Battleship

[Slammr]

Don't go to this movie. For those wishing to ignore my warning, this post contains some spoilers. I knew better than go see it, but sometimes, my better judgement doesn't win out.



This movie started out with a clichè and managed to include, before it was over, every possible alien vs Earth clichè imaginable. The whole movie was a clichè.

In 2005, NASA discovers an extrasolar planet with conditions similar to Earth and transmits a powerful signal toward it from a communications array in Hawaii. Seven years later, they're here to take over Earth. I don't know how far away this planet is supposed to be, but since the nearest star, one that couldn't support a planet like Earth, is 4.22 light years away, it had to be farther away than that, so to get back to us in seven years, they had to travel faster than light. Of course, a little thing like science means nothing to producers of Hollywood blockbusters (this won't be one I predict).

Of course, these beings that can travel through space faster than light can't help but fuck up, and they do so right away. Their communication ship, one of five exploratory expedition ships, hits a satellite and crashes into Hong Kong. It must have been a hell of a satellite, because the crashing ship is big enough to take out a half dozen skyscrapers in Hong Kong.

For people that can travel through space at speeds faster than light, the aliens turn out to be pretty dumb, and let a jerk, who happens to be in love with the fleet admiral's daughter, who of course does her part to save the world, be the last man standing in the chain of command on his ship, trapped inside the alien's force field. He takes charge and whips ass, of course.

The clichès were so obvious and predictable that I had a physical reaction to some of them, and I'm not talking about a pleasant physical reaction. There were times I almost walked out, and I could have and still would have been able to describe the ending almost down to the last detail. It was that predictable.

This movie was worse than John Carter of Mars, and I hope it's as big a flop. I will not be watching it on DVD.

[Riverwind]

I watched an interview with the black guy with no legs, he is a Col in the Army lost his legs in a land mine, has the first ever power what ever legs, he is still on active duty.

The movie may be a bomb, but that guy is a true hero.


River

[Cainanite]

I've got a friend who I go to movies with, and such, who when we last went out for coffee, was babbling excitedly about how stoked he was to go and see Battleship.

My reaction was, "WHY?"

He is dazzled by all the pretty explosions and cool catch phrases like, "Hit it!" from the trailer. I'm turned off by those exact same things.

No offense to my buddy, but he's going to see this one on his own.

[StefanIsMe]

He is dazzled by all the pretty explosions and cool catch phrases like, "Hit it!" from the trailer.

I hear ya.

My personal favorite most hated line in action movies;
LET'S GO!!

Which is always followed, prefaced, or said while:

A) Smacking a clip into a gun (usually for the 5th time in a row)
B) Racking back the action on a semi-auto pistol
or
C) High-Fiving other youthfully exhuberant about to do something insane.

[nullorchis]

Saw the movie preview several times at prior movie visits. It annoyed me tremendously. Decided then to not see it. Enjoyed Adventurers though, which wasn't the best movie of all time but it was a nice escape from the ordinary.

[moi621]

Too much CGI drives me away.

Bring back claymation and other pre computer techniques.
Make them really pay for their special effects so it might be cheaper to hire good writers.
There oughta be a law.

Remember how good these guys looked and
how terrible they would look if created by today's CGI standards.
http://science.discovery.com/top-ten...nce-sfx-6.html

Moi of Hollywood


BTW the Veteran with the "power legs".
He is a big man and the extra weight of it all probably pays off in a walk across the room.
I would doubt they would work to an advantage as well for a feather weight individual.
My hope is they would some day objectify the energy cost / benefits of various prosthesis by measuring oxygen burnt walking. Then we could objectify if a power leg is worth the extra weight and how they all would compare to a peg or stubbies.
Remember, real people cannot afford this stuff unless they have a sponsor. Prosthatist push items for profits. A messy system.

[Riverwind]

Too much CGI drives me away.

Bring back claymation and other pre computer techniques.
Make them really pay for their special effects so it might be cheaper to hire good writers.
There oughta be a law.

Remember how good these guys looked and
how terrible they would look if created by today's CGI standards.
http://science.discovery.com/top-ten...nce-sfx-6.html

Moi of Hollywood

Thats just fine with me Moi, if I see one more movie where they flip a car after it rear ends another car/object and it explodes I am going to scream.

If they have done that stunt once they have done it a thousand times, Hollywood is so over rated, they have not come up with a good story in so long that the people that did make them have been dead for years.

Maybe that's why I like movies from the 40's and 50's and not much after.

I mean just how many times can you drive a car down a street and hit another car and flip it and have it explode, has anybody EVER seen this happen in real life, EVER ??????????

River

[DavidB]

Ok there has to be one crazy in the bunch, I guess its my turn. I LIKED IT!

No its not even close to the best movie ever made, it may not even qualify as a good movie, but it was a silly predictable FUN movie. Sometime you just need a fun kick ass movie.

Dave

[Dave]

...
... flip a car after it rear ends another car/object and it explodes ...r

The reason I highlighted only that is that the MYTHBUSTERS show took on the ultimate version of the car flip where HELLBOY uses THE RIGHT HAND OF DOOM (It's solid rock) to stop a car and it flips over top of him. The result is that it can't be done and myth fails.

http://dsc.discovery.com/videos/myth...igh-speed.html

[Uncle Flo]

Now, we should have a critical discussion of the flaws in MYTHBUSTERS testing methods. --FLO--

[Milkman]

I agree the CGI in these movies start all looking the same, with the same results.. an apocalyptic battle which the CGI's lose..*Yawn*

[devi]

Just a thought: Is there a transexual transvestite from transylvania somewhere in the movie? Or maybe zombies? Maybe we could work in a drum circle and didges into the audience participation of this show somehow.

[Dave]

Just a thought: Is there a transexual transvestite from transylvania somewhere in the movie? Or maybe zombies? Maybe we could work in a drum circle and didges into the audience participation of this show somehow.

My crazy brother decided that his children should see "Rocky Horror Picture Show" when they were still teens.
They weren't prepared for what they saw and to this day that they have their own children they still kinda resent having seen it unprepared. They didn't know what Tim Curry was when he first enters from that elevator.

I myself watched GLEE (that TV program with the really talented High School kids singing their hearts out) when they did Rocky Horror and I got to tell you, "toucha toucha toucha touch me" made me squirm with unease at a HS girl singing it. too young. too young.

Not that I don't have fun with Rocky Horror, however, it's college material and even then, only with some foreknowledge of what;s going to happen.

[Paolo]

I first saw Rocky Horror when I was a freshman in college, and "I" wasn't ready for it!
hehe
Poor kids. I would never do that to my boys.

[moi621]

Proposed headline.

Battleship Sinks at Box Office.

Got better.