Involuntary eunuch

[fredbutz]

Hi,
This is my first post here. I stumbled upon this forum while searching for tips on living as a eunuch.

I lost my first testicle (right) in 1987. During 2007 I was diagnosed with siminal cancer in the left testicle, and it was removed the same day. (They take them out quickly when you have cancer.)

Now I take testosterone ethenate injections every 21 days for hormone replacement. My wife does the injection, but I can do them myself.

I also use penis injection therapy with Alprostadil when I want a normal erection. Which I really only use every few weeks to masturbate.
I can get erections without the injection, but they only last a few minutes and are hard to achieve.

My sex life is pretty non-existent. I really don't have much sex drive, though occasionally I do get horney.
Without the penis injection I can not orgasm. The testosterone injection every 21 days keeps my levels low. I do that on purpose to avoid being horney often.

I have gained about 40 pounds and I have grown small breasts since my last surgery.

So hello there.

[Jesus]

Welcome to the zoo! You'll discover that people are here for a wide variety of reasons and that they have, also, a wide variety of experiences that they can share. You are certainly not the only one here because of medically required, accidental, or other involuntary castration. The most commonly castrated men in the world are prostate cancer patients. There are over a half million castrated PCa patients in the U.s. alone – just ashamed of their status and trying to stay very well hidden.

By opening up and asking questions here you should be able to find answers to questions that your doctor has never thought about, let alone done any research on. I look forward to the conversation.....

[Cainanite]

I have "normally" low testosterone. I know what you mean about not being able to achieve an erection easily, or maintaining it for very long. I grew up that way.

For me, the only way I can successfully orgasm is to maintain an almost meditative like concentration on my own sensations. It is a quite accurate description to say that my most powerful sex organ is between my ears. The slightest distraction, and I instantly lose all that effort. Being like I am has made it all but impossible for me to have a partner for sex. The other person is just too much of a distraction for me to maintain focus.

I do occasionally have the need to have an orgasm. It can be an odd experience because it is like I am horny, but without any outward signs of it. There is no erection, and there won't be without direct intervention. My horniness is not really directed. It is instead like the feeling I get when I am craving a cigarette, or craving apple pie. On average, I'll indulge that craving about once a week. I have had months go by without thinking about it. It doesn't really bother me.

The odd thing is, my need can be triggered by an odd turn of phrase, or a strange or new concept. I am very seldom triggered by a beautiful body. Show me a porno film, or a naked person, and it just doesn't do anything for me. In the case of the porno, I am more likely to criticize the plot, acting, lighting and music choices, than become aroused. However, show me a movie like "Memento", where the main character is living his life with no memory, and the story is told backwards and out of order, and suddenly my need arises.

I know it is odd to be attracted to challenging ideas, but there it is.

My point is, you probably could achieve orgasm without the injections, but the mental effort would be too much. It took me a long time to get to the point that I could. My testosterone was damaged when I was twelve years old (fever). For about six months after, I was essentially neutered. No erections. No orgasm. Nothing. Eventually erections slowly returned, but orgasm was impossible. Growing up, I thought hot flashes were a normal thing. I have pictures of myself with perpetually red cheeks. They were a daily occurrence. It took me until I was fifteen to be able to orgasm. Even at fifteen it was a difficult thing to do. At fifteen it was the first time I really tried.

The day before my fifteenth birthday, I was determined to do it. All my friends talked about jacking off. My health classes told me it was normal to do. After school specials said it was what every normal boy was doing. Everyone expected it of me. Society expected it. No one suggested that if you weren't doing it, that it was okay. I knew, with my birthday coming up that I was getting older, and that I should be doing it too.

I locked myself in my room, and was determined not to come out until it happened. Long story short, I succeeded. It wasn't the physical effort that did it. It took all my mental effort. Concentration was the key. One shudder. One pathetic drip, and I declared myself a man. Embarrassing, no?

I've come to understand that the fever was probably responsible for some nerve damage. The nerve damage, more than the low testosterone seems to be the more likely culprit.

On the rare occasions I have had a partner it has been disappointing. It takes all my effort to remain erect. Orgasm is just a bridge too far. There is no pleasurable feelings to write home about. Cuddling and kissing are a much nicer experience. A back rub or foot rub is divine by comparison.

Strangely, I can imagine what it should feel like. I can put myself in the mindset that can construct the intensity of what my body should be feeling. Only as a mental effort, does it become possible for me. The physical reality is, it is sort of like going through the effort, preparation, and exertion of climbing Mount Everest, only to have the journey end when you are still in the foothills. I can only imagine the view from the top of the mountain. I have to be satisfied with climbing no higher than a level plateau. It is a better view than where I started from, it is just not as high as I know other people can go.

I often wonder what it would be like to experience what other people do with normal sexual function. I imagine it comes easy, and is a much more rewarding experience. I remember that prior to age twelve, if someone touched me there, it was a powerful sensation. I remember just shaking myself off after peeing could trigger a sensation like lightning through my whole body. As an adult, I've never experienced that "rocked to the core" feeling people describe when talking about sex.

Only in my mind is it achievable.

I guess that's me. Cainanite, the Zen Buddhist master of masturbation.

For me, it is all meditation, not manipulation.

[mrt]

Its such a double standard. When women lose their Ovaries they don't go into shame mode. Its so.... dumb.

[Uncle Flo]

Well...........some women do become depressed and feel ashamed after a complete hysterectomy causing a great deal of anger and resentment which sometimes lasts a lifetime. --FLO--

[nullorchis]

Fred have you tried the testosterone gel.
Applied once a day it can eliminate the highs and lows of T that you can have with the injections.

What about a penis pump for erections instead of injections?
They will get you up regardless of your mood .
Of course, sexual urges, feelings, and activities are mostly tied to the brain, not the groin.
Once it is up, the rest is up to your mind and emotions.
A little video stimulation might help .

[jako9999]

Hello
I will second the Testim gel ive been on it now for 6 months and i use half a tube a day its a pain to use but works well I am in total control I only use half becaus I like the low T but when I started out I put far to much on and after 10 days got the morning rise at 5am and it didnt go down till 10am god it hurt never again I soon reduced the dose. Ive had one sustenon jab and am going to try it again just to see because it makes life easy but I do like the control and the effects of the gel. So good luck there are lots of good freinds on here and every one understands.
Thanks

[unencumbered]

Hello
...I am in total control ...
Thanks

Absolutely, from my experience. I am on HRT, which has increased my stamina, warded off depression and increased my ability to have sex but now I am in control since my diminished libido is not in control of me.

[fredbutz]

The gel didn't work for me. I tried it for 4 months before going on the injection.

[DavidB]

you might want to try the androgel pump, some people respond better to that then the testim, I became a eunuch about 4 months ago and have had little to no desire for sex, and that has worked out well for me. so I guess i might not be much help but you might want to try viagra

[TakeThem]

Your Testosterone Level is very low. Have you seen an endocrinologist? I take Test cypionate which is very similar to ethenate Dr has been adjusting my dose since surgery I'm currently prescribed .8 cc a week. Both Ethenate and cypionate are only active in your system for 14 days.