Other than a little grey pair of exercise shorts.

I swear, I can make pretty smart decisions when I have all the blood in my brain. 

Really.  I mean it.  I'm normally much smarter than this.  You can stop laughing at me anytime.

"How's that feel, STUD!?" Mal taunted me as she rolled my testicles around my scrotum like a pair of marbles in a bag.  She was squeezing, grinding, pushing them together; I swear to God she had never squeezed this hard before.

"Mmmm, you know what?  These seem bigger than I remember!" she said with glee, her teeth flashing in a nightmarish grin.

"I bet you haven't been using these very much have you?  No, you must've had some intense blue balls for a while!  God, I...bet...that...HURT!" and with the word "hurt", she pulled down with a force I thought would be enough to yank them right off.

A searing, wet pain pulled at the bottom of my pelvis, and I screamed in pain.  I hoped to God that there was nothing on the planet that hurt more than this, because I certainly couldn't imagine it.  I didn't WANT to imagine it.

"Stop, PLEASE stop!" I begged.

"Mmmm...why should I?  I'm having WAY too much fun right now?" and she gave them the littlest tug, and laughed as my eyes nearly popped out of my head.

"I'll do anything!  You have no idea what this'll do to me!"

"I have an excellent idea, actually, but do tell...it helps warm me up..." she said in twisted delight.

"It'll desroy me!  I have so little pride, so little strength, I'm almost nothing to begin with!  I can't afford to sink lower!  You're taking all the pride I have left, the only reson I can even call myself a man!  I'll do ANYTHING to keep them!"

"Anything?"

"ANYTHING!"

"Describe how you're feeling right now!" she demanded hungrily, still rolling my throbbing testicles in her hand.

"WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU THINK?!  PAIN!  Mind-numbing, soul-destroying, world shattering PAIN!" She grinned wider at the desperation in my voice, and squeezed them against each other to see me wince again.  My entire body was a deep pinkish-red from the pain.

"Heh.  Whimper for me!"

"What, the stuff I'm doing now isn't enough!?"

"Oooh, it's never enough.  Now why the hell do I have to ask twice? WHIMPER!"

"Mmmmmp!" I squealed through closed teeth.

"Bwahahahahaha!" she cried, legs kicking with delight. "You sound... so...PATHETIC!  That is such a turn on!"

"So...so it's okay?  I can keep my testicles?"

"Pfff, hell no.  I just wanted to hear you beg!" she said smugly.

"Now, where were we?" and she pushed down on my testicles with the heel of her palm.

"HOLY FUCKING-" and I was cut off by the feeling of my testicles starting to pancake on the table, the pressure so intense I could almost feel fluid backing back up the chords, into my body.  The sensation was neither natural nor pleasant.

"You...fucking...BI-" she cut me off by pushing down harder, and I bit my lip until it bled.

"Now, enough playing around," said Mal, a sadistic gleam in her eye. "Let's finish this..."

My eyes went wide as she produced a long, serrated knife, and licked it along the back as she let the light glint off of it and into my eyes.  Her expression was mad with delight.

"Oh, I've been waiting for this..." she said with something between glee and perversion. "I've been waiting for this a long, long time...let's make you a eunuch!"

"Wait, STO-" I was again cut off as the knife remorselessly bit into my skin, and she tore my scrotum open like a kid opening a Christmas present.

I winced with my entire bony frame as my exposed testicles were bitten by the open air. The sensation of them hitting the table was unimaginably painful.  My body went stiff, constricted with pain like nothing I had ever known, bracing for the inevitable. 

I heard her lusty, rapid breathing and braced myself as I best I could.  But there was no way I could have braced enough.

She cut through the chords in a swift motion, and I marveled that I did not go into shock as the chords whipped up into my body.  I barely ever heard the knife strike the table or Mal screaming in ecstasy.  I was preoccupied in my private world of hurt.

I was screaming, but I couldn't hear myself.  A lifetime of sexual unfufillment, of second class status, of crying for my lost masculinity unfolded in front of my eyes like some perverse flower, and I felt myself dying inside in a deeper sense than the greatest depression I had ever been in.  I would never be the same again. I would never be as good.

I heard gasping and heavy breathing from the corner, and eventually realized that Mal was sitting there, covered in sweat, catching her breath and still trembling a little in the legs.  In her hand was a glass of wine, and after a moment I realized my testicles were floating in it.  She took a sip and gave a little twitch of pleasure when she saw my face.

"Don't worry," she said breathily. "You have HOURS before I feel up to our first round of eunuch sex."

ALTERNATE ENDING

She licked her lips and bent over my crotch.  Oh my God.  She was fucking insane.

"Oh God, those look tasty!" she said, and opened wide, teeth glinting.  She pulled my reddened, swollen testicles into a single mouthful, and held off just long enough for fear to fill my body.  Then all at once she bit down, and I screamed loudly enough that I wouldn't have been surprised if they heard me in Berlin.

Growling and thrashing her head like a rabid dog with a sparrow, she tore at my scrotum with a rapid, yet still painfully slow viciousness.

I screamed in agony, praying to any deity that may exist that I would die and proceed to any conceivable afterlife, even hell to get out of this.  Her jaws bit harder and harder, her tongue merrily rolling my battered balls around.

Warm, soggy pain filled my scrotum, and my testicles squished and became pulpy, and suddenly it felt like there were thousands of needles driving into them from every direction.  The pain grew more and more intense, like notes of torment rising higher and higher to a crescendo of agony.

"MMMMmmmm...MMM!" she moaned, as my blood dribbled down her cheeks and her excitement grew to a level generally reserved for manic patients in a mental institution.

She gnawed and pulled harder, almost rhythmically, sharp incisors gnawing at my rubbery scrotum.  I squealed and thrashed helplessly as I felt the chords starting to be severed inside of me, like a rope being torn one strand at a time.

"Mffff!  Amost...haf...em..." she exclaimed through mouthfuls of blood and bits of scrotum.

"I WANT TO DIE!"

"GAWD YEF!"

A sensation comparable to a firecracker going off inside of my testicles exploded in my crotch, and every second of pulpy agony as flesh tore away into her mouth was like entering hell all over again.

I sobbed and cried, indifferent to the blood still pouring from my crotch.  I couldn't care less about my own well-being after this.

She sat up, chewed twice, and quivered with her hand on her crotch as she swallowed.  She opened her mouth for one violent gasp for air, then, sank to a contented, far-eyed smirk as she fell carelessly sideways with a contented moan.  She lay there, holding her stomach and wriggling with delight as her excitement faded to a warm afterglow.  After a long pause, she licked her lips and sat up.

"I'm in the mood for wine." She announced, cheerfully casual as she sat up.

I just cried.