Can We Still Be Friends?

I know by now your senior year has officially started, and I hope all is well. I'm sure you want to know why I ended all contact with you. By now maybe you're over me and the wounds are healed, but in case you've wondered why, as embarrassing as it is I've been feeling the need to explain a few things. I miss you so much and I'm hoping that maybe someday we can be friends again. Allow me to explain. You will find this shocking. Melissa, up until August I was engaged to be married. I had every intention of marrying Joann, but I blew it. You might find this bizarre, but let me on.

Joann deeply mistrusted males for a variety of reasons. She had been raped, hit on by males close to the family at a young age, and cheated on by guys during college. Rarely would we speak of these things, and when she did she grew very angry, saying, "I swear, put a knife in my hand and I'd cut their balls off, ALL of them." I adored her for that spirit. I know that sounds strange but... it's about wanting someone so much that you would give your whole self over to them, something I'd only done once before in my life.

I'm a little older and more stable. She's a very pretty latina originally from Brazil. For me it was love at first sight, and it took a lot of patience on my part to see past her anger and defensive nature, but eventually she developed feelings for me and the romance was born. We kissed, we went places, we talked. I felt like maybe I was in love, however she kept so much of herself on reserve and it bothered me. I pressed her, I wanted more than dates, also I wanted intercourse. One day she asked, "How do I know you won't cheat on me like the others?" I went into this long emotional rant about my loyalty and fidelity. "In different ways, those who came before you said the same things. So no, I will never ever trust you."

I went home from that meeting wondering how I could prove my sincerity. Suddenly an idea popped into my head and it couldn't wait: I phoned and woke her. "Joann," I said urgently, "I don't know what other guys are willing to sacrifice for your love, but I am willing to put my balls on the line here. Hear me now, believe me later, if you ever produce evidence that I've cheated, I will put the knife in your hands and you can cut-off my balls."

Silence on the phone. Then she said, "I don't buy it. When I catch you, and I will because I always do, you'll just blow away like they did.

I hesitated. "I'll tell you what, Joann. If you decide you want to really love me, once a week I will let you tie me up naked and hold a knife to my balls. You can ask me questions, about where I've been and who I've been with. If you don't like my answers, if you get a bad feeling, then I not only expect you to slice off my balls but I actually want you to. I mean if you can't trust me, then no woman can and I should be castrated."

More silence. I had hoped this line of reasoning would penetrate her mistrusting brain, but I wasn't sure. When she said, "OK fine, but I'll take your penis too," I knew. Sure enough, over the next five days she allowed me to go down on her, she did the same for me, and on Saturday after a romantic evening, for the first time we made love. And it was great. By then I was surely falling for her.

Then I met you, Melissa, which changed everything. Last weekend after an uncomfortable dinner, I stripped, and as usual Jo used duct tape to secure my ankles and wrists to the upturned legs of the coffee table. I was naked, widely exposed, my knees spread apart like a chicken. Some weekends she would practically rape me having me in this position, and I didn't complain one bit. However this was different, something was definitely up. She showed me the knife. "One of my friends saw you with a red-haired girl in the park, when you said you were visiting your invalid aunt in Jersey last weekend. I'm only going to ask you this one time. Are you fucking this pale bitch, hmm?"

I was completely caught off guard. I was so careful to select that park, Melissa, OUR park. Jo's friends couldn't even know it exists, none of them are outdoorsy types. I felt safe there with you, immune to unwanted discovery. "No! Are you NUTS?" But her bullshit radar is uncanny and, at that precise moment the phone rang. She answered, speaking in Portugese. I'd been with her long enough that I was able to pick up what she was saying. She was describing the new cargo jeans and the black shirt I wore last weekend when I was with you. She slammed down the phone.

"You fucking LIAR!" she screamed, returning to the table. Her black eyes were filled with fire as she took hold of the small, razorsharp gutting knife. Standing over me, pointing it at my balls, she yelled, "You bastard! You stinking rotten bastard! Black shirt with a Rock and Roll Hall of Fame Museum image on the back? Wasn't YOU making out with some bitch in the park? It WAS you asshole, I bought you that shirt and you wore it last weekend." With that she knelt, grabbed my sack, yanked it away from my body ... placing the sharp curved knife under my sack. "You deserved to lose them you fucker!" She said. "I'll bet you don't even have an invalid aunt!"

She went on to lay more evidence on my about our relationship, Melissa. I lied to the very last breath, but she knew and I KNEW that she knew. It was like my life flashed before my eyes; the images of me and Jo getting married - squashed. The hopes and dreams of a life with her - dessimated. The certaintly of losing my cock and balls suddenly closed over my heart and mind like a cold steel vice. "OK! Joann, I made a mistake. Please, we can get through this."

She nodded, her face inches from mine, spittle flying from her lips. "Yes," she said, sobbing. "Yes we can. I can't cut you."

Relief wasn't the word for what I felt at that precise moment, until she said, "I just can't, I'm scared. But I know someone who can."

She dialed the cordless and disappeared into the kitchen. I heard her speaking to someone. I was beginning to cramp and called to her, pleading to unloose me, but she did not return for an hour or more. I had to pee a little, and the muscle cramps: the whole thing was torture. I felt like I deserved it. Suddenly I heard the door chime and the door opening. She was talking to someone.

In she walked, holding hands with a female in her early thirties. I was SO embarassed to be naked like that. This woman was attractive, white, about 5"7, light brown hair, good skin, wearing jeans and a white tee shirt. The woman then held Joann by the waist. Joann was sobbing, but she composed herself. "This is my friend Tina. Tina, please tell him why you are here."

The woman grabbed the knife from the floor and examined it. "Joann knows that I have castrated several males. I have some medical training. Unfortunately I don't have anesthesia, but Joann doesn't really care so much about your feelings right now little man. I guess you know what happens next."

I screamed at the top of my lungs, yelling for help! Melissa, I have never been so afraid in my entire life. I continued squirming and screaming. Joann grabbed a washcloth and shoved it in my mouth, holding it there. "Tina and I are good friends. I wanted to cut you myself but couldn't bring myself to do it. I sure as hell don't want anything more to do with your ugly cock. But Tina thinks I should give you a last good fucking, so you'll always remember what you really lost here. Not just your balls. Not just all women for the rest of your life. More importantly you've lost the best damned woman on the planet who loved you. Now can I trust you not to make any noise?" I nodded.

That said, Joann removed the washcloth and I didn't scream as promised. She then removed her slacks, but did not take off her panties, socks and long white blouse that hung down below her ass. She must have been modest about having sex in front of Tina. Like so many times before, she sat on my genitals and started humping me until I became erect. Normally she kisses me but today she refused. She always said that a kiss is more intimate than intercourse anyway, so that privilege she would deny me. I would never again taste her mouth, I would never again have sex. I sobbed a little. Joann just kept humping and keeping me hard, rubbing her silken netherlips over my swollen region.

Tina reached into her back pocket, knelt between my spread legs, grabbed my scrotum and yanked very hard. I nearly screamed but Joann shot me this killer look. Tina cinched two cable ties onto my scrotum so tightly that I knew this was real. I was so embarassed, crying softly at the total loss of love, of trust, but most disturbing my balls. Tina did not stop fondling my balls, which made me very hard. She snapped on a pair of surgical gloves and swabbed something cold on to my aching sack. Tina said, "Is he hard enough yet?"

"Not quite," said Joann. It's true. I was despondent at that moment and had lost the full erection."

Want me to fluff him up a bit Jo?" asked Tina. Jo turned to look at her friend, then nodded. Tina pulled my cock towards her and Joann just sat on my waist looking down at me, those black eyes filled with such remorse. I couldn't see but surely Tina was now sucking on my cock. It felt great, I stopped crying. But I did plead for them to rethink this, to release me. Tina was very good, the best I'd ever felt, at sucking cock. I don't know how she did it but I forgot about the pain in my balls as she massaged them and sucked. She stopped, and said, "Jo, slide down now, I'll hold it for you hon." Joann slid down, impaling herself upon my hard pole as she had so many times. Up and down, faster then slower then faster. Tina continued to fondle my sack.

At that moment I no longer believed the cutting was a reality. Typical male I suppose. Sex just makes everything seem unreal while it's happening. Jo was sopping wet, she never got that wet before. Something was making her very excited. I closed my eyes and allowed myself to be lost in the scene. When I opened them, Jo's head was turned and she was somehow communicating to Tina.

Faster and faster she rode me. Tina's hands wandered over my sack, palpating me, goading me. She even gave the sack a few slaps and that's what drove me over the edge. I felt a huge orgasm bubble up from deep in my guts. Joann never looked prettier, I thought, as my hips rose to meet her downward thrusts. Tina peeked around Jo and I looked her square in the eye. She was very pretty, I realized, which only further excited me. I just gave in to the feeling. I tried to hold back but could do so no longer.

The first blinding white wave of intense sexual release convulsed through my entire body, as my balls emptied up into Joann's dark, tight silken vortex. Vaguely I heard Tina say "It's time." I opened my eyes and saw the glint of the gutting knife as Tina, smiling at me, lowered it behind Joann. Tina gave me a look like, "You poor stupid bastard," almost as though feeling sorry for me or perhaps feeling guilt over what she had agreed to do. S-L-O-W-L-Y she sawed that blade into the pencil-thin flesh between the two cable ties. Painful yes, but I was still cumming and screaming. It all blended, like white light. Pain, pleasure, the sights and sounds and smells, the sensations, the endorphins in my bloodstream going straight to my brain. Tina proudly held up my ballsack and I saw it. Jo, who's eyes had been mostly closed as she shuddered from her own powerful climax, turned briefly to see the prize. Tina clutched her sex through her jeans and started moaning in her own orgasm. I was still cumming and the whole thing seemed so surreal. But about two minutes later, I burst into hysterical tears.

So, that is why I stopped seeing you, Melissa. I'd love to remain friends. I'm researching ways, testosterone injections and patches, where maybe you and I could have sex again. Joann and I no longer speak. I'm not sure how you'll react to this news, but if you can find any room in your heart to forgive me, I sure could use a friend when you come home for winter break. Let me know. I miss you terribly, and I'm sorry.

Forever Yours,

JJ