Consequences of Castration

[Skopztikov]

Leona, I don't visit the EA often enough, so I've missed two months of information, but the above tells me all I need to know. Gender Dysphoria is really tough, no matter how you slice it. No matter what path one chooses to take, there is a price tag. I identify with so much of what you wrote.

Low T levels have left me profoundly emotional, too. I can go any direction, up down and sideways, at a moment's notice. I've cried at silly sentimental ballads, and I've sobbed uncontrollably remembering childhood sex abuse I'd blocked for almost 50 years. When a very close eunuch friend nearly succeeded in taking his life last May, I fell into a pit so black and deep, I forgot what light was like. I came very close to following him. I left a girlfriend at the time when I realised I loved my suicidal eunuch friend more than her!

I don't know if labels like gay, straight, bi or transgender even have meaning now. What the heck does "sexual orientation" mean to a eunuch anyway? Everyone is the opposite "sex" to me now! You're all people to me now.

What a life this is! It's gone upside down and inside out. Yet, some part of me would not trade this non-standard and richer life for one moment of the old one. It's a wild ride, but the colours are breathtaking.

Whatever your choice, Leona, I support you. Each one of us has our own path to travel, and I wouldn't dare to think I knew what was best for another person. How could I? I can hardly judge what's best for myself most of the time. We have a saying in a group to which I belong: "Stick with the winners!" You're a winner in my eyes.

Greg

[sag111]

WOW what a beneficial post!

As some of you may know I had my orchiectomy last June but before that I was on chemical castration drugs for two years. So i tried it out first.

I have found out one thing though. The body needs some kind of hormones. We can't or shouldn't go cold turkey. It just doesn't work. About two months after my surgery i had to go on 2.50 Premarin to keep things in a balance so that i was comfortable with me. I and my wife are very pleased with the choice we chose. We get along better than we ever have. And, as my doctor told me, testosterone isn't good for everyone.

Would i reccomend this for anyone else? Well i feel the answer is in the person that has the problem that has brought him to this site and to this decision. For me, i have no regrets. Now do i have problems because of my decission? Yes, i do. My body aches. I know i am not as strong as i was. But for me all these things are worth every day i am living as a eunuch.

I would never want to go back to the person i was. I don’t even like that person anymore.

If anyone is reading this and is thinking of castration please try chemical castration first and never do this because of some fantasy. I think in most cases you will find the fantasy to be a nightmare. Not the fun life you thought it would be. So don’t look at me and say ‘he did it and look how happy he is.’ It may be the worst thing you ever did.

So try this out first and see if your body will adjust to it and see if its right for you. And if you're young, try antidepresents first. The younger you are, the more health problems you may find knocking at your door whether you like it or not.

And last, but not least, READ everything you can find on this because understanding everything that you will face good or bad is your best friend when concidering this. AND REMEMBER THIS ISN’T A GAME!!! IT’S DEADLEY SERIOUS. SO KNOW WHAT YOU REALY WANT BEFORE YOU GO UNDER THE KNIFE.

I love you all here so please be careful and as Red Skelton said, “God bless.”

[Leona Lee]

Hi All! Thank you all so much for your care and support.
I will continue to post at EA. This is very helpful .We all have our struggles and EA is my cyber family. Leona lives inside of me and I love everything about her. I'm doing OK . Thank's again, Leona

[Jesus]

I want to apologize to both Sag111 and Leona Lee for accidentally deleting their posts. I clicked "validate" for both on the Moderator Panel and they both went up in smoke. Both posts were positive responses to Skoptzikov's post and were very well-written items.

[talula]

Well we know now not to let Jesus near the big Red Button that says "Start Thermo-Nuclear War".

heheheh

tal

[Dayhunter]

I suppose this has been touched on before but I don't remember all the posts I've read. Being as I'm an old fart I took part in a study on aging, cognition and hormones a few years back and as a side issue learned that I suffered from hypogonadism. In order to establish a starting level for the study we received shots to eliminate our own testosterone before we started on AndroGel. I would think that DoctT' new doctor could help him with that so that he could have a temporary eunuch experience.

Since he and I are in near parts of the country (I'm northern Oregon) I'm quite interested in his results and his urologist. I'm not gay or a transexual want-to-be but I've had a castration fantasy for years. I have an active hetro sex life thanks to AndroGel. It's a lot easier for me to use the gel than to take shots or pills not to mention easier on my liver and kidneys.

[Eunuchist]

As publishing personal stories of castrations is an important part of this thread, I thought it would be nice to supply it with additional personal accounts posted on the Internet. I found some relevant examples on Dr. Spector's website. All of the accounts are authentic and contact details of the respondants can be obtained by contacting Dr. Spector directly. At least two of the authors happen to be active members of the archive.

Thus, we begin with a summary of first hand accounts posted on the http://www.felixspector.com/. Unfortunately these, as well as a link to Jeff's important eunuch pages, and an article about history of castration, were removed after an update of Spector's website (due to Doc's retirement). I represent a remote copy of the stories accessible from google's cache of the earlier version of the site:

http://www.felixspector.com/testamonials.htm

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Personal Accounts From Patients:

The following accounts were reported by patients who underwent castration under the care of Dr. Felix Spector. Only the initials and location of residence of each individual are listed for the purposes of privacy, however some are willing to discuss their experience and can be contacted.

U.H. from Germany

I am a 33 year old male, living in Germany and as long as I can remember I had a libido that was too strong. I cannot recall how many psychologists I had seen, but the result was the same - they did not help my condition. In September 1999 I began chemical castration, but had to stop because of side effects. I then began to search for a doctor to perform castration.

I discovered Dr. Spector while searching on the web. I contacted him by email and had many conversations with him. He answered all of my questions and after thinking it over I made an appointment. I asked if a friend could also come with me, and the doctor agreed.

After arriving in Philadelphia at 9:30 PM, I met Dr. Spector. I discovered that he was a friendly person. I went to his office the next morning and he took us on a tour of Philadelphia. I never experienced such wonderful treatment.

The next day was my surgery and I arrived at his office at 2 PM. Everything was covered in a sterile setting and I met his nurse and assistant. After signing a waiver and paying my bill I was prepared for surgery. I undressed and got on the surgery table. The entire genital region was covered in a solution that killed any bacteria. He gave me 2 shots (right and left side of the scrotum). After everything was numb he started surgery. During the course of surgery, which was a couple of hours, everyone took very good care of me. After the surgery was completed I was bandaged and was able to walk to my bed and breakfast hotel. It was only a 3 minute walk from his office. I only needed 1 pain pill that the doctor had supplied me.

For the following 4 days, Dr. Spector inspected the wound and changed the bandages daily. On the 4th day after surgery I left Philadelphia with tears in my eyes. I still miss Dr. Spector.

I would be glad to discuss this with anyone who wants to talk to me personally. Dr. Spector has my email and phone number.

S.C. (California, U.S.A.)

When I first heard the voice of Dr. Spector over the phone. I know that my life long goal of becoming a eunuch is about to come true. In the months leading to our meeting, Dr. Spector and I kept in touch with each other via e-mail to answer the endless questions that I have. I was excited and yet apprehensive about the up coming operation, had I made the right decision? is my surgery be as painless as Dr Spector said it would? I wasn't sure but I will found out soon.

Philadelphia is a city that fill to the rim with history and culture. The sight and sound of the city overwhelmed me as I walked its street. It has a flavor that's unmatched by other cities. To many people, one Thursday morning at the end of July on 1999 was just another workaday. To me, it was a changing point in my life as I knocked on Dr. Spector's front door.

When he opened the door, all my apprehension gone away as I cast my eyes on the gentle doctor. His knowledge and skills put me at ease. His thoughtfulness and respect made me feel at home.

The operation lasted about ninety minutes and true to his words I felt no pain during and after the surgery. A minor bleeding afterward was taking care of promptly and properly by Dr. Spector.

For the next three days, I return to his office to have my dressing changed and monitored my progress. On the day I return home my healing had already begun and as I hugged him goodbye at the airport, I knew I will missed this gentleman, and I did. We stay in touch with each other though e-mail. I kept him on top of my progress of healing and he give pointers on what to expect of my new changes.

A month later I returned to Philadelphia to have my sutures removed. It was heart warming to have Dr. Spector welcomed me back and it is wonderful to see my friend once again. I am at loss of words to praise Dr. Spector's professionalism and skills. As I welcomed the new year and new century as an eunuch, I know in my heart that I had made to right decision.

Until next time. I thank you for the chance tell my experience.
S.C.

S.J. (Arkansas, U.S.A.)

I am a transgendered person who has wrestled with gender issues since I was 4 or 5 years old. From the time I first learned about the function of testicles, I have wanted mine removed, and I wanted my sex drive gone, but I had no idea who to ask or where to go.

Finally, when I was 31 years old and had access to the Internet, I found Dr. Spector's website, called him, and set up my appointment for castration. I set the appointment up almost two months in advance, so I talked with Dr. Spector on the phone several times, and he answered every question I had. With his help, I was able to reserve a week at a bed and breakfast place run by a lady who was sympathetic to my gender issues, and my well being during my stay.

I arrived in Philadelphia and met Dr. Spector in person two days before my appointment. At this time, he gave me a brief interview, mostly to make sure that I really wanted to do this. That evening, he took me out to eat, and then he drove me around the downtown and showed me many of the historical sites. Dr Spector reassured me that the procedure was relatively simple and not too painful, and that he would make absolutely sure I was numb before he started cutting. He is such a gentleman!

On Tuesday, April 13th, I arrived a few minutes early for my 11AM appointment. I paid the doctor and signed a consent form, which are the only prerequisites for the procedure. Dr. Spector sanitized my midsection and gave me three anesthetic injections. In my case, it took longer for me to become numb, but the doctor made sure I could feel nothing, just like he said he would. A little later, both of my accursed testicles were taken out of my body, and the doctor stitched me up. After the procedure, I walked back to the bed and breakfast place three blocks away. I am one of the more pain sensitive persons, so I did use pain pills for the first two nights, but Tylenol was enough for me during the daytime.

To save on airplane tickets, I stayed in Philadelphia for another five days after my surgery, so the doctor gave me follow up care on each of the days. He drove me around the downtown again the day after my surgery, and on the second day I walked well over a mile. Dr. Spector took my stitches out on the fourth and fifth days, and then he drove me to the airport and we hugged each other goodbye. We still keep in touch by E-Mail.

The effects of castration, and the elimination of testosterone from my body have been the best part of all of this. Four days after my surgery, I was walking through the city to meet one of several friends I found during my visit, and it seemed that waiting for traffic did not irritate me as much as it used to. I went back to work on the sixth day, walking around my department picking up chicken parts that the machinery kept dropping on the floor. That workday was more hectic than usual, yet I still felt a lot calmer. My sex drive decreased very rapidly after the surgery, and now I have only occasional nocturnal erections. My feelings just kept getting better and better over the next couple of months, and I just love the way I feel. I particularly notice the difference when I am at work and when I am driving in traffic.

I feel that I need to seek additional treatment for my gender issues, such as getting electrolysis and eventually doing HRT, but castration has made quite a difference in my life, and I feel so much better than I did before the procedure.

Castration is more than birth control; it is life control.

S.J.

H. A. (Los Angeles, U.S.A.)

I am a 56-year-old male with a long history of libido problems, although I had hoped that as I got older things would get better. But along came Viagra, and I spun out of control again. My decision to be castrated by Dr. Spector was something I thought over carefully for some time, as indeed you should if contemplating this procedure. It IS going to be a permanent change in your life. But I almost lost my job from a violent outburst at a coworker. Did I mention those classic southern California "road rage" incidents? After discussions with a trusted counselor, I made contact with Doctor Spector and Jeff Adams.

It couldn't have been easier. The good Doctor and Jeff picked me up at the airport Sunday evening, and we had dinner together at a fine Moroccan restaurant. The next day was the operation. Most castrations are routine, but there will always be that 1% or so with problems. You should keep this in mind.
Here is the letter that Dr. Spector wrote for my company doctor.

"Postoperative course was uneventful, except for continued bleeding. I made a left low abdominal incision and tied off the cord just above the pubes. Bleeding had then stopped on discharge from the surgical area. When I checked him the next morning, there was mild bleeding, but he had to return to work, and I deemed it safe for him to return home."

What this meant was that instead of healing normally in several days, I needed the services of a Urologist. Dr. Spector kept in contact with both the Urologist and me. There was never any real danger of excessive blood loss or infection. It just meant that my healing period took much longer then average. Both Dr. Spector and Jeff have kept in constant contact whilst this healing is in progress, providing good advice and support. I have no complaints whatsoever.

The results have been pretty much what I expected. I am back in control. As Dr. Spector noted in his FAQ on his web site, you can be as sexual or asexual as you want. In my case, it is as if I have been riding this stallion all my adult life, but with the help of Dr. Spector I have not only dismounted from the horse, I have walked out of the corral.

An interesting side effect is the lowered stress. Since my operation, I have yet to "flip the bird" whilst driving on the LA freeways. My coworkers have noted and commented on how much more relaxed I seem to be. I take two medications to control high blood pressure. Since my castration my blood pressure has fallen about 10 points. I have no idea if I am really developing that "Eunuch Calm" that Jeffrey Adams mentions in his web site, but I definitely enjoy life more.

The decision to be castrated is one you need to think about VERY CAREFULLY. It is not to be undertaken without much serious thought as to the long term consequences. But if you do decide on it, I can recommend Dr. Spector and his staff without reservations.

Jeff Adams [comments: Jeff became quite famous on the internet by establishing the castratiandcountertenors Yahoo group as well as building a net of useful eunuch websites & links - see below]

I went to Doctor Spector in October 1999 for castration. I drove into the city of Philadelphia, the trip lasted 7 _ hours and I was anxious the entire way. When I arrived I checked into the local bed and breakfast where I was treated with great hospitality. I checked in with Dr. Spector that evening and found him to be a witty, humorous and compassionate man. The operation was performed the following day and all went well. The next day I received a tour of the city and a historical perspective on the area's culture and people. There was little pain, so the excursion was really nice. I left for home that afternoon (being on a tight schedule) and drove the 489 miles home with no problems. Dr. Spector and his staff are knowledgeable, kind and granted me a wish I have had since childhood (to be castrated). It was the right decision for me and I thank the people in Philly for making it a good time. I have remained in touch with the good doctor and still appreciate his wit and gentle kindness.

In July 2000, I visited Dr. Spector in Philadelphia. His assistant at the time had just returned to live in his home state and Doc needed someone to help him in the office, with the website, and in his personal life in order that he continue his good work. I returned to Philadelphia in late August, 2000, and have been with the good doctor since. We have expanded the help that we have been able to offer and the practice continues to grow.

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Another published account is from a prostate cancer surviver, Andrew, who made some posts about his experience in various newsgroups. His castration was a medical neccesity, so he might not be a decent example to elective eunuchs. However, he mentions how castration affected his temper and blood pressure:

Dear Ed:

Thank you for sending NIEKAS #46. You forgot to include subscription information on the cover, so I have no idea when my sub runs out and it is time to renew. I hope I am OK in the subscription department, since your zine is still one of the best around.

I also noted your comment on page 63 about the death of so many fans between issues. For a while there it almost looked as if I was going to join them. What happened is that medical reasons required me to have an orchiectomy on 14 May.
The operation was successful, and the patient died, in the sense that my sex life died. But I will probably die with prostate cancer rather then from prostate cancer. I had to suffer hot flashes and night sweats as my body adjusted to my testosterone levels crashing, burning, and stabilizing, but that stopped about a week ago. With the enormous help of the fellowship of Alcoholics Anonymous, I have worked my way into acceptance of my condition, and seem to have developed "The Eunuch Calm", a sort of deep calm serenity of restful bliss.

One interesting side effect is that my blood pressure seems to have dropped at least 20 points, and my physician is in the process of taking me off all my high blood pressure medications. Don't need them anymore, after taking them for over 35 years. I am now at elevated risk for osteoporosis, and take 1,500 mg of calcium daily. In spite of the fact that I am not having any sort of HRT, my body may undergo some mild feminization. I can accept that and live with it. And I have a very good chance of living a very long time with it thanks to the surgery.

I am not sure how all this is going to affect my social life or my relations with fandom. For example, it has been over 9 years since I did an apazine, perzine, or indeed any kind of zine. Yet out of the blue came an invitation from Marty Cantor to contribute to the 20th anniversary edition of LASFAPA in October 2001. So I am in the process of relearning how to do an apazine. I have the first draft completed, and can send a copy to you or anyone else on the NIEKAS mailing list who requests it.

Yours, Andrew

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Finally, I present Jeff's own summary of various effects of castration and hormones, with a link to a detailed story of Sherry who provide an account of her two-year long experience with hypogonadism. Fortunately, the link is still working, although no longer directly accessible from Spector's website:

http://www.felixspector.com/jeffspages.htm

Please feel free to add other non-fictious accounts you may find.

NOTE: Keep in mind that Dr. Spector selected which accounts to post on his web site from the many that were sent to him. We can be certain that, while those posted are accurate and truthful statements, any negative comments that he received would not have been posted. ---J.A.

[Jesus]

[Scottie sent the following to me at my off-Archive address and asked that I post it for him. He has approved my brief note at the end. –––J.A.]

Hello to all! I'm Scottie a full-fledged member of the Eunuch Archive. I have been a member for 10 years or so. I found the site and BMEZine and I found it fascinating. In fact the pictures, the stories, the ideas, all turnned me on and made me hot!

I was in my forties then and I there was nothing I didn't like about those sites. I learned a lot from those pages.

As a teen I was horney 24/7, 365 days a year. I had many beautiful girl friends and I married a beautiful girl. I wanted to have sex 10 times a day or maybe even 20 times a day. My legs and arms always burrned with desire and heat! My mind was always on sex-sex-sex. I sometimes would masturbate and have relations twice a day. I was only satsified for brief periods of time, and when I was sleeping. I even masturbated in my bed with my beautiful wife right next to me. I made her raw, as she would tell me when we where divorced. My drive was constant. IT DROVE ME NUTS! When I realized that there where others like me, when I realized that if I could rid myself of my testicles I would feel relief. I was very happy.

I tired banding, I tried electrical current, I tried hitting them, smashing them, and nothing ever killed those bastards... nothing. I finally came to the conclusion that I better get off those sites before I did something I'd regret. I left the sites for 2 years for the first time and 1 year the second time. In that time we were blessed with 2 children. We had a son and a daughter.

Shortly thereafter, I had a vasectomy so I could fuck my brains out, for the calling was so powerful. After I had my vasectomy, I found that I even liked sex more than before. The desire did not go away it became more intense. Eventually I returned to the sites and kept a notebook of all the information that I liked to look over and to dream about.

My children where growing up and going off to college, My wife was already becoming estranged, due to her midlife crisis. I was out making it with a beautiful 26 year old. She and I had many of the same interests. She even had offered to castrate me. She was a surgical nurse.

She was the first person that would discuss the possibilities of me being castrated. She told me that she would love me anyway and that if that is what I wanted, then that is what I should have. She was awsome about these issues.

We kept on seeing each other and we kept on having sex. I was driven. I was really into making sex, as many times as I could each day. My work was suffering, my wife was suffering and I was making it with her too. I loved it but soon it was controlling me. I had no choice but to screw-screw-screw. That's what I did... screw!

Eventually, I was found out by my wife. She was going to leave me, no second chances, no I'm sorrys, she was going to leave and that was that. At that time I went into shock and remained in shock. Post traumatic stress syndrome for 3 years. My drive was nil, but what do you expect when all you want to do was to die and be left alone and sleep.

She soon would sell the house, I moved into an apartment, my kids didn't talk to me. I was lost, alone, and tired. I wanted to die. My sex drive was dead also. There was no escape from the daily memories and the daily pain.

The 26 year old found another man and she dropped me like a hot potato. I was alone for sure! After about 2 years, I had a heart attack and ended up in the hospital. After getting out I stayed at home, or went to work, but i was just a shell. I had died on the inside and I knew that iIf things didn't change that I would die for real.

Well that didn't happen. I spent the next 2 years dating and meeting girls. I had some dates on the weekends and I loved that for I could if I wanted to have sex with them.


Eventually I met a Mistress who was looking for a real slave. Humm, I was a real slave. She and I hooked up and become very good friends. Eventually I would marry her and she would also be my owner and my ruler. I was recovering daily, not being alone, eating well, wanting and needing sex again was all refreshing.

The nightmare that I lived began all over. The testosterone began to burn in my loins and in my arms legs and in my head. I wanted sex-sex-sex all the time. On coming into my office on one day, I went to the eunuch.org site. I saw an article about a chemical when injected into the testicles would desolve ones testicles. I tried to get some, but there was none to be had. I had a friend that was a chemist and he told me what the right chemicals where to disolve the testicles.

I then was soooooooooooo determined to get castrated that I had to find the chemicals.

I won't say how I got them but I did. I had to lie and get permission slips from the companies. I decided that I could not get married again or be in a relationship with this constant desire to screw anything and everything that moved.

I also did not want to feel that constant drive and that constant burrning sensation.

Finally a bottle of the ingredients arrived. I had purchased a 50 ml syringe. I loaded it up in our bathroom. My heart was racing. My penis was erect. I never saw it that big, that excited, before.

I locked the door and injected 50ml into each testicle. Pushing the needle in through the outer layer of the testicle and into the center. I did this on both sides.

The pain was tremendous and I thought I was going to throw up or pass out. The burrning was awful; I was on fire. I soon left the office, went home and put ice on both testicles and took some over the counter pain medications. I lay down and felt the throbbing inside the testicles. I stayed at home that way for 2 days, until I could stand the pain.

When my new wife asked me what was going on, I lied to her telling her that all the infections from my vasectomies had kicked up and caused the pain and the swelling. As time went on the swelling went down, but holes began to form on the scrotum. I was leaking from my testicles - yellow fluid and chunks of black tissue. At that point I freaked and went to see my doctor.

I led to him too. I told him that I was in an alternative lifestyle. I told him that a pro-Domme tied me down, and then in a scene injected me. He was real cool about this, and agreed to treat me. He also had to give me some heavy-duty pain meds. Thank God.

End of part 1

[Editor's Note: The chemical that Scottie used was once approved for veterinary use on large meat animals - cattle, sheep, pigs. It is no longer on the market. I've worked on a farm. None of the men I've worked with seemed to care much about pain and suffering of the animals from castration, branding, etc. Losing an animal now and then to botched surgery or infection was just part of the price of farming. Depending on the size of the animal's testicles, between 1 and 2 ml of the chemical was required. NOT the 50 ml syringe that Scottie used. The chemical works by burning away the testicle from the inside out. The testicle gradually disolves into a corrosive liquid like that which then burned through Scottie's scrotum. All of the pain sensors work fully for the 2 weeks or so that the destruction goes on. Scottie is absolutely right about the pain that would be induced. If anything, he greatly understates it. ----J.A.]

[Jesus]

Scottie's Story, Part 2

I had several visits with my new doctor Friend. We became real intimate, real fast.

I had to visit with him once a week so he could see if the wounds where getting larger and what was happening to the tissue that was coming out. He cultured the pus and the black tissue. I had developed an infection in my testicles and scrotum; the black stuff was actually testicle tissue that was dying.

The doc was very concerned. It seemed that my penis was showing some signs of infection and damage too. The urethra was carrying that chemical into the shaft of the Penis.

I was cautioned by the Doc that I might have to have my Penis removed too. YIKES! I never ever bargained for that!!!

Being a member of the archive, I know that some of you are thinking Wow! complete Nullo!!!

Wow bullshit! I was just married and both of us liked sexual relations and this may all be ended. My wife never bargained for a Nullo too. She was talking all of it in her stride, however she was also afraid that I might die of blood poisoning. The chances where pretty good for that too for that to happen. Sounds like fun huh????

One of my issues with myself is the lack of patience and the compulsivity that I do in a moment of heat or passion. My mind blanks out and my "Dick Brain" clicks in!

In retrospect, I did the Androcur thing. I also used Premarin, heavy doses, to kill my libido. The issue wasn't that it didn't work; the issue was I didn't want to wait around until it did.

I now know what that impatience and my sexual heat almost killed me. I also now know that once we have the desire to be castrated, and to have no libido, no balls, no penis, I now know that, sometime, somewhere in your life, you will try and have them removed.

I read an article about the statistics. It said that if you have a castration fantasy that there is more than a 50% chance of you having yourself castrated. I agree with that.

So it was doctors visits at $125.00 each visit, medications, antibiotics, hot baths, and I had to wash out my urethra four or five times a day with a catheter and saline to dilute the chemical that was eating at my insides and at my urethra.
There was no guarantee that I would have my penis, urethra, or any genitalia left when this was all completed. I was DEPRESSED and my fear levels where very high.

Soon I was to go to see a Doc at a very large and famous hospital. He could not believe what had happened to me. He had never seen it before, NEVER! He continued the treatments and he did an MRI and an Ultra Sound. It was done by a Nurse and she wasn't the good-looking sexy nurses we read about here on the net. She was an average looking person and I didn't get turned on at all. Nada!


She rubbed the gel on my Penis and balls. Then she rubbed the wand, as the computer recorded the flow of blood, or lack thereof.

She rubbed my Penis with gel and it remained quite flaccid. (Scared me to death!) She took a picture of the shaft and the urethra into the testes and up to the prostate gland.

Here is what I heard 2 days latter. My testicles where dying fast. One was already dead. The other testicle was infected and had signs of gangrene in it. The urethra was damaged but could be repaired. My Penis tissue and muscles may never ever be able to form an erection again.

The best news, that I didn't really care about was, I was going to live. At that moment I didn't know if I even wanted to live.

It was back and forth to the Docs at the Hospital with the big name at $400.00 dollars a visit. More humiliation, on a daily basis, lots of pain, and the depression was winning.

It took about 4 months, time lines are kinda blurred now, when the Doc decided to operate and remove my testicles. It seemed after 2 other ultra sounds that the chemical had left my body and that the destruction was done, but no more should take place.

I scheduled the surgery for a Friday so I could be back at work on Monday. Little did I know what was about to happen.

Ya know you might think that Docs would listen to their patients once in a while. After all we live in our bodies not them. They may know the techniques, but they don't know you. I told the doc to just cut the scrotum and remove the testes. He said that it would be better to have the full lateral surgery. I didn't argue, as I was afraid enough and uncomfortable enough.

I was in a cubical when a good-looking blonde Nurse came to me and helped me to undress. She was very very kind and she asked me about my castration that was about to happen. She examined me and kinda smiled at me. She didn't say much at that point.

I was put on a gurney and rolled to the O.R. There were 15 student nurses there for observation. My doc was there, the person that puts you to sleep, and a whole team of others, mostly woman, other than for the Docs. I was embarrassed as hell until they started the anesthetic.

Seeing as I was out, here is what I found out when I awoke. The doc tried to go into the bi lateral incisions that ran from the right side of my lower belly to the left side. When he pulled the testicles up through the incision, he found out that the testicles had melted into the inner skin of the scrotum. He tried twice and failed twice.

He then put the testicles back, closed up the incision and then he entered from the bottom of each scrotum. Here is what he found there. The testes had fused themselves into the outer inner wall of the scrotum on each side. He had to scrape them off of each scrotum and then cut the rest of the testes off of the inside of the sac.

When I awoke the nurse that had gotten me undressed and prepped brought me a cold drink of ginger ale. She said how sorry she was for me and that, although the surgery went well, that the Doc didn't know if I could become erect again.

I was still under the anesthetic and I began to cry like a baby. I became hysterical, as I didn't want to loose my new wife. The nurse just held me and wiped my tears off my face. I finally calmed down and my wife came into the recovery room. I was given 3 or 4 prescriptions and after a while they said I could go home.

I do want to mention that at the end of the surgery my doc stuffed gauze into the sac so I would not develop any blood clots.

End of part 2

[Jesus]

Scottie's Story, Part 3

I was sent home with prescriptions, instructions, and gauze jammed into my scrotum to stop clots. I was told to lie down and not walk. I felt OK, but seeing as I was on medication I felt kind of "out of it"!

I had a large incision in my scrotum at the center where the testicles came together. It would have to be dressed and repacked every three days. I had to have a nurse come in and do that for me. They would come in, take the old packing out, then take a ruler and measure the wound to see if it was healing. They then would pack the wound again with gauze.

After 3 weeks of this the wound wasn't healing. I was told that I'd have to go back into the hospital for IV antibiotics. I fought like hell to have the nurses come to me and said I would use a pump to infuse the antibiotics. I was given a pump, gauze, batteries, and 2 weeks worth of Zoson, a very powerful antibiotic.

Here is what happened. The Zoson had me going to the bathroom 5 or 6 times a day. When I ate, the Zoson turned my food into liquid and back to the bathroom.

When the pump turned on and started to infuse, I got sick to my stomach, very tired and had to lie down. This happened 4 or 5 times a day.

The nurses would come in and clean the heparin lock. I changed the bag of Zoson everyday. It was NOT FUN!

This went on for 5 months. Finally the infection died off and the healing began.

It was about three weeks into the healing when I developed a high fever, and my scrotum got swollen. I went back to the Doc and he was surprised to say the least. He had to open the stitches and see what was going on.

Here is what he found. Somehow gauze had been left inside of me and my body was trying to expel it. He met me at the hospital and I had to have it removed surgically. This happened 3 times. This also took another 3 months of my life. One of the times he tried to take it out in his office and all I can remember was the pulling and the pain and him not being sure what was tissue and what was gauze. What a mess.

Along the way my bladder was so weak that I had to wear diapers for my penis was leaking urine.

I don't remember how many times I went back and forth to the doc's office, back and forth to the hospital. It was dozens, I'm sure.

The infectious disease doc was a woman and had to touch my penis many times. She was a very young 30 year old. Again this was embarrassing and painful. At one point she saw some gauze and tried to pull it out, but it kept on coming and coming so she cut it off and admitted me back into the hospital. This went on and on and on.

I know that this was the Doc's fault, but if I had gone to the Doc first without melting my nuts to the wall of the sac, maybe all of this wouldn't have happened.

It took 2 more months for every thing to clear up and for me to even want to go back to work. In the process I had become physically addicted to Vicodan and when the withdrawals came I was put back into the hospital for detox.

That was another week. All of this took almost 2 years for me to be healed. I was fortunate that my penis healed and the urethra was repaired and every thing works. My erections are at best very weak. I take Viagra when my wife wants me. The consequences were too great.

There was no Eunuch Calm, just Eunuch hassle!

End of part 3

[Jesus]

Scottie's Story - part 4

I may have said this before, but if I had the choice to do it over again. I would be castrated. However, not the way I did it.

There are too many consequences that are far reaching for me today. I do enjoy my sexuality more than ever, for I can control it. It no longer can control me. I sometimes take a total vacation from the male hormones and just chill out. My wife sometimes takes them away, when I get too hyper and I don't see it in myself. I love the way my scrotum looks without the nads in them. It is also fun to discuss with women my experiences, for I have changed into a more sensitive caring loving person. I now have compassion.

You may ask, 'how did that happen'. Well, for many of the months I was recovering, I had no testicles and no hormones. I went through menopause. I went through several periods where the anger and the hot chills and sweats where awful.

I didn't understand any of this at the time. My anger was just anger for anger's sake. I was simply angry. I cried all the time. My emotions were very active and trying to balance them out was next to impossible.

There were and are some ramifications of doing it "my" way. There is an article on Eunuch Lifestyles entitled Warning Warning Danger Danger. In that story it talks about how I live today and the consequences that I have gone through and the ones that I am still going through. Just the other day the humidity was so high that my scar tissue in my scrotum felt like I was kicked in my nads. This goes on from time to time. My sphincter muscle is very weak and I have to wear a diaper to bed. Sometimes in the day also. My muscle was damaged by the chemical as well. My bladder is also very weak, for they had to cut out the part of it that had the damage. In other words, I pee a lot. The pain in the whole damn area flares at times and just walking hurts. The scars on my lower belly get red from time to time and are very tender most of the time. I do get erections, but I have to use Viagra or Cialis to have intercourse. I can cum, but sometimes afterwards I have pain where my testicles used to be. I also get pain in the urethra, from its damage.

When I see someone out there trying to get these chemicals, I pray that they have read my story. Please read the other story I wrote Warning Warning Danger Danger. It talks largely about the consequences.

Just about 5 months ago I tried to get more life insurance. On my medical records was the name of the chemical that I used to destroy my testicles. Because of that I cannot get ANY MORE INSURANCE of any kind. Well that's my story. Please think before you act. There are Docs out there who will help us; we just need to do the legwork of finding them. If anyone has questions or comments you may write to me at the Eunuch Archive.

----Scottie

[tugon]

When I became a eunuch I unknowingly walked into my parallel universe. After all I thought I would still be me without the desire for sex. I was tired of sex, the addiction it became and all the troubles that accompany addiction. I have also spent my life not fitting in because I knew I was not male but did not want to be female except for early years when I thought it would be easier to be a girl. I thought that if I did not need sex I would not need anyone and so I would not have to try to be something I am not.

On December 12, 1997 I met a cutter in a motel room for my life altering surgery. I was not very well numbed so I did have pain but nothing equal to life with testicles. He and I slept in separate beds that night and in the morning I left to begin my new life. My first few days were changing dressings after they had become soaked with drainage. My postoperative care is what I focused on at first. I still was having sexual thoughts and erections and I remembered thinking I thought this would be over. About the time the incision was healed the hot flashes started. Wow I had never wanted to dive into an icy lake anymore than I did right then. Knowing the change had started I also realized I had not been thinking about sex or maybe I should say obsessing about sex.

Grateful the desires were fading I was surprised by what was taking their place. I was more emotional and even a Hallmark card commercial could make me cry. I also had this incredible desire for affection. In all the years of having sex there was very little affection or need for it. Touching another human being affectionately was the best thing I had experienced. Closeness and warmth without sexual desires was incredible. Next came the biggest change when I felt the desire to have children. I have referred to this in the past as the eunuch joke. Now that I was no longer able to father a child I wanted one more than anything else in the world. I wanted one so badly that I was willing to carry the child. I even had thoughts about nursing a child. This flood of emotions was happening as I was changing and becoming a eunuch.

Almost nine years have passed and I feel I am my true self. I never thought I could be this comfortable with me. Sure the weight gain, strength loss and memory problems are annoying at times but they are insignificant to my struggles to find me and end the addiction. I choose friends now because they are good people. I have entered into a loving relationship and I am able to be monogamous. I gave up so little in exchange for gaining so much. For me the side effects were slight and it was the absolute right thing for me.

[farharbour]

Wow.... very impressed by the frank discussions in these posts

[BudleyBare]

What a post!!!! Thank you. I hope someday to be able to meet and talk with you in person.

BB

[Blaise]

This is an impressive post. Thank you! I am in your debt.