You Bet Your Body

The audience was hushed … not a sound came from them for minutes at a time. Then someone would gasp or sigh, and there would be a short fit of fidgeting before it was silent once again. They sat in rows curved around the stage. Each audience member was wearing a hospital gown, a bathrobe and some form of slipper. Every member of that audience was unique, but shared one thing. They all shared a tissue type with the naked man on stage.

The naked man was a gambler, a professional player of games of chance. He was not addicted to the risk as some gamblers are. Rather he was a thinker never, taking a bet he didn’t have an edge on. So far he had won $300,000.00. So far he had lost two toes and three fingers on his right hand. There were rubber bands loosely encircling his hazarded appendages. There were three very happy frostbite victims waiting in operating theatres elsewhere in the building.

The man in the fancy suit on stage with the microphone and the trivial pursuit cards was a former drug addict who needed a new heart. When he had been shooting fun straight into his veins he had picked up a twitch in his left foot. Just enough of a twitch to keep him forever off the transplant lists. He had made a friend who had begun a company and along the way had made a ton of money. This is Mr. Furr’s big chance to live.

Mr. Furr turns to the naked man and asks, “Mr. McWilliams, for one hundred thousand dollars or your right leg below the knee, are you in or out?”

A whimper is shushed somewhere out in the audience.

“Out,” says the naked man, “bad bet.”

“Mr. McWilliams, for one hundred fifty thousand dollars or your right leg below the knee?”

The naked man thinks for a minute, “In. What’s the question?”

“For one hundred fifty thousand dollars or your right leg below the knee, Mr. McWilliams, what is the capital of the state of New York?

“Albany,” sighs the naked man. “Albany, New York.”

“That’s right, Mr. McWilliams”

“Mr. McWilliams, for two hundred thousand dollars or your right leg below the hip, are you in or out?”

“In.”

“Mr. McWilliams, what is the county seat of Calumet County Illinois?”

The naked man looks very startled. “Reference?” he said.

“Ah, I believe it was a significant factoid in the movie The Blues Brothers.”

“Chicago?”

“Quite right, Mr. McWilliams. Shall we take a break, Mr. McWilliams? How are you feeling?” inquired Mr. Furr.

“Please.”

“Very well.” The suited man gestures off stage and a pair of chairs are brought out. The two men sit down, one well dressed in a business suit the other completely naked. A small table is brought out and set between them. A carafe and glasses are placed on the table and the spotlight on the two men dims.

Mr. Furr sets down his microphone on the table and pours two glasses of water. He hands one to the naked man. Both men take a sip.

“I wonder how you are able to stand up here in the nude and keep your composure so well?” Mr. Furr asked.

“I can’t really see the audience with the stage lights and after all, it’s an all male audience. So what is there to worry about?” Mr. McWilliams said.

“So you are not homophobic at all?”

“No, not me. I even experimented a little when I was younger.”

“Really? How very Bohemian of you. However there are some. . .” Mr. Furr consults a paper from his pocket, “eight women in the audience.”

“What? But I thought everyone in here had to match my tissue type?” Mr. McWilliams says in a startled voice.

“Oh, they do. Everyone in the room. But gender has very little to do with tissue typing, which is mainly related to matching organ sizes.”

The naked man’s cock very slowly starts to rise. He blushes, turning very red. Then as his cock reaches its full hardness, he pales as he realizes he is going to have to stand up with it in a minute where all the room will be able to see it.

The two men spend a few minutes chatting about the weather and the difficulty in obtaining certain cigars while they sip their water.

The naked man goes to pour himself another glass of water and finds the carafe is empty. He glances down, and his cock is still hard. He gulps and sets his glass down.

Mr. Furr notices that the carafe is empty and that both glasses are likewise drained and stands up. Mr. Furr picks up his microphone, and the naked man stands up. The spotlight comes on and highlights the stage as the chairs and table are removed.

“Mr. McWilliams, for one hundred fifty thousand dollars or your left leg below the knee, are you in or out?”

“What? Oh, um … in?”

“Are you alright, Mr. McWilliams?”

“Oh, um … I didn’t think there would be women here?”

“If it is a problem, we can have them cleared?” said Mr. Furr, all caring.

“No. It’s ok.” Mr. McWilliams voice firms. “I’m in. What’s the question?”

“Mr. McWilliams, for one hundred fifty thousand dollars or your left leg below the knee, in what state are the Privilof Islands?”

“Alaska.”

“That’s right, Mr. McWilliams.

“Mr. McWilliams, for two hundred thousand dollars or your left leg at the hip, are you in or out?”

“Did I hear you right … at the hip?”

“Yes, our recipient needs part of a pelvis as well as the leg.”

“No, bad bet.”

“For two hundred fifty thousand dollars or your left leg at the hip including part of your pelvis, are you in or out?”

“Out, bad bet.”

“For three hundred thousand dollars or your left leg at the hip, are you in or out?”

“In, what’s the question?”

“Mr. McWilliams, for three hundred thousand dollars or your left leg at the hip including part of your pelvis, who played Chewbaca in the original movie Star Wars?”

The naked man looks blank. Then he slowly turns white as all the color fades from his skin. His cock goes soft.

Suddenly he spits out, “Mayhew, John Mayhew.”

“One for the judges.” Mr. Furr looks offstage.

“Mr. McWilliams, you are half right. The correct answer was Peter Mayhew. The judges rule that you get half the money and that the next one you get partially correct will be a loss. Is this acceptable to you?”

The naked man gasps and for a few minutes just stands and breathes.

“Mr. McWilliams, is this acceptable to you?”

“Yes, yes that’s fine.”

“Are you ready to continue? I am sorry we can’t take a break right now. So if you are ready to continue we shall. Otherwise, you’ll have to go and have the initial harvests done, and we can start again next week.”

“I’m good. I’m good. We can continue,” Mr. McWilliams said.

“Very well. Mr. McWilliams, we have done your arms and legs, and you have come through with very few losses. We come now to the very risky part of the game: the torso. This next wager is the last we can assure you of surviving either way it goes. After this next question you will go off to the initial harvest.

“Mr. McWilliams, for fifty thousand dollars or your testicles and scrotum, are you in or out?”

“What? My nuts?”

“Yes, Mr. McWilliams, for fifty thousand dollars or your nuts with your ballsack, are you in or out?”

“Out, bad bet,” the naked man said.

“Mr. McWilliams, for seventy five thousand dollars or your nuts and ballsack, are you in or out?”

The naked man’s cock has partially inflated. “Out, bad bet.”

“Mr. McWilliams, you seem to place a great deal of value on that appendage.”

“Well yeah. I mean, that’s my manhood we are talking about.”

“Very true. Mr. McWilliams, for one hundred thousand dollars or your nuts and ballsack, are you in or out?”

“Out, bad bet.” The naked man said shaking his head, but his cock is still rising.

“Mr. McWilliams, I now have to ask you if there is an amount of money high enough that you would say yes to this bet? Or are we through for the day?”

The naked man stands there thinking as his cock gets harder and harder. Finally he says, “Yes, there is an amount I would take that bet at.”

“Then you must ask the question.”

“Mr. Furr, for half a million dollars or my nuts and ballsack, are you in or out?”

“Oh, I’m in, Mr. McWilliams. I’m in.”

“Mr. McWilliams, for half a million dollars that’s five hundred thousand dollars or your nuts and ballsack, what is the capital of the state of South Dakota?”

“Pierre, South Dakota.”

“That is quite correct, Mr. McWilliams. Mr. McWilliams, I have been reminded that since you won that question, we have one more question for you today.”

“What? Why?”

“Mr. McWilliams, for six hundred thousand dollars or you complete package that is testicles, scrotum, penis and total erectile tissue, are you in or out?”

“But, but if I lost how would I pee?”

“Mr. McWilliams, you would have the choice of a piss slit on your abdomen that you would use a catheter with or a relocating of your piss slit to just behind your perineum so you could pee sitting down.”

“What? Wait a minute, I need to think about this,” said Mr. McWilliams, the naked man.

“Three minutes, Mr. McWilliams.”

A spotlight turns on illuminating a countdown timer showing 3:00. The timer instantly turns to 2:59 and slowly ticks away his time. At 0:37 Mr. McWilliams speaks.

“Ok, I’m ready. Ask me again.”

“Mr. McWilliams, for six hundred thousand dollars or your complete reproductive package including testicles, scrotum, penis and erectile tissue, are you in or out?”

“Out, bad bet.”

Mr. Furr turns to the crowd saying, “I have a feeling about this one.” Turning back to the naked man he says, “Mr. McWilliams, for one million dollars or your complete package, are you in or out?”

The naked man grunts, “unh … In. What’s your question?”

“Mr. McWilliams, for one million dollars or your complete package, what is the capitol of the state of Louisiana?”

“New Orleans.”

“Mr. McWilliams, my pocketbook is quite happy to tell you that the capitol of Louisiana is Baton Rouge, Louisiana.”

The naked man pales. Then he turns green. A stage hand runs out with a bucket just in time for the naked man to turn and throw up in it.

Mr. Furr turns to the audience and says, “All winners who have not yet done so go see your surgical team. The rest of you, if you have tickets for the minor body parts your game is over. Major body part ticket holders remember: if he loses the final bet you win, so be here next week. Anyone wishing to see the harvest follow the signs to the surgical gallery.”

In the operating room, Mr. McWilliams is lying on a steel table with a drain at one end. Both his arms are stretched out on steel side tables. Each arm has an IV in it. The IV’s are connected to large bags hanging from IV stands hung from the ceiling. A man in green surgical scrubs is explaining the setup to Mr. McWilliams.

“This is the harvest room. The room is surrounded on three sides by surgical suites where the recipients of your organs are already prepped and unconscious. Once we have removed your organs, they will be taken immediately to their recipients where they will be surgically attached. The IV in your right arm is lactated ringers. That is to keep you hydrated and also allow us to add SadistaNull. The IV in your right arm is blood plasma. We are giving you plasma because you are going to be bleeding quite a bit. In a few minutes we will inject into your IV a drug that will stop your long term memory from keeping the things that happen here. These are your Doctors.” Gesturing to himself, “I am Dr. Guren. This is Dr. Fellows and Dr. Elizabeth Berm. Dr. Berm won the coin toss and will be removing your genitals. All three of us are sadists and therefore will not be using any anesthesia.” He nods to one of the scrubs-suited figures who injects something into the IV in his left arm.

“I will be explaining what we are doing until it gets to my part. SadistaNull is a powerful paralytic agent which allows us to do this without restraining you. I have just instructed my colleague to give you the memory inhibitor. You will not remember the rest of this. Dr. Fellows will now use an electroshock wand to see if you can move your legs. Even though the pain will be quite intense we are looking for involuntary twitches. If your leg can twitch you aren’t ready for the procedure.”

Dr. Fellows picks up a purple wand and turns it on. The faint buzz of the wand fills the air. Dr. Fellows attaches a round bulb to the wand and starts running the wand up and down Mr. McWilliams’ feet.

“Ow!” said Mr. McWilliams. He jerks his feet out of the way.

“I see we are a little early,” says Dr. Fellows. “Your assistance here, Dr. Berm.”

Dr. Berm goes over and grabs Mr. McWilliams leg at the knee, holding so Dr. Fellows can keep zapping it with the purple wand.

Mr. McWilliams wails and moans and flinches a lot. Finally he asks, “How long until the paralytic takes effect?”

“About five minutes. You have four minutes to go,” says Dr. Guren.

Dr. Fellows keeps the purple wand moving so the foot doesn’t scar and so the patient doesn’t become used to the pain.

After a few minutes the patient’s moans have become a continuous scream. Slowly his thrashes gets weaker and weaker. All the while the torture goes on and on. Finally the patient can’t even twitch anymore. His continued grunts of pain are the only indication that he can still feel.

Once Mr. McWilliams stopped twitching, Dr. Guren turned to Dr. Fellows and said, “Better close his eyes. We don’t want his eyeballs drying out.”

“Mr. McWilliams, I know you can hear me so I will keep talking. Dr. Berm is now taking a flensing scalpel and is going to bare your genitalia to the air. This is going to hurt amazingly.”

Dr. Berm lifted the scalpel in her gloved hands and brought it down two inches above the patients cock. As the blade slid under the skin the patients breathing changed, indicating how much pain he was in. Oh so slowly Dr. Berm peeled away the skin above the patient’s cock until she had a gory wrapper around the base of his cock and his erectile tissue exposed.

“Mr. McWilliams, this next bit is going to be very painful. Dr. Berm is going to cut into your abdominal cavity and free your erectile tissue. You are getting an erection because of the stimulation and the Viagra we put in your IV. We need the erection to trace out the erectile tissue.”

Dr. Berm strokes the patient exposed erectile tissue until the cock is hard and the erectile tissue is traceable. She slowly cuts around the tissue making sure not to nick the side which might let out enough blood for the penis to soften.

“Mr. McWilliams, we need you to make a discision. Do you want the piss slit in front so you have to use a catheter or relocated to your perineum so you can sit down to pee? Cough for catheter swallow for perineum.”

The sound of a swallow can barely be heard in the room.

“Is that a cough for catheter, Mr. McWilliams?” asks Dr. Guren.

The sound of three rapid swallows can barely be heard.

“Oh sorry, Mr. McWilliams, my mistake.” Dr Guren says nastily. The other Doctors chuckle.

“Dr. Berm is going to cut off your penis now. This next bit has to be quick because once the blood vessels are cut we have to get it to the recipient quickly or it might not take. First, Dr. Berm will cut a length of urethra from your penile shaft to relocate it. Then Dr. Berm will excise your scrotum and balls using an instrument very much like a guillotine. Once your package is cut off, Dr. Berm will sew you up attaching your urethra to you new peephole. We are sorry we couldn’t make this hurt more.”

Dr. Berm cuts off an inch long bit of urethra from the loose hanging penile shaft. Then she puts a device in place that looks like a steel jaw. Once she has it in place she touches a trigger and the patient’s scrotum and balls are cut off in one bite. Quickly Dr. Berm turns and sets the patient’s former genitals on a wheeled tray which is taken away to the next operating theatre.

Dr. Berm then sews up the remains of the patient’s crotch setting the urethra just above the anus.

“Mr. McWilliams, Dr. Berm is now going to clean your wound with a solution of iodine, salt and alcohol. If we have gauged it right, it should feel like we set you on fire.”

Dr. Berm takes a bottle of red liquid and starts painting it on the patient’s crotch. As the brush first touches the wound the patient manages to scream weakly. Dr. Berm paints the wound liberally causing great distress to the patient and maybe even preventing an infection.

“Dr. Fellows is now going to remove the fingers you lost in the game. He has to do this quickly because of the time it takes to attach fingers. So you will shortly feel a steel jaw on your hand. That is a combination blade for cutting your fingers off, freezer for cooling them to prevent necrosis and laser cauterizer to close your wound. So you will feel simultaneously freezing cold biting cut and burning heat.”

Dr. Fellows maneuvers the cutting tool into place and chops off three of the patient’s fingers all at once.

Dr. Berm leans down next to the patients ear, whispering, “Mr. McWilliams, I am Dr. Berm. Thank you so much for losing your entire package in the game. I was afraid I was only going to get to castrate you. Dr. Guren is about to cut off the toes you lost. Can you feel him placing the cutting tool over you little piggies? This little piggy went to gamble.”

Dr. Guren cuts off the patient’s left big toe.

“This little piggy went to frostbite,” says Dr. Berm.

Dr. Guren cuts off the patient’s left little toe. All three doctors laugh.

You Bet Your Body: The Final Bet

The announcer Mr. Furr was in a wheel chair up on the stage. Today he was wearing a hospital gown under a fluffy navy blue bathrobe and red fuzzy slippers. The stage had a very large mirror hanging at a forty five degree angle over it reflecting a piece of the stage to the audience. The announcer picks up the microphone and says “Let’s bring out last week’s winners.”

Four wheel chairs are wheeled out onto the stage. The first one has a man holding up a bandaged right hand. His thumb is easily visible and so are the tips of his four fingers. The rest of the hand is hidden by bandage. The second one has a woman with her left leg extended out before her. Her foot is encased in bandages and wrappings. She is waving her arms happily. The third has a man with his left foot wrapped in bandages and wrappings. He is grinning and waving at the crowd.

The fourth wheel chair has a man in a bathrobe in it. He is not showing any bandages. Once the four wheelchairs have been lined up on stage, Mr. Furr starts to speak.

“Ladies and Gentlemen, the recipient of the patient Mr. McWilliams’ genitals has graciously volunteered to show you all his new cock. Mr. Richards wants you to see that dreams do come true and that this game is real. Mr. Richards lost his genitals when he was twenty-seven in a motorcycle accident. His motorcycles gas tank exploded on starting. In the chaos of the blast a piece of the tank embedded itself in the seat of the bike chopping off Mr. Richards genitals. This is a picture of Mr. Richards two weeks ago.” A stage hand carries out a photo mounted on a board. It is a half life size picture of the naked Mr. Richards showing an ugly scar where his genitals should be.

“Mr. Richards?” said Mr. Furr.

The stage hand goes over to Mr. Richards and sets down the picture which stands on its own. Then he helps Mr. Richards to his feet and helps him remove his robe. The stage hand stands back holding the robe. Mr. Richards is standing naked except for a large bandage at his groin. A nurse comes on stage and kneels next to Mr. Richards. She carefully removes his bandage and steps back.

The crowd gasps in delight at the sight of the genitals hanging at Mr. Richards’ crotch. They are green and purple with bruising and are topped by a line of black stitches. The contrast between the picture of the emasculated Mr. Richards and the Mr. Richards on stage with his new genitals is inspiring to the crowd which starts clapping and cheering. The nurse takes a reflex hammer and lightly touches the point to the tip of the cock and Mr. Richards obviously startles.

“As you can see he already has nerve function in his new body parts,” said Mr. Furr.

The crowd goes wild.

“And now if you will all calm down, we will bring out the heart of this game: our patient Mr. McWilliams,” said the announcer.

The winners from last week are wheeled off the stage. The nurse re-bandages Mr. Richards and wheels him off the stage. The stage hand carries the picture and robe of Mr. Richards away.

The crowd quiets and the announcer begins to speak.

“Mr. McWilliams is not up to standing for long periods at this time,” said Mr. Furr. “His recent surgery has left him totally unable to sit up. So Mr. McWilliams will be wheeled out in a hospital bed. I know that you are all very anxious and excited about the outcome of this game. But we are playing with Mr. McWilliams’ very life now. So please keep all conversation to yourself. It would be in the height of bad taste to cheer his death sentence. If anyone should show such bad grace, I will have them removed and sedated. They will find out whether they won or not when they wake up.”

The crowd goes silent. The tension in the air is like a razor cutting every sigh every cough in half lest the offense it gives be too much.

Mr. McWilliams is wheeled out in a hospital bed, covered by a sheet. He has an IV in his left arm. His bed is wheeled under the mirror. The audience can now look straight down at him from the mirror.

“Mr. McWilliams, I know we would all like to see what has happened to you. Is it ok with you if we remove the sheet?” asks Mr. Furr.

Tears start to run out of the patient’s eyes. “Go ahead,” he half sobs.

Two stage hands come out and gently lift the sheet and fold it and hang it on the footboard of the bed. The audience makes a collective squeak as fifteen throats start to gasp and are silenced.

The Mr. McWilliams in the mirror is very pale. His crotch is just a line of little black stitches starting about three inches below his belly button and disappearing between his legs. A catheter leads from between his legs to a bag lying on the bed by his knee. His right hand is truncated only thumb and pinky remaining his stubs are coated with a clear gel. His left foot is bandaged heavily.

“Mr. McWilliams, are you alright? Are you ready to continue? Do you even want to keep playing? You can bow out at any time and keep the money you have won,” said the announcer Mr. Furr.

Mr. McWilliams swallows two times and sniffles, then says, “Yes, I’m fine. I want to continue. Please can we go on?”

“Thank you, Mr. McWilliams. Thank you,” said Mr. Furr. “Mr. McWilliams, these next two bets are preliminary. Your chances of surviving either of these surgeries themselves is quite good. But after the first two bets, your first loss will be the end of the game. Your beneficiary will be given your winnings, and you will go directly to harvest. Because, Mr. McWilliams, after the first two bets today, what we are betting is your very survival.”

“Mr. McWilliams, for one million dollars or your eyes, are you in or out?”

“I’m in. What’s the question?”

“Mr. McWilliams, what is the source of the Nile River?”

“Lake Victoria,” said Mr. McWilliams.

“That is correct, Mr. McWilliams. Mr. McWilliams, for one million dollars or one kidney, are you in or out?”

“I’m in.”

The patient’s eyes are dry as he gets into the game.

“Mr. McWilliams, what dangerous sidekick was Avery Brooks’ first well-known TV role?” asked Mr. Furr.

“What?”

“Avery Brooks, the actor’s first major successful television role was playing a dangerous sidekick. What was the character’s name?”

“Let me think.”

“Take your time, Mr. McWilliams.” As Mr. Furr says that a spotlight illuminates a countdown timer reading 3:00. It immediately turns to 2:59 and starts counting down.

When the time has reached 0:00, a buzzer went off.

“Mr. McWilliams, what is your answer?”

“Raven, no Eagle, something,” said Mr. McWilliams.

“I am sorry, Mr. McWilliams, the correct answer is Hawk. The judges would have given you a quarter right on this, but you were already a half right down because of the question last week.”

“Mr. McWilliams, we are now to the life or death questions. Are you ready, and are you wanting to proceed?”

“Can I change my backup subject?” said Mr. McWilliams.

“You can,” said the announcer, “but that is a big step to take, and you have been doing well with geography and movie trivia. Are you certain you wouldn’t rather keep going with movie trivia as your backup? I assume you want to keep geography as primary?”

“Yes, keep geography as my primary and make vocabulary my backup.”

“Vocabulary? Are you sure, Mr. McWilliams?”

“Quite sure, thank you.”

“Very well.” The announce gestures to someone back stage, and a stage hand runs out with a new set of trivial pursuit cards and accepts a set from Mr. Furr before running back offstage.

“Mr. McWilliams, we are now to the life or death questions. Are you ready, and are you wanting to proceed?”

“I am ready. I want to continue.”

“Mr. McWilliams, for one million dollars or your intestines, are you in or out?”

The patient looks a little green. “I’m in,” he says.

“Mr. McWilliams, what was the name of the capitol of Turkey before the name was changed to Istanbul?”

“Constantinople.”

“That is correct. Mr. McWilliams, for one million dollars or your liver, are you in or out?”

“I’m in.”

“Mr. McWilliams, what is onanism?”

“Onanism is a Hindu spiritual study of body postures and positions.”

“Mr. McWilliams, that is incorrect. You are possibly thinking of Yoga. Onanism is withdrawal of the penis during sexual intercourse to prevent pregnancy. And your game is over. I am sure we all want to thank you for playing and giving all of us here a new chance at life.”

Mr. Furr turns to look offstage and says, “Gentlemen.”

Several orderlies walk out and start wheeling Mr. McWilliams away. One wheels Mr. Furr after them.

Eight men dressed in surgical scrubs wait in an operating room as Mr. McWilliams is wheeled in.

“Mr. McWilliams, you might remember me. I am Dr. Fellows … I operated on you last week. We didn’t get a chance to speak then. I just want you to know that we are going to harvest every single thing we can from your body, from major organs down to the blood in your veins. Because of the severity of the procedure and the need for speed, once we start it will not be possible for you to be awake during this. My colleague is even now injecting a sedative into your IV once that takes effect we will intubate you and get started. You won’t feel a thing, but you are never waking up again. Good bye, Mr. McWilliams. Thanks for playing.”

The rest of the doctors chorus, “Thanks for playing.”

The End