Castration Anxiety Article from OUT Magazine

I AM A EUNUCH. The chances are you already know a eunuch or two, although they may not have revealed that fact to you. There are tens of thousands of us in the world today simply because castration is used to treat prostate cancer. Castration reduces production of testosterone, the male hormone that stimulates prostate cell growth. Each year more than 40,000 men in North America die of prostate cancer, and along the way, virtually all of us who have failed potentially curative procedures that remove or destroy the prostate gland are offered either surgical or chemical castration as the next treatment option. Given the choice—early death or castration—the majority of us opt for castration. Regardless of which method we choose, the results are the same: We remain genetic males, but without the hormone that made us masculine.

Few people could spot a eunuch, castrated after puberty, among other citizens on the street. We are not sopranos. We still have facial hair, although it grows more slowly than most guys’. However, in the months following castration, our penises shrink (as do the testicles of those who’ve opted for the chemical procedure) and we start to grow breasts. Most of our body hair disappears. Thus in the locker room we do look different from males. We even smell different. It is my impression (from that same locker room) that we smell better, or at least less, than our uncastrated compatriots. That’s to be expected, since we don’t have the hormones that promote the pheromones that give sexually mature males their musky odor.

As a group, though, we hide the fact that we are castrated. Few castrated men would ever call themselves eunuchs in public, for there is little pride in being a eunuch. I’d like to change that I believe that there are some pluses in being a eunuch. I have discovered that my brain works very differently without testosterone and that there are things I understand now that I never understood as a male. To use these new insights well has taken a willingness on my part to view the world in ways I never had before. This skill hasn’t come easily or instantly.

Of course, as a eunuch I think less about raw sex. But I do not think less about people. A beautiful woman is no less beautiful now than before. Testosterone not only affects brain centers that control sexual mechanics, it also affects a dozen or so “higher” centers in the brain that are involved in cognition and emotion. Now, with a brain freed from the tyranny of testosterone, I can, for the first time in my life, begin to see the world more the way women see it.

Cognitive research has shown, for example, that women are better than men at correctly reading facial expressions and non-verbal signals from others. Women make eye contact and smile more than men.

So I now study faces with the intensity that a woman might. My previous heterosexual fixation on the secondary sexual characteristics of women (breast size, hip-to-waist ratio) no longer deflects my attention.

Since becoming a eunuch, if I take the time to look, I can see the profound beauty in women’s eyes and the emotional nuances of their facial expressions. I see beyond the corporal exterior, far further, far deeper than before. I can now locate and decode smiles in eyes alone. And when I do detect those smiles, I smile back. Before, I hardly bothered to look.

What came as a shock to me, and what accounts for my telling this story in Out magazine, is that this newfound ability to make eye contact and see beauty in subtle, nonverbal expression has opened the way for me to see beauty in the faces of males as well as females. I was shocked by this realization. From the first time I went through puberty—which was several decades ago and ostensibly in the other direction—I’d never thought of myself as anything but a heterosexual male. The discovery that I was not obligatorily asexual as a eunuch was a pleasant surprise. (Yes, orgasms are possible, though different from what I experienced as a male—and to explain that would require a whole other essay.) But the realization that, with castration, I had developed an expanded (bi)sexual capability took me by total surprise. And it sent me on a research rampage to try to find out about the sexual orientation of other eunuchs, past and present.

At times, such as the early centuries of the Roman Empire, eunuchs were often sex toys for men. But in other times and places, such as when eunuchs administered the dynasties of China and managed the government affairs of the Ottoman Empire, if they married, they married women.

A study of the narratives of modem eunuchs and eunuch wanna-be’s (see www.eunuch.org) shows that among those interested in partnership, some seek males, others females. Thus neither history nor modern eunuchdom gives a clear answer about whether sexually active eunuchs were/are heterosexual or homosexual.

It took me a long time to realize that the lack of a single answer was an answer in itself. Being free of hormonal compulsion, a modern eunuch can elect whatever gender orientation he wishes. If men are from Mars and women from Venus, then eunuchs can tour the whole solar system!

A common myth about eunuchs is that we are servile, if not obsequious. Narratives on wwweunuch.org indicate that a small fraction of people, who are heavily into domination and submission, nurture the idea that castration converts males into the “ultimate” bottoms: meek, malleable, and inexorably submissive individuals. This hardly fits with history Eunuchs in monarchical societies, where they were often the glue that held governments together, were trusted as political aides. Because they could not generate heirs, they had little motivation to overthrow the sovereign. However, they had full access to the seat of power and became generals, treasurers, chamberlains, and diplomats. Many proved so trustworthy and wise that they rose to prominence within the imperial court and acquired great wealth, property, and their own slaves The eunuchs mentioned in the Bible affirm their competency For example, when Joseph went down to Egypt, the chief chamberlain to the pharaoh was a eunuch.

Endocrinology gives a dear and simple answer as to how docile or submissive eunuchs might be. My testosterone levels differ little from those of women. Thus one should not expect me to be any more (or less) subservient than, say, our lesbian sisters.

As I have come to accept my altered gender status, I have tried to find a place for myself in the GLBT world. The fit is not obvious. One can add as many T’s and Q’s to that string of letters as they like, but it is clear that the letter ‘e’ is still not in there. I suppose I belong out of traditional manhood, but I am hardly a transsexual, for I still have a full beard and on the street I still present as a male.

I have also found that the string of letters GLBT is misleading in that it implies equal representation for all letters. If the abbreviations were reflective of membership size in this queer conglomerate, it would look more like GLBT. A second problem with GLBT is that it is unpronounceable. It needs a vowel. I propose to solve that problem by squeezing myself into the middle of the pack, yielding the acronym GLeBT! I use this as a passive - verb: “I used to be a male, but I’ve been glebt by my doctors out of manhood into no-man’s-land.”As with true trannies, I see myself as having experienced the world from more than one gendered perspective. Although I like my bigenderism, acceptance of an e by the rest of GLBT may not be easy. A big problem is that the term eunuch in the modem world invariably connotes negative images of mutilation and humiliation. To most people, eunuchs represent the worst brutality that one man can show another. And I have been told by not only straights but lesbians and Transsexuals as well that I should stop using the term, since it is an insult.

In Western culture there have been very few periods in history when eunuchs have been openly recognized, least of all respected In societies where eunuchs were powerful and accomplished, they were recognized as a genuine third sex. And that recognition has never been afforded them in our European traditions.

Furthermore, as with women throughout most of history, eunuchs did not chronicle their own accomplishments or skills. But it is now obvious to me that they had far more talents and special aptitudes than most people supposed.

When I was still a male, I assumed that eunuchs got stuck with harem supervision simply because they were not going to cuckold the king. Now I see that that is a naive and incomplete interpretation. True, eunuchs were not sexual competitors to potentates in Darwinian sense. But it surely took more than being nonreproductive to maintain a harmonious harem. It took a deep understanding of what women wanted and needed.

Historically, eunuchs were very rarely caught in lethal conflict. Was that simply because they didn’t have the balls to fight? Before I was a eunuch, that’s what I thought. But I can still be as pugnacious as I was as a male, so now I suspect that eunuchs back then earned these esteemed appointments because their enriched understanding of THIRD SEX? AUTHOR WASSERSUG human feelings and foibles helped them resolve conflicts without physical battle. The simple fact is that the longest-running, most stable governments in history—from the Byzantine and Ottoman empires at one end of Asia to the Chinese dynasties at the other—were all managed by eunuchs.

The only time when eunuchs were openly appreciated in Western civilization was in Europe from the t6thto the i9th century. As castrati, they were beloved for their angelic voices. (Anne Rice’s novel Cry to Heaven is a fictional treatment of the phenomenon.) The castrati were sopranos because they were castrated before puberty. As a eunuch I now realize that their operatic excellence involved more than short, thin vocal cords. It took discipline and artistry only possible with enormous passion.

Medical literature mentions heightened emotionality as an undesirable side effect of castration. In our modem society being emotional, particularly for men, is seen more often than not as a weakness. I’ll admit that I am more emotional now than I ever was as a male. But is that my weakness or society’s? In other societies and even at other times within our own society, being emotional was equated with being both sensitive and passionate in a positive way.

Coincidentally, since becoming a eunuch, I was invited to join a choir. I had never sung publicly before, neither solo nor in a group, nor had I any interest in choral singing. But I accepted the invitation and have come to love singing in a choir. This love requires a deep emotional commitment to the group over my individuality a full-body commitment to sharing harmony and passion with others.

It is too late for me to be a castrato. (Besides, I sing bass.) But it is not too late for me to use my broadened worldview and new-found passion to help myself and serve others. Although I am not about to organize a ‘Eunuch Pride” parade, I do believe that I have been privileged to see the world so differently.