I didn't make any move then, but I wanted her from day one. Two years later her sister and I broke up. She had just broken up with some guy, so we got together, went out for some drinks. Her eyes sparkled, her hair ran in golden cascades to her shoulders, perfect shoulders, above perfect breasts.

We made out behind the bar, in a dirty alley. I grabbed her perfect ass, my dick rock hard and grinding into her leg. That's when she started crying.

I went home with blue balls. I had an erection the whole way home- it felt dirty, stained from the alleyway. A dirty mind, a dirty dick, a dirty soul. I wished I could just get rid of it. Be free from all the problems, all the pain. All the desire. I jerked off at home, imagining cutting it off and giving it to her as an apology, to show she meant more to me than sex.

I tried to talk to her next week, tried to tell her how I felt. She explained through tears it just wasn't right. When I wouldn't listen, she shut the door in my face.

What a jerk I was.

I went my way, and she went hers. I heard she moved down to Los Angeles, tried to start a career as a professional actress. I heard stories about drugs, wild parties, failed auditions. I saw her twice through the years, and each time she seemed worse. Deteriorating.

The fantasies never left me, and each time I thought of her. I imagined a dozen different ways she could take my dirty cock, that would make me hers, and her mine.

The beginning of the end came when my career took me to LA. I got in touch with some aquaintances, and found out she'd taken to stripping, and even turning tricks. I stopped by the place she danced, sat in the shadows, in the back. She came out like the goddess she was, radiant in the spotlight, her perfect tits naked and free where I could see them- for the first time. My cock grew rigid immediately, but all I wanted was for her to take it from me. After the dance, I fled the bar in a haze of lust.

A few days later, my heart pounding in my throat, I called her up. I explained I'd moved to town, gotten her number from a friend. I worked into conversation that I'd heard she was dancing, and asked if she'd mind if I came and watched some night. She didn't like that- she was silent for so long I was afraid she wouldn't answer. Finally she said, "fine," and we agreed on Thursday.

After the dance, she came and sat at my table. Up close, she looked like shit. There were dark bags under her eyes. She was thin as a rail. I felt sorry for her; I just wanted to take her in my arms, hold her, protect her, tell her everything was going to be okay. That was a nice dream, but the reality was her and me, sitting at arms length, oceans apart, as she spilled her guts and told me all about her rotten life.

Halfway through I was starting to be able to tell this wasn't a call for sympathy, she was asking for something. She dropped it at the end, asking me for a loan, just a little something, to help her get through the month. Three hundred dollars.

This was one of those moments when the world turns. Different paths open up before you, and you pick one. I swallowed hard, and said that I'd give it to her if she gave me a blowjob in the back of my car. Sometimes, once you say something, you can never go back.

She looked me right in the eye for almost the first time, and maybe it was my imagination, but I thought I could see something die in her eyes. Finally she told me to meet her in half an hour. She had another dance coming up, and this time- it was directed right at me. Every brush of my pants against my cock was sweet torture. I blamed my cock, that delicious swollen tumescence which ruled my life. If only I could be free of it...

A few minutes after the dance, she appeared in the doorway, in a long coat, beckoning me. Within a few moments, we were in my car, her delicate, long fingers (which I had always loved) pulling down my zipper. I groaned when she brought it out, and she went down on me like a pro. It felt so good to be rigid and out in the open, to feel her tongue rolling around my head, to feel her teeth- Oh god! I told her to bite it for me, just a bit, and she gave me a quizzical look, but she did it obligingly. I told her, "harder" and she did it harder. My knees locked and hot cum spurted down my shaft into her mouth, spasm after spasm of it- and at that moment, a strange thing happened. All sensation vanished from my cock. It was a nerveless appendage, performing a purely mechanical function of spurting. The truth hit me with brilliant clarity- I wanted her to bite it off. No other way. She had to bite it.

I was so flustered by this thought, I could hardly think as she wiped the cum from her lips. I pulled out three hundreds from my wallet and handed them to her, my mouth open, but no words coming out. She kissed me on the cheek, her eyes flat, and let herself out of the car.

I spent the next weeks in a frenzy of lust, too excited to think of anything but her, too nervous to call her. I wrote page after page of fantasies, drew designs for penis guillotines and amateur depictions of women's teeth biting off raging cocks. I chain-masturbated- or spent days at a time trying to deny myself orgasms, trying to imagine what it would be like without it. All the time, I couldn't wait for it to end, to be free of my member forever- but each time I thought that, it's hold over me grew stronger, and I could think of nothing but it swollen in my pants, demanding its next release.

Then she called me. When I picked up the phone and heard her voice, I was so stunned I almost couldn't speak at first.

"Hello?" she said, "Hello? Are you there?"

Finally, "Yeah, hi, it's me. What's up?"

"I was wondering... do you want to get together again?" she asked softly, "I... I need another loan."

I swallowed hard, trying to envision how I would tell her what I wanted, but I only said, "Sure thing."

When we met up, outside a park late at night, she looked even worse than before. She tried to make out with me under the streetlights, but I just felt repulsed. I wanted it to be real, not like this. I took her hand in mine and said, "Listen... I wanted to tell you something."

"Please, don't-" she said, "I don't need to hear it-" angry tears lay just under the surface.

"No wait! You don't understand, I-" my voice froze up.

She looked about ready to turn away, but stopped, waiting, listening.

"I want you to do something very special for me. Something different." I said, picking my words carefully. She looked skeptical, so I added, "I would be willing to pay you a lot of money."

Suddenly, she looked ready to smile again. She moved close to me, pressing her breasts against my belly. She took my hand and whispered, "Let's go to your car..."

In the car, she unzipped my pants, and took out my cock, which was strangely only semi-hard. It stiffened rapidly under her touch, and more so when I thought of what I was about to say.

"I want you to hold it in your hand. I want you to look at my cock, and feel it in your fingers, as I tell you this. I have a fantasy..." my heart was beating so hard I could hardly speak, "...of not having that anymore."

She gave me kind of a quizzical look, but seemed willing to listen. She asked, "your dick?" and gave it a friendly stroke- which made me gasp in illicit pleasure and a drop of pre-cum emerge from it's head.

"Yeah. I imagine not having it anymore." As I said that, I was keenly aware of every inch of it, embraced loosely in her palm.

She made a face, like she only now really understood what I was saying, and said, "You mean, like, cut it off!?"

If possible, it stiffened even further, and I had to catch my breath before continuing, "Yeah. Like that."

"What would you do? I mean, how would you enjoy sex after that?" she asked, sounding half disgusted and half curious.

"Well, I guess I wouldn't anymore." I couldn't believe I was sitting here, talking about this, with the girl of my dreams. In the shadows of my car, I couldn't see the bags under her eyes. They sparkled in the light from the single streetlamp, and I felt again what it was like to be in love.

"Okay, this is too wierd- I'm sorry, but don't involve me in your sick fantasies." She dropped my erection and drew her coat around herself, starting to reach for the door.

"Wait! Please! Just- I'll pay you two thousand dollars!" She froze. The number hung between us for a long moment.

"You're fucking serious!?" she asked me, "You fucking want me to cut off your fucking prick?"

"I'm dead serious." I said soberly. She stared at me, then said, "Why?"

The words came to me as naturally as if I'd rehearsed them, even though in all my fantasies it had never occured to me she might ask this question. I said, "Because I'm in love with you. I've been in love with you for years, and this is the only way I can show you how much I care. I want you to have the most precious part of me, and if you won't take me with it... I still want you to take it."

A shadow fell over her face, years of pain, abuse and failure in a single shadow.

"I don't deserve that." she said.

"Yes you do." I replied, not missing a beat.

"You don't know me, asshole! You don't know me at all! You think I'm some pretty goddess you can fuck and leave- no, I forgot, you're too good for that shit, you think you're some knight in shining armor who can come in and save me by making a fucking statement, and that I'm some too good for words princess who will make you happy forever and ever! Well I'm not that girl, and you're not that guy. You're a fucked up loser who wants a hooker to cut off his prick, and I'm a fucked up whore who needs the money badly enough that she just might do it."

I expected her to start crying, and for a moment I thought I heard her voice breaking, but when she stopped speaking, she was as still as she had been before. No emotion on her face but the shadow.

I lowered my eyes, then said softly, "Maybe if I didn't have it in the first place, I could have been something better. Maybe if no men had them, you could have been something better." I rolled my head back and continued, "You don't have to love me Ally, just do this for me. Take this gift. Set me free."

"You're fucking serious, aren't you."

"Yes, I am."

"Two thousand dollars?"

I felt my heart sink a little, but said, "yes."

She looked at my cock, now wilting, still sticking out through my zipper like a thick, flaccid, pink worm, and she asked, "When, right now?"

As if sensing her gaze on it, my member began to swell again- possibly for the last time. I replied, "Yes. I love you. Right now."

She shook her head and sighed, then looked around the car and said, "We don't have a knife."

"Actually," I said, reaching for her hand and placing it on my now engorged cock, "I wanted you to bite it off."

She raised one eyebrow, and looked at it with her eyes wide, saying, "How much of it do you want me to get?"

"The whole thing," I said, groaning internally, "You can deepthroat, you did it last time."

She still looked skeptical, so I said, "It'll already be partway down your throat, so you can just swallow it whole as soon as it's off. I took her other hand for emphasis.

"Won't you bleed to death?" she asked.

"There's a hospital just around the corner. We don't have to tell them anything. Really- I want you to do this!" Seeing her doubt, I continued, "and I'll pay you two thousand dollars for it."

She gave my cock a few rubs, getting it fully stiff again. I let my eyes flutter closed, feeling her hands feel the shape of the rod. It pulsed in her hand, pleasureable, but also alien. Like something already disassociated from me.

"Do you want me to do anything first? Like, have sex, or play with it? Do anything to it?"

A vision crossed my brain of her lowering herself onto my stiff pole, and with a touch of regret I said, "No, as soon as I'm inside you I'm going to cum, and I want you to bite it off right when I cum."

"Yeah, I guess my cunt doesn't have any teeth. Too bad." She looked at it, contemplating it's length, then adjusted herself to position it in front of her mouth.

"You ready?" she asked.

I took a deep breath, feeling my last orgasm already pulsing deep in my groin, then nodded. The last words before she took it in her mouth were, "I hope you've said your goodbyes..."

Her mouth was pure heaven, her tongue and lips embracing my stiff member, and I could feel her teeth scraping the top and the bottom. I tried to hold out, trying to prolong these last sensations as long as possible, but it was a lost cause, I was too horny already. I thrust my hips and groaned, "AH- I'm almost there!"

She pulled back, the wet head of my dick popping out of her mouth, and said, "Wait! I need to get it all the way in first!"

My body cried out at the removal of such delicious sensations, and I stared at her dumbly as she said, "Let me get in a better position. I need to actually swallow the head of it, you know- without throwing up."

She shifted her position again, kneeling between my spread legs, her ass pointed toward the passenger side window. She started to take it in her mouth again, the licked her lips and said, "Alright, tell me when it's deep enough. I won't be able to move much, but I'll try to get as much in my mouth as I can, and you can hump my throat to cum. Just tell me when and I'll- you know- bite."

Inch by inch I watched as my most precious flesh disappeared into her mouth, hard as a rock and never to be seen again. I didn't feel much the first few inches, as it just entered the cavity of her mouth. Then I felt her swallow the head of it. Her throat was pointed in a straight line away from my groin, and her mouth just kept on coming up my shaft. I pushed back the clothes and flesh from the base of it, trying to make as much as possible of it available for her.

Her lips and teeth closed on it, near the base, and she made a kind of inquisitive grunting sound. I responded, "No, try to get just a little more in." I lifted myself up off the seat, thrusting every last millimeter into her mouth. She pulled back her lips, and I felt her teeth close on the absolute base.

My cock was now halfway down her throat; it just needed to go the rest of the way. And I was ready for it. There was little solid stimulation, which made me able to hold off cumming for a few moments, and every inch of my erection was thrilling with pleasure. I was in seventh heaven, my cock at last fully buried in Ally, who was about to take it forever. I would never have to pull out.

In the lack of stimulation, I had to rely on pure arousal to push me over the edge. When I realized I would never, ever have to take my cock out of her mouth, I wrapped my hands in her hair and moaned, "Ally, baby, I'm cumming, bite my cock off! Bite it off now!"

Hot jets of semen shot down the length of my pulsing organ, right to the depths of her throat, where they were instinctively swallowed (as my cock would be in only a moment) and as soon as the first pulse hit the back of her throat, her teeth clamped down on me hard.

Pain mixed with pleasure to become something more than either- but she stopped tightening her jaw. I felt my root constricted between her teeth, pinched to less than half it's original width, crushing the swollen tissue- but I knew she could bite harder and wasn't.

"Bite it off!" I demanded through the orgasm, but she didn't.

After the spurts stopped coming, she pulled her mouth off me and pushed her hair back. She made a gagging noise, then got control of herself, but wouldn't look me in the eye.

"Why didn't you...?" I asked, my penis growing flaccid, white impressions of her teeth on it.

"You are fucking sick. You need to see a doctor. I never want to see you again." She jumped out of the car and slammed the door behind her, leaving me with my wilting cock sticking out of my pants, still wet from cum and saliva.

"Wait!" I cried, trying to zip up my pants and get out of the car at the same time. But she was already disappearing into the night.

"Fuck- FUCK!" I shouted, then jumped back in the car and drove home.

I lay awake all night, thinking of her, alternating between stroking myself and not touching it at all, just feeling it lay against my belly apparently permanently swollen. The next morning I called her, but there was no answer. I called her again a few hours later, and then again not long after that.

I thought about seeing a therapist, maybe she was right. Maybe I was fucked up and needed help. Something about it seemed wrong, but I just couldn't put my finger on it. I couldn't get the image of my cock deep in her throat, with her about to bite it off and swallow it forever, out of my mind. She would digest it. It might sit in her belly for weeks before being fully broken down. Would it give her indigestion?

It would become a part of her forever. The protein in my flesh would break down and become the material used to build her flesh, her tits, her ass, her clit, her organs, everything. Touching that flesh, I wanted it more than words could say. I couldn't bring myself to orgasm anymore. I was touching myself all the time, but I couldn't cum. Without her there, it just seemed pointless.

I called in sick three days to work in a row, lounging naked in my apartment and staring out the window at the city lights. I must have tried calling her a dozen times.

On the third day, the phone rang, and I jumped for it, "Hello?"

There was no response at first, and I wondered who it might be that I had just jumped on. Then her voice came, "I want five thousand dollars."

I swayed, though from the figure or from the pleasure of hearing her voice, I couldn't be sure. I blurted, "Fine, yes. I can get it to you." I wasn't sure how... I probably could get that much out of my credit cards.

"And a wad of coke." she added, her voice flat. "A big one."

"Okay, anything! When can you meet me?"

"I'll come to your apartment tonight. Have the money and the coke ready." She hung up.

My cock was at full mast, ready to be sacrificed, as I slowly placed the phone on the reciever. For the first time in three days, I dressed fully, and went out to get the payment. The money was hard, but the coke was harder. I called a number of old contacts, friends of friends, finally someone hooked me up with someone who hooked me up with someone who could hook me up. I made it clear it was urgent, and I'm sure they ripped me off, but I didn't care. I was barely back to my apartment as the sun set, with $5000 in cash and a plastic baggie full of white powder, packed as big as my fist.

The doorbell rang at quarter past 8:00. I answered in my best silk robe, the apartment spotless. She was standing before me with two other girls. When I opened the door, she grabbed me by the robe and kissed me on the lips- we made out like we hadn't since that one night, years ago.

She brushed past me, the two girls following, and said, "It's your last night, lover boy, and I'm going to make it good for you."

She did. The girls put on music and cleared a space in the floor for dancing. They had me watch at first, stripping their sexy, firm bodies for my pleasure. Then they pulled me up and danced with me, passing me between them, grinding their tight bodies into me from all sides. We all snorted, and the world became lights and lust and tits.

They kneeled down next to me, right on the dance floor, opening my robe to show my raging erection. All three of them sucked on it, taking turns, grinding their asses in the air with me standing between them like a conquering god of sex.

One of them produced a condom, and pulled it onto my tight skin. Then I fucked them in turn, hands pressed against the wall, ass out for my approval, or thrown down on the floor, humping tight and hard. I wasn't even sure who I was fucking anymore- I just fucked and fucked. I had the stamina of a demon- it wouldn't go down, and I couldn't cum. Not until the right moment.

At some point, I found myself on the couch, Ally herself above me, her pupils dilated but staring into mine, her tits naked in the blue and golden light, about to lower her steaming cunt onto my length. I reached down and ripped off the condom, and she didn't say a word, but simply plunged herself onto me.

Her wetness was out of this world. A tight, feminine grip on my cock that I couldn't deny any longer. She pumped up and down, up and down, mesmerizing. I reached for her ass, missed once, then grabbed it, guiding her strokes to maximize my pleasure.

Then I felt the roiling in my balls, and I knew the time had come. I cried out, "Hold still! Don't let me cum! You need to-" I gulped. She sank onto me so that my full length was embedded in her, and looked into my eyes. She was fucked up. We both were. It was true love.

She giggled a little bit, then said, "You want me to bite it off?" tracing one finger across my chest.

My lips parted in a heavy pant, "Yes, god yes!" I tried to thrust myself even deeper into her, hugging her hips with my palms.

She giggled again and said, "You don't want *this* anymore?" At that moment she clenched her vagina on my cock, a squeeze of eternal pleasure.

I sank my head in her tit, eyes closed, barely aware of what I was saying, "Yes, yes... do that with your teeth- please!"

She stood up, pulling off of me with a wet, disappointing pop. She pulled out the white bag and started drawing a line, saying, "Your dick will never be in another slit again. That was the last time you'll ever have sex."

"What are you doing?" I asked, trying to keep my focus on her.

She laughed and looked at me almost affectionately, saying, "You think I could bite through some guys dick if I'm not hopped up?" She sprinkled something onto the white line, and up it all went. Her eyes rolled back, and for a moment, it seemed to me as if she were looking at heaven.

One of the other girls crawled up onto the couch next to me, her tits large and plump underneath her. She giggled and asked, "Is it time?"

"Yeah..." I answered, feeling surreal.

"That's Missy," Ally explained with a giggle, "She's a cock hungry bitch. She wishes she were gonna get it." The two girls looked at each other, giggling.

"You don't think its... wierd?" I asked.

"Hell, if some fucked up john wants his thing bitten off, what do I care?" she answered with a shrug, "I just wanna watch!"

"Would you do it- if I'd asked you?" I asked her, trying to comprehend. By answer, she just opened her mouth, pulling back her lips to show her teeth, and bit down sharply. Then she giggled again, rolling in toward the pillows.

"This one's mine, bitch! Get out of here!" Ally slapped in Missy's direction, who just rolled and giggled some more, biting a pillow.

Ally looked up at me, her eyes wide and bright. She took my cock in both her hands and asked, "You ready, lover?"

I breathed, "Yes," and she took it in her mouth. It was as if the stars had aligned along the axis of my cock. It was the best blowjob I have ever had, bar none. Wet pillows of tongue and mouth interspersed with hard lines of teeth embraced my cock, devouring it eagerly.

At one point she popped free and said, "I am so fucked up," looking at the cieling and swaying. She tossed her hair and said, "you better want this lover, because when you tell me to bite, I'll bite this fucker off." Then she went back down on me. Missy slapped her ass and shouted, "bite it hard, girl!"

Pure pleasure enveloped my world when her mouth hit the head of my cock, and I felt myself, deep inside, saying goodbye to this part of myself. This was the end of an era, a gift that could never be taken back, a sacrifice that could never be unmade. It was also freedom, freedom from this dirty den, with dirty hookers, freedom from a life driven by my dirty penis.

She must have felt my cock stiffening, the warning signs of orgasm, because she smoothly took it deep in her mouth and swallowed. I felt her lips kissing the base of it, almost like she was kissing it goodbye, and she bit experimentally. I found myself whispering, "get it all..." and thrusting forward, and she moved her teeth farther up, to the very base of the shaft.

Every inch of it, from the glans to the flare of it, every lovely millimeter of my erection was lost forever inside her mouth. My nerves could still feel it, but it was an illusion, a memory of something I had once had. My orgasm took me by surprise. I felt the spurt first, and then the wave of pleasure hit me, and then another spurt, and another. I grabbed her hair- and suddenly realized she was waiting for me to say the word.

"Bite!" I shouted, "Bite my cock off!" Grabbing her hair with both hands and shoving my cock into her face.

She did. It was a sudden rush of pain, nearly overwhelming, that interrupted the rythmic spurts which were so familiar to my body. I screamed in pain, or maybe I didn't, and was vaguely aware of Missy shouting something. Then she bit again, and this time it hurt more. I doubled over, trying to get away, but her teeth were relentless- they wouldn't let go. A third time pain ripped through my groin, and she was free of me.

I opened my eyes to see her tilt her head back and swallow. I could see the lump as the thickness of what used to be my flesh passed down her throat. In a surreal flash I was reminded of the way a bird throws back its head and swallows a live fish. The lump disappeared from her throat as she finished swallowing, and she looked back down at me, her eyes bright and dilated, her lips smiling and red with blood.

Blood- barely conscious, I grabbed the nearest thing at hand, a pillow, and shoved it against my groin to control the bleeding.

"Call 911" I murmured. Ally looked at me uncomprehending. Missy was next to me, masturbating her clit furiously and watching the scene. I wasn't sure where the other girl was.

"Oh god..." I stumbled to my feet, blocking the pain (which was surprisingly dull right now) and staggered to the phone. I punched in the numbers and stammered, "help me, please- I think I- I need medical attention. My..."

That was as far as I got before blacking out.

When I came to, I was in a hospital. The first thought I had was the awkwardness of how I would explain this to the doctors. Thankfully, they didn't ask me any questions at first, just greeted me, gave me more meds, and put me back to sleep.

Once I had recovered a bit, I met with a doctor, who explained to me that they had cleaned up the wound, and that I would be fine, although as they hadn't been able to locate the missing organ, they were afraid reattachment was impossible. I simply nodded. I could tell they all pitied me. They probably assumed an angry hooker had done it as revenge, and I didn't see any need to explain the truth.

They let me out after a week, and I went back to work. At first, it was like living in a dream. Ally loomed before me in my imagination, with bright eyes and bloodstained teeth. This world seemed dark and dreary by comparison.

But I got used to it, and eventually, Ally started to seem like the dream. For the first time, I felt myself waking up to the world. The feel of the wind as I sat on a parkbench. The satisfaction in doing my job well. I was no longer interested in women, other than to glance at an attractive one as she passed by, now and again.

I found that I could still orgasm. The stump was quite sensitive, though nothing like what I used to experience down there. It took a lot of work and patience to coax out those little white drops, and after a while, it didn't seem worth it anymore. For a few months, I went online now and again, to look at all the porn sites I used to jerk off to. After a while, it just didn't do anything for me anymore. There was nothing to play with.

My focus shifted to other things, and I was happy. But I always wondered what had happened to Ally. What had she done with all that money and drugs? Where had she gone? Had she turned her life around, or did she wind up dead in a gutter somewhere?

Many years later, I was browsing an alternative bookstore when I found a book with her name on the jacket. My fingers trembling, I reached for the book and opened to the Author page, in the back. There was her face, more grown up now, but definitely her. I felt like a wave rolled out from the page and washed over me, and the image rose in my mind of the last time I had seen that face, with a bloodstained smile, so many years ago but as vivid in my mind as the day before.

I bought the book on the spot, took it home, and read it cover to cover. It was about her near descent into madness, about the sex scene in LA, from a cultural anthropologist's point of view. Her name had a PhD after it, now.

She never talked about what it was that turned her around, that pulled her out of that scene, a curious absence from such a book. Only I knew the truth.

After I finished reading, I lowered the book to my bed, and the pages opened to the dedication at the front. Somehow, I had been in such a hurry I had skipped it at the beginning. It said, "To the one, special man, who sacrificed a part of himself to set me free."

Heart pounding, I read the line again and again. I was no longer young, and niether was she. She might be married now, have kids, for all I know. But a part of me was still with her, inside her.

I moved to the telephone, distractedly, feeling as if I was floating as I moved, and dialed the publishing company for the book.

When I young secretary picked up the phone I cleared my throat and asked, "Hello, I was wondering if it's possible to contact an author?"