Quick update

[Danya]

My intent has been not to post on EA because my life is moving in new directions and I haven't had much of anything new to write about.

Two things just happened today that I want to share with this very supportive community. In order of importance:

1. Those who you who have read my 'My Life' thread know that I attempted to reconnect with my only niece. She wrote that she needed a few weeks to see how she felt and if we should proceed at all. For several weeks, I've been waiting patiently for her answer and even thought she might not write again. Today she sent a wonderful email and even signed it 'Love, 'R''.
She and I always got along terrifically during her childhood and teen years. We were on the same wavelength on so many things. I am very hopeful that we can renew an ongoing relationship. I am thrilled about the possibility!

2. Although I would prefer a 'permanent' job, I just accepted a one-year contract opportunity in suburban Cleveland, OH. I will start work on July 11. With an improving but ongoing pelvic pain issue, I will make the trip in stages of about 120 miles a day. I had hoped my move from Chicago to Minneapolis/Saint Paul would be my last, but I've been unemployed 8 months and both want and need to get back to work. By the time the new job starts, I will have been out of work nearly two of the last three years. I'm excited about this new opportunity, but a little apprehensive about the move and starting a new job, too.

The unfortunate part of all this is that I will be unable to attend the Midwest MoM this year.

Best wishes to everyone,
Danya

[Uncle Flo]

All in all, good news. I am pleased that you have reconnected with your niece. As for not attending the MoM, you have given us a reminder that "she has a life too". I was looking forward to seeing you again but I am sure I will have another chance in the future. All the best, --FLO--

[kristoff]

Do give a call if you get the chance. Offer is still open to burn a cow on my grill this weekend, or visit a nearby establishment! Should be a calm weekend for the rest of us. I suppose you'll be packing!

K

[butterflyjack]

This is all great news, Danya...for a lovely person who deserves it. Please keep in touch..I've heard good things about Cleveland...smooches Jackie

[Danya]

All in all, good news. I am pleased that you have reconnected with your niece. As for not attending the MoM, you have given us a reminder that "she has a life too". I was looking forward to seeing you again but I am sure I will have another chance in the future. All the best, --FLO--

I was thinking today that I nearly held on here in Minnesota for the 2012 MoM. Just about a month to go. I was looking forward to seeing you, too, and meeting new folks. Thanks for the good wishes!

Do give a call if you get the chance. Offer is still open to burn a cow on my grill this weekend, or visit a nearby establishment! Should be a calm weekend for the rest of us. I suppose you'll be packing!

K

I will start packing tomorrow (Wednesday). It shouldn't take that long, since everything I own can fit in my car. I will call you!

This is all great news, Danya...for a lovely person who deserves it. Please keep in touch..I've heard good things about Cleveland...smooches Jackie

Thanks for your kind words! I will try to post occasional updates. I'm sure Cleveland has lots of good things going for it. I will be sure to live on the west side of town, outside the lake effect snow belt area.

[Danya]

I will be remaining in the Twin Cities after all, at least for now. I'd consider opportunities in nearby metros outside the Twin Cities.

Last night I was in a lot of pain again. Today I tried driving 40 miles and that was becoming a problem. After nearly 7 months of seeing improvements in my spasming pelvic muscles, I cannot risk going even part way back to where I was pain-wise in November. With contract jobs, if a client perceives that your work may be impaired they may easily let you go in an instant.

I'm feeling very discouraged right now by this on-going pain, compounded by continuing unemployment. Emotional stress can contribute to the pain.

[Danya]

I was back to "normal" within a day of writing my last post. I am worn out, though, from working on my job search nearly every waking moment seven days a week. I take time for long walks and swimming to maintain my sanity.

My pelvic pain is generally much less than even a few weeks ago. Although I still have some bad days, pain-wise, those are not as bad as a month or so ago. Some days now are just about pain-free. This is such a good thing. It's only taken seven months to get to this point. That's OK, though, I'm delighted to have gotten this far.

More on the job front:

Some recruiters I meet note my confidence, which I really appreciate. Without feedback, I can't be certain how I'm coming across. Being prepared is important.

I flew to Chicago and back in a day, last week, for a promising interview. Unfortunately, I wasn't offered the job. It felt good to get away, though, and the time seemed like a mini vacation. I always love to fly, too.

A former boss in Chicagoland told me he will have an opening in a field somewhat related to my current path. But it is much more creative. I think I'd really enjoy it. It sounded like he was basically saying the job would be mine, but I'm certainly not counting on it. It would be a contract type job, but his company would pay me directly. Without an agency in the middle, I'd get a higher rate.

I'm reconnecting with other contacts in the Chicago area to find other potential opportunities.

I was contacted by a recruiter about a permanent job on the northern California coast. It's not in a big metro area. I've been there several times. It's a gorgeous region. If they want an in-person interview, the company will pay travel expenses. I suspect this one will not work out, but one never knows!

If I am offered a job in Minnesota, even if it's in International Falls (brrrr..) or Tower (even more brrrrr...), I will be thrilled and glad to remain here.

At an interview this past Friday, the hiring manager commented that I'd been unemployed a year. I gently corrected her that it has been 'only' nine months and that for some of that time I had a health issue to resolve.

Lately I've been told by a friend, and by one employer, that my resume is too good. Recruiters generally tell me it's great and that I wouldn't want to work for a boss who was insecure. Hey, I've worked for insecure bosses before and can handle it! The employer said I was a 'class act' and that I would not accept the pay they could offer. I jokingly said I could 'declass' myself, and then explained why I would be a great fit for their organization. One friend, who has been a hiring manager, said my resume was good for contract jobs but perhaps too good for permanent jobs. My concession on this is that, for permanent jobs, I'm leaving part of my education off my resume.

I am tired of contract work, especially since I've managed to stay employed only one out of the last three years. Because I have not been offered a job in my field since returning to Minnesota, I am also looking at different jobs in the nonprofit area and considering other options, too. I have no choice.

When I was laid off in mid-2009, I attended a day-long session at the local Workforce center titled "Age Is An Advantage." I agree, to an extent. There is certainly age discrimination. Some of it is from younger managers feeling uncomfortable managing a more experienced worker. Fortunately, there are younger managers (and companies) that appreciate the value of older workers. The problem is the time it takes to find these opportunities. I always keep in mind the need to make younger managers comfortable with me. It works - sometimes!

[butterflyjack]

Glad to hear you're well, Danya..It's been a long road for you....Good luck in your search smooches Jackie

[Riverwind]

Danya, I sure hope you find something soon, I would love for it to be local so we can see you more often but anywhere is the right place if its a job. I remember 20 years back looking for almost a year, and finally went nation wide, the next thing I knew I was driving across Nebraska wondering what was I doing, but St Louis and Missouri are not Nebraska thank god.

Keep the faith, something will pop.

Hugs,
River

[Danya]

Glad to hear you're well, Danya..It's been a long road for you....Good luck in your search smooches Jackie

Thanks, Jackie.

Danya, I sure hope you find something soon, I would love for it to be local so we can see you more often but anywhere is the right place if its a job. I remember 20 years back looking for almost a year, and finally went nation wide, the next thing I knew I was driving across Nebraska wondering what was I doing, but St Louis and Missouri are not Nebraska thank god.

Keep the faith, something will pop.

Hugs,
River

Hey River,

I've never been to Nebraska, although I've heard it's fairly similar to South Dakota. I've been there and to Missouri, so I can relate. I have a feeling I will get some type of job offer in the next week or two. The job market for my field seems to be picking up quite a bit. Whether I wind up in the Golden State (the 'land of fruits and nuts' ), the North Star State ('mosquito supplier to the free world' ) or someplace else, it will be so good to be working again.

Thanks to both River and Jackie for your encouraging words!

Hugs,
Danya

Now I am going to do something unusual. Take the rest of the evening off. I need to be relaxed for the two interviews I have tomorrow.

[Danya]

I'm finally accepting that my pelvic pain is probably going to be with me for much of my life. I have some very good days that are nearly pain free. Then there the other days. I'm learning how to increase the number of good days. I have to limit certain activities that I used to enjoy and work within other limitations. Like how much I drive.

It's been difficult for me to cope with this pain that is essentially a chronic illness. By not accepting this reality, I have made the situation more difficult. At times, I've skimped on my physical therapy exercises because I seemed to be improving. Several times, I've seen that this was a mistake. After 10 months of pain, though, the best thing for me to do is learn how I can best live with this. I remain hopeful that I will see further improvement. Maybe one day, in the not too distant future, I will have figured out the best means to manage my pain. It will be through trial and error, but might lead to relatively pain free living.

Living with chronic pain is affecting my job search and, perhaps, my performance at interviews. I'm learning how to best manage interviews while in pain. After reading an account of women living and working while dealing with chronic autoimmune diseases, I better understand how fear and anger about one's condition are normal. What I need to do is accept my fear and concern while realizing I can get beyond them. One writer described this as becoming the 'warrior woman.'

In many ways, this is like transitioning genders. I had to push beyond my fears to get to where I needed to be. I was able to do that. This gives me confidence that I can do it again under new circumstances.

[Danya]

Still no positive news on the job front. I was turned down for 4 of the 5 permament jobs I was waiting on. I should hear on the last tomorrow. I'm getting very concerned about my situation, after 10 months of looking. Even panicked at times. If I were able to move more easily, I would have taken an out-of-state job by now. If I were able to sit for hours, I might have taken a friend's offer on a different type of job, outside of information technology. There are several things I hate about being unemployed; I have had lots of experience with this over the last three years. I miss feeling like I'm a contributing member of society. I feel like my life is on hold until I land another job; I want my life to return to some sense of 'normal.' I want to feel that I am providing for myself rather than collecting unemployment. I am truly stressed out. Yet I always manage a good night's sleep and I am thankful for that.

So why is this taking so long? I'm not positive, but I suspect several things:

• Job postings in my field are no more than 1/4 to 1/3 as many this year as they were last year
• Companies are holding back on hiring because of political and economic (e.g., fiscal cliff) uncertainties
• The demand for my part of information technology is much lower than it is for developers, system architects, etc. - so when an unemployment rate for IT is quoted as 3%, the number is skewed lower by those high demand fields - the unemployment rate in my area may be 9% or higher - more than one agency recruiter has said a variation on "I have people in your field coming out of my ears" - I've been told by several hiring managers that they are interviewing 10 - 15 people at the final interview
• Job postings tend to look for very specific software and experience sets - it can be very difficult to meet those requirements. In a strong economy, employers cannot be so picky,

These factors are why I'm also scrambling to find another line of work that builds on my experience.

__________________________________________________ ________________________________________

My niece and I have been emailing each other. In her last note, she asked how the rest of the family (a total of four people ) have reacted to my transition. I just answered that note, which she sent over a month ago. I waited because I knew it would be very painful to answer her question. Then, too, I wanted to be careful on how I worded this, because three of the four people are in her immediate family.

[Paolo]

Hang in there!

[Danya]

Thanks Paolo!

I'm doing much, much better today. I am going to start aggressively pursuing jobs in other parts of the country. I've been holding back on that because long drives are still difficult for me. My concern is that I will undo the progress I've made in reducing my pelvic pain. I need to eat, though.

[Riverwind]

You know you need some good luck for a change, I wish you lots of it.

River