Ever since Ellie-Mae was 13, Paw'd been leavin' pecker tracks in her bed. If Ellie-Mae happened to be bleedin' down thar, he'd git inta my bed and use me fer a gal. Ah hated him fer thet and swore ah'd git back at 'im fer it some day.

He kept tellin' me ah'd never be as good a man as he was . Hay-ull, when ah was 14, ah had an inch and a half more'n he did. It was only in the balls that he was better'n me. Them thangs belonged under a billy-goat.

Both Maw and Ellie-Mae said ah was a better fucker'n he was.

Paw didn't 'preciate what a fine woman Maw was. When ah got hair over mah talleywhacker, Maw took me to bed and taught me how to make a woman happy. Ah didn' let her know that ah was already screwin' Ellie-Mae and doin' it a hay-ull of a lot better'n Paw. Paw'd been neglectin' Maw, but ah made up for it.

Paw didn' do nuthin' worth writin' home about on the form. Handy Andy and Zeke the nigger done all the work, with me helpin' 's much 's ah could. Paw done all the heavy bossin'.

Ah did odd jobs in the village so's ah could earn some money to bah thangs ah wanted 'thout havin' to ask Paw fer the money.

Ah really wanted a pair of Herman Survahvor boots, even though ah knowed ah'd grow out of 'em long before ah ever wore 'em aout.

Ah saved up enough money to bah 'em and they was just as comfortable and rugged as the ads said they was. They come in real handy one dark moonless night when Paw stayed too late at the Double Eagle Saloon.

Maw woke me up after midnaht and said that Paw hadn't come home yet. Ah didn' much keer if he did or not, but Maw made me go daown the lane and see if he was passed aout, as he most likely was. It was the naht of the new moon and dork as the inside of a caow.

Our lane is crooked and Ah figgered as haow Paw'd blundered inta the woods and was wanderin' araoun' or was passed out somewheres. Ah took the kareseen lantern with me and one of them li'l boxes of strahk-on-the-sahd matches.

Ah've got ahs lahke a cat, so Ah didn' need the lantern cause'n Ah could see mah way by starlaht. Ah got all the way daown aour lane to where it jines the caounty road afore ah saw Paw. He was a-settin' under the big oak tree, passed aout drunk with his laigs aport.

Ah could see the big bulge of his balls in the crotch of his overalls and ah figgered "Waal, Jody, it's naow or never." Ah stood over 'im with mah raht foot atwixt of his laigs and mah left foot on the graoun' alongsahd of his layft thah.

Then ah squatted daown and jumped as hah as ah could inta tha a'r an' ah come daown rat squar' onta his balls. Paw screamed an' ah jumped off to the raht sahd an' ran inta the woods befo' Paw knew what was goin' on. Ah could hear 'im screamin' an pukin' as ah worked mah way through the woods alongsahd the lane.

When ah were aout o' saht, ah lit the lantern an' stepped aout inta the lane and come a-runnin' daown it yellin' "Paw, Paw, izzat you ? Air ya hurt ? " Ah faoun' 'im rollin' 'raoun' on the graoun' holdin' 'is crotch . Ah could see his han's was bloody.

Ah asked "Whar ya hurt, Paw ?"

"Mah......balls......dumbass"

"Ah'll git Maw" ah said an' run up the lane. When ah got near the porch, ah called out "Maw, Paw's hurt real bad daown under the big oak tree."

"Whar's he hurt ?" she asked.

"He said it was his balls."

"Waal, naow, ain't that a shame. Waal, let's brang 'im up ta the haouse."

When we got ta the end of the lane, Paw weren't movin no more, jes' curled up in a ball holdin 'is crotch with two bloody han's. From 'is crotch daown almost to 'is knees, Paw's overalls was soaked with blood.

Ah held 'im under 'is armpits and Maw hung the lantern from his raht foot an' tuk 'im bah 'is ankles.

When we got to the haouse, we drug 'im up onto the porch an' laid 'im aout. Maw said "Jody, you rahd inta taown an' git Doc Sawyer." Ah untah'd aour mare, Daisy, jumped on 'er back an' rode 'er bareback inta taown. Ah never have lahked saddles since ah hit mah balls on the saddle horn one tahm.

When ah got t' Doc. Sawyer's house, ah hammered on the door 'til he come daown carryin' a candle an' yellin' "Who the hay-ull is it ?" grumpy-like.

Ah called aout "Jody Toll'ver. Paw's hurt real bad."

"Whar's he hurt ?"

"He said it's his balls an' it shore looks lahk it."

"Alraht. You ride back home and tell yer Maw ah'll git thar quick's ah kin." [N.B. This is Jody's quotation. Dr. Sawyer spoke good English.]

Ah rode home an' waited on the porch with Maw. Purty soon, we heard Doc Sawyer's 1902 Oldmobile Doctor's Cor comin up the lane. Chug........chug........chug.......chug..... At 50 r.p.m. that-air ole engine guv one chug per telegraph pole on the hahway. It were a funny-lookin' thang, too, lahk a glass cabinet upended on wheels.

Doc Sawyer got aout carryin his bag an' a bodacious big carbahd lantern with a reflector about a foot wahd. He turned it to the sahd an' lit it. It were lahk he'd brought the Sun onta the porch. "Here, Jody," he said. "Hold this lantern and point the laht at yore paw's crotch. Don't look at the flame. It's bad fer yore ahs. "

Ah done what he tole me to an' he pulled Paw's overalls daown. Paw never wore nothin' under 'em 'cept in the Winter. His talleywhacker look'd kinda beat-up an' bruised but his bag was flat an' busted open.

The stuff insahd it didn' look nothin lahk balls, mostly a mess o' bloody whaht thread.

"Them threads're the seminiferous tubules. That's whar the sperm is made, but they ain't never goin to make no more. Yore Paw ain't a man no more. He's what they call a younuck. Guess yore the man o' the haouse naow, Jody." (Well, Hallelujah ! Them words was music to mah ears.)

Doc Sawyer tahd off the cords to what was left of Paw's balls an' cut away the mess in his bag. He cleaned up the mess and then sewed up Paw's busted bag an' bandaged it. All this tahm, Paw was aout lahk a laht.

Maw an' Doc carried Paw inta the haouse an' laid him on the caouch so's he wouldn't have to clahmb steers. Doc said he'd drop in ever' day or two an' see haow Paw was doin. Then he drove off daown the lane, chug.....chug.....chug.....chug, fifty chugs a minute.

Ah thought abaout what Doc'd said abaout me bein' the man o' the haouse an decahded ta call mah paw Lew, lahk all t'other grown-ups did. If'n he didn' lahk it, whah, thet were jes' toooooooooo bad. What was he a-goin' t'do abaout it, hit me ? Lahk Hay-ull !

Doc'd tole me thet Lew wouldn't never be even as strong as a wummen once't he was fahn'lly up an' araoun' agin. He'd never be able t'do any hard work agin. Hay-ull, he never done no hard work ennahaow. All he ever done was sit on the porch an' tell the har'd men whut t'do. Ah'd work with 'em an' make shore they done the raht thang.

It tuk Lew a hay-ull of a long tahm to git over gittin' his balls busted. It were near three weeks afore he cud walk agin. Maw had ta haylp him up aout o' his cheer at tha table, or off the dahvan on the porch. Paw didn' lahk it when ah call'd him Lew. He yelled at me "Ah'm yer Paw, dammit !"

Ah tol' him "You ain't nothin', Lew. Ah'm the man o' this haouse, naow. You cain't do nothin', ya cain't hordly walk an' ya cain't fuck no more. Ah got the only balls in this haouse. Ah bet ya cain't even jack off no more. "

Lew turned purple in the face when ah said thet, an' he cussed me aout. Ah jes' laughed an walked away, swaggerin' lahk a man. Ah knowed it'd come down to a faht betwixt Lew an' me one a these days, an' ah knowed he'd go fer mah balls. Waal, ah meant ta make shore he never got near 'em.

It were another month afore thangs come to a haid. Lew didn' think the har'd men was workin hard enough. Ah knowed they was doin' the best they cud. Ah tole 'im "Leave 'em alone, Lew, this is mah bidness. Ah run this form naow."

Lew ex-ploded. "The hayull ya do. Since when ?"

"Since ah were a twaylve-y'ar-ol' tad . You ain't done a lick o' work fer y'ars, jes' set on the porch an' give orders. Waal, it takes a man to run a form raht, an' ahm the onliest man in this-air fam'ly."

That done it ! Lew heaved himself upraht an' come fer me. He tuk a swang at me an ah ducked. Then, ah guv 'im a two-hand backhanded slap across the face that fetched 'im up ag'in the wall. With nobody ta pull 'im up bah the shoulders, Lew had a hard tahm gittin' up.

When he fahnally did, ah jes' knowed he'd trah ta kick me in the balls, an' ah were ready fer 'im. Lew lashed out with a kick thet wud've made me a younuck lahk him......, if it connected, only, ah saw to it thet it didn'.

Ah bent over, re'ched aout an' grabbed his foot an' pulled hord . Thet threw 'im off balance, and he was trahin' ta keep from fallin' daown. If he'd had balls, thet'd be the tahm to kick 'em. Instead, ah twisted his foot aoutwards as hord as ah cud. Ah heerd bone crackin' an' snappin' an' ah twisted 'til the bone come through the skin.

Lew screamed an' passed aout. Ah got Andy to help me load Lew inta the form wagon an' hitch up the team. Lew woke up an storted cussin' a blue streak. Ah slapped 'is face an' tol' 'im "You lissen ta me, Lew Toll'ver. If'n ya know what's good fer ya, ya'll tell Doc Sawyer ya stepped inta a chuck-hole and broke yer ankle. Trah ta blame it on me an' there's a lot of thangs about you ah cud tay'ull 'im thet you don' want nobody ta know, so jes' watch yer mouf. "

There's a lot of thangs thet Lew is stupid abaout, but what's good fer him ain't one of 'em. Ah lissened wahl he tol' Doc the chuck-hole story an' even added "Luckily, mah son, Jody, was rat thar ta haylp me." Ah played along an' said "Aw shucks, 'tweren't nothin."

Doc done what he cud fer Lew's ankle an' then tol' 'im "That ankle's all busted up, Lew. Yore goin ta walk with a limp fer the rest of yore days an' ya'll probably need a cane or maybe even a crutch. Yore lucky ta have a sturdy son ta shoulder the burden of yore part of the form work." Ah managed ta keep a straight face, but 'twarn't easy.

Losin' that faht broke Lew's sperrit. He never argy'd with me agin, allus done whatever ah tol' 'im to. An, that's how ah got ta be the man o' the haouse.