Danya

[houndstooth]

I've read your posts for years, and only registered recently so I could share thoughts with people whose shoulders I've peeked over anonymously.

All my most heartfelt & best wishes go out to you today, tug, although you don't know me from any stranger on the street. And I'm sure there are more unspoken/unwritten/unposted thoughts just like this.

[tugon]

Sometimes it just hits me how different I am without T. Last night I made dinner, set the table using a nice table cloth but not the Irish linen, and after dinner enjoyed cleaning up. As I was cleaning up and loading the dishwasher I looked out at my dining area and living room. I realized how important home had become for me.

A sense of peace settled in as I looked at the art on the walls. The connection with ancestors as I imagined them using the antiques that are now in my care for the next family recipients. Glass lamps that were made generations ago here in my hometown. All of these things have surrounded me and made our apartment feel like home.

This sense of home, my joy in preparing meals and new interior design interests for me have developed since my loss of T. I certainly know others who have the same attitudes I now have as intact males. For me it just hit me last night how deep those feelings are. It is not that things are important to me but the connections I have with others by having them.

The pots I used to cook in I originally bought for the time Brian and I would be together. Even though that never happened I could remember the hope I felt and the dreams we shared. I used some salt and olive oil that Arturo left behind for me. Of course sharing the meal and conversation with a friend is most enjoyable.

If my home is a reflection of me I like what I see. I am glad to be a eunuch and to be so full of feelings. Each passing year I find a deeper eunuch peace. Peace be to all.

[houndstooth]

Nice thoughts, and maybe a little bit melancholy at this time of year. But then autumn always did bring that out in me when DST hit. Our lives aren't about things, but about people, our connections to them and our place in the world, as you say here.

Even though I don't think I say it enough, I appreciate you & Danya & Uncle Flo & Mac & everybody else here. It's the people who make EA what it is and I feel less alone in the world just knowing other folks share a common interest & insights. And after all of these years not taking the last step in removing these two little troublesome trifles, I'm looking into a doctor to complete what I should have done years ago now that I can afford it.

Let the countdown begin! Cheers.

[tugon]

Thank you houndstooth for the kind words. Yes the EA is a great family and I am glad you are a member. You mentioned melancholy but I was writing more from amazement for where I am today compared to where I was when castrated. I celebrate my days as a eunuch.

I hope when you become a eunuch it will be as good for you. Please remember we will be here for you afterwards. Some experience bumps in the road while adjusting and if any of mine or others experiences can help smooth the way your EA family is willing to help.