Desperate to be a Eunuch

[tugon]

Tomorrow I will be a ten year old eunuch. It was on 12/06/97 that I became my true self. Life is so much better not perfect of course but better than I could have imagined. Just opening the thread to post I was reminded of all the wonderful support from this wonderful community. Compared to ten years ago I am like the phoenix rising from the ashes. Yes Uncle Flo I am rebuilding myself and working to be a better person. I now have some good role models.

I will also be celebrating ten years of not being physically and sexually assaulted. Celebrating five years of no phone harrasment and creating a peaceful life for myself. Knowing that I have grown and learned to like myself. Now I know there was never any reason I deserved what was happening. I will be celebrating the end of negative thoughts and emotions which helped keep me trapped.

Now is my time to live. I have many choices ahead for my future. It is rather exciting and a little frightening. I am glad I have made many friends here who will share their knowledge and advice. Or be there to say tugon what the hell were you thinking.

[Paolo]

My 10 year old eunuchs guard the automatic weapons and plutonium that I keep in the basement. They have a bad habit of smoking weed and drinking wine, though...

[Danya]

First I'm reading tugon's post on how he has grown, his ten year anniversary, freedom from some fears and so on. And I'm thinking "How wonderful, and good for him. He deserves happiness". Then I scoll down to Paolo's response with the 10-year old eunuchs guarding his weapons and I'm absolutely cracking up! Tugon, you are sweet and I wish you much happiness. Paolo, you continue to amaze me with your endless store of humor. Please be sure those 10-year old eunuchs keep a close eye on that plutonium, I'll sleep better. It's not only highly radioactive but also one of the most poisonous substances around. I always say you can trust eunuchs to guard these things. Really!
-Todd

[Paolo]

Glad you liked the joke.

Actually, that's one of the lines I use for the wiretappers.
I think it worked, because the funny noises on the phone have since vanished.
I think it might have been the dildo shopping story that pushed them over the edge.

Your avatar is in place, too.

[tugon]

I had another visit with my doctor. Several visits ago I screwed up my courage to tell him I was a eunuch. During the visit before last he inadvertently triggered some of my issues. He was very insistent about some things I would do. He also mentioned that since I had signed a compliance contract he could dismiss me as a patient. Between feeling like I was losing control over what was being done to my body and the abandonment threat I became emotional. It was at this point that I felt he needed to be aware of my issues not just for our relationship but for my healthcare. This last visit I shared what I had experienced in life.

What was so surprising for me was the amount of shame I struggled with to relate my story. Was it male pride that made it tough for me to admit that I had been abused? Was it that I was having to admit it to a male? He thought I was going to cry and it was not tears I was experiencing. I felt short of breath and had to force the words out. I could have easily run from his office. He was so much more supportive than I thought he might be. He was very genuine in his concern.

I have shared my past here on the EA and with a few close friends. There are times I wished I had kept it private but I understand how helpful care and support has been. I think I worry that people such as my doctor might think of me only as a victim and not the strong survivor I have become. I would rather people know me for who I am today instead of what I had endured in the past. I am too strong for history to repeat itself.

[Danya]

Tugon,

You've been through a hell of a lot in your life that many others wouldn't have been able to survive, let alone recover so well from and even thrive.

I relate to your wanting people to know you for who you are today and I think you're doing remarkably well at that.

My best to you,
Todd

[mrt]

I had another visit with my doctor. Several visits ago I screwed up my courage to tell him I was a eunuch. During the visit before last he inadvertently triggered some of my issues. He was very insistent about some things I would do. He also mentioned that since I had signed a compliance contract he could dismiss me as a patient. Between feeling like I was losing control over what was being done to my body and the abandonment threat I became emotional. It was at this point that I felt he needed to be aware of my issues not just for our relationship but for my healthcare. This last visit I shared what I had experienced in life.

What was so surprising for me was the amount of shame I struggled with to relate my story. Was it male pride that made it tough for me to admit that I had been abused? Was it that I was having to admit it to a male? He thought I was going to cry and it was not tears I was experiencing. I felt short of breath and had to force the words out. I could have easily run from his office. He was so much more supportive than I thought he might be. He was very genuine in his concern.

What is a Compliance Contract? Female MDs are out there and very good in my experience if that becomes an issue.

Good luck and hang in there!

[DonFL]

A Compliance Contract? Ive only heard of that in Pain Management to prevent diversion. I have never ever heard of a doctor using one for any other purpose, even SRS and TRT treatments. If a doctor is forcing me to do things im uncomfortable with i wouldn't tolerate it, I would be gone as soon as my fingers can dial up a new doctor. If one brought up such a contract to try to force me to accept tests or treatments I didn't feel in my best interest, I would have confirmation he doesnt respect me and my concerns with my health-care and also be gone. The only place i have seen a compliance contract is with pain management doctors who might want a random drug test to make sure your taking the drugs your being prescribed and not diverting them, no where in all the years of interacting with doctors and having over half a dozen of them in my family have i seen it or the threat of it used in any other case. The fact he showed support after you told him more of your history is good, but the fact you had to when it was really not much his biz concerns me.

I have history that none of my doctors have any business knowing about but my psychologist, and only because Im working though them with her. My urologist knows some basic info only because she is tasked with repairing the physical part of the past traumas.

A #1 rule i was taught in my entry level medical classes is that a patient should never be made to feel they are loosing control of their bodies and/or treatment, its a basic human dignity and must be respected. Of course, I know very few doctors tend to recall that lesson.. Or perhaps its unique to the school i was in, something's seem that way anyways.

Im sorry if it seems im overreacting but a doctor using such leverage for anything short of c2 drugs is unacceptable in my code of ethics I was taught.

[kristoff]

I am in full agreement with Don. I used to use compliance contracts ages ago with psychological patients. Aside from noted exceptions in Don's post, they have utterly NO legitimate use in the world of medicine, save for patients with behavioral issues (and working in consort with a therapist or psychologist). Any MD who would attempt to make imposition of such contracts needs to be reported to his state examiner's board for investigation as incompetent and disrespectful of patients. Period.

The very notion is infuriatingly insulting.

[DonFL]

thanks Kristoff.. Isnt medical ethics 101 still required? Seems to be forgoten nowdays..

[mrt]

I am in full agreement with Don. I used to use compliance contracts ages ago with psychological patients. Aside from noted exceptions in Don's post, they have utterly NO legitimate use in the world of medicine, save for patients with behavioral issues (and working in consort with a therapist or psychologist). Any MD who would attempt to make imposition of such contracts needs to be reported to his state examiner's board for investigation as incompetent and disrespectful of patients. Period.

The very notion is infuriatingly insulting.

So this is some kind of "contract" that says patient must __________ or the doctor will quit? Or? I still can't quite get my head around this concept.

I "think" I get the idea when you have opiates involved. ie you must not chew them up or mainline them to get high or we won't give you any more? Are we talking about that sort of thing?

[tugon]

It was presented to me that if the doctor makes a recommendation or schedules a test and I do not comply he can dismiss me as a patient. I live in a small town where the hospital has purchased many of the local practices. The compliance contract was the idea of the evil healthcare empire where I was employed. Their practices frightened me while I was dependant on the paycheck from them. They are about the only game in town.

[plix]

These "compliance contracts" are a lot more common than they look. They are generally of the nature tugon describes, where if you do not follow recommendations/advice/treatment, you can be dismissed as a patient.

Dr. Crisler, one of the "anti-aging" TRT doctors, has such a provision in his general contract that all patients must sign to be treated by him. Basically if you do not follow advice/recommendations from him or his staff, or if you do not follow the treatment plan prescribed, he can dismiss you at anytime.

I generally view them as inappropriate. Even in the case of pain meds, I'd only consider it appropriate if the patient had actually been caught abusing them or diverting them. I don't find it appropriate to treat any average person being treated for pain as a potential criminal simply because of the medications involved. Only if the person has shown they cannot be trusted with the meds.

And even though TRT is not the issue here, the same goes for that in my view. I would only require a contract in the event a patient was caught misusing or diverting the T. Otherwise it is not acceptable to treat the person as a criminal.

All this aside, I would immediately dump any doctor who ever threatened to dismiss me as a patient for any reason. My relationship with a doctor would be forever soured through such a threat, and I don't see how any doctor can ever expect to maintain a positive relationship with a patient after a threat like that has been made.

I worked with a doctor who threatened to refuse me medically necessary treatment, and the moment he made that threat I instantly lost all respect for him. Not that I am saying he did not have the right to refuse treatment, but I am saying I would exercise my rights if a doctor wants to exercise his.

It would be easier to determine who is right and what should be done if more about the specific reasons surrounding the doctor's threat was known. Is it that he wants you to take T, and you refuse, and he considers that a violation? (I'm probably way off, but given the circumstances I believe it a good guess) But of course the specific reasons are private information if you wish them to remain that way.

[mrt]

It was presented to me that if the doctor makes a recommendation or schedules a test and I do not comply he can dismiss me as a patient. I live in a small town where the hospital has purchased many of the local practices. The compliance contract was the idea of the evil healthcare empire where I was employed. Their practices frightened me while I was dependant on the paycheck from them. They are about the only game in town.

Whew.... That is some insane weird sounding shit! Look I guess I understand doctors saying we need to do labs (like Liver Function) to keep giving up refills on statins. If your liver starts to head south taking more statins might kill you for example but this other stuff is really weird sounding.

The closest I came was having my GP say that I needed to talk to an "expert" and I just threw up my hands and said I was 100x more comfortable having her best guess treatment then the so called experts I had seen already. I hope what is going on with you does NOT move to where I live!

[tugon]

The information about the compliance contract and the threat of it's implementation was a contributor to my elevated emotions at an office visit. I was looking for insight into the profound shame I experienced in telling my doctor of my past. I no longer feel he will hold that contract over my head but the shame still needs to be understood by me.