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Thirty Minutes with Dr. Geller [Screenplay version] (Morning. The outer office of Dr. Kristin Geller, M.D. A well-dressed woman enters holding the hand of a young boy. She points to the row of chairs along the wall. A woman and a slightly younger boy are already sitting there. Both look up as the two enter the office. The boy immediately slouches back into his chair and stares at the floor.) WOMAN: Brad, sit over there while I tell the receptionist we’re here. BOY: Yes, Mama. Will it take long? WOMAN: Well, it looks like there’re only a couple of people ahead of us. Probably that woman and boy are together, so they’ll just count as one appointment. It shouldn’t take long. BOY: That’s good. I hate doctors’ offices. WOMAN: There are some magazines on the table. Why don’t you see if there’s something to read? BOY: They’re always old ones that I’ve already read at home. I should have brought a GameBoy to play. I’m hungry. Will you really take me to McDonalds after? WOMAN: Well Brad, if you’re a good boy through the appointment and behave yourself, I’ll take you to McDonalds for lunch. You can even order whatever you like. You just need to sit quietly for a bit. It shouldn’t take too long. (The boy heads toward the chairs and the woman approaches the receptionist’s desk.) WOMAN: Good morning. I’m Angela Jones. Bradley Jones has an 11:00 appointment with Dr. Geller. RECEPTIONIST: Yes. Good morning, Mrs. Jones. You’re a bit early, but we should be seeing Bradley right on schedule. Our records show that it’s been nearly a year since we’ve seen him. The appointment says that this is just for a regular check-up, but is there anything special that you’d like for Dr. Geller to check? WOMAN: Well…. Well, Bradley has just turned 11 and his father and I were wondering…. Well, we were wondering, most of his friends have already been snipped, and we were wondering whether Dr. Geller would think…. would think that maybe it’s time for him. RECEPTIONIST: I’ll make a note of that on Bradley’s record so that Dr. Geller will be sure to check on that. Since parents generally have strong feelings about whether to snip or not, she wouldn’t bring it up unless you asked. WOMAN: Maybe that’s why she didn’t mention it the last time we were in. RECEPTIONIST: Probably so. Unless you brought it up somehow, she would never mention it. Is there anything else that Dr. Geller should know about? WOMAN: No, that’s the main reason we’re here today. RECEPTIONIST: O.K., why don’t you sit down. It should only be a few minutes. (Just then, a nurse walks out of the back and looks out at the seating area.) NURSE: Tyler Moretti. Dr. Geller is ready to see you now. (Tyler makes himself even smaller in his chair and looks pleadingly at his mother.) TYLER: I don’t want to see Dr. Geller! TYLER’S MOTHER: Tyler. You don’t have a choice. You know that you need to be checked. Stand up. Let’s go. TYLER: I don’t want to be snipped. I want to go home! TYLER’S MOTHER: Don’t be such a worrywart. This is just a check-up. You’ve seen Dr. Geller lots of times already. She doesn’t just snip any boy who happens to have an appointment. She’d need to talk it over with the boy and his parents and set up an appointment just for the surgery. You’re not going to be snipped. This is just your regular check-up. (Aside to the nurse) Two of Tyler’s friends were snipped just last week. We’ve told him that we don’t plan to snip him, but he’s terrified that it’s going to happen to him today. Do what you can to relax him. NURSE: (quietly) I understand. We’ll start him off with a tranquilizer and work from there…. (more loudly) O.K., Tyler. Let’s head on in. Your records show that you need a couple of booster shots and just a regular check-up. You should tell the doctor if there’s anything special that she needs to check in addition. (The three of them walk into the back area, the mother gripping Tyler’s hand firmly and nearly dragging him as he reluctantly follows.) WOMAN: (as she sits next to her son) Well, Brad. I sure hope you don’t make a scene like that boy did. BOY: What scene. He just said that he didn’t want to be snipped. I’d probably scream and run out the door if I thought it was going to happen to me. I’d really make a scene. You probably couldn’t have even dragged me into the office. WOMAN: Yes, I know you would. Anyway, just like the nurse said, the doctor doesn’t just snip boys who happen to show up. I’m sure it would take a special appointment and there would be all kinds of preparation the boy would need to do beforehand. Remember what Jeremy told you just a few days ago about getting snipped last month. He wasn’t allowed to eat anything for 12 hours before his appointment and both of his parents had to take him in so that they could sign all of the papers. You ate breakfast this morning, and your father is at work. BOY: O.K. I guess I just worry too much. Too many of my friends are snipped. I sure don’t want to be. WOMAN: That’s all right. Just relax. See if there’s anything here that you haven’t read already. Maybe some of the magazines are so old that you’ve already forgotten what they say and they’ll be new again. (After about ten minutes a blonde little girl about Bradley’s age and her mother enter the Doctor’s office. The girl looks straight at Bradley, and without saying a word walks over and sits down directly opposite him. Bradley looks at her and immediately sits up straight and tries to look as tall as possible while still seated. He picks up the magazine he’s reading and holds it out in front of him – looking at the girl over the top, rather than continuing to read. The two smile at each other.) (About five minutes later the nurse re-enters the reception area) NURSE: Bradley Jones, the doctor is ready to see you now. BOY: O.K., I’m ready. Mama, you can wait here for me. You don’t need to come in. NURSE: Actually, she does need to come in. We need her in the room for the exam as well. BOY: Why? NURSE: Dr. Geller always likes to have a parent in the room whenever she does an exam. That way she can ask questions where you may not know the answer. BOY: What kind of questions? NURSE: Well, we often have questions about what happened when patients were still very small. We don’t want to have to stop everything and come out here to ask your mother about them. Is it O.K. for her to be in the room, or are you too embarrassed? BOY: It’s O.K. It’s just that I’m a big boy now and I don’t need her there to hold my hand. WOMAN: That’s O.K., Brad. I’ll just sit quietly in a corner unless Dr. Geller has a question for me. I’ll even take my magazine in to have something to read while she examines you. (The three go into the hallway of the back area of the office) NURSE: Bradley, you need to slip off your shoes and stand on the scale here…. Now let me check your height…. Let’s see, you’re 93 pounds. You’ve gained eleven pounds since your last visit and you’ve shot up almost five inches. You’ve hit five feet exactly. You’re sure a growing boy! BOY: Yeah. I’m the tallest boy in my class. NURSE: Yes, you’re definitely growing up. You look like you ought to be shaving soon. MOTHER: I hope not! NURSE: Well, not for a while, anyway. O.K., Bradley, just head for that room down there with the open door. (The three of them enter a standard examination room. Bradley stands in the middle of the room while his mother sits down in a chair in the corner.) NURSE: Bradley, you need to hop up on the table here so that I can check your pulse rate and blood pressure. BOY: Yes, ma’am. (The nurse then checks both his pulse and blood pressure, writing down the results on his chart. She then looks back up at him.) NURSE: Your records say that you need a couple of booster shots, so why don’t we just start with them and get it over with. The rest of the exam will be much easier if you’re not worried about the shots. BOY: O.K. How many do I need? NURSE: It looks like you need two different ones. How about one in each arm? (The nurse goes out of the room and quickly returns with two hypodermic needles. After giving Bradley the two shots, she picks up the chart that she had left on the counter.) NURSE: Bradley, you need to get undressed for the doctor. Take off everything except your undershorts for your exam. Dr. Geller will be with you in just a few minutes. She’s just finishing off with the patient ahead of you. (The nurse takes the clipboard with Bradley’s chart on it with her as she leaves and shuts the door behind her. Bradley begins undressing, keeping turned away from his mother the entire time. After about three or four minutes, there’s a quick knock and the door opens. Dr. Geller walks in holding the chart.) DR. GELLER: Good morning, Bradley. Good morning, Mrs. Jones. BOY: Good morning, Ma’am. WOMAN: Good morning, Dr. Geller. It’s good to see you again. DR. GELLER: Yes, it’s been a while, hasn’t it…. Let’s see what the nurse got with her measurements. Bradley, you’re now at the 97th percentile for your age in height. That means that only 3 in a hundred boys your age are as tall as you are. Are you the tallest sixth grader in your school? BOY: I think so. DR. GELLER: I would expect that you probably are. Your weight, though, is only at the 70th percentile. You look fine, but it wouldn’t hurt to gain a bit of weight. O.K., Bradley, let’s start with listening to your lungs. (The doctor then goes through a standard examination routine, while Mrs. Jones looks studiously at the magazine that she has brought, only surreptitiously glancing at the exam in progress a couple of times.) DR. GELLER: O.K., Bradley, stand up and take off your undershorts. We need to do the final part of the exam. BOY: Do I really need to with my mother here? DR. GELLER: Are you too embarrassed to undress in front of your mother? BOY: No, but I’d rather not. DR. GELLER: That’s all right. Lots of boys get embarrassed when they start growing. It’s not unusual. Why don’t you turn this way so you can’t see your mother and just pretend she doesn’t exist…. BOY: Yeah. I guess I can do that. She won’t be able to see anything, will she? DR. GELLER: No, she won’t. (The boy turns and pulls down his undershorts as Dr. Geller pulls over a stool to sit on while she examines his genitals.) DR. GELLER: You really are growing up. You’re no longer a little boy, but you’re not quite a young man yet. You’ve hit that magical middle ground where you can almost pass as either. First, I need to feel your testicles to see that they’re healthy and growing properly…. They feel just fine. Now comes the worst part. I’m going to check you for hernias, and that means that I need to push my finger in pretty hard to feel for them…. O.K., Bradley. Turn your head to one side and cough…. That side feels fine. Now the other side. Cough again. No sign of any hernia. That’s good. Since this is your first exam since you’ve started to mature, we need to start a new chart of your measurements down here. You’ve got your first few downy hairs over your penis. Pretty soon they’ll start to darken in color and get coarser in texture. In about six months you’ll probably begin growing a mustache. With your dark hair, it’ll probably be a pretty black mustache. WOMAN: Will he really be getting a mustache that soon? He’s still just a little boy! DR. GELLER: He may be only eleven, but he’s a very mature eleven. If I didn’t have his records in front of me to know better, he could pass for thirteen. WOMAN: You mean he could pass for a teenager? DR. GELLER: And with his hormones kicking in, he’ll be acting like one before you know it. O.K., Bradley, I need to measure your penis. I’m going to take hold of the tip and pull it gently while I measure its length. BOY: That’s all right, but why do you have to stretch it like that? DR. GELLER: That’s the best way to get an accurate measurement that we can compare with the next time you’re in. You measure three and a quarter inches. That’s awfully big for an eleven year old. Now see this string of beads? They’re all different sizes and they’re testicle shaped. I’m going to feel each of your testicles and try to match them with the same size bead to see how big they are. Little boys generally start out with testicles that are two cubic centimeters in size. That’s the smallest bead. When boys start to mature, their testicles are the first part to grow. We can say that a boy has truly entered puberty as soon as his testicles reach 4 cc. Adult men usually measure 12 or more. Let’s see where you are on that scale. Hmmm…. Well, Bradley, your left testicle is a bit more than 6 cc and your right is now at 7. You’re well along into puberty by every measure. And with all of this attention, I see that your penis is now absolutely stiff. How often does it get stiff like this? BOY: I don’t know, but it sure happens a lot. Maybe twenty or thirty times a day. DR. GELLER: How often do you play with it when it’s stiff? Now don’t blush like that. Every maturing boy plays with his stiff penis. That’s perfectly normal. Every single boy who hasn’t been snipped plays with his penis. They all do. BOY: Yeah, it sure is fun. Most of my friends have been snipped and their penises are all tiny and don’t get stiff. Of those who haven’t been snipped, mine is the biggest. They all want to play with mine when we have sleep-overs. DR. GELLER: Well, Mrs. Jones, you’ve certainly left it a bit late. He’s not only oversexed, but also spending a lot of time in sexual play with boys. But if he has the operation without further delay…. BOY: No! I’m not going to be snipped. I’m not! WOMAN: Bradley, your father and I have talked about it and we certainly think that it’s time for you. You were such a good little boy, but you’ve become wilful and unmanageable recently. Your teacher has complained that you don’t pay attention in class. You’re always staring at the girls and playing with the front of your pants. Boys who’ve been snipped pay attention in class and study harder. They obey their parents far better than you do. BOY: No! I’m not going to be snipped. I won’t let you! DR. GELLER: Bradley, it’s entirely up to your parents. They get to decide what’s best for you. If they’ve decided that you ought to be snipped, that’s what will happen. You don’t really need your testicles, you just want them to play with. In a few weeks you won’t even miss them. BOY: But I like having them. I like playing. I like being the biggest. DR. GELLER: That may all be very nice, but they don’t do anything that you really need. Think of the advantages. How many times have you been hit in the balls when you’re playing football? How many times have one of your friends accidently kicked you in the balls? They hurt. Wouldn’t it be better if they weren’t there? BOY: No! Even if they hurt, I want to have them! DR. GELLER: How much time do you waste having your penis stiff and demanding attention? You said that it gets stiff twenty or thirty times a day and that you waste time playing with it three or four times a day. That’s an incredible waste of time – probably hours out of every day. You can do so much more without them. You’ll be much better off after you’re snipped. BOY: NO! NO! NO…O…O…O! DR. GELLER: Mrs. Jones, Bradley’s maturing so fast that I think it would be best to perform his surgery as soon as possible. Today would probably be best. The nurse and I can set everything up and do his snip over the noon hour. The receptionist can fill out all of the paperwork for you to sign while we’re getting him ready. It’s really very minor surgery and doesn't take long at all to do. WOMAN: Yes, I think that would be best. Do you need any help getting him ready? I’m just surprised at how calm he is. I thought he’d be running out the door by now. DR. GELLER: Well, the first shot he got was a pretty heavy tranquilizer. I knew he’d be upset about the idea, but he’s far calmer than I had expected. Now, Mrs. Jones, if you’d just go out and tell the receptionist that I need the nurse in here to help me get set up for a snip and that she needs to fill out all of the paperwork for you to sign, if she hasn’t already while we’ve been in here. She should know to tell the next patient that we’ll be running a bit late, but not too late. (The woman leaves and closes the door behind her.) DR. GELLER: Now, Bradley, you can leave all of your clothes in here for now. We just need to go across the hall to the surgery so that we can get started. BOY: No. I don’t want to. DR. GELLER: Bradley, it doesn’t matter what you want. Your parents have decided that you will be better off snipped. Your mother is going to sign the paperwork. No matter what you want, you’ll be castrated within the hour. It’s much better and easier if you’re cooperative. Even if you fight, it’ll still happen. It’ll just be harder on you and more painful. Now come along. We’ll use enough pain killer that you won’t feel a thing. In a few weeks you won’t even miss having balls. Come on. Right now! (The boy looks dejected and resigned to his fate as Dr. Geller opens the door. He shyly puts his hands over his genitals, penis still erect, as he walks straight across the hall to the surgery |