My husband wants a castration...

[DDNEMOWIFE]

We have regular average married sex, but he feels frustrated with it. He feels his libido has been a major source of his depression over the years, and had decided his life will be better if he has no libido. He wants to do this and stay married to me, and raise our child. My husband is straight, does not have a problem with his body, or castration fantasies, he just wants to be rid of his libido. I don't know if having a castration will even give him what he wants, i.e. to be free of his libido, and therefore free of depression. From what I've read depression can be a major side effect. Are there any other straight men or married woman who can relate?? Who have been there??

[zeebster]

Well I'm not in your situation but would suggest that if your husband is having such feelings, most here would probably suggest some counseling initially as it might point to some other issues. Second point I'd make is that if he really wants it, give chemical castration a try before going for the surgical procedure. It'll achieve the same effect on his libido and he'll have some of the side effects which can be much harder for some individuals to deal with than others.

Depression is listed as one of the possible side effects of low Testosterone and is the major reason I elected to try chemical before going the surgery route. I had most of the other listed side effects but not depression which was a major concern for me, the disappearance of my libido was a most liberating experience and made dealing with the other side effects much easier.

Not all eunuchs experience ED some do, so sexual relations may still be possible.

Hope that helps.

[unencumbered]

I guess that you first have to ask yourselves if only one child is what you want for a family. If not, you'll have to bank some sperm first.
Depression is a risk with castration, especially do to these tough financial times in which we live, when one often doesn't know if they will have a job next month or how they can pay all the bills. Lack of motivation is another. It seems, however, that the body eventually adapts over time and recovers and many of the unwanted side effects are diminished and are no longer as noticeable any longer. If you start with chemical castration, you can control the dosage so that one's libido is lower but not completely gone and you can always go back if you aren't on it too long.

[Arab Nights]

I am not sure exactly why, but my immediate gut feeling is that counseling would be the first step here.

[Hash]

Ask him to try chemical castration first, his doctor will give Depo Provera or some other drug to reduce his libido. If this works and he likes the effects of castration, then he might seek being physically castrated. Most of us who have been castrated, love being castrated, but if you're not truly ready to be castrated, it could be devastating. That's why chemical castration will give him the feel of being castrated without actually being castrated. Once he stop using the Depo Provera, he'll return to normal.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chemical_castration

[jako9999]

He is young to go the full way with only one child I wanted it for a long time but held of till now. I was castrated 8 weeks ago at 44 but I have 3 children and my family is complete. I had a very high sex drive which caused me lots of problems but now I can control it by how much testosterone I take per day which is just enough to make me able to get erect when my wife wants me to which is rare its important for all parties to be happy with the result. I agree fully with the others try chemical first and try to reduce the labido but not loose it all together as it sounds to me as though that is what he is after and may be life will be better. Dont think hes made because of what he wants to do to him self most on here would fully understand him and trust me there are a lot more people like your husband then you think. Im realy happy now and I like my new look and to be part of the eunuch family.
I hope it works out ok for you both good luck.

[Uncle Flo]

I would like to suggest that depression is more correctly the problem and therefore needs to be addressed before any other steps are taken. I also feel that castration, which should never be undertaken lightly, would only add to the problem. --FLO--

[SplitDik]

Actually, a lot of anti-depressants, especially SSRIs (i.e. like Prozac) have the effect of lowering libido and generally suppression compulsions. So if he finds the right SSRI (I used Celexa which worked well) he'll solve both problems. It also can help delay ejaculation so normal sex can become even more fulfilling.

[Twinsenboy]

Can't you just make him proud of his libido?
Or better yet, make him proud of him regardless?
That way maybe he wouldn't want a castration..
I mean, if you don't really want him to;-)

[Uncle Flo]

I hesitate to post this because of the possibility that it may be taken in a way I don't intend it to be taken, but I feel it should be said. Sometimes when someone wants to be castrated badly enough he will find reasons, within his own mind, that justify doing it. These reasons seem to be perfectly logical and reasonable to him and to the people around him but are actually justification for wanting to be castrated when the true reason is a compulsion that can not be readily explained to others. I do not mean that this sort of compulsion is not legitimate or is not a reason for castration, but if this is the situation it should be recognized, faced up to and taken into consideration when contemplating whether or not to go ahead with castration. --FLO--

[kyennamo]

i agree with some of the others here who have suggested chemical castration first. but i absolutely disagree with the suggestion of depo provera. try spironolactone or cyperterone acetate. synthetic progesterones can cause severe depression and even instability and moodiness. i myelf had been on prometrium (micronized progesterone), as part of a treatment for gender dysphoria, which exibits none of the side effects of the depro provera i was once on

[DDNEMOWIFE]

Wow!! Thank you all for replying.

I will say that I TOTALLY agree that therapy should be the first step. I have been trying to get my husband to address his depression for years, he is on Cymbalta right now.. He went to talk thereapy for a while, but it just seemed to dredge up crap and make him more depressed.. and I don't think he really has faith in the mental health profession. He doesn't take any advice or "homework" seriously. I feel like yes, he went to therapy, but he didn't do any work to actually change. I don't think he believes he can change, or maybe he just doesn't want to.. I don't know. We've been to two mariage councelors, but after the fist visit he's done if the councelor tells him he has to change any behavior. He just seems very resistant to change, and yet he's so depressed.

All Posters - thanks for the insight, that if he follows through, it could maybe actually work for him...

@Flo & others- I agree that the depression should be addressed first, but he feels his libido is the cause of his depression... so its like talking in circles with him....
@Splitdik - Thank you for the suggestion. I do think a change of meds may help and I will suggest it to him.
@Jako - Thank you for letting me see that life could go on as somewhat normal... Oh and we would like more kids, but we both agree that his depression and thinking of divorce is making us too unstable right now. But we would totally bank some sperm...

@Twinsenboy - Self love (and I'm not talking masterbation) can only come from within. I am his wife and partner of 8 years, I've done what I could to help him, but ultamately it has to come from himself. I am very proud of him, he has a lot going for him, but he is SO hard on himself, he is so insecure, and full of hateful, negative self talk. Any advice on positive thinking he just ignores. Any complements he negates... I CANNOT FIX HIM But I am here to support him, and try to push him to make positive changes.

Having said all this, after he talked to his sister, who felt he was just looking at castration as a way to punish himself for not being perfect, and not being able to control his libido, and for causing issues in our marriage... he felt like maybe she was right, and maybe castration is not really the answer. Sadly, he still feels stuck. He feels his only options are divorce and trying a different woman (whom he may not love like me (he said)), or just being unhappy for the rest of his life.

I'm actually open to swinging, and think it could help him feel better about himself and his interactions with woman, but he's adament that he does not want to do it. He thinks it could cause big problems in our marriage (that could be an excuse to cover up insecurities)... maybe I could point out that we have problems regardless. I haven't pushed it as a solution because I know his stance on it... but maybe I should try to convince him.

These last few days have been an emotional roller coaster.

[Wolf-Pup]

Whether or not he goes the castration route. If you are his wife, then it affects you as well. If this continued to be something he looked into pursuing, you need to educate yourself as to what the consequences to YOU would be. Counseling could help you deal with his depression. My ex-wife went into a tail-spin of a downward spiral after her father died. She'd already been suffering from depression due to infertility issues and my becoming disabled due to my back imploding. She resented me not working while she had to, despite me being virtually bed-ridden and in agony 24/7. Eventually I was able to get a treatment that gave me back some mobility and I could do things like shopping and such. Never could work again however.

When her depression became so bad that she attempted suicide, I started to see a therapist to help me try and deal with HER. I wasn't depressed, but needed some help with dealing with her. Talking to my therapist helped really clear my head. I was able to see patterns of behavior that were designed to pull me in and manipulate me. I recommend you think about trying it yourself. Even though he is having the depression issue, they are affecting both of you.

All my best!!!

Wolf-Pup

[consideringthecut]

DDNEMOWIFE,

I have tried Depo-Provera a number of times as discussed in several of my posts for reasons similar to your husbands, but I would characterize my experience as less severe than his. Consideredthecut, but ultimately, I only choose chemical castration. If counseling hasn't helped I would recommend DP following the regimes outlined here. Have him speak with a doctor. You can order DP from a number of online pharmas without a script. Feel free to message me. I would be happy to speak to either or both of your anonymously or not as you wish.

Here to help.

CtC

[Arab Nights]

I hate to sound like Ann Landers, but you might be in a situation where you going to a counselor would be an idea. I have done it a couple of times when life has turned really complicated. There happens to be an aged hippie chick who advertises herself as a life counselor and really amazes me sometimes with what she can pull out of thin air. She has been quite helpful to me when I did not trust my logical mind to generate the best answer.