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I first discovered the pleasure of my penis at about two or three years of age, though I didn't yet know or realise that it was sex. One night my mother provided me with a rubber hot water bottle, it being winter and we had no central heating. This was in the late nineteen forties. At some stage I must have made genital contact with the warm rubber and it gave me a tingle in my willy. I found that the smooth side of the hot water bottle was best and I soon rubbed myself into an orgasm. After this initial wank, I did it on a regular basis. I found it very comforting when I felt a bit neglected or unhappy. My mother had a part time job in a pub, several mornings a week, and I was left on my own for hours at a time. To entertain myself, I explored what I could find in various draws in her bedroom. One day I found a large piece of silk and noticed that, if I rubbed my willy on it, it gave the most exquisite orgasm. Another thing I found were a couple of my mum's seamed nylon stockings draped over the bottom of her bed. Carefully noting their position so I could put them back in the same position, I tried them on for the first time. Naturally, they weren't a good fit, but the feel of them on my legs was an instant turn on. From then on silk and stockings featured regularly in my contentment. And so I got older. I fell in love at 13 years of age but it was not returned in equal measure. But this was the moment when my orgasms were accompanied by an ejacualtion. Basically, it was like having a supercharger effect - when my balls kicked in. About this time I was introduced to an American castration magazine by a school friend and found it a turn on. from then on, from time to time, I would fantasize about being castrated by a girlfriend. But that passed off when, at 17, I met and fell madly in love with a beautiful girl who made it clear from the start that she knew all about a male's needs. Our first date, on the back row of the cinema was a revelation. Kath was the first girl to show an active desire for my male bits. At first I slowly ventured to fondle her breasts - no problem, annd then suddenly, I became aware of her hand on my genitals. I leeked and oozed all night but never actually got the chance to ejaculate. At the weekend, she invited me to stay over and I met her parents. Her old man played a pub piano in the evenings and he and his wife were out of the house for a few hours. Once they were out of the way we had a heavy petting session and Kath offered to give me relief. She pulled my zip down and I assisted to lower my pants. She then took my penis in her soft hand and, carressing my balls with the other hand, She brought me off beautifully, catching my sperm in my handkerchief. She always wore seamed stockings, which, naturally, was a turn on for me. Later that night, she sneaked into my bed, still wearing her supenders and stockings, which I loved to feel as I got more and more excited.. Again, she gave me a lovely experience. Of course, I returned the complement and, with occasional help from her, I learnt all about her G spot and clitoris - a veritable education. I loved the fact that she was dominating me sexually - her drive seemed almost stronger than mine. Sadly, our affair finished twelve months later, but I have never forgotten her and our great time together. As the years passed by, I married and had children. My sex life was pretty normal, and I didn't masturbate often, only when my wife was out of commission or had 'a headache'. When my wife died, I was again a bit lonely and I remembered the comfort of the seamed stockings. I ordered a nice pair of silky seamed stockings via the internet, that way I didn't face the embarrassment of facing a suspicious shop girl and knowing looks. I also got a suspender belt. A bit later, I decided that I was doing things by halves and eventually got a whig, make up, and other female accessories. When feminized, I felt as if I was both man AND woman at the same time and I had fantastic erections and oragasms. Then, after I had orgasmed, I started to tie my balls off with another nylon stocking. I found that this material was ideal becuase it didn't dig into my scrotum harshly like rubber bands do and if one tightened the circle slowly it felt delicious. Bit by bit, I tied my balls off for longer periods until, one day, I tied my scrotum off really tight and then walked around the house in my female clothes, looking at myself in the mirror, as my balls turned first red, then purple, then black. This is it, I thought. I set myself on a chair with a mirror placed so I could watch myself. Set up the camcorder for the sake of posterity, and, with the nylon still tightly in place, I very tightly looped long pieces of dental floss soaked in TCP above and below the nylon. I waited a few minutes, then took a craft knife and heated the blade in a candle flame for a few minutes. When the blade started to glow red I took it from the flame, let it cool a few seconds, then quickly slashed across my self- bound cords and my balls plopped off into the jam jar I had placed under my undercarriage. I had an excruciating pain, which made me nearly pass out, but after a few agonising seconds it died down to a satisfying dull ache. my balls were gone and I was now a eunuch. It was probaly my destination from the start. That was a few months ago. I still occassionally dress in women's clothes but my sex drive is much less now. I get hot flashes too and my body is changing. I have cute little breasts developing and my bum is getting more rounded and soft. I think I like my new, more female appearance. Also, my penis is shrinking. If I fondle it for a while, I get a 'soft' orgasm, even though my penis is not erect. As long as I can still enjoy some sex, I will be content. And my balls are nicely preserved in a jar for my visual pleasure. Hopefully, I will always be able to enjoy a little sex. Fingers crossed! I think I got away with it. My scar healed very well and I have had no real problems since. Even my family haven't yet noticed the changes in me .. so far... |