The Baby Shower

Jan – Eight months and one week pregnant. Boy baby all test show normal child. She is 30 years old, first child, and has had a terrible pregnancy, lots of morning sickness, mood swings, and is now in the beached whale stage of pregnancy. This is not a ‘happy camper.’ Married to Frankie for just a little over one and one half years, her first marriage, and his second. Frankie is 35.

Bev – Married to Frankie’s twin brother Joey, 32 former airline stewardess. First marriage for her and second for him. Married shortly more than two years, no children. Shortly after getting married, she had complete hysterectomy. Also has two bulging disc in her lower back, and is semi invalid, spends most of her days lying down, cannot take any sudden of drastic movement. Keeps herself thin almost to the point of anorexia, to keep pressure off her back, pain is real and constant. Members of her husband’s family believe she married to get health insurance and a free ride.

Laurel – Married to the twin’s cousin Mikey. Good looking, sexy, the kind of girl every guy wants to fuck even if she does weight in at 250 lb. No children, husband is a bartender, and no ambitions beyond that. She graduated with a degree in nursing but continues to waitress because it pays better than nursing.

Dr. Debbie – ObGyn, high school classmate of Jan’s, and now her doctor. Ambiguous sexual orientation, much speculation about her specialty and her relationship with her nurse.

RuthAnn – Graduate nurse, and in the aforementioned relationship.

Wanda Lee – Stepmother to the twins, works hard at being a hillbilly.

Several other minor but unimportant Cousins, Aunts and friends that all leave before the festivities begin.

The estrogen in the room was so thick you could cut it with a knife. Any man in his right mind walking into the room, would have run from the scene, no male is prepared to deal with a ‘baby shower.’ Conversations were going on at cross-purposes with words flying at 150 per minute with gusts up to 225. The gifts had been opened, ohhhed and ahhed over, a couple of bottles of wine had been consumed and tongues normally loose were flapping in the breeze, lubricated with a good dose of domestic Port.

“Well Jan, after he is born, how many more are you planning to have? Inquired Wanda Lee during a lull in the conversation.

“Are you nuts, after what I have been through, this is the first and last. I’m no ‘earth mother’ if it is left up to me to propagate the human race, it is extinction, I resign.” Said a very red faced Jan.

“Someone once said woman have really poor memories, otherwise they would only have one child each.” Chimed in Dr. Debbie.

“Well, I am not forgetting. The vomiting, the sweats, half the time I smell like a hog. Never again, I’m a bookkeeper, not a baby factory.”

“Well, what to you plan to do about it? As soon as the baby is born, Frankie is going to be right back in you trying to make another one just as quick as possible. How long he will wait, depends on whether you have a private or semi private room at the hospital.”

“Well maybe the pill or something, I don’t know.” Replied Jan now a little confused.

“That damn pill, it has all kinds a stuff it does to you, that’s why they had to cut off my right tit.” Chimed in Wanda Lee. “You got to be careful of that shit.”

“She is right Jan, the pill is not the way to go, to many long term misunderstandings about what it does to a woman. You have all kinds of options: First you could have a tubule ligation, of course that is more cutting and a couple days in the hospital plus recovery time. Second you could have Frankie get a vasectomy, of course that is like giving him a license to fuck any girl in the area. Third, and if he were my husband and I felt as you do this would be my choice, you could have him castrated.

“Castrated?”

“Wow, I read all about that in nursing school, you’d really do that Dr. Debbie.” Asked Laurel.

“Yes, that would be my choice, he wouldn’t be at you every second day, he would come home every evening, and you would never have to worry about him roaming. He would be your personal little slave for life.”

“I have read about it in the books, have you actually castrated a man?” Inquired a very excited Laurel.

“No, but I am hoping.” Replied Dr. Debbie with a grin. “It would cut out all the unnecessary penetration, the tomcatting around, the fear, your husband will leave you for some younger woman.”

“Boy I could use a little less penetration.” Injected Jan. “With my back that thrusting just kills me, but I hate to refuse him.”

“There are other ways Bev.” Said RuthAnn, and she winked.

“So exactly how would you do this, remember I have never gotten to use all my nursing skills.” Asked Laurel.

“Well first I don’t think I would follow the book. I have in mind my own way of doing this minor little procedure, it would be called ‘Dr Debbie’s Husband Docilization Procedure.’ The scrotum would be completely cut free, including mid line, the skin would make a nice keepsake. That would leave the gonads hanging completely free, you wouldn’t have to worry about sterilization since anything that could be infected would be cut off.” Dr Debbie dissolved into a fit of giggles.

“No abdominal incision?” Asked Laurel.

“No, that just turns a simple little thing into a great big deal. We have been making pigs, bulls, sheep and men easier to live with for 6000 years now, why make a big fuss over something so insignificant as a man’s gonads.”

“I don’t know why this has got me a little hot.” Said Jan.

“Just stay calm dear. After I cut the scrotum free, I would make two stab wounds on either side of the urethra.”

“Why the stab wounds Dr. Debbie” This time the question from RuthAnn.

“Well that would insure he didn’t have an erection after his gonads were removed. No sense having he running around shooting blanks now is there. Then I would pull the gonads out, really stretch the cords, and cut them off close to the body. Sew him up nice and tight, and you would have your own little house boy for the rest of your life.” Dr Debbie made a dusting motion with her hands.

“Right at this moment that way I feel that sounds like a terrific idea, if Frankie walked in right now I’d put his nuts on a cutting board chop them off for doing this to me. Omi gosh, I just peed myself, soaked the chair everything.”

“No you didn’t, you water just broke, your having the baby right now. Folks all of you go home, you Laurel stay and help RuthAnn, Bev wipe her brow hold her hand, you stay also.” Instructed Dr. Debbie.

“Oh Jesus H. Christ and his brother Harry, give me something for the fucking pain, Debbie, quick.” Screamed Jan.

“RuthAnn, run to the car and get my bag. We don’t have time to get her to the hospital.” Commanded Dr. Debbie.

Quickly they pulled Jan’s panties off lifted her skirt and helped her onto the couch. Unfortunately Frankie picked this moment to walk in.

“Hi girls what’s happening, how’s the little expectant mother?’ Said Frankie unaware of what was going on.

“Dr Debbie, come here.” Whispered a very pain wracked Jan.

“Yes, Jan.”

“Do it, cut his fucking nuts off, I am never going to have even the possibility, of this much goddamn pain again, and he has to be punished. Cut em off and make it hurt.” Said Jan in a stage whisper.

“With pleasure Jan.”

“Frankie sit down in the recliner over there; your wife is about to give birth.” Said Dr. Debbie. “RuthAnn, so Frankie doesn’t make a fuss, give him a shot of Demerol.”

“Why do I need a shot?” Asked Frankie.

“Shut up and get in the chair, and stay out of the way, your about to become a father.” Shouted Dr. Debbie. “Laurel get him into the chair.”

Dr. Debbie attended Jan, Laurel and RuthAnn got Frankie into the chair. RuthAnn give him the shot, and in a couple of minutes he was in lala land.

“Well Jan, he is all ready, are you sure you want this now?” Asked Dr. Debbie.

“Yes, take the fucking things off him.” Screamed Jan. Just about that time the baby’s head popped out and it got very busy for the next five minutes. Dr. Debbie cleared the baby from the afterbirth and laid the infant on Jan’s stomach.

“RuthAnn, give Jan some Demerol now, while I cut the umbilical. Laurel get Frankie’s trousers and shorts off.”

“What fuck.” Slurred Frankie.

“Oh we have a surprise for you, you wife has decided you don’t need your testicles anymore, since she doesn’t want anymore children. Since in most societies they are considered the wife’s property, I am going to remove them and give them to her.”

Grinned Dr. Debbie.

“Oh no.” Frankie tried to get up, but Laurel pushed him back down.

“Go ahead Dr Debbie, I’ll hold him.” Said Laurel.

So Dr. Debbie did the deed, she cut the scrotum completely off, so it would make a neat little pouch. Then she stabbed twice at the base of the penis. The coupe de grace was pulling Frankie’s now bare testicles until he thought his eyeballs were going to be pulled out of their sockets, then cutting the cords. The cords retreated into his abdomen with an audible pop. All this was accompanied by much screaming and moaning from Frankie, since the Demerol didn’t do that much for the pain.

“There you go Jan, you now have you own little eunuch house slave, and I assure you he felt just as much pain loosing his nuts, as you did having the baby.” Said a smiling Dr. Debbie.

Just about this time Joey, walked in to this scene from hell. Frankie tried to tell his brother to run, but his voice was too horse.

“Dr Debbie,” asked Bev, “could you possibly do Joey while we here, it would be so helpful.”

“Why of course dear. Laurel, lead Joey over to a chair, RuthAnn get another shot ready.”

“Hi ya cous, have we got a surprise for you.” Laurel grinned at Joey, she put one arm around his shoulders, and inserted her other hands into his trousers and began to caress his balls. “We going to fix you up really neat.” She led him over to a chair.

“After you get Joey settled in call your husband Laurel, can’t have him running around with out ‘Dr. Debbie’s Husband Docilization Procedure’ now can we?” Grinned Dr Debbie.