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I don't know what the real starting point was with my desires for sexual pain but, I know it is something that has progressed over many years. I won't reveal my real name in my story but, everything else is true. I live in Groves Texas. I am 41 years old white and single (never married) I'm 5' 8" and weigh about 155 lbs. I have a very active imagination and when I first found the Archive I would read story after story, sometimes for hours on end. They gave me so much more fuel for my sexual fantasies. Once, I met a man from Australia in the chat room. We masterbated online together and he described in great detail what he would do to me. After slicing my scrotum open he would pull my testicles out and torture them for awhile with a lit cigarette. Then he would tie a string around the chords of my nuts and tie the other end to the door knob across the room. I would be on my hands and knees and he would be behind me on his knees between my legs. As he would fuck me in my ass he would be gradually pushing me forward, the string would be pulling harder and harder on my balls until finally as he came, his final thrusts would cause my nuts to be ripped off. I have since then, used dental floss and made a slip knot that I loop around my scrotum and tie onto the post of the bed. On my hands and knees, I can pull forward and this will pull my nuts backward. The dental floss is very strong and bites into the skin. I haven't pulled hard enough for it to cut me but, that might happen some day. In my different fantasies, there are men and women. Young and old (not real old), and different races. I used to go to the store and buy magazines with naked men and women in them but now there is so much free stuff on the internet, I don't get magazines anymore. I have found that I can download small ten and twenty second porn clips for free. I can put them all in the same folder on my computer and play them consecutively. I like ones that have men and women in them looking toward the camera. I can pretend they are watching me be sexually tortured and getting turned on by it. One of my favorite fantasies is about two man and woman couples. The women are teasing and torturing my penis and testicles while they watch the two men make me suck them off and screw me in the ass. Finally while one of the guys is fucking me in the butt, his girlfriend lops off my scrotum and testicle as he shoots into me. Then after that, while the other guy is fucking me, his girlfriend lops off my penis just as he cums is my ass. I have had this fantasy bent over with a billy club stuck up my ass and a large Ginsu kitchen knife pressed up under my scrotum, stroking myself with cooking oil on my dick. Sometimes I think about that I have met a woman and man on the internet. They are into sadism and of course I'm a masochist. We talk for awhile and then decide to meet. We discuss the matter of them actually tying me up and torturing my cock and balls before finally cutting them off and cooking and eating them. I go along with them up to the point where we are all naked and I'm tied up. Then I change my mind but, they do it anyway. I like to keep my body hair shaved. I had a tens unit at one time and I could connect two electrodes to my scrotum to shock my balls and the other two electrodes I would insert into the end of my penis. I would push one of the wires down my urethra until it was at the base of my dick. The other one I would keep just inside the opening. I had pictures of nude men and women I'd gotten off of the internet. I could make my computer play the pictures like a slide show while I would slowly increase the electrical current through my penis and testicles. I would imagine that the men and women were watching my genitals getting slowly fried with electricity and were enjoying the show. The electricity was very painful but also very intensely pleasurable. The orgasms from that were very strong. I don't know if I would ever in reality want to lose my penis and testicles but as time goes by I think about it more and more. As time goes by, I wonder if the fantasies will no longer be satisfying and someday I'll have to get in touch with a man and a woman that will do it to me for real. Or maybe two men and two women, or maybe a larger group or maybe......... |