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San Carlos Island Chapter 1 He had fucked up. That’s all there was to it. It wasn’t the kid’s fault. It was his. He was the adult, and he’d been in this business for years. He was supposed to know how to mold a kid into a proper little slut. He had failed with Sander. The kid had showed such promise, but was rapidly losing much of his value, despite his beauty. It wasn’t that Sander was rude to his clients. He did whatever he was told, satisfying any sexual perversion his client might have. He just never showed any enthusiasm – never led any client to believe that he loved him; and that’s what most of the clients wanted, the illusion of love. It was a mistake, Ben realized now, to allow Sander’s father, Jimmy, to be Sander’s first client. Ben had read Sander wrongly. He had thought that the boy wanted his father – wanted to have him fuck him. He was certain that Sander had been jealous when his father had fucked Chris. He had thought that pairing Sander with Jimmy would be a good way to wean him away from Matti. It hadn’t worked out. The kid now showed little enthusiasm for anything, spending most of his free time in his room by himself. At first he called Chris to invite him over, but now that Sander’s training was over, Chris was back on a regular schedule, and – a popular little slut – he was usually busy with a client. Ben couldn’t take such a productive little slave out of circulation simply to mollify Sander. Ben hadn’t met with Sander. He didn’t think a pep talk would do any good. He had observed Sander, though, in his room and when he’d been with clients. Unbeknownst to both clients and slaves there was no place on San Carlos Island that wasn’t observed by hidden cameras. If the boy had less potential – if he weren’t so beautiful – it would have been a simple choice. Ben would have sold him to a brothel, where the clients – caring nothing about the illusion of love – were only looking for a good fuck; and Sander was a good fuck. He’d probably do well in a brothel. On San Carlos Island, though, the clients wanted more. They wanted to think that their money was buying love as well as sex; and at Cr 50,000 a pop, Ben was obligated to deliver that illusion. Of course, he could sell Sander to Lester Delray, who had offered the full original purchase price for the boy. Since Ben had renegotiated Sander’s contract for half that amount, he could double the money he’d paid for the boy; and Delray wouldn’t care whether Sander loved him or not. DelRay's turn-on was fear – not love. Disliking Delray, a sadistic monster who enjoyed tormenting his slaves, Ben usually refused to do business with the man; but Ben was a business man. By selling Sander to Delray, he could double his money. If he sold the kid to a brothel, he would lose money. Picking up his phone, Ben was about to call Delray, but he called Matti instead. Perhaps the kid could be rehabilitated; and if he could be, Matti was the one who could do it. Allowing Matti to keep his genitals had been one of the best decisions Ben had made with a kid. He was an excellent trainer, convincing his trainees to desire nullification and teaching them to enjoy sex. Ben wished he could say that was the reason he’d let the boy keep his sex, but it wasn’t. The boy had wanted to be nullified. That was the reason he’d sold himself into slavery – that and the money, of course. Nullifying a boy who wanted it from the first, wouldn’t have been much of an achievement. For that reason, Ben had refrained from nullifying Matti, forcing him to go through puberty. Free now, the boy could have chosen to be nullified, but he couldn’t be a trainer if he was – and Ben paid him well to train new slaves. Besides, he had already passed puberty. It was too late to avoid that; and Ben knew that he enjoyed fucking his soon to be nullified trainees – the last one to fuck them while they still had their genitals. Chapter 2 Matti was with Robert, his new trainee, the third he’d had since Sander when he received Ben’s call. Actually, he rarely thought about Sander anymore. He was too busy training new slaves – too busy convincing them to be nullified. Although most boys didn’t know it, they all had the option to refuse nullification. That’s why Matti had to convince them that they wanted it; but Matti had wanted it for himself. Since he had, he thought it was best for all boys to be nullified. Look what had happened to him. He’d gone through puberty and now he was a slave to his cock and to the testosterone that his balls produced. Although he told himself he wasn’t like the clients, he knew he really was. He liked fucking the new slaves, and he liked convincing them to have their boy parts cut off. For some reason, he’d never had an orgasm until he’d passed puberty, and then it’d only been when his cock had been manipulated in some manner. He’d never come when a client had fucked him while he was a slave. If he gave up his cock and balls, he knew he would be giving up orgasms, too; and he wasn’t willing to give them up. He enjoyed spurting his come too much. It was an addiction, not unlike that of heroin, but just as a drug addict was unwilling to forgo the pleasure heroin produced, Matti was unwilling to give up the pleasure his orgasms produced, because his orgasms weren’t just a twinge in his groin. They washed over him. Every cell in his body seemed to have its own orgasm. He lost himself in them. It was a feeling he couldn’t give up, even though he still hated the sight of his cock and balls. He thought a smooth groin on a boy was beautiful. Sometimes – when alone – he tucked his cock and balls between his legs and looked at himself in the mirror, to see what he would look like if he were nullified – but he’d been doing that for as long as he could remember, wanting for all that time to rid himself of the protrusions hanging from his crotch. Besides Sander, Matti had nullified his last two trainees as well. Although he’d hated having to do Randal, that boy hadn’t been one of his trainees. When he nullified one of his trainees, it was as if he were cutting off his own genitals – as if, by cutting. them he was nullifying himself, too. When he’d cut the last boy, he’d come, spurting all over the boy. It had been embarrassing – to shoot in front of all those people –and the orgasm had incapacitated him for a moment, delaying his finishing the cut; but the crowd had loved it. Many of the clients had come alone with him, masturbating while he castrated the kid. “Do you really love me?” asked Robert. “Of course I love you. You’re beautiful, intelligent and kind. What’s there not to love?” Matti said, kissing Robert on the nose. And he did love him, just as he had loved Sander and the others. While he was with a trainee, he loved him – above all others. After all, the boy was about to give up his genitals for him. Wasn’t that an ultimate expression of love? For Matti’s love, the boy was willing to give up being a boy. How could Matti not return such devotion? Once the boy had been cut, though, Matti’s began thinking about the next one – the next boy who was still a boy, but would give up being a boy for Matti. Matti felt his collar vibrate, indicating an incoming call. Although free, he wore a collar – that of a free boy, red with gold stripes indicating he was a member of the staff. “Yes,” he said sub-vocally. Through an implant behind his ear, Matti heard, “This is Ben. Come see me in my office as soon as you can get free.” "An hour?” asked Matti. “That’ll be fine, but no later – OK?” “OK,” said Matti, terminating the connection. “What is it?” asked Robert. “What do you mean?” said Matti. “You seemed distracted – like you weren’t here.” Other than the distracted look on Matti’s face, Robert hadn’t been aware the call. He had heard neither end of the conversation. “Oh, it’s nothing. Just a passing thought. Now, where were we?” “I-I thought we were going to make love,” Robert said, looking down at Matti’s dick. A moment before it had been hard. Now, it hung limply from his crotch. “We are.” “But, you’re not hard anymore.” Distracted by Ben’s call, Matti’s erection had subsided. “I’ll bet you can make me hard.” “How?” Matti told Robert how he could make him hard. It didn’t take much. They made love and, leaving Robert asleep on his bed, Matti went to see Ben. Chapter 3 “What’s up?” he said, after walking into Ben’s office. “I have another little job for you.” “But, I’m in the middle of training Robert. It’ll be at least two or three more weeks before he’ll be ready.” “This is just something on the side. You don’t have to interrupt your training of Robert. I need your help with Sander.” “Sander? What’s up with Sander?” Matti hadn’t seen him since he’d received his solid green collar, that of a slave out of training. “He’s not doing well. Few clients want him a second time. Some have even asked for their money back.” “Hey, I trained him well. He knew how to satisfy a client – no matter what he wanted.” “He goes through the motions – just not enthusiastically. He’s like a little robot that’s been programmed, with no more emotion than a machine. That’s not what our clients pay for. I’ve already had to refund part of his price to more than one client. They come here looking for love as well as sex. If the word gets out that we’re not providing it, our business could go into the shitter. We sell dreams here on San Carlos Island. If our clients just wanted sex, they would go to a brothel. For them to pay Cr 50,000 for a day with a boy, we have to provide more than sex.” “So, what do you want me to do?” asked Matti. “Go see him. Tell him you love him. Make him care about something once again.” “What about Robert? He’s resisting nullification. I have a lot of work to do on him to get him to agree to it.” “Just stop by to see Sander once in a while. I’m taking him off his regular client rotation. It’s not worth having him piss off any more clients. You don’t spend all your time with Robert, anyway. You’ve been fucking Chris when he’s not busy. Fuck Sander instead.” “How did you know I’d been fucking Chris?” Matti didn’t know about the hidden cameras. “Nothing happens on the island without my knowledge. You should know that.” Yeah, thought Matti. That he had to admit. Little escaped Ben. Still, he didn’t like the idea. He thought he’d been discreet with Chris – not that there was any rule against sex between the boys on the island. Of course, since he was free, Ben could have charged him for having sex with one of his slaves. “It’s different with Chris. With us, it’s just sex – something we both enjoy. I don’t have to tell him I love him. I don’t have to love him to fuck him.” “And you don’t get enough sex with your trainees? “They’re not yet nullos, Chris is. For me to really get off, the boy has to be a nullo; and, no, I don’t get enough sex.” Matti could fuck ten times a day and still not get enough. He didn’t just need it, he craved it. Sander’s a nullo; and he’s beautiful – a prettier boy than Chris.” “But, he’ll want me to love him.” “You told him that once. Can’t you again?” asked Ben. “You don’t understand. For me to be successful with these boys, I have to love them. When I’m training one, I do love him – to the exclusion of all others. It’s the way I function. I don’t think I could love two of them at the same time.” “Can’t you pretend?” “Not successfully, I don’t think. What if I go to Sander and fall in love with him all over again? If I do, I don’t think I will be successful with Robert. I can’t love them both at the same time. In a way, Sander scares me because he is so easy to love. I had a difficult time getting him out of my mind. That’s why I haven’t called or seen him since I finished training him.” “I want you to try, anyway. If you can’t rehabilitate Sander, I’ll have to get rid of him.” “What will you do, sell him to a brothel?” “No, I’ll sell him to Lester Delray?” “Lester Delray?” said Matti. “You said you’d never sell a boy to Delray.” “He’s offered me twice what I paid for him. I could never get nearly that much from a brothel.” “Money means that much to you – that you would sell a kid to Delray?” Standing up abruptly, Ben slapped his palm on the desk –“thwack.” “I’m a businessman, boy. It’s a business that I enjoy, but a profitable one, too. If I’d let my emotions get in the way, I would have gone broke years ago. I would have never built San Carlos Island into the empire it is today.” “You’re a billionaire. What’s a few hundred thousand credits to you.” “And that’s why you’ll always be working for someone like me. It’s that kind of attitude that will prevent you from becoming a billionaire like me. To become me, you have to be willing to optimize every investment, no matter how small it is.” “So, you’ll sell him to Delray?” “Unless you can rehabilitate him,” said Ben. “Then don’t blame me if Robert gets fucked up.” “No, Robert is still your responsibility. You’re sixteen, almost a man. I pay you more in a year than many men will earn in a lifetime. You’re not my only trainer – and I can find others. You have balls. It’s about time you started acting like you did.” “I never wanted them.” “You want them cut off? I can arrange that. How about next Saturday? Maybe you and Robert can be done at the same time.” Lowering his head, Matti shook it slowly. “No, I don’t want to be cut.” “Then, do as I ask. Be a man.” “So, are you ordering me to go to Sander?” “If that’s what it takes – yes, I’m ordering you.” Setting his lips into a thin line, Matti wheeled and strode from the room. Fucking Ben, he thought. He could mess everything up. Matti’s routine of loving one boy at a time, had worked well for him. He didn’t know if he could love two at once – and Sander – he was dangerous. He was too easy to love. What if Matti couldn’t shake off his feelings for him a second time? What good would he be as a trainer, then? It’d taken him a couple of weeks to stop thinking about Sander after he’d finished his training. As a result, he’d almost failed with his next trainee. Well, he’d have to try. Ben hadn’t left him any choice. Oh, he could leave. He probably had enough money to last a lifetime without ever working, but then he’d have to pay for sex with nullos. If he paid Cr 50,000 for a day with a boy on San Carlos Island, his money wouldn’t last long. Even a brothel would cost Cr 1000 a pop for a young nullo, and once a day wasn’t enough for Matti. Most of all, he wouldn’t be able to convince a boy to give up his genitals for him. Without that, life wouldn’t have much meaning. He might as well be nullified himself – to prevent the sexual desire that tended to overwhelm him – that controlled him. That was a possibility – to become a sexual neuter. If he left San Carlos Island, that would be his only choice. He couldn’t live with the desire he felt without out a way to satisfy it. But, he wasn’t ready to become a eunuch yet. He was sixteen – at his sexual peak. Orgasms were too important to him. He lost himself in them. When he was in the throes of a climax, that’s all there was. He ceased to exist; the world ceased to exist. Only the climax existed. He was the orgasm. Asking him to give that up would be like asking a Buddhist to give up Nirvana after having spent his life seeking it. Chapter 4 Back in his room, Sander lay on his bed staring at the ceiling. A video played, but he paid no attention to it. Videos depicted the outside world -- a world he'd forsaken. His world -- a world apart -- was San Carlos Island. He had 3 1/2 years left on his contract -- 3 1/2 more years as a sex slave; and what did he have to look forward to once his contract was over? He'd come to the island an 11-year-old boy. Now, almost 12, he was something else. Thinking about that something else, Sander caressed his groin with his hand. It encountered nothing -- no cock, no balls. Sander had neither. He'd been nullified; both his cock and his balls had been cut off in a ceremony in front of hundreds of people. He'd agreed to have it done, not because he wanted to spend his life as a eunuch, but to please the people he loved, his father and Matti. Instead, he'd lost both of them. His father had sold him into slavery, then had been his first client -- the first adult male to fuck him after he'd been neutered. As far as he was concerned, the man was no longer his father. His father -- at least the man he had thought of as his father -- was dead. And he hadn't seen Matti for six months; nor had he heard from him. He'd given up his genitals for others, but had lost everything -- the parts that made him a boy and the people he'd given them up for. What did he have to look forward to? Three and one half years left on his contract meant three and half years of sex with the clients of San Carlos Island -- rich men who paid Cr 50,000 a day to have sex with neutered boys. And once his contract was over? What was there? He'd be rich, but what good was that? Almost sixteen, he would still have the appearance of a prepubescent boy -- soft features and a hairless body. And -- he could never have children. Before coming to San Carlos Island, he'd never thought about it. Hell, he was only a child himself. Maybe -- even if he'd kept his boy parts -- he would've never had children. Maybe he was born gay. He’d never had any interest in girls before coming to San Carlos Island -- but he’d never had any interest in sex before coming to San Carlos Island, either. And -- the only sex on San Carlos Island was gay sex. Oh, sometimes one of the women would jack a boy off while bathing him or giving him an enema, but that hardly counted as sex. By the time most boys on the island were old enough to have a cock large enough to satisfy a woman, they'd already lost theirs. Rarely was a boy neutered after puberty. It was certainly too late for Sander to think about women. The only things he had left to satisfy one with were his fingers and his tongue, and although he'd enjoyed sticking his tongue into Mattie's hole and had licked Chris's pee hole, he didn't think he'd like to stick his tongue into a woman's pussy. He'd heard jokes about how they smelled like fish. At least he'd have money when his contract was over. 500,000 credits had already been deposited in a trust fund for him and would be waiting for him. He'd also earned some tips from some of his clients -- but not as many as Ben had led him to believe he would earn. Of course, many of his clients hadn't seemed pleased with his performance. He didn't know why. He'd done everything they asked. What would he do with the money, though? He had no family; no friends to spend it on. Oh, there was his father. But he no longer counted as family. Sander didn't want to ever see him again. He would probably have enough money that he would never have to work, but what would he do with his time? Sander was already sick of watching videos and playing video games. Possibly, he could go back to school, but -- no longer a boy -- he would be a freak. He couldn't imagine undressing for PE in front of the other boys -- boys who still had peckers and balls. They would be as shocked as he had been when he had first seen a nullo. San Carlos Island was a paradox for Sander. Never in his life had he been happier than in the weeks following his nullification -- the weeks he'd spent making love to Matti. But -- when Matti had left -- all joy in his life had dissipated. His joy had been an illusion, a mirage which had vanished when exposed to the cold light of reality. Often, Sander thought about suicide -- about filling his bathtub with warm water, crawling into it, and slitting his wrists. It might hurt, but only for a while. The psychic pain he felt every day was worse than any physical pain he could imagine -- even worse than the pain he'd experienced when he'd been nullified. As his first client -- in the throes of passion -- his father had clung to him and had said, "Sander, I love you." But -- by then -- it had been too late. And Sander had learned not to trust anything a man said while he was shooting his wad. More than one client had said the same thing when he'd shot his. Still -- in the darkest depths of his despair --Sander would catch a glimpse of light. It was the hope -- faint as it was -- that Matti would return. That hope kept him alive -- kept him from slitting his wrists. And, although he didn't know it, Matti had just turned onto the hallway into which his room opened. Chapter 5 Matti had a hard on. The thought of seeing Sander again had given him an erection. That was definitely the drawback to having a cock and balls. If you were turned on, anyone who saw you, knew it. Although free – while on San Carlos Island – Matti was naked like all the other boys. Actually, clothes were rarely worn by anyone on the island. Even Ben went naked most of the time. Ducking into a bathroom, Matti locked himself into a stall and masturbated. It was the only way he knew to rid himself of his erection. The picture of Sander he had in his mind was too enticing for him to will it down. Once he'd shot his wad, his cock no longer pointed at the ceiling, but he still had to think of something other than Sander to keep it from becoming hard again. Coming to Sander’s door, he hesitated – then softly knocked rather than ring Sander’s doorbell. No answer. He knocked again – a little louder this time. “Go away,” he heard someone say. Although he knew it was Sander – he recognized his voice – Matti almost turned away from the door. Something was present in Sander’s voice that he’d never heard before. Although the voice was the same, the underlying quality of it was different. Then, he realized what it was. Sander’s voice expressed no emotion. The tone of it was flat. If a dead person could talk, Matti was certain that’s how he would sound. Had he done this to the boy? He hadn’t meant to. He couldn’t have done his job if he’d continued to see Sander. Standing on the other side of the door from him, he was sure of that now. The love he had for Sander came rushing back. He began crying. “Sander, “ he sobbed. “It’s me, Matti. Please open the door. I want to see you.” After a moment, Sander’s door slid back. He stood on the other side, tears, too, running down his face. Matti held out his arms toward the boy, who, after a moments hesitation, rushed into them, burying his face in Matti’s chest, throwing his arms around him –clutching him tightly. Through his sobs, he said, “Where have you been?” “I’m sorry, Sander.” Matti said. “I couldn’t come. I loved you too much to come.” Looking up at him, Sander said, “What do you mean? That doesn’t make any sense.” Matti was erect again, his hard-on pressing against Sander. “You know I’m a trainer. When I train a kid, I need to devote my attention to him or it won’t work. He’s got to know that I love him. If I’d come to see you, I couldn’t have done it. I loved you too much – more than I ever intended to.” “How could you love me and desert me?” He had turned loose of Matti and – having stepped back – was looking him in the eye. “I can’t pretend, Sander. I couldn’t have loved those other boys, if I’d kept seeing you.” “You fucked Chris while you were training me.” “He was a nullo. You weren’t yet. I never fucked him after I cut you. I told you I can’t really get off unless I’m fucking a nullo.” “Well, look at me, God damn it.” Sander said, running his hand over his bare crotch. “I’m a fucking nullo. You – of all people – should know that. You’re the one who cut off my boy parts, making me into one. You could have been fucking me while you were training those other boys.” “No, I couldn’t. I would have been thinking about you all the time. I could never have loved those other boys. I could have never trained them.” “You – you loved them?” “Yes,” said Matti, “while I trained them, I loved them. It’s not something I can fake. They would have known it, if I’d been pretending. Then, they would never have agreed to give up their boy parts.” “Did you cut them, too?” Matti looked down at the floor for a moment. His dick throbbed, aroused by his memory of cutting the last boy and of the climax he’d had when he’d sliced off his balls. Other than some wet dreams, it was the first orgasm he’d had without touching his cock – or having someone else touch it. “I cut some of them. Ben did some.” “I thought you didn’t like cutting boys. You said you hated cutting Randal. I didn’t think you liked cutting me, either.” “It was different cutting you. You were giving up your boy parts for me. It was like you were making an offering to me – like you were becoming a nullo in my place. I didn’t like hurting you, but I was doing it for your own good. Now, you’ll never be a slave to your cock and balls like the clients...” Matti lowered his voice – then continued, “or me.” He realized that he was as much of a slave to his cock and balls as any of the clients. More than ever, he wished he’d be cut before puberty, but it was too late. He was imprisoned by his addiction to sex – bound by chains he was unable to break. “But, I never wanted to become a nullo. I only did it for you.” “Aren’t you glad you’re one now, though?” Sander had walked away and was sitting on his bed with his arms folded across his chest when Matti asked that question. He looked down at his crotch, then ran his fingers over it, as if searching for something. “No,” he said. “I hate being a nullo.” I only did it for you; then you deserted me. I wish I were still a boy. I wish I’d never come to this fucking island. I wish I’d never met you.” “Don’t say that, Sander. I do love you – I really do. I didn’t realize how much until just now. And, you’re much better off being a nullo. Having a cock and balls is like having a demon living inside of you, making you do things you don’t want to do.” “Why don’t you become a nullo, then?” “I can’t come without my cock and balls. You can come without yours. I can’t. I like it too much to give it up – I need it too much. You like to come, don’t you? Wouldn’t you hate to give it up?” “I don’t’ come anymore. I haven’t in a long time. I haven’t had a good one since...you.” Sitting down on the bed beside Sander, Matti put his arm around his shoulder, but Sander shrugged it off, scooting farther away from Matti. “Please, Sander. Don’t shut me out. I need you.” And, he did. Now that he’d seen Sander, he had to have him. No other boy – no other nullo would do. He’d forgotten Robert. Sex with Chris would be little better than masturbating. He wanted Sander – only Sander. Glancing down at Matti’s throbbing cock – it was leaking moisture from the end – Sander said, “You just want to fuck a nullo. Your trainee must still have his boy parts. Does he? “Yes, he hasn’t been cut yet.” “What’s his name?” “Robert.” “No, I don’t love him. I only love you.” And at that moment, he didn’t love Robert. All he could think about was his desire for Sander. He ached for him. “I don’t believe you. You’re just horny. My dad told me he loved me when he came inside of me. I’ve learned not to believe anyone who has a hard-on. It’s just their dick talking, not them.” “I want you Sander. I want to make love to you – but it’s more than that. I’m a trainer. Don’t you think I could control myself around any other boy. It’s just you. You’re driving me mad. I need you, Sander. I have to have you.” Matti reached for Sander again. This time, the boy didn’t pull away.” Taking Sander’s face in his hands, Matti said, I do love you, Sander. I love you so much.” Then he kissed him. At first Sander resisted the kiss, then he gave himself over to it, taking Matti’s tongue into his mouth, sucking on it as he did. Matti’s hand crept to Sander’s crotch – caressed his pee hole. Moaning, Sander lay back on the bed. Climbing on top of the nullo, Matti felt his cock seek out the boy’s hole – seemingly on it’s own. At first, there was a slight resistance, then the head of his cock burst through, immersing his cock in the boy’s hot hole. Matti came almost immediately. He’d lost all control. He was no longer a trainer – not with Sander. The boy possessed him. He was in control – even though he might not know it. * * * * * * Sander felt Matti shudder when he came. He was disappointed. He wasn’t even close yet. He’d hated sex with clients – he’d hated having his father fuck him – but Matti, was different. Matti awoke feelings he’d thought were dead. For the first time in months, he felt alive – for the first time in months he wanted to live – but he was afraid. What if Matti disappeared again? If that happened, he was afraid he would kill himself. Matti lay still for a moment on top of him, panting. He seemed to be unconscious. Then, after moaning, he said, “Oh, Sander. I do love you. I’m sorry I came so fast. I couldn’t help it. I was so turned on by you.” “That’s all right. We can do it again – can’t we?” Raising up on his arms so he could look at Sander, Matti said, smiling, “I think I can manage another one or two.” Matti’s cock – flaccid for a moment – had slid out of Sander’s ass, but now Sander felt it once again probing at his hole. Then, it slid in again – this time with much less effort. Rolling both of them over, Matti pulled Sander on top of him. Sander sat up – and without allowing Matti’s cock to slide out – straddled him, pumping Matti’s cock by rotating his ass. This time, they both came. Hours later, the boys lay exhausted on Sander’s bed. Sander had lost count of the orgasms they’d had, but it had definitely been more than one or two. As he lay, sheltered in Matti’s arms, he said, “You won’t leave me again – will you?” (to be concluded) |