"Fake Orgasms In The Night"

In my fifth grade year, I developed some kind of infection in my cervix and luckily got that treated, but still it was even harder for me to even think about guys in "that way."

In my eighth grade year, I was at PE one day and was coming from the back of the school. The school buses, as usual, were driving around the back (it was sixth period). We all ran to avoid the school buses, but as usual, I was the slow one. The bus driver saw me, but didn't even bother to stop, and hit me, throwing me over a chain link fence, into a pile of sand, dirt, and caliche. My friends came back over and picked me up, I couldn't walk, because my knee was torn open with sand all through in it, as well as the other knee, my hands, and my right cheek. My hip was totally out of whack and covered in bruises.

I was escorted to the Nurse's Office by the Asst. Principal and a hall monitor (I think). They didn't call my Mom, because it was sixth period. So, when my Mom came to get me, my friend Karen ran out and told her what happened. My Mom and her helped me to the car, and she took me to the ER on the Air Force Base. They cleaned out the cuts and all as best they could, but told me that not all the sand would come out. That is true, because my cheek still has some in it, as well as my right hand. My hip was another story, they couldn't do anything for it and told me that it would probably hurt for a long time. I couldn't even open them wide anymore.

The next school year, after Charlie and I went out for a while and broke up, I went into Sex Ed., YIKES!! It was very comical to me, because, well at fourteen when you hear "penis" or "vagina," you start automatically giggling. I thought I could take it all, until the birth video came and we had to watch it..IT WAS HORRIFYING! The C-section grossed me out, because they have to slice the woman open, remove the bladder, and I think the uterus and then stuff it all back in. And I thought my Mother's hysterectomy and bladder tack up was disgusting! I made a pledge with myself to never have sex (LMAO).

I started to have boyfriends that year, but when they showed any sign of emotion towards me, I would dump them. Needless to say, I wasn't ready for sex yet. But, the following year, after about eleven boyfriends, I met this 18 year old dude named Chris. He seemed very nice and all. He asked me out and I accepted. Five days later, I invited him over to my house and all we did was make out. I then invited him to my room and that's when we kinda "did it". It took about a half hour to an hour for him to figure out where to put it (what an idiot). I had no idea where to put his penis, because, well when you're a virgin, it's all sealed off. Finally, he figured it out and stuck it there, maybe four inches, and it hurt like a bitch, but not bad bad. I soon dumped him after that, because I didn't want him to look at me like that, it was disgusting and sick.

The next school year (my eleventh grade year), I dated a Mormon (do they even have any? Just kidding) and then a Catholic dude named, Matty. Matty was cute and all, and was a virgin. I invited him over to my house when my Mom was gone, so we could do it. Well, needless to say, he couldn't get it up enough to do it, and that pissed him off and we didn't get through it. We waited until January, when we did a quicky. Then the next month, since he was gone on Valentine's Day, we did it the Friday for reals. It hurt at first real bad and messed with my bladder somewhat. We both liked it a lot (me, because it was a closeness and him for obvious reasons), so we slept together a lot, like maybe 107 or so times before he broke up with me. Before we broke up, we spent so much time together and were inseparable. I had problems with sex, it messed with my bladder too much, caused me to bleed, and I was always in pain, plus my cervix hurt a lot.

We got back together in December of 2001. On December 31, 2001, we were at a hotel & casino and decided to go for it in a stairwell in the hotel part. It didn't last long, because he got a cramp in his defective hip flexor and fell on the ground. That was all it took to get me pregnant.

About a month later, he broke up with me because of an incident that happened at school, when he was in a bad mood for no reason. I was holding onto his arm, wondering what was wrong with him, and he pushed me, I fell backwards and smashed into the ground, busting the back of my head open. I was rushed by ambulance to the ER and didn't really regain consciousness until an hour later, when they doped me up.

For a week after the accident, I started feeling horrible all the time, unable to eat or anything, so my Mom took me to the ER, again. They did blood and urine tests on me. The doctor told my Mom to wait outside and they told me I was pregnant. But I had told them I had been cramping since before the accident and bleeding after. I was shocked. She told me it was dying and many other medical professionals told me I should have a D and C (burns out the uterus, removing bacteria and whatnot). So, five days later, I knew it was dead/dying, because I couldn't even eat saltines.

I was told if I wouldn't have had the procedure, it would have died shortly, leaving a horrible infection and killed me. I stuck my ankles in the stirrups, they stuck a speculum up there to hold it open, stuck some needles up there and buried them into my cervix to kill the pain and dilate them to get into the uterus itself. After that, they gave me some nitrous oxide, and I was kinda out, but aware. They stuck the suction thing in there and removed everything in there. The reason it died was because my uterus wasn't working right and wouldn't grow. Nothing has ever worked right down there.

Two months or so ago from present time, Matty came over to my house when he was supposed to be in school and I couldn't resist him, so we ended up having sex twice when I started bleeding all over him and my sheets. He didn't want to stop and persuaded me to have sex with him four more times, even though I was bleeding heavily, crying, and retching in pain. I got my revenge when I kicked him in the twigs and berries later on, multiple times, until he felt all the pain he made me go through--alone.

At present time, I have never had one orgasm. I have never been able to feel sex that much. I am practically numb to pleasure. I prefer not having sex, since all I do is fake it anyway, with comments such as "Oooooo big daddy" and "Oooooo yeah you give me soooo much pleasure, big boy."

Guys hit on me where I work, at "The Rio Hotel & Casino," on the Strip, but hey, it's all good, I just give 'em the bird and move on..