REBOUNDED THROW

Here we were, my mother and I, in the teacher's room. The last school day, the day to discover if I failed or if I'd pass to the next class.

The headmistress called my name. My heart started to beat faster; I didn't really know what my mother could do if I failed, she was always so uncompromising.

Moreover, the night before I had a strange night: I dreamed about standing on a crowded beach, naked and dickless, in a sunny day; all the people passing pointed to me and giggled, especially the young women, the old ladies putting a hand on their mouth exclaimed, with pitifull eyes:"Poor little boy!", someone else whispered something into another ear and all together they laughed; but there where also a lot of pretty girls that approached to caddle me as they do with their kind, innocuous peluche dolly. It let a flavour of fear and joy in my mouth.

Mrs.Whitehear greeted with cordiality and a great reassuring smile lit up her face, then she looked at me with a glance I'd never seen; it froze my blood. She took the documents, it came goos-flesh all over me and I could not breath: "Never do a joke like this!" she was talking to me now "The worst school pupil in the last six weeks!"

The room started to spin. "We don't really understand what has happened" she talked to my mother, I

don't knew her face 'cause I had not the nerve to watch her "He had been one of the better untill that days, and then....; but, anyway, in virtue of his passed efficient and trusting in a better next year he has passed to the next class." What good riddance! I didn't touch anymore the floor! "But, anyway..." continued the headmistress looking alternatively her and me "he must change! Come back to the old way, because we can let only one chance to fail; we will not forgive the next time! So mistress, we know your hard situation and if you need an help to find the cause of his worsening, ask us! We hold him dear, we will help you."

My mother said: "Nor I can understand! Since two months he has changed, he is weakly, lisless, he doesn't eat as before, he... he looks like in a dreamworld and, above all, he doesn't speak to me like he

did, he doesn't confide in me!"

The headmistress: "At his age maybe he prefere to do it with a friend"

Mother: "Oh... it's possible, but I feel he is nomore the same child. However we have an appointment for a complete chek-up in the next days, if there will be nothing wrong phiysically, I 'll call you for a

psychological consultation, here in the college: I have not money enough for it out-there,d'you know?"

The headmistress: "It's a good idea, maybe a work group improves him" Smiles and greets "I'll wait for your telephone call !"

Two days after, in the evening, we were in the surgery of my paediatrist; an ancient doctor who cured me since I was born and who my mother refered also if I was 13 y.o. by now (but I looked like I was 10-11 years old). I get frightened by him because he was a strong man who treated me as a strong man, and I felt I was not; I needed protection. Doctor, wathcing the clinic analysis results: "Everything is right here, all into the standard. Now we'll procede to a new complete visit, but I don't think it's physical."

He started with height ,weight "Just a few thin", reflexes, wards, throat; "Take away your t-shirt and lay upon the bed" ...while he continued to explore my body I thought: if all would be all right, phisically, I'd spent my holidays into a summer school group, and it will be better that at home, where I was often lonely. My mother didn't talk about it, coming home from school, but because of my results I don't think she will send me at the holiday campus as she did the last summer..."How does he passes water?" asked the Doctor, my mother answered "Well, I think"

Doctor: "May I see your pee ?" and he grasped my panties to take away. "NO !" I sceramed sitting up suddenly on the bed and with my two hands on my dick.

Mother: "Be quiet; the doctor want only visit you, don't be ashamed, he saw a lot of these!" to me

"Do you know!? It was since he was 8th he takes his bath alone, so he's ashamed" to the Doc

She took my arms and helped me to spread down standing back of my head, always clasping my hands,

while the doctor pulled down my panties at my knees, my dick immediately get hard; I felt lost with my most delicate part in the hands of that energumen. I looked for a little bit of help from my mother, but she amused to watch my embarrasement, surely I blushed lifting up my head to see what he did: he did not touch it. Just looked my red inflammated foreskin and said to me: "You enjoy very much with this toy, friend !" Then, turning to my mother: "Maybe we have found the cause".

"WHHAAAAT !?!" was her reaction "how can you have done it to me after all I have done for you!"

"It's not possible, nobody has never make an affront like this to me, to my family, to my way of grow you up! I never had a similar worry by Roger, and now that I'm alone... Tell me it's not true!"

Her voice was a dejection, shame and anger cocktail; Roger was my major brother dead in a car crash

with my father when I was 7th. So, remembering them and 'cause I knew that the "game" was wrong, I could only stammer: "N..no , I don't..I..I did it seldom.....I...I...shall stop ...if I...you...."

My mother: " It is true, good God! How can I do with thou boy?!"

"Doctor! Isn't there a therapy, somethig, a definitive method of cure?"

Doc:"Be quiet, it's not grave, there are a lot of supports to prevent he touches himself as rings, special paints, penis cages; you could to tie up his arms to bed ...."

My mother:"That's for the night! But he rests at home all alone a lot of time!"

Doc:"Have you not friends or parents? Or we can attempt a psychologic therapy...."

My mother :"No Doc! You don't understand! I must be sure he stops, I have not time to controll him!

Neither a surgical way should be definitive?"

Doc:"Are you talking about a foreskin removal? A circ..."

"I'M TALKING ABOUT TO CUT IT OFF !!!" screamed my mother, she grasped my wrists as strongly as she wanted to crash my bones. I started to cry telling "NO mommy don't do it please, don't do it! Not my dick, I don't want. Please forgive me, forgive me! I'll do never anymore, promised! Please mommy!Please!" and I could not stop.

Doc:"Do you know what does it mean? It's a drastic and brave decision; it will change his life forever."

My mother:"I don't care! If you can chop it I WANT YOU CHOP IT, NOW!"

Dejection and shame were evaporated from her voice , remained only anger and I knew when she talked that way, what she wanted she obteined, so I stopped to talk, I knew it was no good.

Doctor: "Your is histery! Is better you follow me in the next room, you calm and you decide after.C'mon!"

She let my arms and followed him cryng and tossing her head. I knew that her life was hell; widow, with a son to grow up, her mother forced into a bed because of a partial paralysis and her father placed under restrain because of an Halzeimer syndrome so.....I was sobbing deeply when I noticed there were somebody into the surgey. Was a nurse sended by the doctor to mind I didn't commit silly actions.

"What happen? Why these desperate tears from these sweet eyes? Tell me good boy" she asked caressing my cheek.

Me:"Because my mother want cutting my dick off!" Nurse:"Maybe she believes you have enjoied it enough" Me:"But I don't want it!" Nurse:"But why!? Ask youself of what are you afraid!"

Me:"I...don't want to become a girl"

Nurse:"But you'll be not a girl! What nonsense!" Me:"NO ?!" Nurse:"Not, of course! You shall be a man with a shorter dick.; indeed, I and other women, I know, appreciate very much the guys who faced with fearless and quiet tranquillity this trial to become special persons. We consider they more mature then others who, for phoebe rest still babies also with their big things between their legs." Me:"Really?"

Her:"Sincerely!" I was sailing in avoid.

She was a very strong woman, but gentle, she dried my tears and handed me a glass of water to calm me (maybe it was not only water) and continued: "But don't be afraid, your mother was so upset that raved but the doctor is a right man and he will do it only if he thinks it's the better for you!"

I said:"Well, then, he can do it!" Nurse:"Yes, of course he can, but I said to you , if it happen you'll become such a lovely special person with modified genitals!"

The door opened at that moment; an angel appeared into the room with his blonde hear, his lightened face, his thin skin and a row of a hundred very white teeth; the etherealest image I remembered have seen.

But another nurse followed him, so I noticed he was dressed as a doctor and he had tits. Moreover the glances she changed with the first nurse were not really angelic. "Doctor said me you have a trouble, guy. What does it mean? Is it about your mommy?" she asked watching into my eyes. I rested beathless looking into her. So she continued:"Would you like to talk me about your family?" I didn't understand the sense of this questions so I rested dumb. Her:"I understand; this is not the question!"

"Did your mother talk you about intimate relashionships between male and female? Between husband and wife?" Now I understood she was talking about sex, Isaid "Yes, she did" Her :"So, you know what does this is used for?" She asked rising my dick with two fingers. I tried to keep conroll, but I had a full erection and blushing answered:"Yes, it use when they want have a child making sex!" Her:"Well! And do you know is very pleasing to do it?" Me:"She said me that"

Her:"Do you think it is wrong to do it all alone?" Me:"Yes , she teached me also that!"

Her:"But you did it anyway" Me:"I tried to keep myself, but when it get hard I have to touch it, I can't stop!" I was more red then ever if it's possible.

Her:"So you did it often, also if you wanted to stop" Me:"Not often" Her:"How many times in a week?"

Me:"I don't know, maybe...." this converstaion was too intimate, if she didn't stop to touch it, I will soon have an orgasm. She noted my expression and insisted "Maybe everyday!?" Me:"Yes it is, yes two times

a day!" I breathed out. She left my dick and quitly said:"Well, then, you did it often 'cause it get hard, but did you like it very much?" Me:"Sometimes yes , but sometimes I felt guilty after"

Her:"Well, then, why don't you asked to your mother to help you to stop?""Were you afraid she get anger as today then you risk to lose it ?" I swallowed and said:"It's one why, but also 'cause she is always so bustling about her work and her sick parents, always so tired that I didn't want give her another worry"

Her:"You are a good son and all the boys are afraid to lose their precious flesh-stick, they always tink it is special or being the only one without it. Less then true. Apropos of fear, what do you do if you have a nightmare or if you awake all alone in the dark? Do you call mommy?" Me:"No, as I said, she was often too tired so I cover myself and resist" Her:"Sometimes did you cling to the little friend between your legs to forget everything?" Me:"Yes I do". I could not lie to her.

Her:"I understand, you're substituting everyone with it. It takes a too large part in your life, you risk to become his slave and it's no good, d'you know? Now, tell me, would you like to become someone wich the people fear, who 's ashamed of the things he do?" I said:"No" Her:"But you would keep your dick also if it should be the reason of this shame", "Yes" I answered this time. Her:"You are confused and insecure, but it's not fault of your dick, it's not sick; the trouble is here" an she pointed her finger against my brow "unfortunately, at this point we can do nothing for your head, we can only cut this off: it will be the first step to bring back some harmony into your confused brain, to turn a next manic life into a wise one" Sayng so she seized me, maneuvering it as a joystick, but it remained soft, this time. What was into the water glass ?

She continued:"Maybe it's difficult to undersatnd it for your age. I faced other three cases like this in this year and they do not, but your eyes tell me you're smart intelligent.Don't start to whimper."

I don't know if I understood, I was confused , there were a black and a white ball rebounding into my head: one says "Let do it!" the other says "Gonna get away!", what will I stike into the pocket?

Knocking at the door; the doctor and my mother were here again, she get surprised to find such people into the room. She came near me and took my hand in a cheering way, I held her one;she appeared more relaxed then before. Doctor:"Let me introduce you Giselle, my future daughter-in-law. She's specializing in andrology and is writing a trial about masturbation and castration " (two words I did not know) " therefore she can give us an enlightening advice. Please" She greeted with a head gesture, and started: "Considering his advanced state of abitude, the age, the life's conditions, the physical development; all of this valueted, I can say that mother's heart doesn't fail and her will is a good idea." Doc:"Do you think it's the best?" Giselle:"More, I think it's necessary! If she wanted to preserve his physical integrity we could try an aleatory, endless, mind conditioning; but for a quick solution, a partial penectomy is perfect." I grasped stronger my mother's hand and she returned the hold, but her eyes rested fixed, bewitched on the doctors, she enjoyed 'cause someone gave her reason. Doc:"If he was your son did you do it?" Giselle:"If he was my brother to." Doc:"Let's procede, in this case!" Giselle:"Wait a moment! The last word is for his mother: Did you change your mind, lady?"

I don't know where I found the courage, but I felt it was my last chance,so I said resolute, without a tear:"Mommy stop them, please, let my dick where it is and I'll be better then ever!" Her:"No, I can't now" Me:"But why, tell me why?!" Her:"Because I have the choice and I want it for you and for me!" Me:"For pity's sake, let me a last chance!" Her:"You had your last chance and you failed, so stop and shut up, now. Let's do it!" I wanted to reply trying to change her mind, but the first nurse touched me, her smiling sight told me: "Resign yourself, good boy, stop the fight; you are one versus us five": I nodded, and let they prepare me for the operation. I was fixed to the bed, covered with green clothes, cleaned with a disinfectant solution; my mother was back of me, silent she caress my head; her hands say "Sorry, but you deserve it."

Also the doctors got ready to operate, Doctor:"Giselle would you like to cut the boy, so you will include also this into your thesis ?" Her:"It will be a pleasure, he is so fine" Doctor:"Have you never do it?" Gis:"No, I helped sometimes, but I never operate personally" Doc:"It's easy enough, you'll see. More, you can't mistake, I'll guide you."

Opening two locked drawers, he said "Over are surgical equipements, here, under are scalpels" Giselle:"I prefere scissors for little amputations" Doc:"Style: a snip, over and done!" Her, smiling:"Exact!"

It seemed all ready to begin, all people approchated the bed; I started to tremble, my breathe was laboured, my heart beated faster, Giselle said:"What dilated pupils, he is near a shock!" Doctor:"It is normal, he knows he is going to lose a part of himself; better you say him something". She approached and whispered into my ear:"As far as I know, you'll be my first man", I get surprised, but just for a moment 'cause her nurse put the ethyl-oxide's mask over my face and... good-bye.

I awoke on the back seat of our car, on the way for home; I felt my dick hard and aching as never before; so I looked down into my opened trousers. What an illusion, there where only a thin yellow tranparent pipe coming out from the bandages, at the bottom of my belly: that was not a joke, even a nightmare, it was really cutted off! My mother noticed my movements into the driving mirror and said:"How is my little man? How does it feel dickless?" I didn't answer, the blak bowl stopped to rebound into my head now and crashed. I shaked my head and cried tinking how would change my life: how i'd piss, nomore jerk off, how to take showers at school after gymnic hour or at the swimming pool, say it or not it to my friends, and the school companions's mockeries, especially the girls....Mommy saw back and said:"Don't do it boy, the worst has passed" A black toad awoke in me and with an effort of fury, I said:"How could you hate me so much, turd! To punish me so hardly!?!"

She putted on the brakes to car, parcked on the right side of the road, turned back to me and said, with a voice I nerver heard:"Oh sorry! You take it as a punishment but you mistake! I did it 'cause I love you son, and I love you much more now that you 've done this sarifice for me!!" We clinged together.

Some days later she notified me that I'll go to the holiday campus, as I did the last summer. I knew it was hard for her 'cause , not only she renunced at the only week of vacation of the year, but she worked that week to pay mine.