Decision made this morning: eunuch to be!

[BudleyBare]

...One question, "Are you going to use any testosterone supplementation or are you planning to try things without it?"....

I intend to avoid HRT if possible, including the T part of it. The doctor has documented my pre-harvest baseline numbers for everything that can be documented via blood lab tests as well as bone density scan. Calcium supplementation is not part of my definition of HRT, however, and we will be watching that very closely because of my concern about osteoporosis.

My intention/desire to avoid HRT does not mean that I will do something really stupid. If the need is real and significant, or causing risk, then the matter will go back on the table for discussion with my doctor.

One side issue that has come from this part of my research is finding a good AND consistent definition of what a hormone is and what it really does, etc. I find that H word is thrown around alot, by well meaning but less than fully informed people, many of them medically trained. For an interesting exercise, look at http://www.google.com/search?hl=en&h...ition&ct=title , among many others.

[Sac_mec]

Bud, I too haven't been online here for several days and today is the first time that I've seen your well written account of your past week. I too hope that your pain subsides soon and that you can have your stitches out safely on Monday.
It was very amusing to read of your joke that you'd changed your mind afterwards and it was nice to read that both the surgical team laughed and also took the time to introduce themselves to you. Wasn't that a friendly gesture.
Best wishes for recuperation again and I'd like to thank you too for sharing your insight and experience with us here. You're a neat guy and we all care for you, you know.

[BudleyBare]

Thanks, SacMec and all others for your support.

Saturday (yesterday) the antibiotics were done via IV, and then the needle removed. No more daily antibiotics. Also, I was given permission to drive, assuming that it is only moderate distances, at slow speed (bumps cause pain), and to avoid congested areas (if there are such in the area where I live!) so as to avoid the need for sudden stops (meaning exertion on the abdominal wall). I did drive around for just short of an hour at about 20 Kph, simply to be out and about.

Last night after going to bed was the first time I really felt it okay to "explore" the surgery area with my fingers. I slowly checked things out, and there is plenty of normal feeling but nothing sexual, no arousal, etc. I was very careful around the stitches, of course. I did feel something in the scrotum which is of concern, and will be a discussion item for my Monday visit to the clinic.

Today (Sunday) was a planned outing with friends to go down out of the mountains to see the Da Vinci Code cinema, all of about 6 hours travel, movie, and dinner time. There were five of us in a friends vehicle, and a really nice time. I also enjoyed the movie, but realize that it is just entertainment, as I don't belong to any conspiracy theory groups, nor am I a fundamentalist or literalist in spiritual matters. Saw more friends at the post-cinema dinner event, and they were surprised at how well I am looking and actually getting around. I am happy, both to be doing so well as well as hearing that others think likewise.

Don't know for sure if stitches will come out tomorrow, but hope so. Will also check on the "scrotum issue" mentioned above. I am really glad these procdures are getting behind me, and hope that the scrotum issue is nothing but routine reaction by the body to such surgery. I have had no hot (or even warm) flashes, like I did when I lost my first testicle last December. No signs of depression, but then it is early in the process.

Bottom line is that I feel great, and am happy about me and my life. Your support here via this web site is priceless. Thanks, guys!!!

[tugon]

Sounds like you are doing great. I am glad you spent time with friends and those same friends will be what you need if you do start to have a little depression. You have such a positive attittude and that will help you heal and avoid being down hopefully. I know your joyful outlook is infectious and I enjoy reading your posts. The EA has also been priceless for me and it is because people share so openly as you have. Thanks!

[BudleyBare]

Yesterday (Monday) was day 8 as a full eunuch. The stitches were removed, with a bit of pain due to number of them. I continue to feel great, and most of the swelling has gone down to almost zilch. Regarding being sore, yes it is still there, especially around the smaller (about 4.5 inches) of the two incisions, but continuing to diminish daily. I do get in and out of cars fairly carefully, and standing up from a sitting position is still a careful act.

The doctor and I discussed the issue in the right side of my scrotum (see one of my previous posts), and he strongly believes it to be just part of the after-effects from the surgery. The plan for now, assuming nothing changes for the worse, is to periodically check to see if a hardening into a mass occurs. The expectation, though, is that through time the "sensitive spot" will just go away.

We also are discussing the matter of exercise, which has been an ongoing topic for quite a while now. You know how most doctors are: exercise, watch what you eat, and drink lots of water, etc. However, now, to me, it seems to be much more important. Maybe I will take it more seriously. My doctor is urging me toward either a rowing machine or an elliptical exercise machine, as well as swimming. For medical reasons, jogging, even moderate amounts of walking, and any impact type activity are not recommended. I've got to get more aerobic (spelling?) type activity.

While in the act of peeing since yesterday about noon'ish, I have noticed what appears to be just the tiniest bit of "withdrawal" of my penis. I won't use the "shrink" word, because it just doesn't seem to have shrunk any, but it does seem to be just a bit "closer" to the main part of the lower abdomen. No big deal (pardon the pun) for me.

I am now filling out insurance forms to see how much, if any, will be covered. I have stateside health insurance benefits, and most of the surgery was for other than the harvesting of the remaining testicle. All of the medical bills have been fully paid, because that is the way things are done where I live.

I do not go around thinking or obsessing or expressing "look at me, I'm a eunuch now". It is becoming a non-issue, residing more and more in the background. I laugh at jokes, enjoy conversations with friends, go to the grocery store, etc., just like I did prior to surgery. I continue to get unsolicited comments about how much healthier I look now than in the immediate past. In general, life is returning to normal, and that is very good.

[BudleyBare]

...P.S., for a preview of one comment that I will elaborate on, given what I saw of the testicle and cords removed from me, I would strongly recommend never doing self castration (burdizzos, banding, etc.). It can only be risk prone in the worst case. More to follow.

Coming back to this comment now: As mentioned, after the surgery was completed but still on the operating table, I asked my doctor to show me the remaining testicle, which he did, along with the two cords. I say two cords because the one still attached to the testicle was there, and the cord only from the prior testicle was also removed during the surgery. In fact, that was part of my problem, having had only the right testicle removed during the emergency surgery last December resulted in an inguinal hernia condition on the right side, and part of the reason for having gone back into surgery this May.

And so there are two comments I would like to document. First is that I suggest that those who wish to become surgical eunuchs seriously discuss HOW the procedure will be done. In other words, if you have only a small incision into the scrotum, by definition the attached cord is severed and remains in the body. I am not saying that this is either good or bad, but you may want to discuss downstream implications of having a dangling cord hanging around in your body. There are other -- perhaps "more complete" would be a good phrase -- approaches to removal of testicles that could avoid future problems. In my case, there now are NO dangling cords at all, and no chance of future problems associated therewith.

Second comment is that the cords themselves were not what I expected to see. They are wider, whiter, much longer, and less uniform in dimensions than I had expected. I have not done a lot of research (don't intend to) about the cords, but my reaction when I saw mine was how in the hell could anyone reliably use a burdizzo (or banding, etc.) to clamp down on that beast? It seems like to me that it would be necessary to clamp a much wider area, and thus cause additional damage to other tissue and blood vessels in the scrotum, simply to ensure that the fluid carrying part of the cord would be shut down. And then the pressure required to keep it shut down for a sufficient amount of time to cause it to atrophy (spelling?) must be incredible. Why would anyone want to do that? Well, maybe there are those who are into pain, but that certainly does not include me. And then the likelihood of success and not causing other problems just doesn't make sense to me.

I am not trying to tell people what to do. I am just sharing my reaction at having seen the cords and the resulting line of thinking. My recommendation is never to approach non-chemical castration by anyone other than medically trained professionals in a facility that is ready to deal with complications. Facility does not have to be a hospital, but I cannot imagine a hotel room or a bedroom in someone's house, etc., as being prudent. If you want to kill yourself, why use the testicles as the slow, painful, and probably very expensive approach?

End of subject -- for me, that is.

[BudleyBare]

Just to let all know that I am following through on a trip to Antartica. I have put a deposit down on a 3 week cruise early next year (mid-summer for Antartica, for obvious reasons, of course). May even do another tour somewhere else to parts of the world that I have yet to visit.

Still feelling great. Next doctor visit is this coming Monday for just a routine check on things.

For where I live, we just got the final American Idol show this evening. I never even knew of this show until this year. Taylor Hicks was never my favorite, but all of the last 10 to 12 finalists are really winners in my view. Mandissa, Paris, and Elliott were my favorites. The two hour finale was really good entertainment.

[farharbour]

Wow thanks for posting.. what a professional approach..

[BudleyBare]

I have just had a telephone (well, technically speaking a Skype) conversation with a close friend who just happens to live in Europe right now. The primary subject was my recent surgery. He expressed dismay at my choice of the word 'eunuch' as a label. He much preferred the word castrati, suggesting that I reconsider thinking of myself as a castrati rather than eunuch.

And so after our call was ended, I went to my favorite book, my 40 year old dictionary, and looked up eunuch. There are two definitions: the common thing between the two is that it deals with a castrated man, but the first (preferred) definition was a castrated man typically either in China who has a royal court function or, in a few eastern regions is associated with a female harem type engagement.

And so I come away from this conversation pondering this "label issue". It appears to me that most on this web site prefer the eunuch label (I could be wrong), but there is a relatively heavy presence of the word castrated as well. Grammatically it seems more appropriate to me to think of eunuch as a label (noun), whereas castrated is a process (verb). However, it seems that castrati is both, although leaning more toward a noun. For me, at least for the present time, I prefer to use the term eunuch, but would not be offended by other words (assuming nothing negative inferred).

Any viewpoints on this really insignificant matter?

P.S., there is also part of me that wants to avoid any labels other than perhaps human being, and just be me. Labels can cause segregation or discrimination, and lead to conflict.

[kristoff]

I have just had a telephone (well, technically speaking a Skype) conversation with a close friend who just happens to live in Europe right now. The primary subject was my recent surgery. He expressed dismay at my choice of the word 'eunuch' as a label. He much preferred the word castrati, suggesting that I reconsider thinking of myself as a castrati rather than eunuch.

And so after our call was ended, I went to my favorite book, my 40 year old dictionary, and looked up eunuch. There are two definitions: the common thing between the two is that it deals with a castrated man, but the first (preferred) definition was a castrated man typically either in China who has a royal court function or, in a few eastern regions is associated with a female harem type engagement.

And so I come away from this conversation pondering this "label issue". It appears to me that most on this web site prefer the eunuch label (I could be wrong), but there is a relatively heavy presence of the word castrated as well. Grammatically it seems more appropriate to me to think of eunuch as a label (noun), whereas castrated is a process (verb). However, it seems that castrati is both, although leaning more toward a noun. For me, at least for the present time, I prefer to use the term eunuch, but would not be offended by other words (assuming nothing negative inferred).

Any viewpoints on this really insignificant matter?

P.S., there is also part of me that wants to avoid any labels other than perhaps human being, and just be me. Labels can cause segregation or discrimination, and lead to conflict.

Although I am forthcoming about my status as a eunuch with most friends and family, many folks are distinctly uncomfortable with the whole topic, and tend to squirm a bit regardless the name/label applied. As a result, I tend to guage my discussion sometimes to their comfort levels, yet without avoiding a topic.

Personally, ever since having read Anne Rice's "Cry to Heaven," I just cannot think of the term "castrati" in any context other than the Italian singing contingents of the 18-19 centuries.

On the other hand, my roomie and a couple of others around here refer to us at the Archive as the "nutless wonders" - in many respects entirely an appropriate name, I suspect.

[Hash]

Have to agree with Kristoff. The "Castrati" were mostly involuntary boys who were castrated without their consent. They were made eunuchs to preserve their voices before the onset of puberty. Some may have volunteered because the "Castrati" were so revered; they were like movie stars. However, I didn't get castrated so I could sing and most others on this site probably didn't either, though I might be wrong. But I prefer eunuch. Hash

[Sac_mec]

Kristoff, I'm glad you brought up Anne Rice's book " Cry To Heaven".
Yes it is set in the past and the whole novel is about a deviously devised castration to a lad who sang with great skill.
This novel has so many depths and layers of intrigue and also of tremendous
personal development. I recommend it as a "must read" and if you have some difficulty to begin with in identifying with the characters or the historical past, stick with it. It is a powerful book and a great piece of fiction written with such perception and insight. I loved it.

[JeffEunuch]

I have just had a telephone conversation with a close friend..... The primary subject was my recent surgery. He expressed dismay at my choice of the word 'eunuch' as a label. He much preferred the word castrati, suggesting that I reconsider thinking of myself as a castrati rather than eunuch....And so I come away from this conversation pondering this "label issue". It appears to me that most on this web site prefer the eunuch label (I could be wrong), but there is a relatively heavy presence of the word castrated as well.....Any viewpoints on this really insignificant matter?
P.S., there is also part of me that wants to avoid any labels other than perhaps human being, and just be me. Labels can cause segregation or discrimination, and lead to conflict.

I agree that it might be preferable to avoid any labels. My own take on the issue is reflected in my decision taken several months ago to change my signature from 'eunuch' to 'ballless.' I'm not a eunuch in that I continue to be sexual. I'm simply balless - also a castrati.

The discussion of cords is also interesting. One of my own problems was not having properly formed cords. My testicles thus did not 'dangle' below my crotch. This - that they lived most of the time in my inguinal canals - made them subject to infection and also difficult to remove.

[Slammr]

Although I am forthcoming about my status as a eunuch with most friends and family, many folks are distinctly uncomfortable with the whole topic, and tend to squirm a bit regardless the name/label applied. As a result, I tend to guage my discussion sometimes to their comfort levels, yet without avoiding a topic.

Personally, ever since having read Anne Rice's "Cry to Heaven," I just cannot think of the term "castrati" in any context other than the Italian singing contingents of the 18-19 centuries.

On the other hand, my roomie and a couple of others around here refer to us at the Archive as the "nutless wonders" - in many respects entirely an appropriate name, I suspect.

Or would the "Nutless Nuts" be even more appropriate?

[BudleyBare]

Minor update on my status/progress as I approach the one month anniversary of castration:

Itchy/scratchy feelings: I have recently begun to notice changes in my skin. For one, I am having scratching sensations in my underarm (arm pit) area. I have never had this kind of itchy/scratchy feeling before. Cannot say definitively if related to castration, but timing does suggest so. It is not to such a degree that I cannot tolerate, and I hope that it just goes away.

Swelling: Also, while in the capital city this week (that is why I have not been visiting here since last weekend), I got a second opinion about progress, and it was nothing but good news. There still is a significant amount of swelling in the lower abdomen area, but that is probably because the internal stitches have not yet completely dissolved. There is no swelling in the scrotum, and it really does seem to be much smaller than before (not only because it is not carrying any contents, but because it seems to know now that it no longer is needed for any function).

Outlook: still entirely positive. No signs of depression, regret, misgivings, or lack of support from friends and family. I continue to think less and less about being a eunuch, and just simply am getting on with my life. Planning a second trip for sometime this fall to places yet to be decided. Part of my business in the capital city this week was renewal of my passport, and that was the first time that I have been confronted with a government form to check off on sex. I of course clicked on the male box, but my mind was brought back to the real status of being neither. The lady behind the security glass at the Consulate had not a clue what was going through my mind.