My life

[Mac]

Thanks, Jackie.

I had two interviews today and I am seeing more evidence that demand is picking up. The folks at the unemployment office and recruiters always say job hunting is a numbers game.

The best part of my day was finding I could sit through both interviews, eash lasting an hour, without a special cushion between me and the chair! I was able to sit at dinner, too, unassisted by this cushion. I'm still in pain. It just seems I've reached a point where the cushion makes no difference. In fact, the cushion may make things worse.

Keep up the progress and best of luck with the job search.

[Danya]

Thanks for your good wishes, Mac!
__________________________________________________ ___________________________________________

With the best of intentions, I am winding down this thread. Most of what I've written over the last seven months has been variations on the status of my job search and my slow recovery from pelvic pain. I will let folks know when I have a new job. I remain hopeful that this will happen soon. By Friday, I will have had three in person and two phone interviews this week. I have a phone interview scheduled for Monday, with the hiring manager for a permanent job in the metro Washington, DC area. I suspect this one is a long shot, but I will give it my best shot.
__________________________________________________ ______________________________________________

I've been reading a lot about Ray Bradbury since his death yesterday at the age of 91. One interviewer spoke with him shortly before he died and found that even at the end of his life, Bradbury was filled with joy and spontaneity. The article quoted the author as stating "I don't think about what I do. I do it. That's Buddhism. I jump off the cliff and build my wings on the way down."

The in the moment cliff jumping and wing building thing is a very attractive concept. For too many years I lived my life in fear. I was afraid of being 'me,' of doing the unexpected and of displeasing others.

I think I'm safe in saying Bradbury's take on taking risks and taking action is essential for most out in the open trans folks, particularly in the first few years of a transition.

Beyond that, I have always found comfort in spirituality and the idea of letting go. But I am not a strict adherent to any religious doctrine and am not even certain what I would call myself, from a belief standpoint, if I were asked. Agnostic might be the closest fit.

Yet there is that spirituality piece ('peace' ) part of me. Books like "The Seven Story Mountain," the autobiography of Trappist monk, and sometimes hermit, Thomas Merton; "Siddhartha," the fictional account of a Buddhist type journey to enlightenment by Herman Hesse; "The Snow Leopard," Peter Matthiessen's personal account of his journey through Tibet in search of the Himalayan blue sheep - and an intensely spiritual journey, too; "I Heard the Owl Call My Name," by Margaret Craven, in which a young Anglican priest learns the meaning of life from indigenous people in British Columbia; and similar books all have something in common that transcends religion. That is, the idea of living in the moment. Not thinking of past problems or future worries.

I've written before that I am getting better at this mindfulness. I acknowledge my present concerns, which I have learned relieves stress. Simply because I am not expending energy repressing my emotions. I go beyond accepting the present by affirming that I can make through whatever my current situation is using techniques that have worked for me before. Like the deceptively simple idea of taking things 'one step at a time.'

This remains a difficult period of my life. There is always beauty around that helps sustain me. Like the transit of Venus across the face of the Sun, our home star. Or the intricacies in a tiny flower.

Of course, friends and good laughs are an enormous help, too.

[Danya]

I need to further intensify my job search. I suspect that if I had not had my post-surgery complications, aggravated by the move to the Twin Cities, I'd have a job by now. As it is, in less than two weeks it will be eight months since my last job ended. A few recruiters are started to view these months without a job with some incredulity. At the same time, some of them agree with my contention that the job market in my field has only picked up in the last month or two.

Anyway, I am now open to moving just about anyplace for work. There is increasing talk about the IT job market slowing because of the financial crisis in Europe. The fact is, from what I can tell it is already slowing. If something works out here, great. In the meantime, I must expand my search beyond here and Chicago. I do not want to move again, but I will do what I must. My recovery from pelvic pain seems to be accelerating, although I would split any move down into stages of no more than 200 miles per day.

Who knows, I may go back to an idea I had a few years ago. Living off the land in Alaska! Or perhaps I could become a barmaid in some western saloon. Then there was my thought of becoming a taxi driver in downtown Chicago. There are all kinds of possibilities!

It is time for me to leave the Archive. This time, I am sticking with my intent to leave. You can rest assured that I am confident in my ability to not only survive, but also thrive.

This site, and many of the good folks here, have been a huge help on the journey I started back in late 2007. That was almost five years ago - unbelievable! Along the way, I've learned a lot about myself and made some terrific friends here.

Despite some setbacks, my life continues to improve. I might wish that some things had turned out differently - like my family not rejecting me - but I have no regrets.

I wish everyone here well.


~ THE END ~