Fantasy becomes Fact

by Johnny.

Ever since I can remember, and certainly by the age of about 10, I have wished to hide my genitals and fantasised about having a nice smooth crotch. I used to "borrow" my mothers underwear ("bloomers" they were in those days), or, for want of anything more realistic, I would wear my underpants back to front. I also practised self bondage.

Years later, I purchased a variety of ladies garments - panties, girdles, bras, tights, slacks - which could be worn under normal male clothing or, in the case of slacks, would only be noticeable on a close look.

I suspect that many others welcomed the Internet in telling us we were not alone, although everyone's fantasises are no doubt a bit different. I visited sites covering many topics related to my kinks. Chastity, cross dressing, BDSM, and - not least - castration and penectomy. In spite of always having wanted to hide my genitals, I have never really wanted to change sex. Well, not after a few moments thought about the realities, although I really envy the girls freedom of choice in clothing. And it obviously was not realistic to expect a surgeon to chop off my genitals just because I asked him to.

Little did I know that this was about to change.

I started to attend munches at our local BDSM club. Very friendly casual affairs at which I was able, for the first time ever, to talk through my fantasies openly with people who not only understood, but in many cases shared similar kinks.

At one of these meetings, I got to know Nick, a guy of about my own age. We all tended to hide our real identity and profession, but, several meetings later, it became apparent to me that he was a medical man. Not only that, but a fully qualified surgeon. He described the operation involved in a full nullification and said that such things were not uncommon when done for genuine medical reasons, such as cancer of the penis. However, he had had many requests for the operation from men who felt that it would make them happier in life, but had seldom been convinced by their arguments. Transsexuals were a different case because they wanted to live as females and wanted a different operation which would create an artificial vagina. They were also prescribed hormones to develop a female appearance.

In due course, Nick invited me to his home. Neither of us was married, and his was a typical bachelor pad. He did, however, have his personal well equipped dungeon and he began to initiate me into various bondage scenes. On some visits, we were joined by a girl who was also a member of the club.

Diane was a nurse and after a particularly intense scene, we were relaxing with a drink and discussing fantasies when she asked me what I then considered a purely hypothetical question. If I were offered the chance to live out my fantasy, would I take it? It would be very tempting, I said. We returned to this conversation several times on other visits and even discussed what it would be like to be a eunuch and how it might affect one's life.

One day, when I was spread-eagled and blindfolded during a bondage session, she repeated the question. In that situation, one's logical thought processes are inclined to desert you. "Yes", I said, "I am not married and the loss of my manhood would be my own personal decision. It would not affect anyone else". "Are you sure?" "Yes". "Now?" "You're kidding!" "No, we're not. Nick has all the facilities here. We really can do it now. OK, Nick? He seems very sure and we have discussed it often enough." And with that, I felt a gag put into my mouth and inflated. "Sure?" she asked again. I nodded. Any further comment from me was impossible.

I could hear the others moving things around and felt a needle. I must have passed out for a time, but came to shortly afterwards aware that I had no feeling in the lower part of my body. Restraints had been added to my thighs and arms, preventing any movement at all. I could hear snatches of the sort of conversation in movies about hospitals and operations. "Scalpel", "Suture", "Catheter" ....... I drifted off into semi-consciousness......................................

"Johnny, Nick's done a wonderful job. You'll be proud of your smooth crotch and neat peehole. In a few days, you'll wonder how it used to feel, carrying that great cock around."

"mmmmmmm" - the gag was still in my mouth and I badly wanted a drink.

"OK, the gag can come out, now, but we'll leave the blindfold on for a bit while you come to terms with your new status."

Had fantasy become fact? Were they kidding me? The injection had not worn off and I could feel nothing. Panic started to set in. Suppose they really had cut it all off? I had certainly said "Yes". And I knew that it would have been perfectly possible. They had the skills and a willing subject.

"We will release you when the anaesthetic starts to wear off. You had better stay here with Nick tonight and possibly for a day or two. We don't want to run any risks with his handiwork. We must leave the catheter in for some time but you should be up and about in a couple of days."

In the next hour or so, I gradually became aware of mild discomfort in my crotch, but still could not really believe what I was being told. I was still blindfolded but could tell that I was bandaged.

Eventually, Nick said "It's time to release you and put you in a comfortable bed. I'll give you a sedative and in the morning you can see how you look. But we'll keep the blindfold on tonight and tie your hands to prevent any exploration.

I spent a long night still unable to believe whether this really was fact or fantasy.

....... but ever since, I have had to pee sitting down and wear women's panties. I have to take small doses of testosterone to maintain my male appearance. I still go to the BDSM club and Nick and Diane have become a true lifelong friends. I am a very happy eunuch and proud of my beautifully smooth crotch.

February 2001.