by

Kortpeel

Sarah insisted I had my foreskin cut off before she would marry me. We�d had plenty of sex already but marriage was serious.

There was some argument about it. I thought she was being silly to insist on such superstitious nonsense. She was upset by my attitude. Eventually, after a long agonising decision I agreed. I had it done under a local anaesthetic and watched and winced as they did it. It occurred to me at the time that true love had its downside.

What I hadn�t known was it took six weeks for the wound to heal, hence it would be six weeks before my prick could return to active service. As we�d already planned the wedding for three weeks after my circumcision, it appeared that we were in for a very chaste honeymoon.

�Never mind. We�ll have lots to look forward to.� Sarah, as upset as I was, was trying to look on the bright side.

She bought a male chastity device and locked it onto my willie. The idea was to avoid any condition would tear open the stitches. She made a point of disinfecting my wound and applying fresh bandages. The attention was risky and those stitches got stretched from her attention.

The worst happed and some of the stitches tore while we were on honeymoon. Blood poured out. Sarah rushed me to the nearest hospital where the emergency room doctor, a lovely dark haired woman in her early 30s injected something to get rid of the erection. However I was all too aware of having my new wife, the doctor plus two pretty, very intrigued nurses staring at my bleeding willie waiting for the erection to subside.

To my surprise I was enjoying the attention but the copious blood supply that my brain was sending to my prick was pouring out on to the operating table. It took another injection and a hefty sedative before detumescence was achieved.

They sewed me up down there but I�d lost so much blood they decided to admit me overnight.

Around midnight the painkiller was wearing off and the pain was enough to pull me out of deep sleep. I kept ringing for the nurse but it was a good half hour before she came and by then I was in agony. She gave me a knockout pill and I slept until six. Then the nurses woke me for their shift changeover.

�How are we feeling this morning,� the ward sister asked. She asked that question every morning of all the patients in her ward.

�Bloody awful,� I gasped. �It�s hurting like hell down there.�

The ward sister gave me a patronising look: �the big strong man who can�t take an iddy biddy pain.�

She drew the curtain around my bed, pulled back the blankets and saw the area concerned.

Her �Oh shit!� wasn�t quite the reaction I expected. All I needed was just another painkiller.

When the doctor on duty took a look at the source of the pain he turned pale. He repeated the sister�s words exactly.

The urologist saw it and gave one of those indrawn breaths between pursed lips. �Surgery.�

�No!� Pain or no pain I was ready to flee.

�Sorry. It�s your penis or your life. You�ve got necrotising fasciitis. The sooner you�re in theatre the more of it we can save.�

They did it under a local anaesthetic and I, wide awake, was in despair. They cut back on what would be an inch of erect penis but the infection had gone on ahead inside the urethra. On television surgeons are always calm and cool and a nurse with beautiful eyes above her mask wipes his brow for him. This time the guy wielding the scalpel had sweat dripping off his forehead and I saw that his hand was shaking.

It isn�t going well, I thought.

They had yet to reach clean flesh and the surgeon called for general anaesthetic.

I came round from a bad dream some five hours later. As my mind resumed working I knew the reality was worse than anything the subconscious had conceived. They�d cut off my prick! Thoughts of the easiest way to end it all went through my mind.

The doctor on duty came round and gave me the details. They�d taken my penis right off at the base but then they�d had to tunnel in and cut out another two inches of urethra. �We�ve brought it out behind the scrotum for micturation.�

�For what?�

�So you can pee. Your wee hole is now behind your balls,�

�Oh shit!�

�Very close,� the doctor agreed. �But you�re alive and as far as we can tell you�ll live. You�re clear of the nasty little bug that was eating your penis. Couple of days in here and you�ll be able to go back to your honeym�� the doctor�s voice tailed off. He looked embarrassed.

�Look old chap, cases like yours are extremely rare but the literature suggests that when the penis is gone it may be worth while having the testes removed as well.�

�Hell! You want my balls off now?�

�Thing is you can�t ejaculate. What�s the point of a sex drive without a penis? It can be torment. We can extract your sperm and deep freeze it if you want. That gives you the option to have kids any time in the future. But you won�t burn with unrelievable lust and eternal anger at your loss. You don�t have to say anything now but keep it at the back of your mind.�

I stayed in hospital for another two days. I was so withdrawn they got me to see a counsellor. He made me see that there were things to live for beyond just fucking. He decided I wasn�t a suicide risk and they let me go from the hospital. Back to my honeymoon!.

Of course I felt depressed and useless. I told Sarah she could have a divorce or an annulment if she wanted. I was even too upset to be angry with her for wanting that stupid circumcision.

It didn�t matter. Sarah was on her own personal guilt trip.She would burst into tears whenever she saw my penectomy scar. I couldn�t understand why, if it upset her so much, she kept wanting to look at it. She was so upset that I became fearful for her and came out of my own internal crisis in order to support her.

Back home we got into a routine for our daily lives. At least, losing my prick had nothing to do with earning a living. Sarah, being female, had to tell the whole bloody world what had happened, which was a matter of absorbing interest to all her friends. It made my own adjustment even more difficult.

When she got me to show off the site of the surgery to her friend Jessica I got a phantom erection which was actually quite pleasant. Trouble was, of course, there was no orgasmic outcome to it.

After that Sarah learnt how to give a prostate massage. It was a poor substitute for the real thing though. I found that unrelieved lust made me irritable and I had to exercise extreme self control not to lose my temper. I remembered the words of that doctor and began to think in terms of having the testes removed. I realised that it would make life easier. I discussed it with Sarah.

Her suggestion was to start a family before that happened. It would save the deep freeze part of it.

There is nothing romantic about artificial insemination. Sarah held a syringe up against the wee hole behind my balls to catch the discharge from her prostage massaging, no needle of course. Then I replaced the plunger and inserted the whole syringe into Sarah�s vagina and pushed the sperm into her. After a few tries Sarah got Jessica to do the catching of the sperm in the syringe part. Sarah found it difficult to massage with one hand and catch sperm in the other. �It�s a two woman job,� she told me when she was asking me to agree to Jessica being there.

Of course we could have got a doctor to do it but what the hell!. This way was more fun. And it was free.

Over the next four years we had three kids using that method. All girls and enough to keep Sarah busy and not to be too bothered about my inability to service her. It was during that period that I noticed that she and Jessica had become very close and spent time alone together. That was fine with me. Sarah had her needs and having Jessica meet them was less threatening than having some other man doing it.

It was on the occasion of our youngest child�s first birthday I mentioned the topic of lust removal to Sarah. There were a lot of attractive young mothers at our toddler�s party and I felt sick at the unrelievable lust they engendered. That feeling had been growing with time. I�d been trying to deal with it and now I just didn�t want to have to bother any more.

�Are you okay with me and Jessica?� Sarah asked. Their relationship was pretty much an open secret between us at that stage.

�Yes. She can move in with us if that�s what you both want.�

I hadn�t needed to see a doctor since my penectomy. Sarah knew her GP well from having three kids. She made the appointment and came along with me.

Sarah did most of the talking. �We�re here about having my husband, Jed, castrated.� I�m darn sure Sarah enjoyed saying that.

The GP�s reaction was a picture. If I�d still had a prick I would have got a hard on. �There are less drastic forms of birth control,� the doctor replied.

Sarah gave her the whole story. I think Dr. Angela Brown was fascinated both personally and professionally. She had a look at the site, remarked that the surgery seemed to have been very well done. There was hardly any scar there and it looked like I�d never ever had a penis. She checked out my wee hole and asked if it had given me any problems. �Only while it was healing,� Sarah answered on my behalf. �No trouble since then. Jed is very strong on personal hygiene.�

�I�m inclined to agree with you about the benefit of castration in this case,� Dr. Brown told Sarah after a moment�s thought. �But this is so unusual I�d like to do a little research before we proceed. I want you both to be well informed before you give consent.�

The next visit was practically a lecture on the effects of castration. If she hadn�t known already, Dr. Brown had certainly researched the topic. The ultimate effect apparently varied from one man to another and there were unpredictable health consideration like osteoporosis, loss of physical strength and weight gain. She wanted me to consult a psychiatrist, as a precaution and �Oh, would you want the scrotum removed as well?�

�I think so,� Sarah said. �Then he�ll be nice and tidy down there.�

�You know, there�s something intriguing about a man having his balls off,� Jessica remarked that evening after the kids were in bed. She and Sarah having discussed it in depth. �But I can�t see why that should be.�

�No. I don�t understand it either. I wonder how it will change him. He�s already a gentle person.� It seemed to me those girls were getting a thrill out of my balls coming off. They were too shy to admit it though.

Sarah had an idea. �We should get some before and after pictures,�

�Good idea.� They both looked at me. �Would you mind Jed?�

�Next thing you�ll want to get a video of the procedure,� I grumbled, dropping my pants for the before shots.

�You know it�s such a waste,� Jessica remarked looking at my balls. �I wonder if they could transplant them on to me.�

�I prefer you as you are,� Sarah told her. �Besides you�re a different blood group from Jed. The tissue wouldn�t match.�

�Mmmyeah. Seems such a pity to waste them though, perfectly good pair of testicles.�

The consult with the psychiatrist was a mere formality. This time Sarah wasn�t there and I could at least speak for myself. Between Sarah and Jessica I was beginning to feel like a non-person.

Sarah had organised with Dr. Brown for her to be present and for Jessica to take the video. Dr. Brown agreed as long as she got a copy of it.

When I got onto the operating table it reminded me of my circumcision which had been the cause of all this. Sarah had shaved off all my pubic hair for the occasion and I wondered whether it would ever grow again.

All three were masked and gowned. There was a tray of instruments ready. The local anaesthetic went in. Dr. Brown gave a commentary for the video. Jessica was busy with the camera. Sarah was gently rubbing a hand over her pube.

Once the anaesthetic had taken effect Dr. Brown sliced around the base of my scrotum and removed it in one piece. My balls were hanging in the air. She clamped up the left testicular cord, severed it and sewed it up. The same with the other one. The balls joined my scrotum in the kidney shaped bowl of stainless steel.

Next Dr. Brown trimmed the edges left by my scrotum and seemed to take particular care sewing them together.

So there I was: the complete nullo. The sedative took over. I was relaxed and didn�t give a damn about anything. Dying must be like this was my last thought before I dropped off into sleep.

Sarah and Jessica watched the video of my castration over and over again. It seemed to have an effect on them. They liked the before and after pictures too. Jessica remarked that it was such a pity that there weren�t any pictures with my prick still attached, before and after the circumcision. �Then we�d have a complete set.� Well, at least someone was enjoying my loss.

One good thing: Dr. Brown�s surgery healed up perfectly without and horrible infections or other complications. Both Sarah and Jessica were pleased with the result and loved my featureless pube.

Now it�s four years since my castration. Our youngest has just started school.

For me the eunuch calm works and I never ever get flustered or angry. I have lost a lot of strength and I have thickened around the waist. My bones were pronounced fine at my last check up.

The household consist of Sarah and Jessica who mostly sleep together, our three little girls and myself. It is overwhelmingly feminine. Sarah is bi, Jessica is gay but still feminine and not a bit butch. We are happy and I love them all.

But best of all is the complete absence of lust. What a relief that is. When it�s gone you don�t miss it. When it�s there it controls practically your every thought.

Even so, my advice to any man who has an intact foreskin is to leave well alone. If you cut it off you lose the best part. And what happened to me could happen to anyone. But it isn�t the end of the world.

End