THE WAY A HUSBAND SHOULD BE


I did it to my husband 2 years ago, 5 years after we met. We've kept
it a secret all this time, and I thought I would write about it and see how
people feel about it. I guess I'll start with history....
When we met he was just getting his degree, I was just flunking out
of community college. I was having a real hard time, and he kind of took me
under his wing. It was funny because he always said he really identified
with women and had problems with his gender, yet was so serenely masculine,
virile, and attractive in that authoritative in-control masculine way.
We moved to Washington together, and later were married.
About me: I make no qualms about being sadistic in a sexual way. It's
always aroused me to have a man in physical pain, a humiliating position,
etc. I also can be something of a fag hag. I find feminine men very
attractive. In a lot of ways we weren't matched up because he was
masculine, and not masochistic. I guess I was hoping he would change.
Anyway, back in Washington, I was still having problems holding a job, etc.
He supported me, but at the same time also really resented me at the same
time. This really affected my self esteem, and I really started hating him
for it. I also wasn't happy with his continued masculine ways, which in
the beginning were attractive, but were now oppressive. I really thought
he would gradually become more feminine, but he didn't. Another
distressing thing was he would masturbate a lot. He always told me he
fantasized about us, and I believed him, because he was so attached to me,
but could not get over the fact that he masturbated. I'll admit that I
masturbated too, but that didn't affect my frustration.
In the midst of all this, when it looked like we might break up, I
became pregnant. It sounds funny, but it did seem to be the case that that
baby saved our marriage. I started back to school to get a degree in
Nursing, and really took control of my life. Unfortunately in the 8th
month I lost the baby. It was a horrible loss compounded by the fact that
I then became sterile from the complications. It was very hard to work
through, but in the end we made it. Our relationship was still better.
His resentment was gone because I was working towards getting a degree and
a job, and we had this mutual experience that made us closer. A year
later, at my insistence, my husband quit his job and I started workng as a
nurse. At this point things started to change again, for better and worse.
I enjoyed being with other people, and liked the idea of my husband at
home. I also thought this might relieve the pressure on him to act so
masculine. He liked being at home at first, but started getting restless
after a few months. He also still maintained his masculine demeanor. He
also started masturbating more, which just about drove me crazy.
About 6 months after I started working, something snapped, and our
relationship completely changed. I stopped having sex with him except
perhaps once every few months (to shut him up), and started sleeping with
other men. I was very open about this with him, and also forbade him to
see other women, with the threat of leaving him if he did. He was very
attached to me, and at this point didn't have anywhere else to go, so he
stayed. I don't know what it was. I was disgusted with his smelly feet,
is masturbation, and his continued masculine behavior. But at the same
time I also enjoyed what I was doing to him. I was hurting him and
humiliating him, which I was yearning to do for years.
It was at this point that HE suggested castration. He saw it as
a way of forcing the gender card and hopefully gain control of the
masturbation (which he now did 3 or 4 times a day). He wanted to keep me,
and I guess suggesting it was his gesture of love. At first I was
disgusted, and just dismissed it. Then one day at the hospital, I met a
man who had no testicles in the emergency room. He was there from car
accident, and had lost them in vietnam. I talked with him about it, and he
told me he had not taken male hormones for 5 years, still was erectile, and
had no other physical problems because of it.
I started reading up on the procedure, and joking with my husband
about it. I found he was really aroused by the idea, and also seemed
receptive to the humiliating scenarios I would paint for him. At the same
time our sex life got a lot better, and I stopped looking to other men for
sex. I started looking at it as a real possibility.
Finally one day I suggested we seriously do it. He wanted to, but
was scared, and would not say yes or no. I kept telling him that in many
ways it would be a cosmetic change, that we didn't want to have more
babies, it would probably make us closer, etc. He said he would, but kept
putting it off. I guess when I started sleeping with other men it
convinced him.
It was funny, the day we did it. I had shaved him, and then had
sex with him, because he was so aroused by the idea of castration, I then
cleaned him and prepared him. All this time we were kind of laughing and
embarrassed by our arousal. I then told him I wanted to tie him up. This
was when he got scared. He refused to let me tie him, and we got into a
big fight. He said he wanted to get castrated, but wouldn't get tied up. I
knew he would back out if he wasn't tied. I finally convinced him. After
I tied him. I made love to him again. I didn't have any erotic attachment
to the idea of castration, but having him tied and trapped like that really
made me love him. Afterward I cleaned him and told him the bad news. That
was that I was going to do it without anesthetic. I told him that he would
only have to endure the pain about 20 minutes, and after the procedure
would inject novacaine. He started crying, but said OK. I really loved
him at that point more than I ever did. I wouldn't have done it without
novacaine if he insisted, but I wanted to have a chance to make him feel
pain. He was crying when I started the procedure. And very quickly he was
screaming and heaving. I very much regretted not using novicaine before
the procedure. I guess both he and I had no idea how much it would hurt.
Soon I was crying too, and working very quickly to get it over with. I
excised the gonads, removed the scrotum, sewed him up, and injected the
novacaine. I wiped him up and laid towels around him (he had vomited),
and laid down with him and held him and we both cried. Ten minutes later
I untied him and held him all night.
Surprisingly the next day he was able to walk (though slowly)
around the house. It was a month later when we tried to have sex, but it
was still too painful for him. 2 months later we tried again. This time
with a surprise. I had dried his testicles, leatherized them, and made
them into earrings. I orgasmed 4 times that night, and felt like the most
powerful woman in the world, having my eunuch pleasure me as I wore his
manhood as jewelry.
2 years leter things seem to have settled down a bit. My husband
is much more feminine now, and much more of a friend than he used to be.
He has been taking birthcontrol pills I got at work over the last year, and
his fat distribution and hair texture has feminized. He has also developed
small, feminine breasts that are very sensitive. Our family and friends
have noticed the changes to a degree, but it has been so gradual they
haven't said anything. He is still functional now, but it is more
difficult for him to get erections, and his penis has gotten much smaller.
He has also virtually stopped mastubating. A few years ago I would have
been disgusted. But I must admit, he looks absolutely delicious now. I
also feel like he is really mine now. I still go out and sleep with other
men, but he doesn't mind nearly as much now. We have really become soul
mates. He trusts me to stay with him, and doesn't feel competetive with
the other men any more. He also is receptive to the humiliation games I
like to play, which I always start off by having one of us wear the
earrings. I guess our lives are like some sort of Fairy tale now. I just
hope things stay the way they are.