Obsession

But alas, deep passions left unfulfilled just tend to fester and grow. The desire grows and grows, becomes more extreme, until eventually it becomes an obsession. And so it happened to me. During my married years, sexual experimentation led to some playful experiences with B&D, and D&s. My appetite was wetted and after my divorce my experimentation increased and my interest grew. Before long I noticed that my interests leaned more towards S&M and that fine line between agony and ecstasy. I have since traced my feelings and desires back to their roots but that is the subject of a different story. Suffice it to say, that eventually my interest in S&M and my submissive side got around to the idea of CBT and genital modifications. During my play times I began to experiment with tying my genitals up, using clamps, clips, etc. I would push my limits a little more each time. It was like a drug. I needed a little more each time to get the same effect. I was addicted. Soon it became an obsession, until almost every experience with man or woman needed to have some element of it, to even get me aroused. Of course the obsession itself grew until it reached it’s ultimate peak -the ultimate torture, the ultimate modification – Castration/nullification. As with any obsession, I would manipulate things to cater to my interest. I collected many toys and objects to use in my play, some simple household items, some quite elaborate creations. But never knowing when I would be in the mood for play, or whom I might meet, or what opportunities would arise, I would never leave home without at least my trusty pocket knife and something to tie my cock and balls up with. I began telling all of my partners of my fantasy/obsession. More often than not they would quickly gather their things and make a speedy exit, while telling me I was sick and should get professional help. Quite rapidly my list of available partners diminished. My sex life became more of an individual activity. Wild fantasy and masturbation sessions became my most frequent form of release, almost always involving some form of genital abuse and as time went on more and more potentially dangerous practices. Occasionally I might find a low class hooker, who for the right price (and with a stop to pick up some drugs to get her high) could be convinced to play along with my desires. Even most of them were too squeamish to do to much, but I did find one (before she went to jail for 10 years on a drug charge) who if high enough would do some minor surface cutting. A potentially dangerous practice? Yes it was. But part of the thrill for some of us, is not knowing how far a partner might go. Will he or she stop at the first drop of blood? Or will they go just a little further. Or will the sight of the blood spur their own excitement, push them over the edge, and drive them to really do it? But after a few times with a partner and knowing their limit, or after a couple of months of masturbating to a fantasy, the desire would begin to fade and I would need a new partner, or a new fantasy to keep the excitement intact.

And so it began with a new fantasy. A local bookstore I frequented was the setting. Several of the booths contained the infamous glory holes. Many times I would masturbate and lightly lick the variety of cocks thrust through into my booth, but I would stop short of giving into my burning desire to take them fully into my mouth and suck them to completion. My fear of HIV also prevented me from sticking my cock through the holes, not knowing what the person on the other side might have. Several months ago the glory holes were opened up. Now instead of just a 4” hole thru the wall, there were 24 by 24 inch square openings. These allowed full unobstructed view of everything in the next booth, as well as putting ones head or hands thru to the other side. This allowed uninhibited mutual masturbation thru the holes but whenever the other guys would make a move to try and suck on me, I would back away. I would then retreat to the chair in the booth safely out of reach and continue masturbating as they watched. Sometimes they would stare thru the hole begging to suck on my shaved cock and balls. Sometimes I would move just close enough for them to reach me, but not close enough to suck me and then shoot off in their outstretched hand. Other times I would just finish masturbating and shoot off or shoot in my hand and lick it off. One thing I noticed was that in the early hours of the morning the crowd tended to be a bit more hardcore. A couple of times I had watched a guy get fucked right in the hallway between the booths.

This was the setting for my new fantasy. For about 3 weeks it was very vivid and I got hard every time I thought of it. But as always it soon began to fade in intensity. I could discard it and come up with a new one, or I could move on to making it somewhat of a reality. I decided on the later. I would need a couple of items so I headed off the next weekend to the local flea market. Several vendors there specialized in cheap imported knives. I wanted something inexpensive in the lock blade style with about a 3 inch blade. I soon found what I was looking for, slim, lightweight, it probably wouldn’t hold an edge long, but it would work. At $4 a piece I got 6 of them. I might need to make several attempts to find the right participant. I took them home and sharpened them to a crisp sharp edge. For the rest of the day I had butterflies in my stomach over the thought of playing with the fantasy a little. As it was going to be a late night, I thought it best to take a nap in the late afternoon. I tossed and turned for better than an hour as I was so excited about the potential the evening might hold. I thought about masturbating to calm myself down but I wanted to save it all for the evening. Finally I did manage to dose off for a little while, but it was a sleep filled with wild dreams. I awoke with my cock harder than it had been in ages. It was dark outside, but I still had a few hours to go. I got up and prepared a light dinner, just a couple of hot dogs and a salad. As I was eating the hotdogs my mind raced with wild fantasies. After eating I headed to the bathroom where I showered and freshened up the shave job on my cock, balls and ass. I wanted them perfectly smooth without the slightest trace of stubble. I added a liberal coating of oil to make them shine and glisten in the light. I was hard as a rock and was tempted to stroke myself to an orgasm, but wanted to save it and build the excitement. I then headed to the living room totally nude where I settled down to have a couple of beers and kill the next couple of hours. My plan was to go to the bookstore about 2:30 AM when the hardcore crowd as there. As I sat enjoying a couple of beers I popped in a couple of my favorite gay porno videos. It was pure agony not to reach down and stroke my hard cock and several times I had to stop the video for a few minutes to calm down and keep from shooting my load all over. Finally it was time. I slipped on just a pair of cotton gym shorts (no underwear) and a T-shirt. I put a pair flip flops on my feet and I was set to go. I downed another quick beer before I left the house for the 15 minute drive to the bookstore. I threw another beer and my toys in the car and off I went. When I got to the bookstore I stopped around the corner and popped the top on the beer I had brought with me. I downed it rapidly to calm my nerves a little. Then I stuck a few of my favorite toys (heavy duty industrial rubber bands) and a couple of the cheap knives in my pocket. I checked to be sure my T-shirt hung low enough to cover any bulge in my pocket from the knives. It did, plus the knives were so thin and lightweight there was hardly any bulge anyway. Assured that everything was ready, I pulled around the corner into the bookstore parking lot. As I got out of the car, I felt a slight nervous wobble in my legs. I entered the store and wasted no time in going straight to the counter. I handed the clerk a $20 bill and asked for 20 $1 bills for the video booths. As I held out the $20 I noticed my hand was shaking nervously. The clerk didn’t seem to notice as he handed me the bills. I then headed into the dark back room where the video booths were.

Once in the back I began to relax a little. Plus the beer was kicking in just a little helping me to relax. I looked around giving my eyes a chance to adjust to the darkness. A few of the booths were occupied and there were a couple of guys standing around in the hallways. I positioned myself in the far back hallway where I had a clear view of the very back booths. These were my favorites. They were way in the back away from the entrance so they were much more secluded and private. One of them was occupied. I waited patiently. I needed just a few seconds with both booths empty. After about 5 minutes the door of the booth opened and the guy walked out. He looked at me as he walked by and then turned the corner. Now was my chance. I slipped into the first of the 2 booths and quickly grabbed one of the knives from my pocket. I reached down and placed it on the chair in the booth as if it had fallen out of someone’s pocket. I then exited the booth and returned to my spot in the hallway. A few minutes later a couple of guys came around the corner and headed for the booths. One of them went into each of the end booths. Damn, just my luck. Within a couple of minutes of the videos starting, I heard some groans and grunts coming from one of the booths. It was obvious that one of the guys was getting royally fucked thru the glory hole. Realizing I had a few minutes I entered a booth and watched a hot video to keep my excitement up. After a few minutes, I heard the doors open on the other two booths. I waited another minute and then exited mine. The hallway and booths were empty so I stuck my head in. The knife was gone. Guess the guy must have just put it in his pocket. I still had one more in my pocket to try before I would have to go out to the car to get the others. Quickly I repeated the process, placing the folded knife on the chair. This time instead of waiting in the hallway, I quickly entered the adjacent booth, locking the door behind me. I bent over and looked thru the opening in the wall and could clearly see the knife sitting on the chair.

I put a dollar bill in the slot on the wall and the videos started. I pushed the selection button, scrolling thru several straight videos, and a lesbian one, when I spotted one with a sexy transsexual and a hot guy. I have always loved transsexuals - the best of both worlds and this one was super sexy. As I watched I felt my cock growing hard. I began stroking it through my shorts when I heard someone enter the booth next to me. I positioned myself so I could see partway thru the wall opening without bending over to much. The guy inserted his money into the machine and I heard the video start. He scrolled thru a few until I heard a hot gay flick playing, then I heard the tell tale sound of a zipper as he unzipped his pants. As he positioned himself in the booth he backed against the chair and I heard it slide backwards a little. As I watched, he reached down and picked up the knife, then slipped it in his pocket. Then he let his pants drop to his knees and he sat down on the chair. As he reached down to stroke his cock, I got a good look at it. It was about 7 inches soft with an uncut head, and he had a large set of low hanging shaved balls. As he began stroking himself with one hand he used his other to unbutton his shirt and play with his nipples. Taking this as a clue that he would be there for a few minutes, I put several bills in the machine so the video would play uninterrupted, and then I immediately pulled my T-shirt over my head and dropped it on the chair. Then I began to lower my shorts. As I raised my foot to take off my shorts, I kicked off my flip flop. I pulled my foot out of my shorts and then stepped barefoot onto the floor. I immediately felt the remains of who knows how many loads of cum. The shear nastiness of it sent a thrill through me. I quickly kicked off my other shoe and took my shorts completely off throwing them on the chair. I was now totally nude and standing barefoot on the cum covered floor. I noticed the guy in the next booth had shifted position so he could observe what I was doing from the waist down. I turned around and bent over giving him a full view of my shaved asshole as I reached onto the chair and got one of the rubber bands out of my pocket. Then I turned back around and as I watched the hot transsexual giving a blow job to the hot guy, I spread my legs as far as I could and proceeded to place the heavy duty band around the top of my ball sac. I twisted it several times until it hugged the top of my sac tightly. I pulled down on my balls pulling as much of my sac down below the band as possible before putting the last 2 twists on. Then I sat down in the chair facing the opening in the wall. I watched as the guy in the next booth pulled his chair over until he was right against the wall opening, facing towards me. I could see him stroking his hard cock which appeared to have grown another full inch and was fat as can be. He bent forward so that his head was level with the opening and he was peering directly at me. As he watched, I stroked my hard cock and lightly caressed and squeezed my tied balls. I could feel that my balls were beginning to get a little cooler than the rest of my body due to the greatly reduced flow of blood to them. He watched as I moved both my hands to just above my cock pulling my skin upwards so that he could see the full extent of my shaved crotch. He licked his lips seductively and I returned the gesture. I watched him wipe some precum from the head of his cock and raise it to his lips where he licked it from his fingers. He gestured for me to come closer so he could suck on me, but as always I stayed aloof, and continued to stroke myself. He watched me for a couple more minutes, gesturing 3 or 4 more times for me to come closer. As I stroked myself. I was moving my feet along the floor feeling the mixture of cum between my toes and felling nastier and nastier. Finally I sensed that he was starting to loose interest so I reached down and wrapped my fingers around the top of my sac and then squeezed tightly pulling my balls as far as I could away from my body. Then I took my other hand and began lightly caressing them. Then I released them and with one hand continued stroking my cock, bringing it up against my stomach. This left my balls fully exposed for his view. Then I positioned my other hand with my index and middle fingers held like the blades of a pair of scissors. And slid them around my sac with my index finger in front and my middle finger in back, then brought my fingers together like I was closing the blades on my sac. I threw my head back with a look of ecstasy as I looked into his eyes. I again had his curious interest. I then slid my ass forward to the edge of the chair and removing my hand from my sac, I reached down and inserted two fingers into my asshole. He watched as I stroked my fingers in and out several times. Then I let go of my cock and reached down and grasped my balls pulling them down away from my body. Then I took my fingers out of my ass and again positioned them like a pair of scissors off to the side of my balls. As I looked into his eyes, I pursed my lips together into an O shape like I was saying Ohhhhhhhhhhhh HOT, and began opening and closing my two fingers several times like a pair of scissors as I moved them slowly towards my stretched sac. As I again slid them over my sac, I saw his mouth move whispering “Are you serious?” As I looked into his eyes, I very slowly almost imperceptibly nodded my head YES. I saw him reach down and begin fumbling in the pocket of his pants, and watched as he brought his hand up and opened the blade on the knife. He held it so that I could see the light flicker off the blade. I could see his cock leaking copious amounts of precum. Again he looked at me and again whispered “Are you sure?” Looking straight into his eyes, I raised my hand to my lips and lightly kissed my finger tips. Then slowly I lowered my fingers and lightly touched first one ball then the other. Then I withdrew my fingers and then hesitated. Very slowly I extended my index finger and pointed to my cock. A look of unbelievable lust came into his eyes as he slowly considered than slowly nodded his head YES. I reached behind me into my shorts pocket and withdrew another band. As he watched I placed it over both my cock and balls all the way to the base and then twisted it and slipped it back over them again several times, until finally twisting it 2 more times and slipping it just over my cock. Then as if in a trance I slowly stood up and turned around and slowly backed towards the opening. As I got close enough for him to reach, I felt his hand reach out and gently grab my balls and slowly pull me closer to the opening. I bent over as I felt my ass cheeks touch the wall. I leaned my hands on the chair as I felt his hand wrap completely around the base of my cock and balls and pull them to his side of the wall. I wiggled my ass to get as much of it through the opening as I could. As I felt his fat cock touch my asshole and begin to slip inside, I felt his grip tighten around my package and the cold steel of the blade against my sac. As I felt his cock enter me all the way, I felt something warm start trickling down my sac and felt the blade pressing harder and his hand pulling harder. As I felt the blade go a little further, I felt him let go of my balls. His body pressed against my ass pinning my cock and balls against his side of the wall, pressing them down like they were on a cutting board. As one hand pressed the blade against my sac, I felt the other arm snake thru the opening and lock around my waist keeping me from escaping. And as I looked down I noticed a medical ID bracelet around his wrist. As I felt his precum lubricating my now widely stretched and beginning to bleed ass, I knew I was about to become a cum and piss drinking, sperm enema, cum dump EUNUCH pig.

As I sit here reading what I just wrote and masturbating to my latest fantasy, I can’t help but say……….I went to the flea market today and bought 6 small lock blade knives!