Nature's Little Joke

My father did have very old fashioned views when it came to gender roles. Boys were to be athletic, strong, and adventurous. Girls were suppose to stay at home, cook, clean, and do all the stuff that girls were, in his opinion suppose to do. So, it was inevitable that my father would be disappointed in both of us. I was always interested in things like sewing, painting, art, and cooking and saw nothing wrong with cleaning up after myself. My sister was athletic. She loved to both watch and play just about every kind of sport imaginable. My father's mood was not helped by the fact that I had rather feminine looks and a mass of red curly hair and my sister was lean, sleek, and sharply featured.

I think that had our father not been so rigid he would have run with what he had.

But he didn't. Instead, he let loose constant streams of complaints. He tried to teach me about rifles, guns, and hunting- none of which interested me. He forbid Sammie (Samantha) from participating in any sport outside of P.E. classes. When I was six, I nearly cut off my penis thinking that, if I did, I would be a girl. Luckily, I was interrupted by Sammie, who never really knew what I was up to, I think. Sammie's two years my elder. It was one of my father's favorite rants- had I just been the elder!

I was thirteen when things blew up. Father took me hunting. Two things happened on that trip. First, my father caught me masturbating. Now, this was not very upsetting to him. Problem was, he caught me with a flyer full of people in their undies and no matter how much I tried to explain to him that I was looking at the women on the pages, he presumed I was looking at the two men (I hadn't really thought about them, to be honest. They were kind of just there). The second was that I missed a twelve point buck. I had a clean shot, true; I just missed. And it was the last day of our trip, so we couldn't hunt any more. It was the fifteenth time my father had threatened to castrate me and ‘make me a girl'.

On the way home, we stopped at a Walmart. He did not let me come in after him.

When we got home, he ordered me to my room where he threw at me a bundle of clothing and told me to get dressed. To my shock and horror, I found that what he had bought were girl's clothes. As I got dressed in my new clothes, I developed an erection. This only infuriated my father. The erection was, I guess, more out of fear and terror than sexual excitement (I cannot remember ever having a free sexual erection). He backhanded me, and then grabbed my nuts and squeezed hard.

As I finished dressing, my father removed all of my boy's clothing and my computer. "Now, Amy," he said (my name was really Andrew). "When you go to school in a few days, you will find one set of boy's clothes downstairs, you will dress in them and go to school. When you get home, you will dress like this. If you do not, you won't like it."

I nodded and said "Yes, sir."

He left the room, slamming the door. Mother brought me food at six- and a very sharp knife. My room has two closets. The first was mine, the second was very deep and used for storage. Things like my father's old porn mags, some leather ties, and various odds and ends. Some stuff had never been unpacked from when we'd moved to this house a few years ago. I knew what it was and to what purpose it was put to, but not the actual name. For some reason, my mother had a dildo packed away among her stuff. There was also an old box of condoms.

I packed the stuff up as best I could. I still had a pair of boots, but none of my better outdoors clothes. I took the knife from dinner and two hunting knives that my father had discarded a long time ago. I would probably have surprised him that I found knives and blades far more interesting than guns and rifles. He also had stored back there a compound hunting bow. I'd used it a few times when I could sneak away. I was an excellent shot.

At just about midnight, I made my escape. Our house backed onto some woods, and that is where I headed. I had chosen a shorter skirt so that I could move freely. It took me nearly six hours to get to my hiding spot, but it was a well hidden spot. It was a little cave carved into the rock face. I lit a small fire to drive any animals out, and the moved in. The cave had a small entrance but it widened a lot inside. There were a number of natural chimneys to let any smoke filter out and be unobserved. A small stream ran through the cave as well. I spent about an hour cleaning the site up and building a fire. I had a few matches, enough to judiciously make it two week without a problem, if I was careful. I guess sitting there looking at the fire, thinking, something inside of me snapped. I had read so many books where the woman was the hero. Where the woman was strong. My father's fears showed him to be weak. So weak in fact that he had never actually castrated me. Father's ridicule of me, his denial of Sammie's natural talents, his abuse of our mother finally made me realize that women were strong - far stronger than I had ever realized and that our father was reacting out of fear for that power.

I unpacked my things. Everything from my first aid kit to the few mags and books I had brought along. My hands moved on their own, my mind was made up. I pulled down on my scrotum as much as I could and pushed my little balls as far from my body as possible. It was hard tying them up, but I managed it after three tries. There was still quite a lot of scrotum left. I then took one of the razor sharp hunting knives and heated it up. My legs started to ache. Once the knife was as hot as I could make it, I pulled down on my balls and cut. I did scream, but I did not pass out. My biggest concern now was the leather tie coming off, but it did not seem willing to. The heat had cauterized the wound, even if it had not killed all the nerves. I bandaged it up, and hoped and prayed that it would be alright. I did not know what to do with my balls. It was dawn, though, and I was getting very hungry, and I knew that I would not be doing any hunting for a while. Suddenly, my rush to do things seemed ill-advised. I did what I could- I ate my own balls. And then, I masturbated for what I thought would be the last time and fell asleep.

The next evening I was in a bit of better sorts, though I was far from being healed. I set out some simple traps, tended my wounds, and contemplated what I was going to do. I lived in a sort of dream time when there seemed to be little more than me and the cave and the rocks. I slept when I was tired and ate when I could. I found some plants that turned out to be hallucinogens- marijuana, I think. I ingested some of this one day and spent the night very, very high. During the night, three women came to me, but only one spoke. The brown haired woman in green said something about how my journey had begun, and she handed me a beautiful sword. As I took it, I went from being a boy to being a girl. I saw the swirling winds etched into the metal of a shield, and the fire etched into stone. I saw a man done up as a woman being castrated by a man in ceremonial leathers. I saw a half naked woman fighting her way through Roman forces in what could be called a blood bath. Her flame red hair matted with blood, her breasts mutilated and scared from Roman swords. I saw a woman kissing the lips of her decapitated lover- a lover her father had beheaded with a scythe. The dead woman's eyes bore into me as it two joined the air currents etched into the shield's metal. Dozens of images would go before my eyes and be etched on that metal.

I did this every other day for nearly a week and a half. Each night added to the images I saw.

I put the last stages of my plan into action. I was finally healed enough to do this too. I placed a condom over the dildo and very slowly and painfully shoved it up my own ass. It hurt like hell, but I did it. I did my best to basically rape myself with the dildo for the next few days, throwing the used condoms into the stream to cover my tracks.. On the last day, I climbed up one of the chimneys and hid everything in a little cubby there. I hoped to come back and get it someday. I then washed, put on the dainty shoes my father had bought me, and one of the nicer dresses and left the cave.

I walked away from the house, and towards what I had been told was a little town back here. I did not realize it until I entered into the town that our property backed onto a Reservation. We owned about a half mile of the forest, and I had just missed the signs. So, sore, scratched, and in quite a lot of pain, I waked into the local marshal's office and told them what happened- in theory. Of me running away, a man grabbing me, castrating me, and raping me. It was something of a desperate gamble, but I hoped it would work. They called the local police and the FBI. It was only then that I learned that my father had never told any of them of my being missing. My father became the number one suspect. Especially when it turned out that he would go out each day to look for me.

In short, my father was arrested very quickly for the ‘crimes'.

My mother asked me if I wanted to live as a girl or a boy, and when I said a girl, she browbeat the doctor over the issue, especially when I started showing up at the appointments as a girl. It would become a moot point soon enough. One of the doctors examining me ordered a CAT scan to check for internal damage. I had not complained about any pains, but she had said something about being certain. At the same time, I was getting irritable. I couldn't sleep because of fear I'd be found out. The boys at school would tease me, though the girls were sympathetic. And worse of all, I kept getting shooting pains into my nipples and stitches in my sides. Somehow, lying very still for a long time just did not appeal to me. And then, the results. I didn't have any internal injuries. I did have a uterus. And ovaries, and a truncated vagina.

When the doctor told me, I passed out.

Life since then has been alright. Mom told me that she knew I exactly what I had done taking out the bundle I had taken with me to the cave. She'd grown up in the area and knew the cave intimately. She later introduced me to the person who was responsible for her knowing the cave- her former, and current, lover Molly. My sister now plays rugby for a team in England, and I'm a university prof with my own girlfriend. Sally and I have two children thanks to Sammie's husband Allan.

Sally and I are happy, even though sex is sometimes difficult. Though I did have surgery, my sex is neither overly pretty nor overly functional. Still, my breasts have made up for the lack of function between my legs.

As for my father, he's still in jail. Two years into his sentence, he was assaulted and roughly penectomized by one of the other prisoners. Would he have castrated me? Probably not. Do I feel any sympathy towards him or ever feel like confessing my duplicity? No. I think of every bruise and ache my mother suffered. I think of what he put me and Sammie through. So, I think that there is some justice in this matter.

Call me warped if you want to.