I was doing some research on African tribal cutoms at the British Museum when I came on an unpublished and forgotten report by accident. I was trying to close a stubborn file cabinet, and when I pulled out the bottom drawer to see why it wouldn't close I found that a file folder had fallen down behind it. I was able to rescue it and was intrigued by the title on the cover - "A report on the unusual dietary habits of the Kowabunga tribe of West Central Africa". After skimming through the report I decided to take it home for more deatailed study. It was an account of an expedition in 1855 into the part of Africa now known as Congo and which has the river of that name as its western boundary. It was` a small expedition consisting of two Englishmen and six native bearers. The two white men were Professor Horace Hardcastle and his sponsor, Sir Reginald Humpington-Ponsonby. The text of the report by the Professor follows.

We left Brazzaville on September 15, which was probably not the best time of year to be setting out since this close to the equator the sun would be directly overhead at noon. We had recruited six young men, who appeared to be in good health and were well built specimens, to carry our supplies - sufficient for a two month trip, generally following the course of the Congo up-river. We`were assured that these men would have no difficulty with the dialects of the local tribes, and more importantly they knew of the Kowabungas, though they did not know exactly where they were to be found.

After a week of travel our bearers told us that we had reached the area they were supposed to inhabit. We decided to set up a base camp and search in a different direction each day until we found them. As it happened we did not have to spend much time searching. They found us.

We awoke on the second morning of our search to find that our camp was surrounded. A dozen or more men armed with spears had become our captors. They were all naked except for skimpy loincloths that did little to conceal impressive sized bulges at their crotches. They were able to converse with our bearers who informed us that the Kowabungas, for that was indeed who they were, were not going to kill us, but that we had something which they needed and that they would take it from us. After the mysterious 'something' had been taken we would spend a few days at their village recuperting, and would then be brought back to our camp.

Reggie and I looked at each other fearfully. Recuperating? That didn't sound very reassuring. What were they going to take from us that would cause recuperation to be necessary. We both came to the same conclusion. "They want our balls!", we said in unison. But why would they want them? That question would be answered before the day was over.

Our bearers had evidently reached the same conclusion, because they started wailing and struggling with our captors. This did them no good, and after a few whacks with spears in sensitive places they quietened down. The Kowas then motioned us to grab hold of a spear and, after blindfolding, us they led us to their village. This took what I estimated to be about two hours.

When we finally halted our blindfolds were removed, and before we even had a chance to look around they partially undresed us so that we were naked below the waist. We were then thrown to the ground on our backs and our spreadeagled arms and legs were tied to stakes already driven into the ground. Our captors then left us, giving us a chance to assess our situation.

I saw that we were in a large circular clearing in the jungle. In the center of the clearing was what appeared to be a firepit of some kind, with some wooden scaffolding above it. The far side of the clearing was filled with what were evidently the tribe's dwelling places and a larger structure that was presumably communal. The 8 of us were staked out in a semi-circle pointing toward the centre. There were a score or more of the inhabitants moving about or sitting facing us from the other side of the clearing. They were all totally naked, men and women alike; leaving me to believe that loincloths were only worn on trips away from the village. I noticed that many of the men who were standing appeared to be eunuchs. Not only that, but their penises had a peculiar baggy and wrinkled appearance, except for the head, or glans, which looked normal.

What I took to be the chief of the tribe was seated on a kind of dais behind the firepit. Almost as soon as I noticed him he stood up and start to walk toward us. He was the only person wearing any kind of clothing, and it appeared to be more decorative than practical. It was worn in a way that displayed his truly spectacular genital organs to their best advantage. There was no way he could be mistaken for a eunuch. When he got close to us he stopped, and began speaking. He was looking at me, but waved a hand at our head bearer, Onan, who was positioned next to me, evidently indicating that he should translate what he was saying This Onan proceeded to do.

"I expect you are wondering why you have been brought here. Something has brought us - the once mighty Kowabungas, to a state where we are barely able to maintain our present numbers. Some evil thing, we know not what, has caused the creative orbs (he evidently meant testicles) of our young men to shrivel and die, often before they have had time to introduce them to to their wives so that they might produce offspring. Not only that, their mighty spurting sticks (penises) become shrunken and limp and nothing can arouse them."

The chief paused, wating for Onan to catch up, and then continued. "However, our learned medicine men, after much trial and error, have managed to find a partial solution. If healthy orbs are removed before they start to die and are then cooked in a certain way and fed to boys who have reached the spurting age, they prevent his own orbs from becoming afflicted. Likewise, it has been found that eating the outer skin of a man's spurting stick will keep one's own stick from sickening. Luckily, the stick gets stronger shortly before the orbs start to shrivel and if the organs are removed at that time all will be well."

The chief paused again before continuing. "As you can imagine, it is difficult to decide how many organs should be harvested, particularly as many of the untreated boys succumb before they have fathered a child. We let the women choose which of the boys to keep intact by feeding them the special diet when they are old enough. The skin of the stick is removed at the same time as the orbs. It is done by cutting one circle round the stick just behind the head and another at the base. The resulting tube of skin is then slid off the shaft." (Author's note. This process is known as 'degloveing'. It is normally done by only severing the skin behind the head and then sliding it down the shaft so that internal damage to a penis can be repaired. It is then slid up again and sewn back ino position.)

"What happens after that you will be able to discover for youselves." said the chief as he turned away. We barely had time to digest all that he had told us before 8 women rushed forward; each one brandishing a dangerous looking knife and a vial containing some liquid. At once all of the bearers except Onan started struggling and yelling. "It will be hard for these boys" he said to me. "None of them has fathered a child yet. I am older than them and have all the children I need."

I had no time to reply as one of the ladies had started smearing the evil smelling liquid all over my cock and balls. She turned and said something to Onan. He told me that the liquid was called Numbweed and that it would prevent us from feeling any pain. By this time Reggie and the bearers, who seemed to have resigned themselves to the inevitable, were getting the same treatment.

(To be continued)