One Nut West
By: Kevin Rooste

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[WARNING] [TESTICLES]

Working inside a railroad freight yard can be very unforgiving to the human body.


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Jay West was having a bad day! It was Winter and the icy cold wind blowing off Lake Michigan made it even worse. Working as a Conductor on the Chicago shortline railroad these past ten years he'd been taught much of the dangers and reminded to work with the word "safety" on his mind.

Deep in snow he trudges along between freight cars as the Engineer sits high, warm, and dry back in the cab of their locomotive.

It seems as they tried to move a string of cars from out the yard, one car's knuckle coupler had come apart. This broke the airline forcing the train's brakes to apply making movement impossible. Jay's job was to walk the length of his train looking for just which car's coupler was giving the problem, then it was up to him for fixing the situation.

Thrity seven cars along he came upon an old style car called "Hydra-Cushion". This type of car offered the shipper extra damage control by mounting a 900 pound spring behind the car's coupler. The spring would recoil when this car was shoved or pushed harshly into a string of cars. The spring took the shock and thus saved the load inside from possible damages.

In winter these spring often get frozen and don't act as they should or would in warmer weather.

Jay saw the problem and took to releasing the tension on the open knuckle as he used his Hickory stick (club) to pry the coupler open. This would with a slight shove from the engine make the car's couple bonding the train and allowing then the joining of the parted air hoses which would allow train movement once again.

Alas, no such luck today for Jay as the coupler was frozen hard and fast. Hitting the coupler with his club seemed to loosen the iced metal coupler but it remained half closed.

Seeing his force was not enough he tried to kick at the couple, his legs being much stronger than his arms.

The hip mounted radio was ablaze with ugly words from an Engineer and the Yard Master screaming for him to get the lead out and move his train.

Urgency was fast outweighing safety as Jay tried all he knew to make the coupler release.

Then a thought, something which was not safe but might ease the situation. Climbing up the car's side ladder he got standing up ontop of the coupler's drawbar just ahead that 900 pound spring.

Stomping on the drawbar with one foot he felt the coupler beginning to move.

Then like magic the coupler loosened as Jay reached forward prying with his Hickory stick the coupler's iron knuckle open.

Now had he not been so in a rush it might have struck him a cord for personal safety reminding himself of where he was standing. Yet he got in a hurry picking up the microphone to his radio as then ordering the Engineer to shove back and make the connections.

Like the rolling sound of distant thunder came the sudden thrusting back movement of the boxcars. Jay suddenly remembered his strange stance and turned ready to jump down off the coupler's drawbar.

"Oops!"

Jay's work boots made for walking uneven ground were not made for standing on rusty iron couplers. His foot slipped and down he went ending as sitting astraddled the coupler pockets as the train cars were being forced together.

Before he could fall off or even reposition his butt the slamming motion came to his place in the train. It's said that the force of coupling cars is near one million pounds pressure per square inch.

The couplers were forced togther and Jay made a short squealing squeak as his crotch felt the joining of those two cars.

Even as he was leaning forward ready to jump free from harm the couplers snagged his testicles. As one popped up from the intense pinch, the other had nowere to go but down.

Like an auntomobile running over a pepsi can the couplers came together catching one of Jay's testicles. The sudden pain was terrible as then the knowledge of his personal injury. Then too his love life was now going to be restricted or maybe ended. All these and even his wondering if he might die out there in the icy winter snow before help could arrive?

A moaning and crying Jay sqealed of pain over his radio.

It was due to this strange injury a safety poster was produced showing Jay's physical injury and reminding the employees of thinking "Safety".

The resulting nasty talk had poor Jay nicknamed from then on as, "Ole' one nut West" a too personal recanting of a day he cared not remember of repeat.



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