New member and need honest opinions

[Woggler58]

...Yes, I do still love my wife. We have never had a very intense or passionate relationship but more of a trusting, deep friendship type of relationship. We also respect each other very much. So our marriage has been free of a lot of strife that more passionate relationships may encounter. It is possible that I just want the high from intense romance that only comes from meeting someone new ? I think I also miss the predatory hunt. I know I miss that part of it ! So maybe it is the classic mid-life crises. My last chance at romance before I turn into a wrinkled prune. To answer a further question asked by Wolf-Pup. Yes, during my crushes with other women I still love my wife as always, only the sex with her becomes more frequent and intensifies. I take out my frustrations on her I always tell my self if the other women finds me attractive ...

Your situation is much like mine was during my 15-year marriage 30 to 45 years ago, except the genders were the other way around -- it was my wife who coveted the additional sexual relationships. She got them, too, without my disapproval or jealosy, and without reduction in our own caring, respectful relationship and affectionate sex life. Neither was she insatiably over-sexed from hyper-hormones. What we were doing was part of what's now known as the "hotwife-and-cuckold" lifestyle, where she is polygamous, he isn't.

I've reflected on her motivations over the years. They include good companionship and conversation, good sex, new relationship fascination both in the initial getting acquainted and in becoming more deeply intimate in heart and mind, not just the sex organs. The feelings and effects of loving and being loved were sought. Given her somewhat fragile self-worth as a legacy of her growing up conditions, I think that validation of herself as desirable and worthy is what these extra-marital escapades provided her that satisfied her the most.

Your self-description in this thread finds me already prepared with this analogous account from my own life. I hope it's provocative. Your testosterone level, if high, may explain only a part of your urges, maybe only a minor part.

[Tom Cat Fool]

Your situation is much like mine was during my 15-year marriage 30 to 45 years ago, except the genders were the other way around -- it was my wife who coveted the additional sexual relationships. She got them, too, without my disapproval or jealosy, and without reduction in our own caring, respectful relationship and affectionate sex life. Neither was she insatiably over-sexed from hyper-hormones. What we were doing was part of what's now known as the "hotwife-and-cuckold" lifestyle, where she is polygamous, he isn't.

I've reflected on her motivations over the years. They include good companionship and conversation, good sex, new relationship fascination both in the initial getting acquainted and in becoming more deeply intimate in heart and mind, not just the sex organs. The feelings and effects of loving and being loved were sought. Given her somewhat fragile self-worth as a legacy of her growing up conditions, I think that validation of herself as desirable and worthy is what these extra-marital escapades provided her that satisfied her the most.

Your self-description in this thread finds me already prepared with this analogous account from my own life. I hope it's provocative. Your testosterone level, if high, may explain only a part of your urges, maybe only a minor part.

Well, that would be sweet but I have already briefly mentioned the possibility of at least threesome love but I don't think she wants to go there. I think if I pushed the idea she would at least try it but why push something that could have disastrous results ? So I am happy she at least lets me watch it on the interwebs. Most wives wouldn't even agree to that one.

[unencumbered]

Well, that would be sweet So I am happy she at least lets me watch it on the interwebs. Most wives wouldn't even agree to that one.

Reduce your testosterone enough and you will have little or no interest in porn anymore.

[Tom Cat Fool]

Reduce your testosterone enough and you will have little or no interest in porn anymore.

Not to worried about eliminating porn from my life., it only takes up a total of 5 minutes of my day ..... and thanks to the miracle of the internet I don't have to pay for it

[unencumbered]

Not to worried about eliminating porn from my life., it only takes up a total of 5 minutes of my day ..... and thanks to the miracle of the internet I don't have to pay for it

Lack of libido lets you focus on other things in your life.

[Tom Cat Fool]

Lack of libido lets you focus on other things in your life.

This is true, I have always wanted to be a serial killer but never had the time for it. Thank you, I think i will chop off my nads now.

[thatstuff89]

I have to say, I was concerned with the direction this was going for a while. I'm really glad you decided to talk to your wife in a way that starts you both off on common ground. However, I would suggest continuing that way of approaching the issue - looking at porn to satiate certain fantasies is fine, but if you can find a solution that involves both of you, that may be the more practical approach. Try spicing up your love life; try some roleplay in the bedroom; talk to her about her fantasies; try some toys; try being more spontaneous - every love making session does not have to be a grand event, and the unexpectedness can make up for some of the excitement.

I think were quite accurate in saying it is somewhat of a midlife crisis - there is no reason your relationship can't come out stronger for the trials

[Tom Cat Fool]

I have to say, I was concerned with the direction this was going for a while. I'm really glad you decided to talk to your wife in a way that starts you both off on common ground. However, I would suggest continuing that way of approaching the issue - looking at porn to satiate certain fantasies is fine, but if you can find a solution that involves both of you, that may be the more practical approach. Try spicing up your love life; try some roleplay in the bedroom; talk to her about her fantasies; try some toys; try being more spontaneous - every love making session does not have to be a grand event, and the unexpectedness can make up for some of the excitement.

I think were quite accurate in saying it is somewhat of a midlife crisis - there is no reason your relationship can't come out stronger for the trials

Thank you, sounds quite reasonable. My crush hasn't gone away yet but I am doing my best to deal with it. I will let you in on a secret: The object of my crush doesn't even speak English and I can't understand much of what she says Maybe that is why I like her so much