This is a story that started in reality, turned into a fantasy, and then abruptly turned into a nightmare. Now that it's all over, I've come to accept what happened to me, and accept that I started the whole chain of events that led to my emasculation. As I write this I've had an empty scrotum for eight months; about six months ago my sex drive dried up completely, and now I'm a completely asexual eunuch. In many ways it's true what they say: Once you are missing your balls, you won't miss them. When I had my former prodigious sex drive and testicles attached, being castrated was merely an amusing fantasy, something I couldn't imagine actually going through with in a million years. But I learned that sometimes the power of fantasy can break through and cause very real things to happen in reality -- that sometimes what we wish for, even in our most private of thoughts, can and will come true in surprising and unexpected ways.

It all began when I discovered a eunuch information website one day while researching different cures for hair-loss. I had heard different androgen blockers could prevent my early signs of balding from progressing any further. I found lots of information on anti-androgens on the website, and discovered lots of great information and links to pursue my research further. And as I spent more time on the website, I found myself getting more and more aroused by the idea of castration; I found myself imagining all the different ways I might be castrated and under what circumstances. Then I discovered actual doctors were performing castration on demand ... I found myself fixated on getting myself "fixed" and being "prescribed" castration by a doctor. I imagined what it would be like to drive to his office, knowing that my jewels would be gone when I left his office. I imagined having to take off my underwear and submit to his knife; i imagined the humiliation of seeing the symbols of my manhood besides me in an operating pan; i imagined having my empty sac sewn up and being "fixed" for life, my sex drive reduced to a memory.

One day I imagined actually calling the doctor and asking about being castrated. I went through all the different scenarios in my head -- how would I explain my need to be castrated to him? I wasn't comfortable telling him "just because" ... in my head I felt like I should give the doctor a real reason for wanting to be asexualized ... I didn't want to sound like a "fake" or a prank call to him, even though in a way I really was -- I had no intention of actually being castrated.

i was hit with an almost irresistible urge to call the doctor ... before I knew it my fingers were dialing his number. The following conversation took place -- I have no idea what took over me, it was if I was channeling a fantasy, and I didn't know how to turn back.

"Hello, this is Dr. Green. How may I help you?"

"Oh hello doctor. i hope you have a few minutes to discuss ... well I think i have a problem that you might be able to help me with. I'm not sure how much I can discuss with you or not ... it's a problem that seems to be growing worse over time, and I'm not quite sure how I can or should deal with it."

In a very kindly and understanding voice, Dr. Green said, "We deal with all sorts of problems all the time, you would be surprised how many men probably suffer from your problem. I'm here to listen and to help in any way I can, and believe me I've solved many many hundreds of problems for men over the years."

I felt very reassured by the doctors' tone of voice and manners. He seemed very trustworthy and comforting, I felt as if my fantasy confession would be safe in his hands ... and I also found myself getting extremely aroused by the conversation, like somebody was listening to me with a compassionate ear for the first time in my life.

"Doctor, well my problem is a pretty bad one. I don't know how to put it, but I'm often filled with inappropriate urges, and I'm afraid they might get me in trouble. Lately it seems these urges have gotten to the point that I'm thinking about them all the time, and my life seems to be a battle to fight them off ..." I said.

"Oh," said the doctor, "I see. We get many many men in your situation needing help. You are not alone in your struggle, we can help you solve your problem, if you truly want to deal with it. And those that have dealt with it lead much happier, more productive lives. I've seen men literally transformed. Please tell me more specifics, and maybe we can discuss the proper course of action in your case."

"Well I thought I had overcome my inappropriate urges years ago, but recently I had to move in with my brother and his family for financial reasons. It's only temporary, but I think I'll be living with them for the next six months," I said.

"Well, your situation sounds serious. I want you to now I can give you the serious attention that you might need. And you might be surprised how easy it is to find a solution for cases like yours. But before we go on, please give me more information about yourself -- I need your name and address, phone number, occupation and the like," said the doctor.

I don't know what overcame me, but I gave the doctor all my information -- my REAL name, address, occupation, phone number ... I guess it was the thrill that the doctor had my actual information, the thrill of fantasy actually flirting with reality, and I also felt like the doctor could tell if I was lying or not, so the more real information I gave him, the more real the fantasy became and the more aroused I became talking with him.

The doctor patiently took my information down, and then his tone became quite serious. "Look," he said, "I have to know if you have actually molested children or if this is merely a fantasy likely to stay in your head. In order to give you the proper treatment, I have to know if I can actually help you or not. So please be frank with me and tell me as much as you feel comfortable disclosing."

"Well, I dunno, I'm not sure I feel comfortable telling this to anyone. Let's just say this has become an obsession and I'm afraid of where it might lead ... I feel like my sex drive is going to land me in legal and family problems if I don't do something about it," I said.

"OK, I understand," said the doctor. "We help men in your situation all the time. Just last month I performed a surgical castration on a man who teaches high school, and was not comfortable being around his students," said the doctor.

"Oh, so you think castration is the best option for cases like mine?" I asked. "Does the operation hurt, what do you actually do, and how long does it take? Can a man live a healthy life without his testicles?" I asked.

"Castration is actually a very minor procedure. I simply numb your lower abdominal area with a shot, and then remove both your testicles through your scrotum. You will feel very little to nothing, and will recover from the surgery in about two to four weeks. Your sex drive will simply evaporate, and most of my patients report a feeling of calmness and serenity that sets in after two weeks to several months," said doctor Green.

"Wow, that sounds pretty simple. I think that is what I need, cause I never want to repeat what I have done," I said.

"Repeat? Are you telling me you've already touched or molested children?" asked the doctor.

I didn't know what to say, but the words came out anyway -- it was if my fantasy had taken over my whole being, and was now putting words in my mouth. "Well yes ... I fondled my nephew once when we were watching television. It was only briefly, and afterwards I vowed never to touch him again. He never mentioned it to his parents, and in time I forgot it had happened."

There was a long silence on the phone, and then the doctor replied: "You are definitely a candidate for castration. In fact, based upon what you have told me already, I think we should schedule your castration as soon as possible."

"I agree doctor, I think castration would be best for me. I'm not sure when I can schedule it though, I have some major work commitments coming up and ..."

The doctor cut me off: "I'm not sure if you understand what is at stake here. You have just disclosed to me that you have molested a child. I have your name, address and phone number, and as such I will have no choice but to report you to the authorities. This is nothing personal, it is a requirement -- if I didn't report you, I could lose my medical license.

I could tell by the tone of his voice that the doctor was deadly serious. All the sudden my fantasy seemed to become all to real, and my heart started pounding. What had I gotten myself into?

"Doctor, I just called you to get information. I was just running some information by you to see if you might be able to help me. I had no idea there might be legal implications to our conversation, and I had no intention of placing your license in danger. Can I just hang up now and pretend this call had never taken place? I'd love to get your help, but I'm not sure I'm ready to be castration. As you know, that is a big decision, and I have to think about what all my options are," I said.

"Actually your options are very few," said the doctor. "I wish we could pretend this call never took place as well, but unfortunately all my phone calls are recorded for malpractice and insurance reasons. A transcript of this call will be automatically be typed up for me and sent over to my office tomorrow."

I paused to consider my options. I had really dug myself into a hole. The hair on the back of my neck stood on end as I realized how what started as a fantasy might have real and horrible repercussions on my life.

"Doctor ... isn't there something we can do about this? What are my options here?"

"We have two options in this case. Either we can end this conversation now, and I'll simply forward the transcript and your information to the authorities. In that case, you may or may not be prosecuted, that's really not even my concern. It is simply a requirement. There is a second option as well: By law, if you receive medical treatment from me, as opposed to just having this phone conversation, then you are in fact my patient -- in which case the law states that doctor / patient confidentiality takes precedence. At this moment, you and I have only a consultative relationship -- as my patient though, I have more leeway about what I have to report to the authorities. And, if in my professional medical opinion you no longer pose a threat to the safety or well-being of yourself or others, well then the case is closed, and will remain between you and me."

My head was reeling as I tried to figure out what the doctor was telling me. I asked, "So doctor, what does this mean? How can we resolve this problem? Can I just come in for a checkup from you?"

The doctor replied, "I wish it were that simple. You must come in for a checkup, but you must also receive treatment as well. And in this instance it means you must submit to surgical castration, which in my opinion will satisfactorily resolve your problem. And as I said, if you do not submit to surgical castration then i must by law report you to the proper authorities."

We talked for about another half hour about the surgery as it became more and more clear that the doctor basically had me check mated; I was going to be surgically castrated by him, or basically risk imprisonment, my job, or worse.

The doctor was very serious as he said, "I expect you to schedule your castration within the next two weeks. If you are not surgically castrated within that timeframe, our only other option will be to turn you in. So I advise that you choose a date for the surgery as soon as possible."

"OK doctor, i suppose we have no choice in this matter. I don't work on Tuesdays, so if you have an opening next tuesday I will make myself available for the operation," I said.

"Lemme see ... well it looks like I do in fact have room on the schedule next tuesday, at 8:30 in the morning. See you then."

END, PART 1