My Penectomy story from the hospital

[YodaNell]

UPDATE:

I saw my Plastic Surgeon today for a follow-up appointment. As he performs LOTS of SRS, I mentioned to him that I want to stop T for now and he TOTALLY supports the. I asked him if it was very dangerous to deprive oneself from T and he said 'NO!"

I asked him this because I read some serious stuff about low testosterone. View my post here regarding that. http://www.eunuch.org/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=20645

So, I feel confident to stop T, for a while at least.

The doc is also very pleased with my recovery. Being diabetic, he is surprised to see how quickly I healed. Pre-op, they were afraid that I might have healing issues being diabetic. I guess I have an upper Hand taking care of me.

I still have 4 small stitches in the urethra which hasn't dissolved yet, but my doc assured me it will disappear soon.

I working on him now to consider lipo-sucking my belly area. He doesn't bite at the idea yet. It seems I'm going to have to get drastic again.

Best wishes to all...

[Hash]

Hi Yoda!

I'm still so amazed at the results of your journey. Thanks for the updates, it's beneficial to learn from you. I do think the lack of testosterone, from my experiences and experiments at depriving myself of it, will affect you in many different ways. You will probably have hot flashes/flushes, some will be more severe than others and you will probably have some breast growth if you stay off of testosterone for several weeks or months. You might have difficulty sleeping. And your penis...? Whoops, I was going to say shrink, sorry! Well thanks again and keep posting! Look forward to hearing about your experiences.

[YodaNell]

Hi Yoda!

I'm still so amazed at the results of your journey. Thanks for the updates, it's beneficial to learn from you. I do think the lack of testosterone, from my experiences and experiments at depriving myself of it, will affect you in many different ways. You will probably have hot flashes/flushes, some will be more severe than others and you will probably have some breast growth if you stay off of testosterone for several weeks or months. You might have difficulty sleeping. And your penis...? Whoops, I was going to say shrink, sorry! Well thanks again and keep posting! Look forward to hearing about your experiences.

BWAAAAA-ha-ha-ha-ha-haaaaaaa!!

Hi Hash, Sorry for laughing, but you're so funny! It's always good to hear from you.

My doc did confess that he left a very small part of my penis, the reason being to give shape to my pee-hole. It's the part that splits in two. The only irritating thing about this is that it spontaneous erect at time becoming very uncomfortable. He suggested that I go on estrogen, but when I told him that I consider stopping T for a while, he was in total agreement.

Fortunately, I did not have any hot flashes yes. Hope it remains that way. I will, however, be taking 2cc T sometime in the near future.

I do have trouble sleeping, but that was before I stopped T. I am using a StillNox sleeping tablet to sleep.

Shalom...

[YodaNell]

UPDATE:

Occasionally, I get this itch somewhere around the pee-hole area. It feels like it exists behind the neck of the glans. Problem is, I don't have a glans anymore.

When I try to scratch the itch, it feels like the itch is on my skin but when I scratch where I feel it, the itch is not there. It is somewhere about 5cm outside my body.

It's annoying. Phantom itches cannot be scratched. Fortunately, it occurs maybe 3 times a week and last only a few minutes.

Later...

[thraddash]

I do have trouble sleeping, but that was before I stopped T. I am using a StillNox sleeping tablet to sleep.

Just a question.

Are your problems regarding sleeping due to insomnia/restlessness. I found after my prodecure I also have difficulty sleeping, even when I am seriously tired, mainly because my legs felt like they they were "twitching", or they just needed to be constantly moved into different positions?

Could be the nerves still trying to find their place I guess?

[YodaNell]

Just a question.

Are your problems regarding sleeping due to insomnia/restlessness. I found after my prodecure I also have difficulty sleeping, even when I am seriously tired, mainly because my legs felt like they they were "twitching", or they just needed to be constantly moved into different positions?

Could be the nerves still trying to find their place I guess?

Hi thraddash, yes I think you are right. In South Africa we call it 'Restless Legs'. I had this problem of restless legs during my stay at the hospital. I just could not find the 'right' position for my legs to rest. It was quite irritating and uncomfortable. But that's a thing of the past now. I just get this pinprick of an itch now and then. But it is not bad at all. It's quite interesting to try to scratch a phantom itch.

I think my sleeping problem started after my stay in hospital. Before, I could just lay my head on the pillow and almost instantly fall asleep. This was not the case after my hospital stay.

I remember now that at evening meds time, I was given quite a number of pills. I found out some days later from the head male nurse that all surgical patients are given a sleeping tabled every night. Maybe they want their patients docile and not having trouble during the evening. I think I got used to this sleeping tablet and when back at home, found it difficult to sleep without it.

Keep well...

[YodaNell]

UPDATE:

My short term memory seems to disappoint at times.

[YodaNell]

UPDATE:

My body is now void of any Testosterone. My libido is almost zero. My energy levels are very low. It takes real effort to get up from the couch from the laying position.

I took a 3 kilometer walk with my boss yesterday. My calve muscles started to cramp after about 500 meters.

I conducted the orchestra today and my left triceps is cramping like hell!

Luckily, I am not blessed with any hot flushes yet.

I don't think I'll need any sleeping tablet tonight as I feel quite sleepy at the moment (7pm).

Still, I'm very happy with my penectomy and will not trade it for anything. It's amazing how I still don't miss my penis. I thought I might get depressed at times missing my penis, but this is NOT the case. It's like I never had one. I can't remember what my penis and balls felt like. The memories are just not there anymore! That's great...

My doc said I will adjust soon to the low T.

Regards...

[Hash]

It's going to take awhile for your body to make adjustments, be patient. Also, make sure you do something to prevent osteoporosis (brittle bones). I had a bone density scan a while back to check the calcium levels of my bones and something else? Anyway, if you're going to resist using hormones, testosterone, you might be in danger of osteoporosis.

I'm amazed that you can't remember having a penis. It sounds absurd, but from all that I've read, it's true. It's true for me regarding my testicles.

[YodaNell]

Hey Haaaaaash!! Good to hear from you again.

I am on 1200 mg of Calcium/Vit D complex. My muscles feel exhausted. I walked 3 km again with my boss today. My leg muscles burns all the way. I wonder if it has something to do with me being diabetic. It might be that my muscle burns out all available energy but energy supply from my blood to my cells are retarded as I'm insulin resistant. I'll test this theory on Monday. I'll take some glucose sachet 30min before the walk. I'm really determine to loose 40Kg of weight. My penectomy and groin will look MUCH nicer with a thinner body. Do you agree?

Yeah...my brain has rewired itself. I really try HARD to remember what it felt like to masturbate...you know...those nice sensations running up and down the penis. I truly cannot recall it. I use to squeeze my glans, twisting it with my fingers. I can't remember the feeling. Even the feeling of banding is evading my memory. I can't recall at all what sex with a girl felt like. The nice feeling of a penis inside a woman. I remember some physical aspects of being inside her, but my penis-feeling-memory is gone. Strange...but exciting.

What I feel now is my pee-hole. There are some nice sensations in my short urethra. I guess a clit feels the same. My pee-hole skin and all the skin around it, has no special erotic sensations. It's only the urethra that has. I guess orgasm might be possible if one gets back on T and prostate massage, although I NEVER enjoyed anything in my butt-hole. But, my penis era is gone...forever. I'm not a male, in THAT sense anymore...nor female. I guess I'm like a Barbie Doll. Mooi-Mooi!!!!

Enjoy your weekend.

[YodaNell]

UPDATE:

The strangest thought haunts me this morning; "What good is it to have something but you can't share it?"

I have this urge to show somebody what a wonderful change I went through. I don't know why, because my penectomy was done for religious reasons which only myself and God must know about, yet, it feels and looks so wonderful that I want to show (share) it with someone. It's almost like an anti-climax. The excitement of penectomy is gone...now what?

It think I must stay focused on the reason for doing this. It was not done for erotic or fantasy reasons. I wanted to be without sex organs since age 7 and now to unlearn sexual desire.

I woke up quite difficult this morning. It felt like I was sleepwalking getting ready to go to the shops, but my muscles feels better. I'm also totally awake now. I hope Hash is right that things will improve shortly, or I might be very tempted to inject 2cc of T.

Peace...

P.S. I'm noting that a newly nullified person undergoes quite a number of emo's.

[Mac]

UPDATE:

The strangest thought haunts me this morning; "What good is it to have something but you can't share it?".....................

Are you going to put updated photos on your Tribe page?

[YodaNell]

Are you going to put updated photos on your Tribe page?

Hi Mac, nice to hear from you. Yes, I will post more photos as possible. I will let everyone know. I looks and feels great.

Bye...

[YodaNell]

Ok, I've posted some more pics on tribe to demonstrate my healing progress. I hope those scars will disappear in time. I'm happy with the result though.

Keep well...

[YodaNell]

UPDATE:

I am off T for one week already. I feel fine, generally, except for still being VERY tired. My energy levels are real low, though it seems better than yesterday for I'm not that sleepy.

My libido is also real low but not gone yet. I can still orgasm every day, if I want. Hope my libido will disappear soon.

I'm taking 600mg Calcium/VitD twice a day.

I take my hand and move it in front of my groin where my penis used to be. It feels strange as I know that there should be something but my mind does not remember it. It's like moving through a ghostly spot. Moving over that spot excites my pee-hole spontaneously.

When I put my hand in front of my groin and move it like I'm jacking off with a penis (not touching any part of my groin), real sexual excitement appears in my urethra/pee-hole. It's like jacking off a ghost-penis. I wonder how long this will last.

Be cool...