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Mark had realised that boy was metaphorically falling over his feet as a sense panic mingled with his words. Mark had tried to get boy to take his time because he, Mark, knew from his own experience that they were heading rapidly into deep water. Mark’s effort to get boy away from the actual moment of castration flowed from his own concern that so many candidates for emasculation failed to think seriously and comprehensively beyond that point. And then boy’s fascination with whether the story teller was a eunuch or a man had taken them straight into that issue of castration – small wonder really given all those visits to the Archive in the previous two months and the interest growing over two years. Mark thought of his own body still slim, strong, fit, healthy and happy and of his own status which he had not disclosed to boy. He wondered what boy thought about him or whether boy was so preoccupied with thoughts of becoming a slave and even a eunuch that what Mark might be was far from boy’s thoughts. Mark continued to ponder on whether he had been putting too many thoughts into boy’s mind, taking him on faster than boy could cope with. "Remember we’re thinking ten years hence," Mark had said and he remembered boy’s gaze moving down, down to Mark’s chest with those prominent nipples and on to Mark’s groin still covered and quite deliberately mysterious. Mark though of his own success at work and the balance that he had struck personally for the time being between his private life weaving in and out of the Network and his work life. Perhaps he too should be re-examining where he would be in ten years’ time as he was asking boy to think ahead. Mark thought of role models in the Network to whom he might introduce boy and wondered what boy was thinking about the slave he had encountered on the train. All those hopes of boy’s had come flooding in and Mark could identify with wanting enjoyable work, enjoyable relationships, prospects work wise and longer term companionship alongside the material prosperity that he had won through his work. ‘But,’ Mark thought, ‘I haven’t been selfish and I do volunteer for this sort of task, providing space in my home and in my life for the likes of boy’. And boy was wanting space to explore his desires as well as to handle his fears. Mark realised that boy’s journey to this point had been a lonely one, a loneliness he recognised, a loneliness that he could reach into with a hand of friendship, with hospitality, with a willingness to provide that vital space. "It’s OK, boy," said Mark had said as he had physically reached out his hand to boy’s leg, "you and I are here to do some exploring and we fight as well face up to the potential pitfalls as well as imagining some pleasures." Mark could see that boy would need to develop some confidence if he was to embark on a more detailed exploration. Mark began to think of ways in which that confidence could be developed – the rowing was one way of giving boy an achievable task for which boy could be congratulated. That reference by boy to "the sort of inadequate sub that gets ditched by any half decent Master" came very close to the bone in parts of the Network where Master’s grew impatient with ageing subs or bored with flabby eunuch slaves. Such risks were just as real and potentially damaging to a person as the risks of infection or injury in a really adventurous partnership. Companionship seemed as important to boy as it was to Mark and that made Mark realise that there would be risks to boy if he set out into the club scene without a guide or companion – a youngster so easily taken up, used and discarded especially by any cutter whose focus was simply on the ritual of castration. Mark realised that boy had fallen silent, boy’s face looked pensive raising the question whether they should carry on immediately or take a break. "How about a bit more rowing ?" Mark asked suspecting that boy probably needed some space of his own in which to digest what had happened so far that day and to decide what to do next. ‘Yes,’ thought boy, ‘row, row, row and make some space; row alone and have a chance to ponder… himself, uncle, Mark, the Archive, the largely hidden Network… his own future… creeping out of the shallow water… or wading out into the depths ?’ ‘Was Mark providing a boat from which to gaze over the side into clear water ?’ boy asked himself, ‘Or leading him down a pier in the expectation of letting him jump in, or even be pushed, out there into water too deep for him to stand up so that he had to swim for himselfor cling to someone else for safety ?’ ‘Rowing seems safe’, boy thought or even muttered. "What did you say ?" asked Mark. "Yes," replied boy, "I’ll row a bit further".
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