1.) John and his girl decided to go to the beach. They found a secluded place between some dunes and she proceeded to bury him lying down to where only his head was sticking out. She asked him if he could move and he couldn’t. She then dug down to his privates and uncovered them. Then she started to fuck him like a wild dog. Unfortunately she was a doctor, and just as she got good and started her emergency cell phone went off, it was an emergency with no time to spare. So she said “John, this is life or death, I will send my girlfriend to dig you out later, but I have to go. She hid his privates with a hat and left.

Eventually John felt sleepy and went to sleep since he nothing else to do. Then he was woken up by a tapping on his head. It was a small girl with a wagon and all her stuff in it. She had removed the hat and said “What is that thing down there?” John didn’t want to get in trouble, so he thought quickly and said “It’s a bird in its nest.” And hoped she would leave quickly. She said “I want to play with the little bird.” He said “Fine” and figured she would get bored with that pretty quickly. She started out just poking his penis with a stick, so John decided to go back to sleep.

He went to sleep and later started a dream where his girlfriend had come back and was again making love to him. He felt his penis Cumming and was thinking this was the best dream ever. When just as it was getting good, he felt the most amazing pain. Then more pain and he woke up with his privates in terrible pain. He couldn’t see his penis or balls because the small girl was in the way. He asked her what happened.

She said “Well I started playing with the birdie, but she just sat on her nest and wouldn’t fly. I wanted to see how such a strange bird could fly. So I grabbed it and tried to pull it out of its nest. I pulled and pulled but it was stuck in the nest. So I really pulled hard and then the bird got mad at me and threw up all over my hand. So I got my lighter and burned her nest. I got my nut cracker and broke her eggs and then I smashed her beak against a rock. I said “Ha Bird. You will have to lay some new eggs and build another nest. That will teach you to throw up on me”.

2.) A man kept hearing a thumping noise in his apartment every day at 6:00 PM. The noise seemed to be coming from his closet. His curiosity caused him to drill a small peephole near where the noise came from. There was a penis and balls mounted on the wall. Then at 6:00 PM a girl came to the wall naked and made passionate love to the Penis. She called it Joe and it was the equipment of her dead husband.

He got a brilliant idea. The penis looked similar to his and since it was dead it was having no fun, why shouldn’t he have the fun. So he carefully drilled in and pulled the mounted penis out and prepared a platform that looked just like it with a hole for his penis and balls. Then at 5:50 PM the next day he waited for a clear time and substituted his privates for her husband’s. She did not seem to notice and made passionate love to his penis.

This continued for weeks, but then one day as she finished he felt a terrible pain a couple of seconds after. She had a knife in her hands. He heard her say “Joe, I got a new job in New York. Isn’t that great, we’re going to New York”.

3.) Tim and his translator were sent in the deepest jungles of New Guinea to negotiate an oil drilling contract with a native tribe. When his translator left to get some documents from the truck the Chef said something in his native language and five beautiful women came out and started looking at Tim and feeling all over him. One seemed especially interested in his privates and started sucking on her finger. The women didn’t speak English, but Tim was sure she was offering oral sex. The Chef said to Tim while winking “Do you want to play New Guinea roulette?” Tim asked “How do I play?” The Chef said, you just pick one of the women and go into that hut where she will tie you up and do as she wants. Tim could tell that four of the women wanted regular sex as they were rubbing their privates, but he decided to take the oral sex to see what the New Guinea technique would be like. So he picked the woman who was sucking her fingers suggestively. He went into the hut and the woman tore his clothes off violently. She then tied him to the bed with some rubbery vines. She proceeded to rub and grab his penis and balls, but quickly switched to insane oral sex with lots of minor biting to his penis and balls. He then heard his translator at the window. “What are you doing?” “I’m playing New Guinea roulette. Isn’t this great?” “NO said his translator, New Guinea Roulette means that one of the girls is a cannibal.”

4.) Joel was at a bar looking for girl to take home. The only girl who showed any interest in him was very pregnant. But she was good looking and so he took her to his apartment and it wasn’t long before they were both naked. She assured him that her doctor had told her it was fine to have sex while she was pregnant. So he went to it and it was great at first. But soon it started hurting like crazy and he stopped. It was dark in the room but he could tell his penis was black and blue and sore. The girl said “Please continue you can’t work me up like this and leave me high and dry.” He was puzzled, but assumed he must have been pounding his penis on some bone and continued. He was soon having fun again. But not for too long the pain came back and was even more extreme. But when he tried to withdraw she grabbed his balls and said “Don’t stop”. So he went on to tough it out and tried as hard as he could to have an orgasm. He finally did, but his penis hurt so much he thought he was going to pass out. He pulled out and his penis was mostly gone, it was just a bleeding stump. Both he and the girl were mystified until he heard a little voice coming from her vagina. “More pork sausage, More pork Sausage Please.”

5.) A night with the princess

A King had to leave his Kingdom for some business. He was afraid that his only Daughter would be taken advantage of by some of the Guards because she was a very deep sleeper. So before he left, he slipped a razor blade between the lips of her vagina.

The King left. That night, three of the Guards did plan to Fuck the Princess.

The First Guard went into her room. From outside of the room, the other two Guards listened. Suddenly, they heard the First Guard scream. He came out. The other two Guards asked why he screamed. Embarrassed, he said that it was so good that he couldn't control himself. This made the other two smile.

The Second Guard went in. After some time? Ahhhhh!!! The Second Guard came out. The Third Guard asked what happened. Just as embarrassed as the First Guard, the Second Guard said that it felt so good that he couldn't control himself. The Third Guard smiled.

The Third Guard went into the room. He went up to the Princess and lifted her dress. Outside, the other two Guards listened. Mmmmmhhhh!?! The other two Guards took off! The next morning, the King came back. He suspected that his Guards tried to fuck his daughter. He told them to drop their pants. Each of them did. Two of them had sliced dicks, but the third one didn’t. Confused, the King asked why. He stuck his tongue out and said, ?I neba pry fuk ur dahta, I wet lik ur dahta?

6.) Lorena Bobbitt had just cut off her husband's penis. She was driving down the road, wondering what to do with it, when the thought struck her to toss it out the window. The penis bounced off the windscreen of the car travelling in the opposite direction." Shit," said the driver to his passenger. "What kind of bug was that?" "Dunno," he replied. "But did you see the size of the cock on it?!"

7.) A man walking down the beach sees an old bottle in the sand and begins to play kick-the-bottle to amuse himself. After a while he picks it up, and a pissed off genie emerges. She says "normally I grant 3 wishes, but in your case, you son of a bitch, I am going to grant only 1".He thinks a minute and says - "OK, I want to wake up with 3 women in my bed".She says "So be it!", and disappears back into the bottle. Next morning, he wakes up with Lorena Bobbitt, Tonya Harding and Hilary Clinton. He has no penis, broken balls, and no health insurance!

8.) A man was having problems with premature ejaculation so he decided to go to the doctor. He asked the doctor what he could do to cure his problem. In response, the doctor said, "When you feel like you are getting ready to ejaculate, try startling yourself." That same day the man went to the store and bought himself a starter pistol. All excited to try this suggestion, he ran home to his wife. At home, he found his wife was in bed, naked and waiting. As the two began, they found themselves in the 69 position. The man, moments later, he felt the sudden urge to ejaculate and fired the starter pistol. The next day, the man went back to the doctor. The doctor asked, "How did it go?" The man answered, "Not that well...

when I fired the pistol, my wife shit on my face, bit off my penis and my neighbor came out of the closet with his hands in the air!"

9.)