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I have been born as an external normal boy and grew up in an exclusive feminine surrounding. Being very weak other boys wouldnt play with me. So already as child I considered male persons as extremely strange and repellent, something like an ohter species. Going to school has been a horror, the other boys disgusted my tender behaviour and appearance and thrashed my as often as possible. Mostly in these years I was lomesome and often I played with my genitalia (I think, as most children do temporary). But I didnt stop it, because it became something like a refugium for me. My problems started at the age of nine and a half. Playing with my member it suddenly lengthened and stiffened. Completely unprepared I was very anxious that it would remain and I must tell it to my mother, but fortunately, may be by my fear, the memner became flaccid after short time. This event mad me very curious. In the following days and weaks I fondled my member again and again, happy when in reacted always in the same manner. So naturally some month later I had my first ejaculation, not knowing what happened. Playing with my hardened penis I felt the need to pee but iz was to late to reach the toilet and instead of peeing the whitish semen spurted out vehemently. I felt unbelievable ashamed and cleaned the floor immediately, but on the other hand I have had an undescribable pleasure. It has been so impressive that i would experience this feeling again and again. In the following years I masturbated up to four or five times daily. May be that this treatment has encoureaged the growth of my member. In the age of fourteen it has reached a length of 22 cm. Never having seen a man or another boy nude, at that time Ididnt know that this was a little bit more than the average. My problem was, that even in flaccid state it shortened only minimal. At that time I had a very smbigous relation to my penis: I liked the pleasure I could attain, but on the other hand I felt very ashamed to see this thing dangling down nearly to my knees. Naturally I had also problems with in the daily life. In my youth in the country I lived boys wore always short trowsers and wide underpants. I had always the fear, that the thing could slip out and naturally one a day it happened. Using both hands to do something and so unably to retain in with the hand in my trouser pocket the penis slipped out in its full length and in the presence of my mother. She looked somewhat confused and I reddened extremely. But after the first shock my mother reacted very cool. She said nothing, I pulled the thing back in my trousers and later she gave me ohne of her elastic slips and said: It would be better, if you wear it always. This was the turning point in my life. Dressing in this female garment gave me an unexpected thrill. So successively I asked for further slips, than garter belts and nylon stockings and a corset with suspenders and my mother didnt resist. After some time I wore permanently and exlusively female underwear. Notwithstanding my continued excessive masturbation my female identity consolidated more and more, certainly encouraged by the absence of the slightest beard hairs, the absence of the breakting of the voice and the absence of any male muscle development. Also the thick and sensitive nipples an the protruding areaole of the nipples supported my feminine feelings. My mother allowed my to go crossdressed outside our town,
what I liked immensely, no person showes any doubt that I am a girl. There was only one fact that made me very uncertain. So much I hated my own masculinity, so much I hated also to be ettractive to other men. I felt only attracted by girls. This uncertainty made it impossible for me to find a solution for the problems of my ambigous condition. The most terrible event happened at the age of eighteen. Up to this date I had carefully avoided to present myself nude to other peaople. But at my military review I was forced do so. Nude with my tender body, the protruding areoles and the long dangling penis I stood in front of the commission. Happy that they didnt accept my I felt immensely ashamed my their grin and subtle mocking when examening my body. But even this experience couldnt stop my attempts to organize my life in the male role. After a successful university education I started my professional career also with some success. But up to this time I hadnt had any sexual relation, neither to a male nor to a female. I only continued my masturbation. Finally I realized that I would be unable to hold the male role for my whole life. I had no difficulties to get female hormones by a physician. Although the hormones worked well, I was dicontented with their effect. Tho growth of my breasts stopped at 75C and also the lenght of my penis shortened only slightly. Only the erections and ejaculations disappeared nearly completely. For my sex reassignemtn surgery I went to a well known surgeon in Morocco, who was the most experienced in that time. Examening my he congratulated me to the lenght of my penis, which would allow good surgical results. It was the first time I have been proud of my penis, even if only for one day. After operation I was very happy. The right and the left half of the scrotum were transformed to outher labia and my vagina had a length of 16 cm and between the outer labia were many skin folds and a new urinal meatus, resembling to inner labia (at that time the creation of a articial clitoris wasnt developped). I was advied to dilate my vagina daily and bought a heavy leather girdle to bickle on my waist with a broad leather band between my thighs holding a dildo inside for hours. After operation I was recognized as female by the authorities and could remain in my office mow a woman, because in my former male role I had looked somewhat unnatural. This success wa unfortunately accomapgnied by a continuing and finallý complete loss of my sexual excitability, what made me very sad. The need to feel again lascivious became so overwhelming that I looked intensily for medical help. After some years my physician and I found a combination of estrogenes, progesterone and a small addition of testosterone that restored my lasciviousness, not only mentally but also physsically. I remarked it first when peeing. The urinal meatus in the skin folds of my inner labia has been evidently swollen and was directed upwards so that it was nearly impossible to pee sitting. But this was only the hopeful beginning. Continuing the so successful medication in the follwofing tme, the skin folds between my outher labia were completely and permanently changed in a thick and swollen penile stump, abouth 4 cm thick and 4 com protruding between the labia with the urinal meatus at the top. The stump is also swollen backwards so far that it blocks my vaginal orifice so cempletely that even the insertion of the thin pipe of a vaginal douche hurts. Obviously the surgeon has retained very much of my unusual long penis, that the stump could develop such a restitution, now looking not like a big clitoris but looking more like a only partinal penectomy. This impression is enhanced when excited the stump starts to twitch and finally ejaculates its now clear fluid. I am now very proud of my unusual state, not completely female and not completely male. So nowadays I consider myself as a hermaphroditic eunuch and would pleased and excited if I could produce my unusual state to other men oder women, even if they would mock seeing my mutilated body, but unfortunately that wouldnt be possible. In this story I have concentrated meinly on my youth and the development of my body. In case of any interest in my topic I will continue with my hermaphrdotic experiences in a lesbian relationship.
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