It took me a minute to wake up to the fact that the nurse was speaking to me. With a quick apology, I rose to my feet and automatically followed her from the waiting room. As medical practices go, it was your usual clean, well run operation with young nurses in starched white outfits actively buzzing about even if it was toward the end of the workday. I paid little attention to all that went on around me. I must have looked like a robot.

I was directed into a large office that had a beautiful oak desk and a great view of the surrounding city. The nurse told me that the doctor would be along in a minute.

I stood staring out the window, again lost in thought about what was to come. I heard the door open and saw in the reflection of the glass that the doctor had arrived. As I turned to greet him, I was stunned. Here was a very beautiful, older woman. My surprise must have been obvious from the amused look on her face.

"Please sit down," she instructed as she took off her white coat and hung it behind the office door.

I made my way to one of the leather chairs opposite her desk and sat down. It was impossible not to watch her move across the room. She must have been in her early fifties. Grey hair highlighted her auburn tresses and made her look very distinguished. Her air was very professional, her walk very purposeful. I was most astonished by her very firm physique and the surprisingly short skirt she wore. Her legs were stunning.

She sat down behind the desk and quickly opened a file folder she found ready for her. I knew it was mine, the nurse had placed it there when we had come in. She read it for a few minutes and my heart and stomach did flips as I tried to sit patiently.

"Well," she finally said. "It is not everyday that I see a case like yours. Don't get me wrong, I do this operation three to four times a week, but rarely is it a voluntary situation. Usually I am helping someone survive cancer or it must be done due to injury. Tell me why you want me to remove your testicles?"

So many emotions ran through my head at the same time. Physically I wasn't sure if I was going to be sick or have an orgasm. It was humiliating, embarrassing, exciting, depressing and extremely erotic having this woman ask me such an intimate question.

"Mistress has commanded me to have it done," I replied.

"Yes, I know," the doctor responded. "Your mistress is an old friend and we have talked. She will be proud that you have answered the question as she commanded you to, but tell me why you want me to operate. This will, after all, change your life."

With her looking straight into my eyes, I took a deep breath and began to tell her my story.

"I think I have always been submissive by nature," I explained. "My early fantasizes were of being in jail or being a slave. Even before I had sexual thoughts, I was thinking about this. There was an attraction for me to be the looser at games or the victim in my playground play. When puberty hit I masturbated endlessly while looking at pictures in catalogs of women in boots or high-heeled shoes. My favorite was a catalog of horseback riding supplies that showed a woman in English riding gear holding a crop. I would masturbate so often that I would rub my dick raw. I would get more excited knowing that I was going to pour alcohol on myself after I came. I would be sore for a few days and not being able to play with myself became part of the pleasure."

"I struggled with my desires through the years. I would convince myself that what I did was wrong and I would try and forget it and not do it again. It never worked. I went to see a psychiatrist when I was in college. He told me that I lacked self-discipline and that I could control my urges if I wanted too. I couldn't explain to him that I wanted someone else to discipline me not myself."

"Through college and for several years after I struggled with my feelings and suffered through numerous failed relationships. I kept meeting women who expected me to be the boss or at least their equal. I wanted desperately to meet someone who would know how to take charge of me. My work suffered because I spent so much time fantasizing about serving such a woman."

"It was easy to find publications about female domination. I began buying magazines and newspapers that covered the topics of my fantasies. I came to realize what I really wanted and how much I wanted it. I assumed that a visit to one of the professional dominatrix I saw advertised would satisfy me. It did in many ways. For several years I visited a handful of women and paid them to make me suffer. Some were better than others were but none could offer the long term personal relationship I wanted. I needed an emotional tie to a woman to whom I could dedicate my life"

"As always, I went back and forth in my feelings about my desires. I would be happy and content after a session but would begin to feel guilty within a day or two. I knew that I had to resolve these feeling and so I sought out someone that could help me. I ended up meeting the first woman that changed my life."

"I decided that seeing a psychatrist again would be a good idea. This time I wanted one who specialized in sexual fantasizes and I knew that I wanted it to be a woman. I found such a doctor and went to see her as soon as I could."

"Her methods and demeanor were so different than the first doctor I had seen. She assured me that I was not alone in my feelings and that she could help. We talked at great lengths over several months about why I felt the way I felt and what I wanted in life. She got me to admit that I had consciously chosen a female doctor for fantasy reasons. She even conducted sessions with me nude lying on the floor at her feet to help me divide my fantasies from the realities I sought. I surprised myself when finally after a number of meetings with her, in which I would undress and lay there speaking about myself, I didn't get an erection. She helped me realize that I wanted and needed to have a purpose and that purpose was to make someone else's life easier and more fun. It didn't have to be about sex first and foremost. I needed to be a slave"

"Finally, she told me I was ready to join an organization that she knew would help. It was a group of people who not only enjoyed the same fantasies that I did but lived them. I met men and women who understood me, who accepted me. It was an interesting group and a diverse group. I think ever race, sexual orientation and relationship combination was represented. One of the leaders of this group was a dominant woman. She was my second great influence. She had both a male and a female lifetime slave and a reputation of training slaves for others. She took me under her whip - I mean wing - and my life began to change." I smiled at my little joke and so did the doctor.

"I began by spending weekends in her service. I would anxiously watch the clock tick off time at work on Friday and then race to her home. I would spend the weekend as her slave and return to the "normal" world Monday morning. I always wondered if anyone ever noticed that I was wearing the same clothes every Monday that I had worn on Friday"

"Life as a slave was bliss. I would spend hours naked scrubbing her floors or doing her laundry. When I was lucky I was allowed to draw her bath and scrub her back. I was always expected to do what she wanted and asked without question. She somehow knew how to test me too by making me do things that had never been part of my fantasizes. My understanding of my role grew. My understanding about the proper place of sex in a mistress/slave relationship grew too. It was difficult not to please myself at night as I was so used to doing. She had me wear a chastity belt often to break me of the habit. I began to think of her pleasure first and foremost and knew that if I was an outstanding slave she would allow me an orgasm."

"Let's move to the sofa shall we," the doctor suggested, interrupting my story.

I realized how involved I had become in telling my tale when she spoke. It took me a minute to register what she had said. She was up from her chair and half way to a sofa across the room when I also realized that standing would make the rousing erection I had obvious. Knowing I couldn't hide my condition I rose and followed her.

She seated herself on the sofa and reclined in a more comfortable manner. I couldn't help focusing on those legs but did my best not to stare. I walked across the room with my pants bulged in front. She smiled at me and asked if I would be more comfortable on the sofa with her or on the floor at her feet. I answered my thanks and sat down on the floor in answer to her question.

"Please continue," she prompted. "I want to know how you met my friend."

"Yes. That is the best part," I offered. "On many weekends this group of friends would get together and have a party. There was usually a demonstration of some skill like knot tying or piercing and then a wonderful friendly cocktail party that could have passed for any ordinary party if it weren't for the naked slaves and occasional demonstrations of submissiveness. Usually, I was at the end of a leash following my trainer around waiting to fill her glass or light her cigarettes or do whatever she needed. Rarely, did she punish me in public. She always said that would be for my permanent owner to do. One weekend, however, she was unhappy with me and she had me tied to one wall at the party naked except for a hood, which kept me from seeing. I was to be separated from the crowd and separated from her. I was left very vulnerable without being able to see who might be around me."

"I wasn't happy about it. Being seen in service to a woman had become important to me. It was part of who I was and it made me happy to show that to everyone. I endured much that night. It was unusual to have someone walk up and begin fonddeling me without knowing if it was a man or a woman. Many times I was asked what I had done to deserve this punishment. I had to say that I didn't know. Finally, someone asked me how I felt being where I was. It was a beautiful musical voice that made me shudder."

"I answered that I wasn't happy because I wanted everyone to know that I served a mistress. I told her how much I wanted to be seen as someone's property. I told her I felt useless here. She laughed then. A wonderful warm laugh. She said that I must truly be born to be a slave and she told me that she would speak to my trainer and see if she couldn't take me home with her and make me useful."

"I can't begin to explain the fear and panic and the sexual rush I felt all at the same time. I remained tied to the wall for what seemed to be hours when that wonderful voice returned and told me that she was going to take me home with her for a trial. She untied me and gave me a coat to cover myself with. She told me that the hood would remain in place until later. She said her goodbyes to those around us and guided me out of the party and to her car. She helped me get in, buckle up and lie down on the back seat. She then covered me with a blanket so that no one would see me."

"As she drove along she explained that she had recently ended a relationship with a slave because he was only in it for his sexual fantasies. She told me how much she wanted a man to dedicate his life to her just because she was who she was and not for what she could do to or for a man. She also asked me about my desires to serve and my level of dedication. By the time we arrived at her home, I felt she knew me very well and I knew that I wanted to please her very much."

"That night I slept in a small room locked in her basement. She took the coat I wore but allowed me to keep the blanket. After she locked me in, she told me that I could remove the hood. I looked around the room, which was illuminated by a single bulb in the ceiling and found the coffee can she said was there for my bodily functions. Then she turned the light off from outside wished me a good night and said that if I wanted to I could masturbate."

" I couldn't help but take my penis in hand and make myself come. I had been so excited for so long and here I was locked in the room of this woman I had never seen."

"Sounds dangerous to me," the doctor offered as she crossed and uncrossed her legs.

I couldn't help but catch a flash of panty as she did so.

"Maybe, you should turn around," she said in response to my obvious glance. "After all, I don't want to give you more trouble controlling your lust."

"I'm sorry," I answered. "One of the reasons I need castrated is to keep from getting distracted. I have trouble with that."

"Well, after the surgery, it will be easier for you. I know because most of my patients are worried about losing their sex drive and so I have spent a great deal of time studying what the loss of testosterone can do and how it can be replaced. You will be able to control yourself in the future. Or, more correctly, my friend will be able to control you. Remind me to speak to her about that will you."

"Yes, of course," I replied as I finished turning around.

I was about to begin my story again when a young nurse knocked at the door and stuck her head into the office. I wondered what she must have thought seeing me sitting on the floor facing away from the doctor. I would have become embarrassed but I thought how minor this sight was compared to the reason I was with the doctor. If this nurse knew, she wouldn't think twice about where I was.

The nurse spoke to the doctor for a minute. She only hesitated a breath when she saw me. The doctor asked me to excuse her for just a few minutes and then she left the office with the nurse.

I sat there for several minutes with just my thoughts. I finally picked up a medical journal and leafed through it not being able to understand the clinical information but examining some of the pictures that showed various surgeries of both male and female patients. I felt a little like a kid getting caught with his Dad's pornography when the office door opened. I laid the magazine down and turned expecting to see the doctor. It was the nurse who had come to speak to her instead.

"The doctor has asked me to get you settled in for tonight and get you ready for the surgery tomorrow", she explained as she went to the doctor's desk and picked up my folder.

I followed her as she wheeled and headed down the hall. I wondered what was written in my folder. I thought for a minute how I didn't want this pretty young nurse to know why I was here but I also knew that the doctor would have assistants and they would see everything. I had to accept that I was giving up my balls and that quiet a few strangers would come to know that about me.

I was shown in to a room that looked like any hospital room. It was nicely decorated and certainly well equipped even if it was only in a clinic and not in a large hospital.

The nurse asked me to disrobe and put on one of the horrible gowns. While I did so she opened my file and without looking up asked, "You are here for a voluntary, bilateral, orchiotomy correct?"

Once again I was struck by the situation and while I understood the words she used, it took a minute to engage my mouth and answer. She assumed my silence meant that I didn't understand and she looked up to see me naked with the gown ready to go over my head. She quickly asked, "You want your testicles removed, right?"

"Yes, yes," I replied, probably with what sounded like too much pleading. I was not very articulate at that moment.

"OK, "she answered as though she had done this many times before. "We have to get you ready then."

She took my clothes and said that she would be right back. I plopped down on the bed and took a deep breath. I had no doubts though. This is what my Mistress wanted of me. I would not disappoint her.

The nurse returned and began to explain all of the procedures she would be doing. She put me through the usual checks of blood pressure, weight and height. She took a blood sample and had me produce a urine sample. Despite her attractiveness I did not enjoy these procedures any more than anyone would. Even if I am submissive, running around in a thin gown that won't stay closed in back is not my idea of fun.

We were back in my room when she said that she only had a few more things to do. They included giving me an enema and shaving my pelvis. "Once we are done with that, I'll leave you alone," she promised. "The doctor will be back to see you tonight. She said she wanted to finish talking about your case."

I have been given an enema several times during the domination sessions I had paid for years ago. I associated the procedure with sex and sure enough as this very professional nurse prepared to administer the fluid, I sprang to full glory.

"Don't be embarrassed," she offered. "It happens all the time." With that preamble she jabbed the nozzle home and filled me up.

I am not a fan of the cramps and pain that an enema brings and I was not happy when she forced me to hold the water in for some time. Finally though it was over and after I cleaned myself up I headed to the bed to be shaved.

Having a woman shave my pubic hair was a new experience for me. Again, she was very professional about the work but even with her minimal handling of my penis I was as erect as I get and I was sure I was going to come. I was amazed though how mater of fact she made small talk. I did my best at asking her a few questions. How long had she been a nurse? How long had she been working with this doctor? She happily answered my questions and continued to stretch the skin of my sac and swipe the razor over it.

When all of the hair was removed she went to the bathroom and brought back a warm wash cloth for me. She draped it on my erection and balls and began to wipe the remaining shaving cream off. My penis deflated quickly but I still enjoyed her rubbing and tugging. Too soon, she said she was all done and gave a squeeze to my testicles - almost as a good bye. She then suggested that I take a shower and said she would be back to check on me in a little while.

I climbed into a hot shower and pondered what tomorrow would be like. I wanted so much to masturbate but Mistress had held a little ceremony for me before I left her. She had allowed me to masturbate one final time with balls for her and she had saved my come in a little jar to be placed next to my testicles in a place of honor. I debated for a very long time with myself about doing it one more time but ultimately I knew that I could not do what my mistress didn't want me to do.

I climbed out of the shower having resisted temptation. I dried off while walking back to my bed where I had left my gown. I don't know why I was acting like I was in a hotel room or at home but I didn't even think about someone else being in the room. I finished drying my hair and when I moved the towel my body, I realized that the doctor had returned and was sitting in a chair next to my bed.

I don't know why I was uncomfortable being nude in front of her. After all, she was to preform a very intimate act upon me and she had already had me confessing so many of my secrets. I grabbed for my gown and she apologized all at the same time.

"I wanted to hear more of your reasons for surgery. I hope you don't mind. I am sorry I didn't knock," she said.

"No, it's ok," I replied. "I was just realizing how odd it is to be uncomfortable around you. I guess I don't have anything you haven't seen before."

She smiled and said, "Well. I have seen many but I know that everyone is different and I understand your sensitivity. I also see that my nurse has been preparing you. We will have a few more things to do tonight but first continue your story."

I hopped back on the bed, my hospital gown doing nothing to cover me really, and tried to remember where we had left off.

"You were locked in my friend's basement when I had to leave," she offered almost reading my mind.

"Yes. That's right," I said. The next morning was the first time I got to see my mistress. She had let herself into my room and was gently shaking me awake. I was so struck by her beauty. I couldn't believe that such a lovely face went with such a beautiful voice. She asked me how I had slept and if I was allright. She also asked me if I had changed my mind about serving her. She smiled when I said that I was fine and when I said that of course I had not changed my mind that I knew my place was to serve her. She then asked if I had played with myself and I admitted that I had. She said that she would overlook my lack of control this one time but she expected me to only masturbate when she commanded me to and not when I wanted to. She said that her offering to let me last night had been a test and that I should have asked her if my masturbation was what she wanted."

"I begged her forgiveness and kissed her shoes hoping she would understand and give me another chance. She of course did or I guess I wouldn't be here. That weekend was so wonderful for me. I spent it working around the house and being punished for every mistake. I hated it when she loaded me back into her car and took me back to my trainer's house for my return to the outside world."

"My trainer asked me how the weekend was and I couldn't tell her fast enough how happy I had been. I was elated when she told me that my mistress had been equally pleased and had asked for me as her own slave. I was to await further instruction from my mistress and not return to my trainer next weekend. I floated home and dreamed about the beautiful and cruel woman I had met."

"The next week was hell. Every time the telephone rang, I hoped it was she. When the phone didn't ring I stared at it hoping to make it ring. Finally on Friday afternoon, just as I was convinced that I had been forgotten, my office phone rang. The first words I heard were a mischievous 'What are you doing this weekend?'. I knew it was her and I did my best to calm myself so that my coworkers didn't think I had gone crazy."

"She said she wanted to meet for dinner and to talk. We made arrangements and the appointed time did not arrive soon enough. I was overwhelmed to be in her presence. She was so calm and collected. I knew that this woman knew what she wanted in life. To anyone else, I am sure that we seemed like any couple out for the evening. To me I knew I was her slave. After dinner she told me that she wanted me to spend the weekend writing in a journal. She wanted me to write down all of the reasons why I longed to be a slave. She wanted me to write down my experiences and my fantasies. She wanted me to be completely honest and to write until I was exhausted. She also wanted me to write one thousand times 'I may not masturbate unless commanded'. She said that she would call me next week to have me deliver the work. Despite my pleas to serve her physically that weekend she told me that I had my instructions and left me to pay for diner."

"I went at my assignment with a vengeance. I bought two new blank journals and worked day and night to fill them over the next two days. I don't think I ate at all and I slept only in short bits. I was a wreck at work Monday but I had poured my heart into it."

"On Wednesday, of that week I was called and told that a courier would be by to pick up my assignment. I was very nervous to hand over the envelop containing my books to the young female bicycle courier that showed up in my office a few hours later. I keep thinking about her reading them. Or showing them to her friends or who knows what."

"Again, on Friday my mistress told me that we would be going out to dinner. We met and again I was in heaven being in her presence. We were in a very romantic restaurant this time with very private tables. She began to talk about my writing and complimented me on it. She said that she was surprised by many things that I had written and told me that she thought we were well suited. I tried not to push for a chance to kneel naked at her feet again but I longed so much to be her slave. However, once again she left me with an assignment for the weekend and said that I would get to serve her again soon."

"This time I had to answer hundreds of questions she had written down for me. They covered everything from my medical history to details about some of the fantasizes I had described the previous week. The assignment also asked me to purchase a plastic molding kit at a craft store and make a casting of my erect penis. And, of course, I also had to write one thousand times what had become my mantra 'I may not masturbate . . .' "

"Did you masturbate during that time," the doctor asked.

"I hate to admit that I did on several occasions. I knew that I shouldn't but I would convince myself that she would never know and I would do it. Eventually, she asked me the same question and I told her the truth. Eventually, she tried a lot of things to keep me from playing with myself. The cast I made of my cock was for measurement of a custom made chastity device. One day I got a phone call and was told that my jewelry was ready'. I said that I hadn't ordered any but they told me that the order had been placed by my mistress. I went to this store and an old saleswoman took me in the back and helped me put this cage and lock on my cock and balls. Mistress enjoyed me telling her how humiliating it was to have this grandmother helping with such a thing . . ."

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to get you of f track," the doctor interrupted.

"I'm sorry. I'm still not thinking that clearly. My masturbation and it's control is a favorite topic of mine," I replied.

"And the primary reason you are here I presume," she added.

"Yes. That is one of the reasons. But it is important to appreciate how close Mistress and I became. She understood that for me to be happiest I had to serve someone to whom I was emotionally close. She spent a long time getting to know what makes me tick and making me understand what she wanted and liked and needed from me. I know at the time that I was frustrated with how slowly the relationship grew. I know now that had we not gone slowly, I wouldn't be as dedicated as I am."

"And you wouldn't be hear ready to let me operate. Would you?"

"No. I don't think so. I would like to think that I could have found the courage to have myself castrated. I would have liked to have the discipline to remove my distracting sexual urges. But, I know I wouldn't have. It is only as a gift to my mistress that I can do this. It is only because she has asked this of me that I can lie here and happily contemplate my life as her eunuch.

"Let me stop you there, if I might," the doctor said. "I want to order some diner for myself. I'm afraid that you can't eat tonight. I hope you don't mind if I do. We also need to take care of one more item before tomorrow. I want to catch a nurse before they all go home. I'll be right back."

I laid there with my own thoughts for a few more minutes when the same nurse that had been with me before came in. She was carrying a small plastic cup and a syringe.

"I need a sperm sample and the doctor has suggested we give you something to help you sleep," she said. She set the needle down and handed me the cup. "Try to get it all into this."

"I can't," I answered.

"What do you mean you can't?" she asked. "You know how to get sperm don't you?"

"Yes. I do," I answered. "It's just that I can't. I mean I'm not allowed to."

"You're not allowed to," she said with an emphasis on the "allowed'.

"No. I'm not allowed to," I repeated.

"Let me see what the doctor says," she said as she headed out the door with the cup in hand.

I was more upset than humiliated. I was not about to touch myself again after Mistress had gone through the celebration of my last climax with balls. I didn't understand why they wanted a sperm sample anyway.

The doctor returned with the nurse close behind. "I'm sorry about this," the doctor said. I should have told you we need a sample from before and after the operation to test. It helps us check for complications and disease we might not otherwise detect."

"I can't masturbate. I promised I wouldn't," I said.

"I know," was her reply. "I have explained to my nurse that you have given control of your sexuality as a gift and that it is not yours anymore. We can get the sample without your help."

I wasn't sure how I felt about the nurse knowing this. It didn't seem to bother her. She was busy putting on a pair of gloves and lubricating a pair of fingers.

"Take of you gown and get on your hands and knees for me," the nurse instructed. "I'll massage your prostate and you will experience a unique orgasm. I'll do my best to catch your sample in this cup but it would help if you can give me warning when you are going to climax."

I climbed into the position. Here I was on all fours in front of these two women. And one of them was about to stick two fingers up my ass while holding a cup below my cock to catch my sperm. It was hard not to laugh at the thought.

The nurse began to rub me inside. "Let me know if that hurts," she said.

I couldn't complain. It was a unique feeling.

"I wish I had someone that loved me as much as you must love someone," the nurse commented.

"Yes, she is a lucky woman,"the doctor replied, referring to my mistress.

"I think I am going to come, " I gasped out seconds before I did.

With what seemed like great practice the nurse positioned the cup so that every squirt of sperm fell into it. She even managed to set it on the bedside table and grab a tissue that she dabbed at the head of my penis, catching a few final drops of liquid.

"Thanks. I love you," I joked.

"No problem," she replied. "And if your lady friend ever gets tired of you let me know. I'll take you in even without your balls." She left the room with my sample before the doctor could chastise her for the remark.

"I'm sorry," the doctor said.

"That's okay," I answered honestly. "She has been very kind and professional. Nothing seemed to surprise her. She seems wise beyond her years some how. Besides, I had better get used to what some people will think and say when they find out I have been castrated."

"We were talking about your unique relationship with my friend before," the doctor reminded me. "Can you tell me how she came to ask you to have your testicles removed?"

"She first mentioned it almost a year ago. I didn't think anything about it because she would always target my balls during my punishment sessions. I didn't think she would want me to lose that source of suffering. As time went on she talked more and more about how great a gift such a thing would be. She got me to agree that my service to her still had a sexual element for me. She always said I got better and better as a slave the less and less I was allowed to masturbate. She felt that I was most submissive when I longed the most for my own orgasm. It was hard to deny that. She would leave me locked in my chastity for weeks and I would do anything she asked just to be released and allowed to come. Over time, she convinced me that true servitude would require the loss of my sexuality. Eventually she asked me if I was willing to give her my balls and allow her to control my sexuality completely. I said yes. "

"Let's talk about that point for a minute," the doctor suggested.

Just as she was about to begin, her nurse returned with dinner. She said that my sperm was sent for processing and that she would be leaving for the night. The doctor said good night, as did I. Then this nurse who knew my secret walked out of the room with a wave.

"Can I just say something that may help you understand my motives, doctor," I asked.

"Please," she said while sitting down to eat.

"When I first saw you today and when I first saw your nurse, the only thing I could think was about how great it would be to get you in bed. I fantasized about you offering yourself to me on your sofa. I fantasized about your nurse climbing on top of me while she was shaving me earlier. I am thinking constantly about sex and my own orgasm and I don't want it to be that way any more."

"That is not unusual for a man," she commented. "Especially, if your sexual release is delayed or denied. How often does my friend allow you to have sex?"

"If you mean intercourse," I answered, "she has allowed me to have sex with a female slave of her friend's once a year on my birthday."

"Once a year," the doctor replied in surprise.

"Yes. That is the present she has given me each year since I became hers," I replied proudly.

"So you have made love to a woman only how many times in how many years," she asked.

"Six in six," I answered.

"And, you realize you may never be able to do that again? Not just because of your relationship but because of possible changes to your system."

"Yes. I know that I may never be able to have an erection or an orgasm again."

"Well, that is not likely . . . " she began to say.

"Wait," I jumped in, " I want to be thinking about making my mistress's life better. I don't want to think about my pleasure. I want to see a woman on the street and hope that she has a slave to take care of her not hope she will rip off her clothes and beg me to screw her. I don't want to masturbate twenty-four hours a day thinking about such things."

"Well. I do understand that," the doctor replied. "How often do you masturbate?"

"I am allowed to masturbate once a week if I have earned enough points and if it amuses Mistress."

"Points," she repeated with a quizzical look.

"Mistress awards me points for doing my job well and she takes them away if I make a mistake. At the end of the week, she will reward me if I have enough points. Many times she will offer me a choice of rewards but I almost always choose to masturbate."

"What's the longest you have ever gone without a climax?"

"Five months. I was unhappy when Mistress took a lover and I kept acting up. I still have a little voice in the back of my head that tells me I should be able to have a 'normal' sexual relationship with her. When she began seeing someone for the sex she wouldn't permit me, I became a little willful. It took me a while to realize that I had better accept that Mistress would be making love to someone else or I wouldn't be allowed to come ever again. Now I have to accept that I may never be able to have sex with her."

"Well, let me tell you what life may be like after the surgery. Most men do not lose their sexual desires immediately nor do they loose their ability to function sexually. There is a lot of testosterone stored in the body. It takes awhile to diminish. Also, that hormone is produced in small quantities by other parts of the body. Everyone is different. I have patients that continue a normal sex life for years after both testicles are removed. I have others that require hormone replacement almost immediately. Either way you will likely be able to experience an erection and an orgasm. It will be different and it may take a great deal more time and stimulation, but it is possible. Of course, you will not be producing sperm. Hope you don't want kids. One of the reasons your mistress said she is interested in you being operated upon is that the sex drive and response for a eunuch can be easily controlled with hormones. She will be able to keep you from pleasuring yourself in all likelihood by not giving you your hormone pills. On the other hand, if she wants you to be extra turned on she can administer a higher dose. She will have control over you in a way that only castration can provide."

"And of course, I will have demonstrated my love and devotion by giving so much away for her, won't I," I asked.

"Yes. I think I agree. I can't imagine having someone offer me this."

"Thank you for understanding," I said quietly.

She had finished her dinner. I was surprisingly not hungry. Nor was I sleepy. I was glad she had thought to prepare a sleep aid.

"I'll need you to sign a release," she said, standing up and carrying her tray out of the room.

She returned with a clipboard and a new nurse. She introduced me to this woman and explained that this was the night nurse who would be on duty should I need anything. She had me sign the paper work that acknowledged that I was to voluntarily have my healthy, functional testicles removed and that I made this decision with great forethought. I acknowledged that I might not be able to achieve an erection or orgasm due to the surgery and that I would not hold the doctor responsible.

The nurse gave me the injection for sleep and the doctor said she would see me early in the morning. The medicine took over and I feel asleep with thoughts of my mistress in my head.

I woke up the next morning before anyone arrived in my room. The previous day seemed like a dream or at least a vivid sort of sex fantasy for me. Looking around, I was very aware that I was in the clinic and that all the events of the day before were real. My favorite nurse from the night before was the first to show up.

"Oh good you are awake," she said with a bright smile. I hate to have to wake up patients."

She asked how I was feeling and then told me that she would have to further prepare me for the surgery. She asked if I needed to use the bathroom and she said that I should try because I would have to have a catheter placed in my bladder.

I got up and peed. I also took the time to brush my teeth and comb my hair. I wanted to look good for surgery. When I came out of the bathroom, she said I would have to drop the gown.

I climbed back in bed naked and saw that the nurse had opened a package of tubing and was assembling the gear. She began by scrubbing the tip of my penis with an antiseptic that turned it orange. I did not enjoy this and my cock stayed very flaccid.

"Looks like he is still asleep," the nurse commented. "We do need to get it a little harder. It will be easier to insert the catheter. How about if I give these balls a good squeeze and remind you that you are giving them up for a wonderful woman. Would that help some?"

It did. She massaged my testicles and looked into my eyes as she spoke. I made a comment about wishing I had more than two so that I could donate a pair to her also. She laughed and asked if that would be cheating on my 'special lady'.

I was more than a little hard from her touch. She gave my cock a little squeeze and a stroke and went right to work. Slowly she snaked the tube into me. When it met resistance she told me to take a deep breath and she firmly pushed it home. She inflated the tip inside of me and checked to see if saline would flow in and out.

"Now, one more connection for you," she said. "You will receive a very mild sedative through an I.V. I'll put this in your arm." She placed the needle into a vein with great skill and little pain for me.

"You're all set," she said, covering me with a sheet.

Next to visit me was the doctor. She asked me if I had changed my mind and after I said no, she proceeded to explain what would happen to me this morning. She made it sound so simple; I wasn't surprised when she said I would be on my way home that afternoon after a short recovery period with them. She wanted to examine me and so I pulled down the sheet. She took my testicles in her hands and very thoroughly manipulated them. I thought about this being the last time I would feel those sensations and my cock grew a little despite the plastic hose running through it.

When she was done, she signaled to an orderly. I was wheeled down the hall and into an operating room. There were two other people already in the room. I could tell that one was a male and the other a female. The male was manning a video camera. I learned then that the doctor videotaped all surgeries for insurance purposes. I marveled at the thought of her video library.

The sedative began to kick in and the doctor from far away began to narrate her work. She told me that I would be able to feel most of what she was doing but that it wouldn't hurt. It wouldn't hurt after she had administered a local anesthesia, that is. She jammed what felt like huge needles into my pelvis, cock and scrotum. The medicine burned as it went in. Soon though I was oddly numb and although I could tell that my cock was being handled, I could not feel it.

"The first incision . . .," I heard her say and then I don't remember much else. I vaguely understood that I was done and being rolled back to my room.

I'm a eunuch I thought to myself. I actually laughed aloud a little at the thought and with relief that it was over finally.

I slept most of the morning. I woke up to find the I.V. disconnected but I could see that the catheter was still in place.

More clearly now I thought about what I had just done. I explored my feelings to see if I had any regrets. I was only happy that I would be free of mostly what caused the urges I used to have and better able to serve my mistress. I was happy to be her eunuch.

My nurse friend showed up after I had been awake awhile. She told me how well everything had gone and that she would remove my catheter and soon get me on my way. I commented on the lack of pain and she told me how the doctor always did her best to disturb as little tissue as possible. She said I would be sore for a few days and that they would give me pain pills to take. It hurt more when she removed the tubing from my body but overall I felt ready to take on the world.

Some of that wore off as the afternoon passed. I could feel soreness in my crotch and had to be careful how I moved around. The doctor checked on me several times and told me things had gone well. Finally, just within two hours of when I had come to this office the day before I was told I could dress and go home. I was given after care instructions by the nurse and an emergency number in case anything went wrong.

I was getting dressed when the nurse came back into my room one more time. In her hand was a small jar of fluid. Soaking in the fluid was what I knew had to be my balls.

"Here they are," she said with a flourish. "You don't want to leave these behind."

I walked slowly out of the doctors building and caught a cab for home. It was odd to be carrying my balls home in a jar. I wanted to show them off and brag at the same time I didn't want anyone to know. It was an odd feeling.

When I got home there was a phone message from Mistress. She wanted me to call her. She knew that all had gone well and she said that she was proud of me. I tried to call her but the machine picked up and I left a short message saying how lucky I was to serve her and how much I looked forward to presenting her with my present.

I then slept for the better part of the next day. I woke just long enough to take a pain pill and change my dressing. I was amazed at how little bleeding and pain there was. I was also amazed at how small the incisions were. I was fascinated by what I had in the jar as well. Every minute I was awake, I would stare at my balls floating in their little bath of preservative. They where perhaps two inches long and shaped a little like footballs or beans. One was a little larger. I wondered if I had been "right balled" the same way I am right handed. Finally, I put the jar and it's contents into a box and wrapped it up for Mistress.

I had told them at work that I would be out on a short vacation. The next day I went in and everyone asked if my vacation had been that bad. I guess I looked bad because I hadn't eaten much and had been sleeping a lot. Going into the men's room and just being around these people was strange. I wondered how they would react if they knew I had been castrated.

By the fourth day of being a eunuch, I felt back to my old self. I had changed my own dressings and was down to two large gauze pads. I delicately had played with my empty ball sac and had realized how different it felt. I had also enjoyed my usual morning erection and had stroked myself a few times to see if it would be different. Mechanically it was odd because I was used to the tug my balls would provide when I stroked my cock. Now the loose skin under my hand didn't try to pull itself back down the shaft. I didn't allow myself to come because I had promised to try that the first time with Mistress watching.

At the end of the week, I finally got a call from my mistress. She told me that she had been entertaining a friend and had been thinking about me. Jealousy shot through me because I knew that she had been with her lover. I thought, "let's see this guy give up his balls for her" but I knew that she wouldn't want him to. She uses him for intercourse. She asked if I was well enough to drive over and I assured her that I could. She told me I would be spending the weekend.

I think I set several records for how quickly I packed my few things and raced to her house. I had such a fantasy in my head of how our meeting would be. I would fall to my knees and offer her my balls. She would thank me for her the gift and I would thank her for the opportunity to give it. She would ask me about the surgery and would console me for what I had gone through. I would be allowed to sleep in her bed and hold her all night. I would be so happy knowing she had my balls in a jar on the nightstand. My heart sank when I pulled into her driveway and saw that her lover's car was there.

I followed my usual instructions when I am called to her house. I let myself into her basement and went to my cell. I disrobed and locked myself, naked, in the room. The only thing I had with me were my balls in their little jar.

I sat down and waited. I could hear noises in the house and my mind raced with thoughts of Mistress and her lover. I could just imagine him sliding in and out of her. How lucky he was to place his cock in her sacred body. How unworthy he was to fill her with his sperm. I could never do that now. I could never pump sperm into anybody. I hadn't just had a vasectomy; I had had my balls cut off! I was somewhere between exploding in anger and breaking down in tears of despair.

Hours seemed to go by. I sat there with my emotions raw just wishing I could be with my Mistress. Finally, I heard footsteps on the other side of the door and heard a key unlocking it. The door swung open and there on the other side was a woman I did not know. She was naked save for a collar around her neck and a gag strapped around her face. She had long blonde hair that fell to her firm breasts. She signalled me to follow her and as she turned to go upstairs, I could she that she wore the word 'slave' tattooed to her left butt check.

I followed her up the stairs and was surprised by all the noise I heard when she opened the door leading into Mistress's kitchen. I stepped out of the basement and was greeted by a large crowd of people who all yelled "Surprise" at me. My Mistress had thrown me a surprise party to celebrate.

I was so taken aback. I didn't even think about the fact that I was standing in the kitchen with dozens of people, many strangers, and I was naked. My Mistress came through the crowd, I feel to my knees with tear in my eyes, and I thanked her by kissing her boots.

"You have something for me my pet," she asked.

I realized in terror that I had left the jar downstairs. I begged for just a minute of time and ran down to retrieve my balls for her. I overheard someone make a joke about " . . .if his balls weren't attached, he would forget them." I didn't mind. I was so happy. My Mistress thought so much of my efforts and of me that she threw a party.

I raced back upstairs and again knelt at my mistress's feet. Everyone crowded around as I gave her the present and she began to unwrap it. She made a big show of saying, "I wonder what my slave has brought me" and "Oh look everyone. It's his balls."

There was great laughter and applause when she showed the jar around. Everyone was as fascinated as I to see part of me floating about. The only thing that distracted them from my balls was when someone noticed my erection.

"Looked," she announced with great surprise. "He has got a hard on. I didn't think that was possible."

She was dressed all in black leather and she was leading an older man by a short chain that was attached to a piercing through the head of his penis. Despite his erect cock, her slave did not look thrilled with the display of my parts or with her interest.

Mistress corrected this woman and explained to the crowd that I would be able to get an erection at least for a little while. She then said, "let's get the doctor to explain it all."

I was left kneeling in the kitchen as everyone else filed into the living room. I heard my mistress asking someone to speak and then I heard what I recognized as the doctor who had operated on me begin to explain the workings of the male hormonal system. I couldn't believe that she had come to the party.

I continued to kneel in position because I had not been told that I could move. Suddenly, another familiar voice said, "Hi."

I looked over my shoulder to see the nurse who knew my secrets standing behind me. She wore a low cut red dress that made me realize how attractive she really was under that white uniform.

"I talked the doctor into letting me come with her when I heard about the party. I wanted to learn about your lifestyle and I'm beginning to think I might want a slave of my own."

"A slave would be lucky to serve you," I answered.

"Yes. But, I'm not sure if I would want a man or a woman," she answered with a smile. "Do you have any thoughts on that topic?"

I couldn't help but picture this woman with a female lover. My cock had begun to soften but now it rose again. She pulled up a chair and sat down in front of me.

"Really, I'm interested in understanding why you would choose this lifestyle. What power would I have over a man to make him do my bidding? Is it all just about this?" She spread her legs and offered me a wide-open view of her beautiful pussy.

I took a long lustful view and then looked her in the eye.

"It might start out about that," I began, "but for me it has to do with more. It has to do with wanting someone else to matter more to you than anything. It has to do with wanting to make someone happy with every minute of your life."

"Well," she said, "that would be nice. Every man I meet is only interested in making himself happy with one of these." She reached down, grabbed my erection, and gave it a mean squeeze. Some of the blood flowed out but it rushed back in right away.

"Please," I pleaded and pulled back a little. I was afraid she would make me come right then and there.

"Maybe your mistress would lend you to me. Would you like that," she asked.

"It doesn't matter how I feel about it. If Mistress wants me to serve you then I will."

"You would come to my house and clean and cook," she asked.

"Yes, Mam", I answered.

"And what else would you do? Would you dance and sing or give me a massage and pedicure? Would you go down on me for hours?"

I could tell that she was getting excited at the prospect. "Yes. I would do all of those things if my owner commanded me," I answered calmly. After all, none of what she was demanding was terrible.

"Oh my," she whispered looking rather flush and squeezing her legs together.

It was so different and yet so right to be here kneeling in front of a woman who just a few days before had been so intimately involved in my operation. Our conversation was cut short though when Mistress came into the kitchen to get me.

"Come on," she said excitedly. "The doctor is going to show your operation on video." She led me, by grabbing my cock, to a place of honor. Next to her chair in front of the TV I sat. The doctor was standing at the front of the room with the remote in her hand. She said hello to me but you wouldn't have known from her reaction that I was anyone special.

She began to show the video and add additional narration to what she had already recorded as she worked. I was as fascinated as everyone else was. It did not really seem like it was me that I was watching even if I did have two small healing wounds to prove that it was.

The video showed the doctors skilled hands making a small incision on the left side of my scrotum. She sliced through several different layers, identifying them with their medical names as she went. Someone commented on the shortage of blood and the doctor began to explain about some aspect of the technique that helps that. I didn't care. I was glued to the video as she inserted a tool and then her finger and pulled from out of the cut my testicle. It looked different at the end of her finger. It was still covered in some thin membranes and was still attached to my body but it was outside its protective sac.

With a few more quick cuts and a pair of loops of suture, the doctor's hands moved away from me and with them went my ball. Two small pieces of surgical tape were used to close the incision. The whole process was repeated on the other side except when my last ball was cut away, the doctor said, "That is how you make a eunuch," and everyone cheered.

The video presentation was followed by many questions. Everyone wanted to know what would happen to me over time. The doctor explained all of the same things she had told me. She also talked about penile implants that could be used to restore erections should I need one.

When all the questions were through the doctor reminded me that she needed another sample for testing. I assumed that I would be able to provide it at another time but my mistress said, "O. K." and she explained to everyone that I would be masturbating as a eunuch for the first time. To another round of applause and jokes I was lead to the dinning room table where I was lifted up so everyone could see.

I was afraid that I wouldn't be able to preform on command like this, but my mistress gave me a few words of encouragement and I started to pull on my cock. The enthusiastic crowd, especially several attractive mistresses and female slaves helped. Also the appearance of the nurse with another plastic cup made me work hard.

I stroked and stroked myself. Masturbation didn't feel that different. I still enjoyed the pressure and friction of my hand. I missed the movement of my balls up and down but it didn't keep me from coming. After just a little while, maybe a few minutes more than I used to take, I experienced my first orgasm as a eunuch. It was different. It reminded me of the orgasm at the doctor's office. I felt it in my prostrate more than anywhere else but it was a good feeling. My friend the nurse was right there to catch most of my discharge. Some escaped and flew to the other side of the table. I watched as a male slave bent forward to lick it up. He received a swat from his master who had not given him permission to do so.

Again, the crowd cheered and I was helped down. The rest of the evening flew by as the crowd, charged by my condition and display, enjoyed themselves greatly. I watched many, many acts of submission and dominance. I even caught the nurse relaxing on the sofa with a slave licking her pussy.

I was the guest of honor so I didn't have to spend any time working that night. It was nice having other slave labor to clean up. When everyone but my mistress and her lover had left, part of my dream came true. I was told that I could spend the night in Mistresses bedroom. I was overjoyed.

I hurried to her room and prepared it for her. I helped her with her bath and we talked about the days past and the days ahead. I asked about starting hormones and she said she would think about it. She said she wasn't sure if she wanted me to ever have another erection or not. I told her that I would be happy with whatever decision she made.

Mistress's lover was in her bed when we finished in the bathroom. She ran naked to him and he took her in his arms. I was instructed to climb in bed as well. I fell asleep next to them as they made love. My final waking thoughts were of how I might never have sex again and how little that mattered. I was now a happy eunuch slave.