Wearing Trousers

Wearing Trousers

Rumpo was being difficult. He wanted to wear men's clothes instead of my cast offs.

"Rumpo darling," I explained to him. "You aren't entitled to wear men's clothes because you aren't a man. You're a gelding. People will laugh at you."

"Wumpsy wears men's clothes sometimes, Tarla. Ms. Melanie bought him some. He's allowed to wear them on special occasions."

I could have killed Melanie. It really was so irresponsible of her to spoil her pet like that. Obviously her gelding had been showing off and now Rumpo was envious of him.

"Rumpo, you know the rules. Now if you keep on about it I shall get rid of you and get a cat instead. They're a lot less trouble."

The threat worked. Rumpo dropped the subject and got on with his housework. He started up the vacuum cleaner and the noise of it always got on my nerves. Rumpo knew full well that he was only supposed to vacuum while I was out. This was his way of letting me know how peeved he was. I made a mental note to myself to get a silent vacuum cleaner. That would stop his little game.

Later, over brunch which I ate with him, I asked him why he was so keen on men's clothes. I'd always put him in skirts or dresses. I thought they suited him.

" Wumpsy looks so good in them."

I knew that Rumpo was uninterested in his appearance. I always have to get on at him to smarten himself up if I'm taking him anywhere. That wasn't the real reason at all. I gave him one of my looks to let him know that I knew he wasn't telling the truth.

He muttered something which I didn't catch. He did that when he was embarrassed.

"Speak up darling. I didn't hear you."

"In men's clothes Wumpsy can pee standing up "

I know I shouldn't have but I just had to burst out laughing. Rumpo wanted to pee standing up. That was the height of his ambition, bless him.

Me laughing at him really did hurt Rumpo's feelings. "The trousers open at the front and you can poke your penis through," he explained. "It's a lot easier."

I was just recovering from my laughter and trying to pretend that I was taking him seriously when Rumpo added "And you can aim too. Wumpsy can write his name peeing. Ms. Melanie showed him how to do it."

Poor Rumpo said it so solemnly and he looked so cute. I just had to give him a hug.

Actually it had been rather naughty of Melanie to teach her gelding to write. Most of them are very trainable and learn things easily. If they can read and write they will learn too much and become difficult to manage. An uncontrollable gelding is a very sad thing. One gets so fond of them and it is most upsetting to have to get rid of them. There have been several such cases. One woman I knew, a primary school teacher, taught her pet gelding to read and write. She had this ridiculous idea that as geldings were also human one should treat them as equals. Unbeknown to her, once he could read, he read all her books and downloaded more off the net. In the end he ran off and the woman was distraught. It took them two weeks to find him and by then he had gone feral. The authorities deemed him dangerous and the poor thing was sent off to a labour camp on the mines on Belarius or one of those horrible places.

Well, nothing like that will ever happen to Rumpo. I've had the chip inserted, such an excellent use for an empty scrotum, and if he should ever run off or get stolen it would take only minutes to find him.

While Rumpo was clearing up after brunch I called Melanie and asked her about this men's clothes thing for Wumpsey. It turned out that she had given him one of her old pants suits, the kind with a zip up the back of the pants. Wumpsey had put the pants on backwards and, if he wasn't wearing his panties, he could poke his penis out through the zip. "He's so proud of that," Melanie said.

"And did you teach him to write his name?"

"Certainly not. I showed him how to aim and taught him to draw squares on the ground."

We both had a laugh and left it at that. I checked with her that she was on for our voluntary civil patrol that afternoon and left it at that.

I wondered if I shouldn't give Rumpo an old pair of my trousers. Most geldings are on the short side. At about 13 or so, before they get too tall, they get a course of oestrogen to stop their growth. That also feminises them nicely. It gives them a smooth skin and just enough of a bust to make them mindful of the need to protect their boobs. That makes them behave better, not quite so boisterous. The actual gelding happens in infancy when they are a few days out of the incubator. They are circumcised at the same time.

I found some trousers for Rumpo, cut them to length and sewed up the new hems. Through the window of the sewing room I could see him in the garden, bottomless, practising his aim.

It's sometimes difficult to remember that pet geldings have absolutely no conception of sex or sexual desire. They are entirely innocent that way although they get up to other mischief and pissing shapes in the soil is one of them. Why do they do it? Because they can, of course.

It was a joke that they were obsessed with their penises. Perhaps there is some maleness left in pet geldings that makes them like that although I really think that those little danglers are just something they like to play with. Some pet gelding owners have the penis removed but I don't like that idea at all. Apart from leakage I like a pet gelding to have just that remnant of masculinity about him. It makes him a better companion.

I debated whether or not to give Rumpo his trousers there and then and decided against it. He looks so much nicer in a dress. He can wear his trousers when I'm at work. I called him in from the garden and told him to get ready to go out. His bladder must have been drained dry by that stage and he was happy enough to comply.

The nice thing about voluntary civil patrol is that you get to drive around in a car. Nobody has private transport any more on Cubella. They did once and it got out of hand. There were too many accidents. The voluntary civil patrol is mostly a public relations exercise. Sometimes you'll get a woman in trouble and we help her. Apart from that people simply like the idea of the patrol. They generally smile and wave and want to talk. Actual crime? Never. Quite frankly I've no idea what to do if one ever happened.

I arrived at the patrol centre with Rumpo looking quite decent for once. The pastel blue dress suited him. His straw hat and white gloves looked charming. His auburn hair fell smoothly onto his shoulders and he was carrying his handbag very properly on his forearm as I'd trained him. Melanie arrived just after me with Wumpsy.

We changed into our uniforms while Rumpo and Wumpsy unplugged the charger and drove the patrol car out. They loved doing that.

It was a lovely day. Melanie drove and the pets were perched on the special rear facing seats that had been installed for them. People waved. A woman wanted directions to her daughter's house. We stopped for coffee and had a natter with a few other people. We had to dissuade some of them from giving chocolates to Rumpo and Wumpsy who were deliberately acting cute in the hope that people would do that.

All in all it was the usual peaceful patrol. Afterwards, because it was such a lovely day, we thought it would be fun to try and drive up to the top of Puggins Pike. You couldn't always make it. Sometimes the battery ran out before the top but the run back down would recharge it enough to get back to the centre.

This time we got to the top and stopped to look at the view. Rumpo and Wumpsy were running about like mad things, rolling around and messing up their clothes. Melanie and I surveyed our peaceful little town and the magnificent views beyond. You could see into backyards and with the field glasses that were part of the car's kit I noticed quite a few women relaxing in the sun and getting their geldings to do things to them with fingers and tongue. We all knew that was a direct contravention of Regulation 3210 Section C but what the heck! Everyone indulged now and again and it's perfectly harmless. And it was a really good afternoon for it.

Then the radio crackled. No doubt Sergeant Shirley checking on us. Melanie answered. "Hi Shirl. Tarla and I got to the top of Puggins Pike."

Shirley's voice squawked out of the speaker. "Good thing as it happens. We've had a call from Reta Butler. She's in some sort of trouble."

Reta Butler was a vegetable grower who lived out in the country North of the Pike. She lived alone and seemed to prefer it that way, she was a most independent person. In her fifties I'd guess. Perhaps she'd had a fall and needed help.

We rounded up Rumpo and Wumpsy and set off down the North road from the hilltop. The road was bad with lots of potholes and we got thrown around. I'd seldom been on this road, the pets never. For them it was an exciting exploration and they were loving it. Melanie was worried about the charge in the battery and coasted as fast as she dared down the hill to maximise it.

The country was beautiful this side of the Pike. We drove alongside a small river for a while and the pets would have liked to play in it. There was a funny old stone bridge over the river that was only just wide enough for us to cross. A while later we drove through some trees up to Reta's place.

It had taken half an hour to get here. We walked up the footpath to Reta's front door, hoping that she wasn't badly hurt.

She wasn't. She opened her door to greet us. Reta was completely nude. That was normal enough. She lived alone and it was a nice day. You could tell from her tan that she wasn't much into clothes. "Sorry I bothered you," she said after the greetings. "I haven't been well lately and I had a bad turn. I'm all right now though."

Actually Reta didn't look at all well. Her face looked strained and pale.

"You sure you're all right?" Melanie asked her, concerned.

"Yes. Yes thank you. Excuse me for not inviting you in. I need to go and lay down."

"Reta, can we get a charge for our battery from you? We don't have enough to get back over the Pike."

"No. The power is off. Go through the pass. You should make it. Must go. I'm sorry."

She went back inside, closing the door.

"Odd," I remarked.

"Never known her like that," Melanie said.

We mounted the car and drove slowly to conserve the battery. We'd go as far as we could and then we'd have to leg it.

"Who was that lady?" Rumpo asked me.

"Her name is Reta Butler. She grows vegetables and she lives on her own."

"No she doesn't. She has a pet too." Wumpsy said.

"How do you know?" Melanie asked her pet.

"We saw him, didn't we Rumpo?"

"Yeah. He was hiding behind the drape. Seemed a bit shy."

"Expect he's a sitter," Wumpsy remarked. A sitter was a pet gelding who'd had his penis removed. Amongst the geldings not to have a penis was shameful, which was another good reason to leave them on. The fact that by that definition all women were sitters too didn't seem to occur to them.

Melanie stopped the car. We were already out of sight from Reta's house. She looked at me. "I bought some vegetables from Reta in town yesterday. She was fine then. And she didn't have a pet with her."

It didn't make sense. The pets wouldn't lie. And they'd know a dog from a gelding. We'd heard of vagrant women who roamed the countryside, living by begging and occasionally stealing. They were a nuisance but harmless enough. Give them a few coins and something to eat and they'd be on their way. Suppose they'd banded up and were into serious theft? Was that why Reta was acting so weird? Could that be what the pets saw?

"I suppose we ought to go back and check on her," Melanie said without much enthusiasm.

"Let's try the radio first."

Melanie did but the range of the Puggin Hills was in the way and there was no contact. We hadn't expected there would be.

By this stage it was late afternoon and the shadows were lengthening. It was scary. Nobody ever went out after dark. There was no reason to and besides, you couldn't see and might bump into something.

"We should walk back to the house," Melanie said, still worried about that darned battery.

"What about the pets?"

"We want to come," Rumpo said.

"Yeah. It'd be awful to have to wait here."

"Okay pets, listen to me." Melanie was a take charge kind of person and I was most happy about that. I didn't know what to do and was nervous.

"This is not a game and it could be dangerous." She told them, and me. "We all have to be very quiet. We're going to creep up to Ms. Butler's house and listen at the windows. We need to know if anyone else is there with her and if so who and how many. They might want to hurt us so they mustn't know we're there.

The pets look awestruck. This was for real. I realised they were excited rather than scared.

"If you are going to come with us you must do what you are told. If I say stop, you stay where you are. Understand?"

They nodded solemnly.

"And above all be silent. No noise."

They nodded again. They looked impressed. Their role in life was just to be entertaining diversions with a spot of housekeeping on the side; stress relievers for the busy woman That's what they were bred and trained for. Yet they seemed to me to be more ready for this than I was. I just hoped it was all a stupid mistake and there was a simple plausible explanation that we could all laugh at.

It was easy enough walking through the trees. It was when we got in sight of the house that we had to be careful. It was twilight. Electric lights were on inside the house. That was ominous. Reta had lied about the power being off. Or had it just come back on?

Wumpsy's grey pants suit was more suited to this sort of thing than Rumpo's pale blue dress which showed up more in the dark. Melanie and I were wearing dark blue trouser uniforms and ugly sensible shoes, ideal under the circumstances. We got up to an outbuilding, told the pets to wait there and Melanie and I went forward. It was dark enough by this stage to cross the open ground to the house without too much risk. I had no idea what risk, if any, but I felt safer in the dark.

Even as we approached I could hear muttered conversation. It sounded like men's deep voices that you get on holodisk movies from Earth. There weren't any men on this planet, not counting pets, so it had to be that.

Those movies are always so unrealistic. The way that Earth women would happily subordinate themselves to men just didn't make sense to me. I could understand them wanting sex now and again with a man. That was fair enough but their silly idea of a woman devoting her whole life just to one man didn't ring true for me, or any other woman on our planet. Still, they thought we were immoral to keep geldings as pets. Each to her own and it takes all sorts to fill a galaxy.

So old Reta was amusing herself with holodisk movies. They are considered a tad pornographic, having untreated males in them so no wonder she wanted to get rid of us so quickly. Well she could still help us charge our battery and I wouldn't mind watching her movie for the hour or so that it would take.

Melanie had been at another window. She came to where I was. "Reta's watching holodisks. The disgusting old thing."

"She didn't want us to know," I said.

Well, with that sorted out we went round to the front of the house, knocked on the door, called out "Reta" and went in. As we did so there was a projection of a huge ugly male with a gun standing in the living room. It was so realistic that for a second I fancied I could even smell him.

When Melanie, instead of walking through the projection bounced off him, I knew that I really could smell him. He was real. I'm not normally given to bad language but the words "Oh shit!" did escape my lips.

"Well, well, well!" The man said. He must have been almost as surprised as we were. "Such an embarrassment of riches."

He was wearing the orange overalls that prisoners in the movies wear. Could he have been an escaped prisoner? I'd heard that men generally are dangerous and some men like escaped prisoners especially so. Some will kill just for the sake of killing. On the other hand this was the first man I'd ever seen in the flesh so I was taking him in. He was big and I guessed had the great strength of men. His face was rough and craggy and there was stubbly hair on it.

Reta, still nude, came in, another man was holding her. "I tried to warn you," she said.

"So now what?" the second man asked the first.

The big guy looked at Melanie. "Take off your clothes."

She looked at him in astonishment. People just didn't say things like that.

"Please," he added.

Melanie shrugged and started to strip. Nudity is no big deal here on Cubella. It's a warm pleasant climate and a lot of people go nude for most of the time. On the other hand there aren't normally untreated males around. It kind of added a new dimension to it.

And there was something else, I was having an odd, rather unpleasant, feeling of resentment. I'd never experienced it before and was surprised by it. Why had he told Melanie to undress and not me? Surely I should have been pleased that it wasn't me?

The big man turned to the second one. "Jed, you can have this one. She's a fine lookin' woman." I presumed that was a compliment coming from a male. The look of happy anticipation on Jed's face caused my resentment to dissipate.

"Hey David," the big man yelled and a third man, daintier and smaller than the other two, entered.

"Yes, Rupert?" the third man said.

"Keep Reta company. Jed and me are gonna see to these two." The big man, presumably Rupert, had a hand on Melanie's buttocks. It said something for Melanie that she permitted him to do such a thing.

"Aww," said David.

The man called Jed was younger than Rupert, younger than me too, I guessed. He was of slender build and not bad looking in a male kind of way. Not that I'd ever seen an untreated man before but he was much better looking than Rupert.

He took my arm above the elbow and led me off to a bedroom. It occurred to me that he wanted to have sex with me. Sex is widely practised on planet Earth so I guessed these guys were from there. We on Cubella don't do sex. For one thing with modern conception and incubator techniques it isn't necessary and for another thing there's a serious risk of a random conception. The progeny of a random conception are likely to be disadvantaged through not having the benefit of DNA upgrade technology.

Earth as the mother planet of our species still exercised a cultural influence over her daughter planets so we've all read about sex and seen it on Earth movies. To us it seems kind of stupid, pointless and old-fashioned. Here on Cubella we manage perfectly well without it, so much so that untreated men aren't even allowed here. Still, having read so much about sex and knowing that Earth people rave about it at length I was curious to experience it and see what it was that they made such a fuss about.

Jed, I noticed seemed eager to give me the experience.

Presumably he would know what to do. In the bedroom I took off my clothes and waited for him to do something. All he did was stare at me.

"Hell. It's a long time since I've seen a woman as lovely as you."

I shrugged. "So what?. I've never seen an untreated man before in all my life."

He just continued to stare. It occurred to me I was having some odd effect on him. It was as if I were interfering with the workings of his brain. "Well get on with it then. Shouldn't you undress or something?"

He simply continued to stare at me. This didn't happen in the Earth holodisk movies. There they take charge and sweep a girl of her feet with their masculine strength and charm. I guess those movies were a stylised ideal. Or was it that Jed was mentally disturbed? I undid the velcro fastening of his orange overall and slipped it off him. It fell to his ankles.

It was interesting to look at him. His body was lean muscular and hairy. Most amazing of all was his huge penis and giant testicles in their bag. The penis had hair growing down a third of its length and looked absolutely hideous. The phrase 'grotesquely obscene' came to mind. I thought of Rumpo's cute little willie and how much nicer it looked. It was proof, if ever it were needed, that nature can't be trusted to look after things by herself. She needs a helping hand from humans to prevent this sort of obscenity from developing.

The penis stuck out in front of him. I tested it with a light touch. Beneath a layer of tender skin it was rock hard. I cupped his scrotum and could feel the testicles the bag contained. Interesting. Jed had a sudden intake of breath as I did that. I'd read that testicles were delicate but surely I hadn't hurt him with just that light touch? No. He seemed to have enjoyed it.

It got him out of his trance too. He lifted me up and cradled me in his arms. The feeling of his skin against mine wasn't unpleasant. There was something reassuring about his great strength being applied gently to me. It felt … nice.

He lay me on the bed and got on top. This was the classic sex position that I recognised from the movies. I was waiting for the extreme of ecstasy that happens to a woman in this situation, according to those movies. It wasn't actually unpleasant but it was a long way short of ecstasy.

He felt around my genitals, a bit like masturbation. A finger slid into my vagina. Well so far so good I thought but I didn't feel all that excited. Perhaps when he does it with the penis?

I felt something like anticipation when he placed his penis on my labia. This was it. The big moment. I felt the pressure increase.

All it did was hurt. He pressed hard and it hurt like hell.

It must have hurt him too. "Gee, honey. You a virgin or something?" he asked.

"What?"

"I've never known anything so tight. I can't get it in."

Several more attempts convinced us both that it wasn't going to go in. I felt bruised by the time Jed got off me and lay alongside me on his back

"I'm sorry." Heaven knows what made me apologise. Obviously his penis was so ridiculously and unnecessarily enormous that it wouldn't go in. I was pretty sure there was nothing wrong with my vagina. Heck, as far as sex was concerned I was still brand new.

I took his penis in both hands and got a closer look at it. Perhaps it was just as well he hadn't got it in. Penetration by this ugly organ could have done permanent damage to me

I thought he might like it if I could simulate a large vagina with my hand. I grasped his penis and moved the skin up and down like it would be inside a vagina. That seemed to work. It looked like he was enjoying it. I carried on with that action for a while and suddenly he arched his back, the penis twitched in my hand and gobs of white stuff shot out of the end of it.

That must be his sperm. How interesting.

Well, so much for sex I thought. Earth can have it. I got dressed and rejoined the others while Jed recovered.

David and Reta were getting on well; they were nattering away like old friends. Melanie was already there. We didn't speak but I guessed her experience was the same as mine.

Rupert joined us and sent David to get Jed.

"We've got to be going," he said when David and Jed got back.

"What about the girls?"

"Tie 'em up. We need a couple of hours start."

Andrew tied us up using Reta's horticultural twine. "Bondage can be such fun," he said. "What a pity we can't stop and play."

Rupert thanked us politely before they left. They couldn't have been more than halfway down Reta's garden path when the whole world seemed to light up.

"Freeze. You're covered." It was Sergeant Shirley's voice over a loud hailer. Then Rumpo and Wumpsy came bounding in and untied us all. I was really pleased to see Rumpo. I gave him a big hug which he dutifully tolerated.

Sergeant Shirley explained what had happened. "We got a message from Ganymede that three dangerous escapees had disappeared down a wormhole that ended near Cubella. Then you didn't call in so we got worried."

"We knew your pets were at Reta's from their locator chips. We guessed you’d be there too. So we mounted a rescue operation just in case. Did those men give you any trouble?"

"No," said Melanie. "No trouble at all."

"What's going to happen to those men," I asked.

"It would cost too much to send 'em back. I suppose we'll have to send 'em to Belarius."

Sergeant Shirley got onto her satellite communicator to organise the transport. It took a while and we watched as she listened, with a frown to some long story.

"Belarius doesn't want them," she told us. "So now what?"

There was some discussion about it. In the end Sergant Shirley decided "We'll treat 'em and they can work for Reta. We can't have 'em in town but out here it should be okay. Would that be all right with you Reta?"

"Do you have to treat 'em?" Reta said.

Sergeant Shirley gave Reta a look. "You know men aren't allowed on Cubella. Strictly speaking even late geldings are illegal. But we don't have any option."

So that's what happened. Just to be on the safe side Sergeant Shirley had them turned into sitters.

Oh, and Rumpo loves his trousers. He likes to run around with his willie hanging out of the zip just to show off.

End