At age 61, I was not looking for a relationship.
I had a wife of 33 years in a nursing home, two offspring and a son in law living in my house.
Then I saw this gray bearded smile at a gay pride parade. We check on each other and care about each other. We sleep together, but the only debauchery is the dog liking himself at the foot of the bed.
Life is but a journey to the end and its great to be able to talk to so many new like minded friends.
Orchiectomy performed 01/2012 and I love it.
Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body;
but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming:
"WOW...WHAT A RIDE!!!"
George2u2 sounds like you are in a loving relationship. I do have the dog at the foot of the bed licking himself.
When my levels first dropped after castration I had a great need for love and affection. So much so that I wasted years trying a third time to have a relationship with the same man. I think I was looking for physical safety and familiarity. Sadly my emotions took a beating. One day my prince will come
Now many years later the intense eunuch need for love and affection has faded. I would still like to meet someone but at this point in life it is not as achingly important as it was the first months after castration.
I am glad winter is almost over. I do not know if it is no T or seasonal affective disorder but I feel very vulnerable when it is cold and snowy. I feel more alone this time of year. I woke up this morning and my waking thought was I wish I had someone to help. Rethinking that feeling while walking the dog was I have always handles things alone. It would be nice to have someone to do things with and do nice things for one another.
Of course in a few months much of the feelings will be gone. I will be extolling the joys of living alone. I know that soon my trust issues will remind me I feel safer alone. No worry about anyone else involved with the care of my dog. I look forward to Spring.
Tugon (two gone)
“Compassion hurts. When you feel connected to everything, you also feel responsible for everything. And you cannot turn away. Your destiny is bound with the destinies of others. You must either learn to carry the Universe or be crushed by it. You must grow strong enough to love the world, yet empty enough to sit down at the same table with its worst horrors.”
Andrew Boyd
As a young child I was very thin. I think this was an embarrassment to my parents. After puberty I began to put on weight and became chubby. I know this was an embarrassment to my mother.
As a child and incredibly thin and very nervous I was taken to every all you can eat event. I think I became a bit of a performance artist due to the large number of whatever they were serving I could eat. People would keep count of how many of something I could eat. Oh he must have a hollow leg. Where does he put it all? Is he going to get sick?
For some reason the memories of my father always weighing me has been troubling me. Weighing me and checking out my finger nails is coming to my conscious mind. I must have been trimming my nails by tearing them with other nails. I was never a nail biter but I would use my thumb nails to tear the other nails. I am unable to remember if I was being weighed because I was too thin or too fat but I knew I was wrong whatever I weighed. I remember standing on that scale and being lectured by my father.
I hate remembering. I hate all the tears and feeling like a mistake. I hate being that helpless child again.
Last edited by tugon; 04-14-2013 at 11:11 AM.
Tugon (two gone)
“Compassion hurts. When you feel connected to everything, you also feel responsible for everything. And you cannot turn away. Your destiny is bound with the destinies of others. You must either learn to carry the Universe or be crushed by it. You must grow strong enough to love the world, yet empty enough to sit down at the same table with its worst horrors.”
Andrew Boyd
As I think about my life I realize there is much I never understood. I find it odd that I never found kissing stimulating or erotic. I have told myself it would be special if I was in love and kissing my lover. Well no it was not special. I watch people kiss and wonder what all the excitement is about. I have felt this way pre and post castration.
I do not know why I have felt that way. As I have posted before I avoid hugs or physical touch. The last time I saw friends from Vermont they both hugged me. She commented that she wanted a bigger hug and I sighed and said I was out of practice with hugs. He gives big bear hugs. They want me to come visit but I do not to avoid hugs. It could be worse and they could be huggers and kissers.
Maybe one day I can bond with a human like I have my dog.
Last edited by tugon; 05-12-2013 at 02:53 AM.
Tugon (two gone)
“Compassion hurts. When you feel connected to everything, you also feel responsible for everything. And you cannot turn away. Your destiny is bound with the destinies of others. You must either learn to carry the Universe or be crushed by it. You must grow strong enough to love the world, yet empty enough to sit down at the same table with its worst horrors.”
Andrew Boyd
Can't you just be honest and say hugging makes you uncomfortable and just ask them not to? I wouldn't imagine hugging would be the make or break of the friendship if you are already good friends. Just tell them its a personal quirk and you can't help how you feel. Regardless you still want to see them.
Maybe that just would be as uncomfortable for you?
Originally Posted by Wolf-Pup
They were an example of how the idea of being hugged keeps me out of certain social situations. I do not see them often enough to make an issue out of it. Being touched is becoming more difficult with age. Letting someone hug me is like someone who has the fear of heights looking down from an observation deck. Maybe one day it might be pleasurable.
I do have trouble asserting myself. Of course that may be well known to many at the EA.
Tugon (two gone)
“Compassion hurts. When you feel connected to everything, you also feel responsible for everything. And you cannot turn away. Your destiny is bound with the destinies of others. You must either learn to carry the Universe or be crushed by it. You must grow strong enough to love the world, yet empty enough to sit down at the same table with its worst horrors.”
Andrew Boyd
Probably not. From what I've read, I gather that children who have been hugged and kissed by their parents from the day they were born grow up (in the main) into adults who crave physical contact. Those who do not experience such early-childhood displays of affection generally do not. For the most part, it's not something one learns to like. Babies who are held and cuddled and hugged and touched tend to thrive; those who aren't don't, on average, do as well. But if physical contact is not in your background, I see nothing wrong with telling your relatives that you like them but that you have this thing about physical contact and hope they can respect that.
Best wishes.
Sandi
I can relate to your post , i to have and never quite understood hugging and kissing, in fact any outward signs of affection, here in Europe people enjoy kissing when they greet you, a quick peck on the cheek, i do my best to avoid it and cringe if i cant it is so completely unnatural to me and I try to keep away from such situations, my close friends all know this and don't put me through it, when I was young i went with girls because i was told it was what you do, then I went with boys because I was told if you didn't enjoy girls you must be gay, I ended up going to the extreme S&M side of things where physical signs of affection weren't required, the more brutal and distant from each other the better, I deliberately tried to find violent distant men who would rather give you a punch than a kiss, not as easy as it sounds but eventually had a long term relationship with such a man, he was as incapable of giving affection as i was of receiving it, but still felt I was trying to fit in with something that wasn't quite me. Now I am older i no longer go with either sex and i realise I am the happiest I have been, the last two occasions I had sex was to please the man i was with, not for myself so decided i had enough, now i am on my own for the last two years leading a complete nonsexual life, i enjoy peoples company and i have a very small group of friends i have known since my late teens which is enough for me, but i don't want or need physical contact, and have come to the understanding its OK to be like this, its other people who don't get this not me, so why try to fit in when I so obviously don't, we don't all need physical contact to be happy, it is society which makes us think we do..
Thanks for your input. I never thought of it quite that way. Unfamiliar situations can cause anxiety and affection has been unfamiliar. Mother would remind me we never bonded. Always sounded partially my fault. We never?
Tugon (two gone)
“Compassion hurts. When you feel connected to everything, you also feel responsible for everything. And you cannot turn away. Your destiny is bound with the destinies of others. You must either learn to carry the Universe or be crushed by it. You must grow strong enough to love the world, yet empty enough to sit down at the same table with its worst horrors.”
Andrew Boyd
I remember when I realized being hit was more comfortable than being hugged. Being slapped by mom and punched by dad was the physical attention I received. I remember being attracted to straight men who would use me for oral sex. I never had to worry about them wanting to do anything for me. I could have a crush on them and not worry about it being mutual. I knew they would remain emotionally unavailable to me.
One man turned violent and abusive and I never had a clue how to end it. I guess in some ways it was familiar. The first time he raped me at gunpoint one of my thoughts were that it makes sense that this would happen. It almost seemed like a normal progression of the abuse I always suffered. One day a friend stood me up and I was hurt. I thought of my rapist and how if he said he was coming over he would show up. Of course who knew what condition I would be in when he left. But still I missed him for no other reason than for 17 1/2 years he never stood me up.
I am still attracted to the same type of men so castration has helped me not to get involved due to my sexual addiction. I am also happy with a small circle of friends who accept me for me. Thanks for sharing your thoughts and experiences.
Tugon (two gone)
“Compassion hurts. When you feel connected to everything, you also feel responsible for everything. And you cannot turn away. Your destiny is bound with the destinies of others. You must either learn to carry the Universe or be crushed by it. You must grow strong enough to love the world, yet empty enough to sit down at the same table with its worst horrors.”
Andrew Boyd
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