My Penectomy story from the hospital

[YodaNell]

Hi Yoda,

I use about a 1/4 teaspoon amount of this cream and that keeps my testosterone level between 120/130. If I use more it doesn't raise it any higher, it actually seems to lower my "t" levels. I think that's because I used this low amount for so long, my body has adjusted to it and additional testosterone is now converted into estrogen. I'm not sure why this has happened, possibly the aromatase enzyme, my regular doctor thinks it's a contributor to my problem: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Aromatase - Maybe if I used an aromatase inhibitor it would help raise my testosterone levels or maybe if I switched to an injectable testosterone I could get back to normal male levels, but for what purpose? I don't want to increase my sex drive and have all the compulsive sexual desires driving me to do things that messed me up for so long.

Just this morning, I'm watching the news and what's the big story of the day? Dominique Strauss-Kahn, 62, was arrested on charges of a criminal sex act, attempted rape and unlawful imprisonment. If it's true that he raped her, and possibly it's not, though I tend to side with the women because I know how men are being a man, but if it's true it just proves my point. The sex drive can destroy you, your relationship with others, and your relationship with God. It's just so hard to control. Now sure, most men are not rapists, but most men struggle with their sexual compulsions. Most men fantasize about sex, most men have affairs or long to have an affair and a majority of men (way more than women) spend hours looking at internet porn. The sex drive controls us, that's why castration is so beneficial, at least it's been for me.

Hi Hash, so good to hear from you. I absolutely agree with you. This is exactly the reason I wish to eliminate my sex drive. It drives me NUTS!

I appears we have something in common.

Peace...

[YodaNell]

UPDATE:

Greetings-ye-all!!

Today I became very aggressive and moody. I quickly recognized the symptoms as it happened so many time since my castration. Every time the testosterone level (from the 't' injections) wares off, I get moody, start to cuss and bites peoples heads off. This ONLY happens to me for about 2 days. I guess the same happens to women 'that' time of the month when their hormones goes bonkers.

Aaaaaaanyway....I think that 3 month 'T' injection (Nebido) just started to ware off. Now I'm waiting for the hot flushes, though I really hope it won't come.

I will not inject Depo-Testosterone until I REALLY have to. I want to calm out for a while. If I MUST do it, I'll inject only 2cc to keep some side effects at bay.

The side effects I don't like is:

1) Lack of concentration (feeling stupid)
2) Lack of energy (sometimes I work hard getting of a couch)
3) HOT FLUSHES

Later...

[Hash]

Yoda,

I think you'd do better trying/using compounded testosterone cream if you can get it. A little bit each day stabilizes your body and you won't have these emotional ups and downs.

[YodaNell]

Yoda,

I think you'd do better trying/using compounded testosterone cream if you can get it. A little bit each day stabilizes your body and you won't have these emotional ups and downs.

Hi Hash, I'm not sure what compounded testosterone cream is, but it sounds like a good idea. It's a pity I only read your post tonight 'cause I saw my GP earlier this afternoon. I could have asked her. But I will definitely ask her. Thanks!

[Hash]

Your seeing a female GP? What does she think of your condition? Did she examine you and what was her reaction? It's very interesting for most of us to figure out what women think about men who become nullo's. Please share your experiences and discussions! I can only imagine what she's thinking. Maybe she's compassionate and understanding, maybe she feels bad for you. Maybe she's intrigued and curious as to why you've done this. Has she said anything or questioned you?

[YodaNell]

Your seeing a female GP? What does she think of your condition? Did she examine you and what was her reaction? It's very interesting for most of us to figure out what women think about men who become nullo's. Please share your experiences and discussions! I can only imagine what she's thinking. Maybe she's compassionate and understanding, maybe she feels bad for you. Maybe she's intrigued and curious as to why you've done this. Has she said anything or questioned you?

Yes, she's a very compassionate person and understand my story. She however, does not know about me being a nullo. She only knows about my castration. She was the one who gave me the vials of Lignocain to inject into my testes. She gave my 10 vials and syringes.

She's a fantastic person and an amazing doctor.

On a different note: I can't get over the euphoria I experience not having sex organs. I thought I might miss my penis, but I don't.

As I'm healing the groin area are really starting to look great.

Keep well.

[YodaNell]

UPDATE:

It feels that I was hit by a truck. I'm terribly tired and fall asleep at work. I've got zero energy! I'm also forgetting little things.

I must be the "T" wearing off. I truly hope these terrible symptoms will pass soon. I need to go to gym, but this tiredness must subside first.

I really don't want to inject 'T' for a while, but this tiredness is HELL!

All the best to you all, my friends. May God bless you.

[graylayer02]

Yoda,

I think you'd do better trying/using compounded testosterone cream if you can get it. A little bit each day stabilizes your body and you won't have these emotional ups and downs.

Yep, the gel seems to work much better at controlling the ups and downs. That, and I don't have to drop trou every week or two.

[YodaNell]

Yep, the gel seems to work much better at controlling the ups and downs. That, and I don't have to drop trou every week or two.

I asked my local pharmacy about this gel but they don't keep it in stock. The guy says that my GP has to order the stuff.

[Eddie]

I asked my local pharmacy about this gel but they don't keep it in stock. The guy says that my GP has to order the stuff.

I use androgel 2.5mg daily and it comes in several strengths. 2.5mg is just enough to keep me from having hot flashes.

http://www.androgel.com/

Eddie

[YodaNell]

UPDATE:

Hi guys,

I'm beginning to experience a strange mental phenomenon. Being a straight guy, I would NEVER entertain the thought of touching a man and things like that. You know...?? Well, I've been castrated for a number off years now, and though I still adore females as my sexual preference (orientation), I'm beginning to look differently at men. I cannot describe it really. It's not a sexual feeling (lust, desire). I can actually see the beauty of a man.

The other thing is, I could never understand women in the past. I never knew what the feel sexually and emotionally. I never understood WHAT they see in a man. But, lately, it's like I have those feelings. I understand much more now how they feel towards a man. Once I had a penis and felt what a man wants, but now, with the penis gone, my urethra and pee-hole area feels more like, at times, like a clitoris that's being stimulated. Doesn't matter how hard I try to imagine or remember my penis, I can't. I feel this 'clit' sensation. Women must really experience WONDERFUL sexual pleasures.

Contemplating on this, I came to a 'conclusion'. Being ASEXUAL in my inner being, combine with the lack of testosterone AND having no sexual organs, brings out more of the female part of me. I TRULY don't feel attracted to men sexually (not yet at least), but it's like I appreciate both sexes equally. I understand much more now what both need in each other and what they see in each other's bodies.

It could be that a person is created both sexes a birth but the one becomes dormant while the other one becomes dominant. Lots of people's sexual orientation are situated somewhere between these two. I guess that bisexual people must be in exactly in the center of the scale between the two sexes. I also think that if the dominant sex is removed, the dormant one will come to being. I don't know, just a thought. Comes to me, I want to endeavor to remove both (lusts and desires), if possible.

Another thought came to mind. In order for God to create man and female, He MUST understand how both sexes feel. He had to 'program' a man to look a certain way at woman and desire her, and visa versa. I reckon, God being 'asexual' (not having a sex per say) is not bound by only ONE sexual paradigm but is able to know BOTH. One could perhaps say that God IS both male and female. Perhaps it's the same with ME and other true asexual persons.

I don't desire either man or woman anymore, but appreciate what both sexes see in each other. It's like I am both. Weird hey....????

Does anyone else feel the same?

Greetings

[Caith721]

Long before I began cyproterone/Androcur and Estrogen, I always said I could have been bisexual, it was simply the right situation with the right person never presented itself. After 2.5 years of HRT, I can definitely feel what women must feel when they desire sex from a man, even though I still describe myself as a lesbian. It's very much the same desire I had before HRT, only much more intense.

[YodaNell]

Long before I began cyproterone/Androcur and Estrogen, I always said I could have been bisexual, it was simply the right situation with the right person never presented itself. After 2.5 years of HRT, I can definitely feel what women must feel when they desire sex from a man, even though I still describe myself as a lesbian. It's very much the same desire I had before HRT, only much more intense.

So...changing male or female hormones (or lack of it) can change one's sexual preference? In other words, can stopping 'T' and/or taking estrogen change me into a woman physically and mentally (becoming a woman), or is it just my female side that is moving more to the foreground?

I can definitely feel what women must feel when they desire sex from a man

Is this a physical or mental feeling...or both?

[Hash]

I've read quite a lot about MtF and FtM transsexuals, I don't believe that hormones alone are what make you male or female. There's a gender test that one can take to determine their sex, though perhaps, as in your case, if a man's genitals are removed, your body might start rewiring itself or maybe your mind begins to change it's desires. I would say, however, that if you started to use "estrogen" versus "testosterone" you'd become more like a woman mentally and of course physically.

http://www.transsexual.org/
http://www.transsexual.org/TEST0.html

[fhunter]

So...changing male or female hormones (or lack of it) can change one's sexual preference? In other words, can stopping 'T' and/or taking estrogen change me into a woman physically and mentally (becoming a woman), or is it just my female side that is moving more to the foreground?

I'd say not change, more like shift preference one way or another.
You can not make yourself, what you are not, but you can shift it a bit (or more than a bit).

PS. Hope I make sense, I do not know how to say it properly.