The Accident

For lack of a better description, Ryan was a stud. He was 6’ 1” tall, weighed 185 lb.-all muscle. He had brown hair and brown eyes. His stomach was flat, and he was browned all over from visiting Black’s Beach-a nude beach-down the cliffs from the University of California, San Diego, where he was a sophomore.

Although a little small for football, he probably had enough speed to play at running back, receiver, or defensive end. UCSD didn’t have a football team, however, which suited Ryan. He surfed, played rugby and soccer, but his real love was baseball, or, to be more explicit, his real love was baseball and girls.

There might have been better schools for baseball, but for climate, beaches, scenery and girls, UCSD was hard to beat. A boy didn’t have to be good looking to get laid, but it helped, especially if he were as handsome as Ryan.

Ryan took full advantage of the UCSD milieu. He lived in a house about a block off the beach in Del Mar with two roommates, but each had his own bedroom. Del Mar was up the coast about five miles north of UCSD. Ryan either rode his motorcycle or bicycle to school.

This isn’t to say, however, that Ryan slept alone. If he hadn’t brought a girl home, Wendy, or some other girl would usually come by. He and Wendy had a very open relationship. They both dated others, even confided in each other about some of their dates, but filled any voids in their sex lives with one another. He sometimes suspected that Wendy wanted a more exclusive relationship, but she never said that she did, and Ryan was happy with things as they were.

With few exceptions, the other girls came and went. He rarely dated one more than a few times. There were too many willing partners to tie himself to one.

Meeting Jennifer changed everything. She was in his computer class. Although she was very pretty, also with brown hair and brown eyes, there were prettier girls at the school. Ryan was probably attracted to her because she paid him no attention what-so-ever.

He began waiting for her to show up for the class so that he could sit next to her. The first few times that he asked her out, she refused. When he tried to get into her pants on the first date, she became angry. He had to beg to get her to go out with him again. From then on, he let Jennifer set the pace for sex in their relationship.

Jennifer was a virgin. She was determined to save herself for her husband. There may have been other virgins at UCSD, but they were, by far, in the minority. Ryan had no experience with virgins.

After a few dates, she didn’t object when he fondled her breasts, but stopped his hand from wandering too far south. It was three months before he was able to touch her below the waist. When he first brushed her clitoris with his hand, she gasped and arched her back. She might have been a virgin, but she was also a hot blooded woman.

Eventually, they started spending the night together, either at her place-an apartment on campus-or his. She still wouldn’t allow him to have intercourse, but they slept together in the nude-played other sexual games. She wouldn’t go down on him, but loved for him to give her head. She would give him some relief with her hand, which was fortunate, since Ryan wasn’t getting some anywhere else. He hadn’t even slept with Wendy since he started dating Jennifer. By this time, it had been six months since Ryan had a piece of ass.

They were at her apartment, lying in bed together, cuddling in the nude, when Ryan said, “Jennifer, I love you. I want to marry you.”

She clutched him to her breast, sealing her mouth to his. When his erect penis found the entrance to her vagina, she said nothing. He came almost as soon as he entered her, but continued thrusting. With a moan, Jennifer’s orgasm began.

Ryan had at least ten orgasms that night. It was impossible to count Jennifer’s because hers would come several at a time, One would begin, only to be followed by another and another. The sky was getting light in the east when Ryan had his last climax.

Tired, but with a warm glow-a feeling of contentment and love for Jennifer, Ryan crawled from the bed. He had a midterm test in Psych that day-he had to go home to grab his books. Spending the night hadn’t been his intention. He took a shower, dressed, then leaned over the bed to give Jennifer many long, deep, kisses before leaving.

He had an older Harley Sportster, red with lots of chrome. It was foggy that morning, but he was almost home before the car shot out from a side road directly in front of him. He barely had time to hit the brakes.

He was wearing a helmet, but had on shorts and a T-shirt. The shorts were nylon, or some other synthetic material. His right arm, shoulder and pelvis were broken. There were contusions and abrasions from when he slid on the street. The street being wet probably helped reduce the abrasions. Although the fog may have contributed to the accident, it had kept his speed down.

The broken bones and the abrasions would heal, but not the damage done to his genitals. They never determined exactly what they struck-there was so much blood everywhere, but his penis and scrotum were completely ripped off. There was so much damage done that there was no hope of reattaching even his penis. The doctors had to relocate his urethra, forming a meatus about two inches forward of his anus.

Jennifer came to visit Ryan everyday during the six weeks he was in the hospital. She would do her homework sitting in the chair beside his bed, and would feed him his meal, if she was there when it came. Ryan’s mother had come from Vallejo, Ryan’s home town, to stay near him in San Diego, but she usually let Jennifer spend time alone with Ryan. Jennifer seemed to have become even closer to Ryan since the accident. Although Jennifer was aware of it, neither of them brought up the full extent of his injuries.

When Ryan was released from the hospital, he went home with his mother. He was through with school for this term. He still had months of convalesce ahead. Jennifer, of course, had to stay at school to finish the year.

Ryan was mostly healed when Jennifer came to visit him that summer. They kissed, held each other, and cried. They drove up to Lake Tahoe to spend some time together.

When Ryan undressed the first night at Tahoe, he watched Jennifer’s face as he slipped out of his boxers. He couldn’t help but notice the dismay in her eyes as he revealed his crotch-his smooth, bare crotch. There was his bush-some still red scars-but nothing else. To satisfy her curiosity, he eventually showed her the meatus from which he peed.

Since Ryan was taking testosterone injections, he was horny-but he had no sex organs-none except for his tongue. He used that to the best of his ability. Jennifer had several orgasms, but there was a restraint, a reserve on her part. She didn’t give herself fully to the experience.

She didn’t break it off with Ryan during her visit, but he received a letter after she returned home. Jennifer was a Catholic. To her, the sole reason for marriage was to have children. It was likely that she wouldn’t even be able to be married in the church, if she married Ryan, since he was incapable of having children. She was so very sorry-there were stains from her tears on the letter, but she couldn’t face marrying a man who was unable to have children-a man with no cock. During that night before his accident, she had come to really like the feeling of a cock inside of her. She liked his tongue, but it wasn’t enough.

Ryan didn’t return to UCSD the next fall. He didn’t want to have to see Jennifer, or all those who knew about his loss, the loss of his cock, his balls-Jennifer. He applied to, and was accepted by, UC Berkeley.

The atmosphere at Berkeley was different. Many people were openly gay. Even being cock-less wasn’t so strange or unusual-not that he went around announcing it. He was still taking testosterone to avoid losing muscle tone, bone, or having hot flashes. He still considered himself a man, even if he had no balls.

There were times when he would walk up to a urinal, start unzipping his pants, until he remembered he had to pee sitting down. As much as he loved sports, he didn’t go out for any, not because of his other injuries-the broken bones had healed-but because he didn’t want to have to undress in front of others. There was some scaring on his body from the abrasions, but they didn’t show when he was dressed. He still appeared to be the handsome, athletic, twenty year-old man that he was. Girls still approached him, boys wanted to be his friends, but he kept them at a distance.

Because of the testosterone, he was still horny much of the time. It caused tremendous frustration, but there was no way to relieve it, other than by the nocturnal emissions which infrequently occurred. San Francisco was just across the bay. One night he took the BART (subway) over.

In certain areas of San Francisco, all the bars are gay bars. Ryan’s youth and good looks drew plenty of attention. He eventually paired up with a boy, Seth, about his age. They went home to Seth’s apartment.

Ryan was wearing baggy pants, so Seth didn’t notice anything different about him until he placed his hand on Ryan’s crotch.

“Whoa...,” he said. “Are you having a sex change or what?”

“No, I had a motorcycle accident,” Ryan replied. “I lost my cock and balls.”

Although Seth liked cock, Ryan’s bare crotch turned him on. Ryan wouldn’t suck Seth’s cock, but let him fuck him in the ass. His full prostate contracted-ejected some fluid out his meatus, but without his cock, the orgasm wasn’t the same.

It was his last trip to San Francisco. He hadn’t been gay when he had balls. He still wasn’t. He stopped taking testosterone. It was rough at first. There were mood swings, even hot flashes, but, when the hormone had cleared from his body, it became easier. He rarely thought about sex anymore, rarely looked at girls. There even times when he didn’t think about the loss of his cock, his balls-Jennifer.