My life

[Danya]

I have heard that arguemrnt, too. Ask them questions. Get them to talk about the company and themselves. It takes the focus off of you.

You are absolutely correct, Mac. One definitely needs to ask questions about the role and the company. Hiring managers want to know that you have researched their company and are genuinely interested.

A person who greatly influenced me put is this way. To be an adult you had to learn two things and the second is much harder than the first. The first is to know how to keep your mouth shut, and the second is to know when not to. He said too many people thought they could do the second without learning the first.

Transward

I have heard similar things and agree, Transward. Many years ago, a retired principal friend added this bit of advice, "Keep your big mouth shut and your big ears open."
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I appreciate the input from Dave, Mac and Transward. What I absolutely need to do is get back to my basic interview skills that have served me well before. Those include answering questions as simply and directly as possible. Even to the point of giving nothing more than a yes or no answer where possible. If the interviewer wants more information, he or she will ask for it.
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I'm not certain if this played a part in all the time the recruiter took to refresh my interview skills, but we both graduated from the same college. I have never run into another agency recruiter as capable, engaged and professional. I sent him a thank you email yesterday afternoon.

He is recommending that I be submitted to the company on the basis of my being a very good match for the role.

[Danya]

Late yesterday, I wrote to a friend here that I have little time to write or read anyone else's posts. My job search, PT exercises, hot and cold compress treatments, and dilating consume most of each day. I'm also reviewing and editing a scientific paper a young friend from Chicago hopes to have published. Yet here I am a day later posting. I've written many times that, on my own threads, I'm writing because it helps me sort things out. Or at least make some peace with the way things are for me right now. So, some of what I write may be repetitive. Even so, it helps me to write out certain things that I've written before. Being able to read my older posts, even going back several years, reminds me of how far I have come on what, in many ways, has been a terrific adventure.

I've had some wonderful up times and so not too terrific down times since I started my first tentative posts on EA back in 2007 (if I am correct, but close enough.) For the roughly 6 1/2 months since my last job ended, things have been quite difficult much of the time, although most days I manage to be thankful for the good things in my life and feel some happiness. By bedtime, relaxation exercises leave me feeling calm and at peace with myself and my situation.

This serial unemployment thing is getting old! I really hate that I am now on Emergency Unemployment Compensation. I am grateful it's available, but this is starting my second stretch of extended unemployment since I was laid off in July, 2009. It does not help much to know that there are many other people in the same, or worse, situations. I do emphathize with these folks, though. I realize, too, that the contractor way of life may be the way it is for me for, well, forever essentially. This is still the trend for many IT-related jobs. It would not be so bad if I could count on quickly finding new contracts as an existing ones end.

That is not the case right now, but I'm working to up my odds of finding new employment more quickly. I am studying for professional certification in my field. The study book is incredibly boring and very detailed, but that's the way it is. Few people have this certification, as it is relatively new. Few job posts openly seek candidates with it. In the end, then, it may not help much.

As I soon found out after being laid off in 2009, avoiding most economic news reports is a wise course of action. Reading dire predictions does not help me in any way. I cannot change whether the economy continues its sluggish improvement or we see another downturn before the current recovery ends several years down the road. The only thing I can control is how I react to events and, to an extent, my attitude toward life. On occasion, I like to read Paul Krugman's pieces on the NY Times web site. A day or two ago his column was directly related to another thread here. I may post it there.

I am attending local professional society networking meetings.

For the future, I still hope to live back in Chicago or on the east or west coasts. More people in my field are working remotely, at locations beyond driving distance of the office. If I can land such a job, I could live anywhere. All of this is a very long view of things.

I still hope to start dating, or at least meeting new people, soon. Sitting is becoming easier but I still sit as little as possible. When I moved to Chicago, the adjustment was easier because I could get out and about whenever and to where ever I wanted. I cannot do that now, partly because of my sitting problem and partly because I need to conserve funds. If I were fully recovered, I would at least get out to an occasional inexpensive movie and to visit.

Several weeks ago, I did something foolish and I should not have permitted myself to be in a situation where this could happen. I spilled water all over my laptop computer! I know better and I have never done anything like this before. I had hoped to be able to repair the machine but that would have cost more than getting this decently capable laptop I'm now using. The damaged machine was six years old and starting to behave erratically. I had hoped it would hold out until I am employed.

In another week, I see my gynecologist again. My last testosterone reading, taken last year in Chicago, continued to be below the test detection limit. The first time this happened, back in 2010, a low dose of Androgel really perked me up. I was more energized and confident. I will insist the gynecologist check my T level so, if it is still too low for a woman, we can take action. I am very concerned too low testosterone is affecting my mood now. I cannot afford to let that continue. It is clear to me after writing this post that my mood is low. I've been in circumstances similar to this time before and I have not felt this down.

[Danya]

Saturday, I had the pleasure of speaking, over lunch, with my good friend Kristoff. This was not the first time I've met with him since returning to Minnesota. I always enjoy getting together.
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After six months of living in Minnesota, I finally got my new license and plates this morning. State law requires that new residents must complete these steps within 60 days. So I was late by four months. I was honest when the deputy asked how long I had been here. She went ahead and, with a straight face, responded with the 60 day rule. With an equally straight face, I said I had been here since April 15, 2012.

She asked if I had been a Minnesota resident before. Turns out that my Minnesota license, from before my time in Chicago, was still valid. This helped speed the process and I did not need to take the Knowledge Test. All of that studying for nothing!

I really like the new photo for my license. It's the best I've had for an official document and far superior to my passport photo.

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Job interviews are picking up. Wednesday, I have the third and final set of interviews for a permanent job. It's been over a month since the first interview, but I am not surprised. Permanent hiring frequently is a much longer process that contract hiring.

I have a phone interview this afternoon.

I may be offered an essentially permanent job in Rhode Island. I like New England and the location is just an hour's drive from Boston. Then there's the nearby ocean, too. I would need about ten days to drive there, so I do not aggravate my sitting pain.

Last Friday, I had an in person interview for a very short contract job of less than two months. If I am offered it, I will accept. The agency recruiter agrees that I must look for other jobs while on the contract. He used to be a career counselor who 'went over to the dark side' a year or two ago when he moved into account management, which is a type of sales job.
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Physcial therapy continues to be a major help in reducing pain from Pelvic Floor Dysfunction. I am pleased with my progress, although I've now been told that it may yet be another 4 - 6 months before I am fully recovered.

[Danya]

I had two interviews that went well last week. Both were for permanent jobs. Of course, I may not be offered either. But of the two, I prefer the much smaller organization because it seems I can be the most help there.

During my time in Chicago, most everything seemed like an adventure. Most particularly somehow managing to fulfill my dream of having GRS. Although I am still glad I had this surgery, the best part was the journey to get there and side adventures along the way.

I want to continue to lead a purposeful life. One where I am working toward goals that matter to me. Perhaps, though, I may not know at times what the goal is. For the first time in my life, I may be comfortable with that uncertainty.

Part of what has helped me cope with unemployment and my pelvic pain has been living in the moment. Not the past or future, nothing more than right now. I've been getting better at it, although I still have to remind myself if I start to stress out. Being able to do this helps me feel very calm about a future that, in several ways, is more uncertain that what I would have imagined a few years ago. I am getting very comfortable with that uncertainty.

A continuing journey will be discovering who I am as a woman who is, after all, not truly a woman. Not in the sense that I was born a girl or even raised as one. There is no way I can ever know what that must be like. Surgery did not change any of this in the least. In a way, I may have more freedom than many natal women to find a definition of 'me' that is more than 'woman.' Just as any trans person can.

Saturday was gorgeous, with pleasant temperatures and a sun-washed sky. I met a friend for coffee, then drove to the Minnesota Landscape Arboretum. For the first time, I was able to walk up and down the rolling hills of the arboretum without an increase in my pain. In fact, my two hour hike lessened my pain. Finally being able to get around the place reminded me that this wonderful spot, though not as landscaped and with many fewer cultivated flowers than the Chicago Botanic Garden, has its own charm. Including extensive natural areas, allowing for long hikes through woodland, prairie and bog.

I was glad I caught the peak bloom time of the native yellow lady slipper orchids, the large and the smaller varieties. As I had several years ago, I got down on the damp earth, under the trees, to get 'head on' photos of the blossoms. Near the bog, the showy lady slippers were still nothing more than promises of pink and white blossoms to come in June. The plants were mere spikes of white and green poking through the soil.

[butterflyjack]

It's so good to hear you're getting better, Danya..Having followed your journey for quite some time now, I'd say you have all the qualifications to be a woman...I consider you to be one..A very kind, intelligent one, at that..I love your flowery, descriptive narrative..I , too, am a nature lover...I watched a couple of goofy You Tube entrees this morning..A French one about 2 baby foxes in a family with a beautiful Akita dog, who adored the kits....and a story of a pet squirrel playing with his cat pals...Both wonderful and tear rendering... Be well...Good luck...smooches Jackie

[Danya]

It's so good to hear you're getting better, Danya..

My progress continues and I hope to be back to normal sitting in a few more months! I'm up to about five minutes on a chair without my special cushion. This may not sound like much, but it's a big improvement.

Having followed your journey for quite some time now, I'd say you have all the qualifications to be a woman...I consider you to be one..A very kind, intelligent one, at that..

I appreciate your very kind comments, Jackie.

Yesterday, May 19, was the four year anniversary of my first day on the job as Danya.

Since then, my life has changed in many ways beyond the very major changes of transitioning. Roughly three years ago, when I was laid off, I could not have imagined how far I would come in several major life areas. Or that I even had the ability to come so far. Certain changes that I initially viewed with trepidation have worked out for the best. For instance: my financial resources are very depleted, yet I feel more in charge of my life than ever. Another example is that, now that I am physically recovering, I am again able to see more possibilities ahead.

I love your flowery, descriptive narrative..I , too, am a nature lover...I watched a couple of goofy You Tube entrees this morning..A French one about 2 baby foxes in a family with a beautiful Akita dog, who adored the kits....and a story of a pet squirrel playing with his cat pals...Both wonderful and tear rendering... Be well...Good luck...smooches Jackie

Tears can be a very good thing. I often cry when I am very happy or overcome with joy when I hear, or see, something of extraordinary beauty.

Best wishes,
Danya
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I'm starting to actively pursue job opportunities outside the Twin Cities, particularly in Chicago. Not only because I love Chicagoland, but because it's relatively close at 400 miles. I still could not drive there in a day without fear of worsening my pelvic pain. Three days would work, though. Or flying there for interview would be an option, too.

Looking for work in more than one metro area is very time consuming. I feel I need to because it has now been seven months since my last job ended. A few recruiters are starting to say, a little incredulously perhaps, "You've been unemployed seven months?"

While the Information Technology unemployment rate both here and in Chicago is in the 3 - 5% range, this rate includes extremely high demand areas like Enterprise Architects (0.3%) and Database Administrators (1.3%). My experience leads me to believe unemployment in my current field is at least at 6 - 7%.

The longest it took me to find employment in Chicago was 2 1/2 months. This makes me wonder if I made the right decision in moving back to Minnesota. It also makes me wonder if I should be in another line of work, considering that with this year included I will have worked only about half of the last four years. As a result, I'm investigating alternate career options, too.
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I was turned down for two permanet and one contract jobs last week. One of the permanent opportunities did not surprise me. During the interview, I had the distinct impression that they had already made their decision. For the other permanent job, I got the feeling I was more than they could afford for the opportunity.

As for the contract job, the interview was scheduled to last for 30 minutes. I had interviewed at this company before and knew the routine. There were three interviewers. The conversation had to zoom by so quickly that I could not get a grasp of how it went. This place will not go beyond the 30 minute limit, either. It felt like the corporate alternative to speed dating! Even the agency recruiter said he could not see how, particularly with a 4-way conversation, a realistic evaluation could be made under these circumstances.

For a day or so, I was discouraged by all this negative news. Such is life, though, and I have been working on my job hunt through most of the weekend.

[Danya]

As my pelvic pain is slowly easing, I continue to feel more confident and at ease with my situation, and my ability to accomplish what I must. Life and career issues that I need to work through now are not causing me much stress. I'm starting to enjoy my job search again, as I did when I moved to Chicago.

Perhaps I'm finally wising up at the age of 60. When I was a young adult, my father repeatedly passed on something he had heard, "Don't sweat the small stuff; it's all small stuff."

Interviewed yesterday for two permanent positions at a company I think would be a very good fit. The interviews went well. If I get past this stage, there will be two more interviews to pass before being offered a job.

Tuesday, I interviewed for a contract to hire job. Although I think this company has some major problems in how the business is run, I will certainly accept a job offer.

Tomorrow, I have and interview with a financial services company. This is a 12 - 18 month contract. In the afternoon, I have my fourth interview of the week with a health services company, for a permanent opportunity.

This morning I learned that my resume is being submitted to a well known natioinal laboratory in suburban Chicago. I am excited about this opportunity. It would fulfill a long-time goal: combining my computer and science experience in one job.

I am preparing a new resume, emphasizing my science training and experience, so that I can apply for several advertised 'permanent' teaching jobs at nearby community colleges.

One of my roommates has started seeing a man, for what she describes as a relationship without emotional entanglements. I benefit because, on the nights she is gone, I take care of her adorable little dog. She sleeps at the foot of the bed. On a cool night, her little body gets cold. Then she wants to crawl under the covers. At first, I didn't think I would like this. She's so small that I hardly notice she's there. Besides, in the absence of a man I still have some companionship!

[butterflyjack]

Good luck sweety..You certainly have your share of irons in the fire...Re the wee pup. Just be careful you don't roll over on it and smother it, whilst you're asleep...I had a pet squirrel as a kid that I smothered in my sleep....Geez did that hurt...I love the wee beasties....And some big ones too...smooches Jackie

[Danya]

Thanks, Jackie!

I agree with your advice on the wee pup. She is a bit larger than a squirrel and, I think, smarter, too. My roommate has allowed her under the covers for 6 years with no problems. Nonetheless, I will not do this again. Instead, I'll throw her another blanket to curl up in.
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I just sent a message to my niece, the daughter of my youngest brother. She and I always got along great through her childhood into her teen years. Our relationship was the most positive of any in my family.

My family never responded to my last request to be in touch (November of 2009.) I think 'R' may be open to this now.

Not having her current email address, I sent a message through her profile on a business networking site. I included my email address. If she responds in a positive way, I will be very happy. If a response is negative, or I get no response, at least I will know I tried again.

[Danya]

I just sent a message to my niece, the daughter of my youngest brother. She and I always got along great through her childhood into her teen years. Our relationship was the most positive of any in my family.

My family never responded to my last request to be in touch (November of 2009.) I think 'R' may be open to this now.

Not having her current email address, I sent a message through her profile on a business networking site. I included my email address. If she responds in a positive way, I will be very happy. If a response is negative, or I get no response, at least I will know I tried again.

I got up this morning and followed my routine of turning on the computer before doing anything else. I was happy to see an email response from my niece. I had explained in my note to her that I understood she might be angry with me for not contacting her much, much sooner. She wrote that she was 'not necessarily mad' that I had not contacted her sooner.

In my latest response, I did not tell her that I was afraid of coming between her and her parents. I admited to her, however, that I had made the mistake of not viewing her as an independent adult. I could have tried to send her a letter to her parents' address that they would forward to her. I asked her forgiveness for this. I also said that I understood if she had any anger now, or before, and that this was OK.

At least we have reconnected. Time will tell if more comes from this. I know several trans women whose families attempt to keep things going. In the end, those efforts have failed.

[butterflyjack]

Very nice Danya..You must be hurt and lonely that your family has deserted you...except niecy....Go get her...smooches Jackie

[Danya]

Hi Jackie,

After several years without any contact, I do not feel lonely because of my family's lack of response. I hope my niece and I can forge a new relationship, one that is between two adults now that she is in her mid-20s. She lives on the east coast now, far from her parents in Texas and from me here in Minnesota.
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Although I am under active consideration for several jobs, I am concerned that more time is going by without any offer. I am applying for permanent and contract-to-hire jobs in Chicago, too, to widen my options.

I spoke with Erica Ann last week, in part to get her take on working in Bloomington, IL. The conventional wisdom among Chicago area trans women is not to live and work south of interstate 80. Bloomington is south of I-80. Erica has been there many times and assured me I would be fine. Besides, it's only a little over a two hour drive from Chicago.

Several recruiters have contacted me about opportunities in Bloomington, IL over the last few months. I have told them I am not interested. Now I will contact Bloomington area recruiters directly to let them know my interest, availability and skills.

Yesterday, preliminary data for April unemployment was released by the National Bureau of Labor Statistcs. The Twin Cities metro unemployment remains relatively low at 5.1%, still among the very lowest in the nation. I continue to wonder, then, why I was able to get muliple jobs in Chicagoland, with close to double the unemployment rate and about half the job postings in my field, in no more than 10 weeks. I've been looking here for 7 1/2 months. Again I think that moving back to Minnesota may have been a mistake. I will never know and need to make the best of my current situation.

I realize I need to have a Plan B, and perhaps a Plan C, in place should things not work out here in another month or two. For now, I have no idea what those should be. I'll figure it all out.
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Things are going well after my last physical therapy appointment Tuesday. I can now sit for several hours at a time, using one of my home-built cushions on a chair. I am so relieved that I no longer need to stand all day to work and eat!

[Danya]

Just wrote an email response to my niece. This attempt to reconnect may be a long process, that may not work in the end.

Tonight I realized I was also hoping that she could serve as a bridge to my brother - her father. This was not fair to her, so I let her know I was sending her parents, and my second brother, my current email address. I just finished doing that.

[butterflyjack]

Good luck sweety.....smooches Jackie

[Danya]

Thanks, Jackie.

I had two interviews today and I am seeing more evidence that demand is picking up. The folks at the unemployment office and recruiters always say job hunting is a numbers game.

The best part of my day was finding I could sit through both interviews, eash lasting an hour, without a special cushion between me and the chair! I was able to sit at dinner, too, unassisted by this cushion. I'm still in pain. It just seems I've reached a point where the cushion makes no difference. In fact, the cushion may make things worse.